Something that I was thinking about the other day about patriarchy theory that made me realize how inconsistent it can be amongst feminists is when it comes to the terms internalized misogyny and toxic femininity.

Many feminists identify the patriarchy as a system that privileges masculinity over femininity. It says that femininity is all things associated with women - anything that resembles womenhood is hated.

But here’s the catch: if we have lived in a patriarchal society since the beginning of civilization, according to most pioneers of the patriarchy theory, then what type of womenhood could have developed that was independent of said patriarchal influence? Aside from biology, what qualities and characteristics of womenhood and femininity could have developed sin patriarchal intervention?

Which leads me to my next point: if toxic masculinity is a key component of patriarchy, and masculinity and femininity were complements in tradcon patriarchies (influencing each other), doesn’t that mean all femininity is toxic to some degree (because it was influenced by said patriarchy).

If so, then why is it that feminists don’t call out toxic femininity? After all, there is a difference between self hating women and women using their femininity exactly in the way the patriarchy influenced it to be?

Yet notice whenever this is brought up, feminists are quick to bring up how femininity is demonized and disrespected, and how so many women are shamed for being feminine, instead of addressing the real time ways constructed femininity is toxic to a degree. Like here: https://youtu.be/FDEOZqnJMqI

Does that sound familiar to the defensive men when it comes to discussions of toxic masculinity? It should.

Imho there are problems with both traditionally constructed masculinity and femininity - but most feminists are split and some are very defensive about addressing the toxic parts of femininity. And so in order to distract from the problem - the way femininity has been constructed to benefit upper class, white women and how it is used to compete amongst women, they use internalized misogyny in order to make it seem like women who participate in femininity hierarchies are oppressing themselves when many benefit from the system and continue to participate for said benefits.

Using internalized misogyny is a convenient way to put the burden on men for women’s participation in toxic behaviors even when they benefit.