Feel used

MGTOWManofMystery · 2021-06-07T02:26:48+00:00

You were used as Beta Bux (Bucks). Now that you have allowed her to be her own provider, she is moving on. Take this as a lesson learned. Focus on self-improvement. Make yourself your mental point of origin. Then get back out there -- but never get married or cohabitate again.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2021-06-06T18:19:06+00:00

Holy Crap! My ex insisted after buying a car for cash on paying for her grad school in cash too, screaming at me when I suggested we pay off my grad school and then she left me the WEEK she finished her Master's going from 40k a year to 100k a year as a teacher!

I think this is a common theme, use someone to your financial advantage and dump them right after!

She was cheating on me. Also did everything she could to maximize her financial gains in the divorce. Never again!!!

throwaway_b1978 · 2021-06-07T21:08:00+00:00

This is why I make it a policy to choose a girlfriend much lower down on the education and economic scale than me.

I've got a master's degree and make 6 figures working a great job.

The girlfriend, she's an immigrant, hasn't gotten her equivalency in nursing and never will since she won't be able to pass the Pharmacology part of the NCLEX.

Which is fine by me.

I help the girlfriend out financially (sparingly) I've told her marriage is never happening. Basically if she gives me a marriage or breakup ultimatum it'll be splitts-ville for me.

The big learning curve for me was having been married and divorced from a practicing lawyer (BS in Psych, JD from a top law school) She filed for divorce like she had planned it all along. Which she did.

Her assets were in her parents' name going into the marriage. Gift deeded without my knowledge.
Before the marriage she had a legal business that she ran (worked at home office) netting over 250K in revenues annually. Going in, I was making about 70K as a W2.
Before the divorce, she fired her legal business clients and told me she was taking a break to be home with the kids during their developmental years. Strategic stay-at-home mom without me having any say in the matter.
She got after me to apply for better paying jobs so during the marriage, my income went from about 70K to about 125K.
I went into the marriage with enough cash in savings to have a down payment for a house. She made sure to gradually ask for more and more money to be transferred out of that account and into the joint account. This money was used for "marriage expenses" I feel I got scammed out of it since I would much rather have kept the money in hindsight.
She asked me to take over her student loan payments during the marriage. I paid some of the monthly payments and she's had to pay me that money back as a part of the divorce settlement.
She had me pay rent for living in the property that she had gift-deeded before the marriage to her parents. The rent was much higher than median rent for that area.
She got after me to apply for and get a very high payout life insurance policy (which was very suspicious in hindsight)
She QDRO'd my 401K after the divorce.
She tried to have her business vehicle considered as a community asset by the court (it wasn't)
After a protracted custody battle, I won full physical and legal custody of our two kids. As a response, she's declared bankruptcy, has withdrawn her Bar License since she says she is unable to practice law due to health reasons, has closed down any businesses, has applied for disability with a bogus medical reason. (electromagnetic hypersensitivity / microwave syndrome) This is ongoing.

I ended up having to spend over 100K on the divorce. Bifurcated divorce proceedings. Custody issues. She spent $0 since she chose to go into proceedings Pro Se. She has been punitive and uncooperative throughout. Used the kids and custody as leverage. Lied, put me through emotional and financial hell.

I'm never getting married again. Future girlfriends will never be my equal.

I honestly don't want to ever end up like I was during my divorce again. I just got out of debt 8 years later from the divorce. It serves me right for marrying a lawyer. I was nearly bankrupt and on the street. Never again.

You got off easy just getting used by her to complete her nursing school, pass the NCLEX and land an LVN job.

HerillusOfCarthage · 2021-06-06T19:28:58+00:00

Pick up a book called «The Rationale Male» by Rollo Tomassi. Read it 10x times. Start rebuilding yourself. What happened is cruel, but you can learn from this and build a strong frame so shit like this wont ever happen again. Stay strong bro, i am rooting for you -:)

derelictherds · 2021-06-07T03:43:29+00:00

That's tough man. Sorry you're going through it. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself. You're young, no kids, and she showed her true colors early on. At least she's willing to work! I've been divorced for 2+ years and my ex has done nothing to improve earning potential or income and is still on the payroll to the tune of ~$2k a month in alimony.

sicrm · 2021-06-06T18:15:40+00:00

you did get used.

talk to a lawyer, tell them everything you said in this post, and see what you’re entitled to.

in the future, you know to put yourself first now.

rickyspanish12345 · 2021-06-07T01:34:18+00:00

This is not uncommon. Be thankful you're only 26 and there's no children. Cut your loses and take care of yourself.

I know it doesn't seem like it but your super young and you, without a doubt, have your best years ahead of you.

"Places to go and pussy to smash", my friend... "Places to go and pussy to smash".

This is your new motto. Don't forget it.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-06-06T18:18:36+00:00

Be glad you don't have kids. You're getting out of this cleanly. Imagine if she had waited until you had a kid or two. Then you'd be on the hook for child support.

oli_21_ · 2021-06-06T17:19:03+00:00

Your story is a lot like mine.....but my ex cheated. It was like once she felt empowerment to go after he dreams and I supported her she got entitled. It's built into their software. Truly evil vile selfish beings that can only think for themselves. What they don't understand if it wasn't for the support we provided they wouldn't be where they are.

