"A woman can't rape a guy."

moxwind · 2012-10-13T09:32:49+00:00

according to the letter of the law in most places your friend is correct. The way most rape laws are worded only women can be raped but what happened is still very obviously sexual assault.

EpicJ · 2012-10-13T10:32:30+00:00

Depends where you live and the laws but In UK the law is

Rape (1) A person (A) commits an offence if— (a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis, (b) B does not consent to the penetration, and (c) A does not reasonably believe that B consent

thepasystem · 2012-10-13T11:31:40+00:00

I was raped by a woman over the summer. Somewhat like the rape scene in Super. No one really sees it as a rape though. "If it was a rape, you wouldn't have been able to get hard" got said a lot. If that's the case, it's not a rape if the woman orgasms during! That means she liked it!

IsADragon · 2012-10-13T13:06:50+00:00

I know this is ifs and buts, but you should have told her that, yes, in fact men are capable of being raped. That she asked you might indicate she was unsure herself. I had a friend who said that men can't be raped and I just asked her does she really, genuinely believe that. She said "well if he has an erection, that'd be consent though" to which I pointed out that when you are a teenager you constantly have erections in awkward situations, this doesn't mean you are constantly consenting to any and all sex offered at that moment. Then went on to say that as an adult it is sort of similar, in that you cannot be in complete control of your body. Also pointing out that a woman getting wet during a rape is not a sign of consent, it's a bodily impulse that she doesn't not necessarily have control of. She came around in the end and admitted men can be raped too.

That's not the exact same situation she described, but at least you can then go on to say that forced, or unconsenting penetration is also sex.(and hey she can't blame it on the man being "excited" either) It would also be noted that most countries(and states I guess, though I'm from europe) will recognize forced penetration with an object as rape, regardless of gender.

marvin · 2012-10-13T13:31:15+00:00

Men can be and have been raped and it's more common than most people think. It's a two fold problem: one, men deny they're raped even when they are because of social and internal pressures not to see themselves as victims (and thus possibly weak and unmanly). Two, society as a whole does not want to admit that men and boys can be victims and even more so that girls and women can perpetrate such crimes. The second is so ingrained in our societal view that to admit it creates a certain level of cognitive dissonance. We depend on females, classically, to be there emotionally, to be empathetic, to be nurturing and protecting that it's hard for us to accept that they would be capable of such crimes. We also see them as de facto child protectors, and if we can't trust them then we have to look at everyone as suspect. Most of us can't, or don't want to, handle that burden. Here are a few resources you can use if you come across this person again and want to correct their view on things. Male Rape Victims And the Penetration Problem is particularly apt for your needs.

Resources on Male Rape:

lurker_lenore · 2012-10-13T11:37:11+00:00

When dealing with willful ignorance, I change the direction of my argument.

The issue is one of trust and respect. He trusted his friends to respect his personal boundaries, and not violate them without permission. She failed to ask, and failed to understand or accept that his boundaries are his prerogative to decide.

Baring his butt is not an invitation to penetrate him. An invitation to write on him is not an invitation to penetrate him.

To answer your question directly: yes, people believe men can't be raped.

DavidByron · 2012-10-13T14:08:38+00:00

That's rape. In the USA that's rape (or whatever word the law uses - many states and the federal government no longer have a crime called "rape" but eg aggravated sexual assault").

gnovos · 2012-10-13T17:01:51+00:00

"A woman can't rape a guy. I mean, it's just not possible, right?" Do people really believe that only men can be rapists and that the only kind that exists is male on female?

Here's a way to explain this to people who don't understand. Ask them this: "What is the difference between rape and sex? Not in a moral or ethical sense, I mean what is the real-world situation that someone could describe to you and you'd know that they are describing rape?"

It's not simply having sex, otherwise everyone is raping everyone, constantly.

It's not as simple as not wanting to participate, either, because people say "no" to all manner of activities, but find themselves begrudgingly forced to do them anyways, yet we don't refer to being forced to attend an office party against your wishes as "rape".

It's not even just the combination of the two things, as many husbands, wives, girlfriends and boyfriends will have sex with their partner even though perhaps that night they're tired and would prefer to do something else, but they want to make their partner happy.

What makes a rape a rape is the traumatic feeling of violation that comes from the act of rape that causes the harm. And that is something that anyone is capable of doing to anyone else, regardless of gender.

cthulufunk · 2012-10-13T11:42:09+00:00

Even if you only define it as "forced penetration with a penis or object", this was rape.

TheDarkBright · 2012-10-13T15:00:37+00:00

Interestingly, it can become a question of legislation. I know that in a single State of Australia (I cannot remember whether it's New South Wales or Queensland) rape is literally defined in statute as "penetration by a penis"...

eviltwinkie · 2012-10-13T18:36:34+00:00

My self-labeled "bull dike" friend said once. "Of course a woman can rape a guy, give me a broomstick and I'll show you".

nigglereddit · 2012-10-13T10:56:00+00:00

To understand, simply reverse the genders.

You're at a party. It's great, but one of the girls drinks way too much and passes out.

Would it be really funny to strip her clothes off in front of everyone?

