"70% of things couples argue about are unresolvable problems" - woman advises women to compromise

lisasimpsonfan · 2021-09-13T23:32:52+00:00

Unresolvable problems? Then she goes on to list things like punctuality. I was raised if you are 15 minutes early you are on time, 5 minutes early you are late, and 10 minutes late you are embarrassing yourself. I am still the same way. Setting expectations for your partner is not bad.

vbych76 · 2021-09-14T05:21:45+00:00

It's extremely toxic to think, that just because YOU are willing to sacrifice and compromise in a relationship, the other person will do that too, just because HE loves you. This is not how most people/men/ are raised. This is like a never ending race, where you try to gain enough love/make him love you enough, so that he has your best interest at heart. It's the ride or die/ the unconditional love mindset and will always get you into trouble.

Usernameunchanged · 2021-09-13T23:27:39+00:00

Her 'advice' does not benefit women.

She's says it's "totally normal" for her to not get what she wants and that her boyfriend is "doing it for her." Doing what exactly, sis?

ExistentialJelly · 2021-09-14T03:55:54+00:00

I... I just can't. That list is all completely resovable by having fricken conversations. And if you can't come to a comfortable agreement for both partners, then that person ain't for you.

If you can't talk to your potential partner about finances, tidiness habits, or sex, then you're in the wrong relationship or need to mature more before pursuing one.

Muffcakelord · 2021-09-14T00:25:21+00:00

C o p e

Hhjjuuy · 2021-09-14T08:10:20+00:00

And it's okay because you love eachother and do it for eachother

But that's not even true. A lot of the issues listed are going to be incompatibilities right off the bat. Is she suggesting you love someone right when you start dating them?

And for straight women no, he isn't making equal sacrifices for you. He isn't suffering for your sake, he may make concessions on things he literally does not care about if they're super important to you but that's not even guaranteed. They are socialised that way and okay maybe she's with a man who's done the self reflection, the research and the work to overcome his internalized misogyny and the effects the patriarchy has had on him but saying that this is true by and large is just a lie and a denial of the systems of oppression we all live under.

shljock · 2021-09-14T09:21:48+00:00

"Some things just have no right answer" proceeds to put a list of problems that literally have the right answer

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-14T06:58:40+00:00

I can get behind chilling out about dumb stuff like leaving the toothpaste cap off, but these are dealbreakers. 🤯

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2021-09-14T11:52:58+00:00

I think she means "100% of things couples argue about are because scrotes gonna scrote - resolve it all in one go by yeeting him out the door".

Shot_Presence_8382 · 2021-09-14T15:50:13+00:00

The "compromise" is actually getting rid of the man 💅🏽

lemur00 · 2021-09-14T20:41:32+00:00

Differences in religion is just a deal breaker. You're very unlikely to make it work with someone if you have opposing morals and values. Someone not wanting to be monogamous is a deal breaker for the same reason. Like there's nothing to say to that person except goodbye.

I believe in working on a relationship but don't get with someone you're fundamentally incompatible with and expect it to work. The early stages of a relationship are about figuring this out and not wasting each others' time.

dkwantsdk · 2021-09-15T22:35:25+00:00

This is a complete misrepresentation of what the Gottman Institute is saying and why we should not trust instagram and tiktok therapy for deep issues in our relationships.

Gottman research indicates that 70% of our conflicts within marriage are from perpetual problems that center on either fundamental differences in personalities or fundamental differences in lifestyle needs. This list in the tiktok is a set of EXAMPLES of possible perpetual problems. But one couple's perpetual problems may be another couple's solvable problems (where conflict is simply about that topic, and there may not be a deeper meaning behind each partner’s position).

Gottman advocates collaborate communication and a system of shared meaning to work through perpetual problems. A core component of that is NOT lowering your expectations (this leads to relationship failure) and defining exactly where you can and cannot be flexible. Gottman research supports deal breakers in healthy marriages.

Here's some additional info on overcoming perceptual problems (especially ones in gridlock) https://www.gottman.com/blog/overcoming-gridlocked-conflict/

Title	"70% of things couples argue about are unresolvable problems" - woman advises women to compromise
Author	Usernameunchanged
Upvotes	170
Comments	29
Date	September 13, 2021 11:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pnqviq/70_of_things_couples_argue_about_are_unresolvable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/70-of-things-couples-argue-about-are-unresolvable.1070564 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070564

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