Honestly though....it's their loss. You need to process this.....and do it thoroughly. Don't take short cuts but also don't dwell on things too long.

Hang in there....all that you are feeling and expressing is natural and normal. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a side dude......they ALWAYS have someone they jump to before they leave.

All the best!

Throwaway4120213 · 2021-06-06T20:13:04+00:00

It sucks but the silver lining is you saw her true colors before you could’ve been really screwed. The cost was a couple years of you supporting her but you are young and will be able to rebuild your finances. Better than her using you to have kids, become a SAH because she didn’t want to work, handing half your retirement funds at 45 and then having to pay alimony for another 10yrs. That really would’ve been wasting your life.

I would’ve gladly swapped places with you and killed to have my ex divorce me at 26 instead of 20yrs into it.

aray0220 · 2021-06-06T22:58:14+00:00

Hey man, sending you all of the support I can. You're young and you've learned a lot about relationships, the world we live in, and more importantly about yourself. You've discovered that you are a worker amd can dig deep to get shit done. Channel that towards making it out there on your own! Leave her in the dust and take that pain and anger and focus on yourself. You got this.

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2021-06-07T00:53:01+00:00

She’s probably trading up to a doctor. Probably cheating already. Sorry to hear that you got scammed. Tough lesson to learn.

Physical-Pie748 · 2021-06-07T12:39:43+00:00

thats the hypergamy part, if she makes more money she will leave to look for men who now make more money than her

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-06-07T12:51:59+00:00

Don't ever sacrifice your happiness for anyone else ever again. It's not worth it and people use and abuse you!

MakeItSoQ · 2021-06-07T15:37:19+00:00

My wife did the exact same thing to me. Finished nursing school, got a job, didn't need me anymore so had an affair and initiated a divorce. Pretty sure now that for the last 13 years I've been fooled by a sociopath.

Mad_Dawg707 · 2021-06-06T18:06:32+00:00

Sorry to hear man. Time to bust your ass for YOU now. Stay strong brother

Ok-Scallion-2508 · 2021-06-06T20:19:36+00:00

Oh sorry to hear from you. I have learnt a lesson from you that never give women too much. Hope that you can get over this.

BuildItMakeIt · 2021-06-08T11:52:01+00:00

Sue her in civil court to get back the tuition costs. Claim she outright defrauded you. You may also be eligible for spousal support, if your income is lower.

MoralsAreBaseless · 2021-06-06T23:50:27+00:00

In a way I understand how you feel. I have a similar but different story. Instead of two we are now married for almost twenty years. Been wanting to divorce for few years now, as she has made life hell for me and our kids ever since I brought her to the states. I quickly realized what a big mistake I had made. Almost every lawyer in town told me if you divorce you will be liable for at least a decade of alimony or possibly lifetime of alimony.

I didn't want to be paying her more than half my salary while she does nothing. At the time, she got into nursing school (Accelerated BSN), so I took this as an "opportunity" to get her to complete the program and get a job as a Nurse so my alimony obligations would go away. It was more than three years of hell. Since English is her second language, I was not only doing two jobs at the time to pay the bills, but also putting in hours everyday to help her learn the material and review all her assignments before she submitted them. Initially she would come to me asking me to please help her, very quickly that turned into my responsibility, to the point that any points lost on an assignment was my fault. It was awful.

On top of all that, graduating from Nursing school was not the end of it, as I had assumed it was when she had started on this path. The path to passing the NCLEX was even worse. She graduated just after the lockdowns, so the entire period she was "studying" for NCLEX we were all stuck in the same house. I even hired babysitters to watch our youngest as I worked and she studied for a year for the NCLEX. It would have been ten times easier if I was studying for the NCLEX myself while working two jobs. The worst part was I didn't even know if she would pass or not, and I had no control over it.

lancelotlot · 2021-06-08T13:17:46+00:00

2 years may seem like a lot in your mid-twenties but it is nothing in the context of a 80 year life. You just got a super valuable education that other men pain 20 years of their life to get. Make sure to learn from it. Never get married again and never act as a life-coach/enabler for a woman. I have made this mistake 3 times now in my life and finally I think it has gotten through to me. Trust me Dood, every time you do this you are left with regret and resentment.

desertsimmer · 2021-06-07T01:45:36+00:00

I’m sorry, but it’s bishuas like that, that RUIN IT for females, like myself, who have core values. We end up with male versions of your ex. Chin up!!! You’re young! Very young. Don’t let an independent female scare you. They’re already taking care of themselves materially. What they’re really looking for is someone to connect with them and be their partner. That’s what you should go for next, when you’re ready. Take care and I wish you the best!

todayisgonnabeadoozy · 2021-06-07T00:08:22+00:00

Have you considered the impact of COVID on nurses in general? Especially a new nurse. This shit has been traumatic af. If there were cracks in the relationship before, then the divorce would have just been sped up. Unfortunately not having a partner who is willing/able to be supportive/understanding of that level of stress, can only result in the relationship ending.

Title	Feel used
Author	RaiTheLight
Upvotes	34
Comments	65
Date	June 6, 2021 5:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ntqhff/feel_used/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/feel-used.816826 https://theredarchive.com/post/816826

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