How about if you all start groping and writing your names on her naked body? Still funny?

Now someone grabs the pen and shoves it into her vagina. Are you laughing now?

If it's not okay to do it to a woman, it is not okay to do it to a man. No exceptions.

JesseCan2Step · 2012-10-13T10:50:27+00:00

I have no good advice but I must express that this situation is fuuuuucked up. He honestly won't be able to do anything legal and will probably be ridiculed for a very long time over this situation. Hopefully it doesn't push him over the edge and he doesn't go looking for some kind of revenge because that will only end up with him being a bad guy (in their eyes) and still being a joke for a bunch of dickheads. I know I would have been violent that night.... (In my mind it would have been justified, you don't just put things in someones ass.)

NiteTiger · 2012-10-13T14:40:12+00:00

Ahhh, as much as folks like to call TN out for its silliness, at least our laws on this one are good: In my state, your friend was definitely raped.

39-13-503. Rape. (a) Rape is unlawful sexual penetration of a victim by the defendant or of the defendant by a victim accompanied by any of the following circumstances: (1) Force or coercion is used to accomplish the act; (2) The sexual penetration is accomplished without the consent of the victim and the defendant knows or has reason to know at the time of the penetration that the victim did not consent; (3) The defendant knows or has reason to know that the victim is mentally defective, mentally incapacitated or physically helpless; or (4) The sexual penetration is accomplished by fraud.

lockedge · 2012-10-13T15:29:27+00:00

Fuck, I feel really bad for that guy. How does something go from some lighthearted fun to...that? Seriously?

I mean, I'm not sure I know (at least, among those I know well) a single person who thinks men can't get raped, or that women can't rape men. It's just logical.

drunksaver · 2012-10-13T16:00:47+00:00

While the guy kind of put himself in that situation, shoving a pen in someone's ass is really no joke.

slice_of_pi · 2012-10-13T16:44:59+00:00

I actually stopped speaking to a cousin of mine because she refused to admit that a man could be raped.

imnotyourshoe · 2012-10-13T17:00:32+00:00

As a small figured man who used to have a drinking problem, I can say it is entirely possible for a female to rape a male.

blueoak9 · 2012-10-13T18:21:31+00:00

Your friend is a rape apologist. That is rape apology.

And there is a very good chance she herself has done the things she is defending, in other words, that she is a rapist.

Remember this the next time you get asked aboyt rape incidence and frequency and rape stats.

This is the real rape culture, where women feel they have a clear right to men's bodies and to do whatever they want with them.

Remember this the next time some whiny girl wibbles on about "rape culture". If she tries to make it about women, she is a rape apologist.

riker89 · 2012-10-13T15:00:02+00:00

Even in jurisdictions with anti-male rape laws, forced penetration with a foreign object can legally qualify a rape in most cases. It is sexual assault in all cases even if not covered by rape laws

philosarapter · 2012-10-13T16:15:46+00:00

I feel like you should have said something, but I guess its all hindsight now. Forcibly inserting something into a person's orifice without their consent is wrong, regardless of what word you slap on it. I personally believe that would be sexual assault and I have a feeling some judges might agree with me.

2012-10-13T16:27:07+00:00

yeah I hear this from a lot of females around me too. Stupid people are stupid.

EKcore · 2012-10-14T03:13:54+00:00

Haven't they seen that "Rescue Me" Episode?

anthemlog · 2012-10-14T07:51:57+00:00

I wish I had a rubber stamp that says "INDOCTRINATED" for people like this.

rightsbot · 2012-10-13T09:30:18+00:00

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2012-10-13T21:10:00+00:00

I felt like interjecting and explaining how it was possible, but I don't think she'd have believed me.

Fail bro, just fail. How can you come here and post everyday without actually making a difference in the real world? You should be ashamed.

Peil · 2012-10-14T12:19:49+00:00

While shoving a pen up someone's arse is fucked up and a douche move, I don't know if I'd call it rape. It's like groping a girl. It's not right and you shouldn't do it, but I wouldn't say it's rape.

disconcitizen · 2012-10-15T00:15:19+00:00

I know this doesn't exactly fit the topic, but I felt like I should share my story. One time, I was at a party and this girl was completely drunk. She was HB9 and looked willing to have sex with me, so I took her upstairs and I had my way with her. She didn't say no (because she was too drunk to speak or do anything), so I thought everything was all good because hey, doesn't matter had sex, amirite? Then, the next morning I found out from my friend that she claims that I raped her. Wtf? Even worse, now everyone I know thinks I'm a rapist. Anyway, my point is that rape accusations are sometimes worse than rape because they rely on people's naivety. It's the whole my word against hers situation, and the same thing happens when a men speaks up after being raped by a woman. People need to wake up and realize that men are the primary victims in these situations because women hold the threat of rape over our heads, even if the rape did occur.

Title	"A woman can't rape a guy."
Author	Chucklebuck
Upvotes	207
Comments	88
Date	October 13, 2012 9:29 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/11eqhi/a_woman_cant_rape_a_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-woman-cant-rape-a-guy.1011460 https://theredarchive.com/post/1011460

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Resources on Male Rape: