What is the bare minimum that guys do not do?

BiWomanHealing · 2021-10-02T00:40:25+00:00

Hmmm… not sure if you want opinions from women or if my opinion on this is even worth anything (it may not be)… I’ve never owned a car or a house myself. In my opinion both are overpriced by inflation and an epic waste of money, unless you’re solidly middle class or above. Rather have cash savings. Working class people I think are better off renting and using bus/walk, the sudden big bills that tend to come with stuff breaking in houses and cars is just an insane burden for most people’s income.

The minimum for me has more to do with thoughtfulness and respect. Being responsible and showing thoughtful effort with what you have and can do, not the exact dollar amount.

Naus1987 · 2021-10-02T01:25:31+00:00

I would say it’s relative. If you want to date someone with a car and a house — then you should have one. If a woman has neither, and is demanding a guy bring both — then her standards are too high.

Standard should be relative.

AluminumOctopus · 2021-10-02T03:25:38+00:00

A bed frame and the ability to clean up after oneself.

Bed frames are like $30-70, if I see a mattress on the floor it's a instant turn off. It's not about money, it's about the way a person is willing to live. Clean sheets, made bed, laundry in the basket instead of the floor, dishes in the dishwasher, stove and counters wiped down, trash not overflowing.

I don't expect someone to own their own house, I expect them to be an adult.

modestgray · 2021-10-02T10:51:22+00:00

I think this is an odd way of looking at it. I'm not going to want someone who can provide "the bare minimum" - I want someone who is a compatible life partner. That's not possible to quantify by figuring out what "the bare minimum" is

modestgray · 2021-10-02T10:55:35+00:00

What's the point of asking people's "bare minimum" if you're going to then try to argue them into lowering standards even further?

Youre right that everyone has different standards, but you can't convince someone into having different standards.

Training_Passenger79 · 2021-10-02T12:49:19+00:00

Here are some common bare minimums for the guys I’ve been with: - Don’t leave half-eaten food laying around your trashed bedroom - Don’t drink to get drunk 3+ nights a week (same for drugs) - Putting down your phone/pausing your video game when she’s trying to tell you something - At the bare minimum, pretend to care about her feelings even if you don’t - Having sex also means you hang around together afterwards (Never dated a guy like this but I’ve heard of it, and it makes women feel really used)

Bare minimums for guys I, and probably most women, wouldn’t date: - Wear deodorant - Fix dental problems & don’t have strongly discolored teeth or badly smelling breath - Don’t wear hobo clothes (like super baggy plain t-shirts. If you’re heavy wear a sports shirt or a large dress shirt) - Don’t ogle/leer at women - Don’t constantly talk about “your standards” or how women have to impress you. - Don’t say “men and women can’t be friends” - Don’t start acting feminine because you think it makes you more relatable to the women you’re hanging around (like squealing at puppy photos even though that is not at all something you would normally do) - Don’t brag about your body count or make rude comments about women you’ve had sex with, or female bodies in general - At least act like you’re interested in getting to know someone

FraidyDogBrowse · 2021-10-02T07:21:27+00:00

I'm in my thirties so that has changed my bare minimum. My standards are the same in a potential partner, man or woman.

1: Be a decent person. No racists, no Nazis, no homophobes, no transphobes. You have to actually care about my feelings (and I'll care about yours).

2: Be on my wavelength. I'm trans and neurodivergent and mentally ill. I need someone who can kind of sync with my oddities even if they don't have the same ones. Or you at least have to kind of "get" me. This self selects bc if people don't understand me it usually means they find me too weird anyway.

3: Have or be working on a life plan. We live in a capitalist hellscape and I need to know you're going to contribute to your own survival and mine. And I'll do the same. This doesn't mean you have to have a car or your own place but you need a way to make money and be able to save up. This requirement is less stringent for relationships that aren't serious. But if I'm going to hitch my fate to yours I have to know we won't both drown.

4: You have to like my dog. No judgement if you don't, this is an entirely personal standard, but my dog is great. She's very sweet. We go everywhere together. If you're not on board with that, that's fine. You can go date someone else.

EDIT: TIL how to make font giant on reddit

Red_Trapezoid · 2021-10-02T07:16:14+00:00

Being hygenic, well groomed, tactful, considerate, attentive, respectful, present, mindful, egalitarian, at least somewhat cordial, socially aware, self-aware, self-loving, emotionally intelligent, empathetic, not creepy or lecherous and demonstrating effort to always be willing to learn and improve are many of the traits I would consider to be the "bare minimum" that many men I know do not fulfill.

This is the bare minimum for any kind of social engagement by the way, not just for a girlfriend, these are very, very basic attributes that all people regardless of gender should seek to fulfill.

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ThrowawayMHDP · 2021-10-02T04:40:40+00:00

It is a very interesting question and you bring very good points which are very relevant. I guess age makes a difference as well and how people look at you. If you are in your 20's and do not have a car or own a house is not as bad as in your 30's then 40's and as you get older people judge you more on material things.

baiconko · 2021-10-02T10:07:31+00:00

Bare minimum is different for everyone and it changes with age. Its important to talk about it early in the relatiknship. I, as a woman, dont seek my partner to own a car or a house because I am very ambitious, my career is quite important and I make good money and I bought my own car and house. However, I would expect my partner to have ambitions on his own, not necessarily to make tons of money but certainly not be 40 and play games all day and night and do the bare minimum in his job at Mcdonalds or whatever. Its a huge turn of for me to see men and women who have no ambition for anything. Bare minimum for me is for him to do his part in the household chores without expecting big praise (as I dont get praise for putting my laudry in the basket right?) except for “thank you dear”, to be kind and loving, to not ever disrespect me. I see your point that respect is earned, and I agree - but basic respect is a bare minimum for me- to not yell at me when I never yelled at him, to talk with me like an adult, to accept that sometimes I have to work late, to remember important dates like my birthday and do the effort to make me feel special. For example, on my birthday I like my SO to plan the day with fun activities and to surprise me with a thoughtful gift. He does all that, however he does not want this for his birthday. He wants us to just chill all day and we do what he wants to do when he decides he wants to do it. I respect that and I dont plan anything even thought I really want to. I would be disrespectful to him if I disregarded his wishes and planned something just because I want to. Bare minimim would be for him to like dogs, as I am a huge dog lover and I just wont be compatible with someone who does not want dogs. No judgement, but the relationship would be doomed if I am with someone who doesnt like pets. Years ago I went out on a couple of dates with super handsome guy, successfull too, but the minute I saw him yelling at a stray dog that just wanted a bit of our food, it was over for me. Bare minimim for me is for him to not be racist, homophobe, sexist. By sexist I dont mean him doing little kitchen jokes from time to time (but just jokes) or stare at my breasts, I mean that he wont expect me to be a stay at home mom or do all the house chores. He wont be spiteful if I do better at my job and make more money, he wont be upset when I have to take a business trip. I expect him to support me and help me grow as I help him grow. We work from home mostly and when he has to work more on an important assignemt, I prepare the dinner and make him coffee. When Ihave to work late, he prepares the dinner and makes me coffee. Thats a bare minimum for me.

Of course all of this is a two way deal - I am willing to do all this and more to make my partner be happy and fulfiled in life and in the relationship. I dont expect to receive special treatment without giving anything in return.

TheDrWinston · 2021-10-02T16:31:26+00:00

Most people are attracted to a person who's life style they want to live (unrealistic) or someone with a lifestyle that is familiar to their own (realistic). Or in the minority a person who wants to fix someone else's lifestyle and match it to their own (in poor taste, bad faith, neediness and or an unrealistic pressure for the other person to change)

These tend to be common themes in a relationship despite my limited dating experience (I'm only 18). However have you noticed when a girl loses weight and proceeded to leave their husband? They try to convince their partner to also to lose some weight, as they now Believe their lifestyle is better and or healthier.

Bare minimums, as you assumed correctly directly correlate to the other person's lifestyle. Don't expect a swinger to settle down etc.

A lot of girls do actually want a decent guy who respects her boundaries, but isn't a total pushover. Sometimes they want someone who can plan and take charge (usually because they feel socially pressured and or too scared to take charge themselves) but it depends on how conservative the individual is.

A good rule for dating someone is HELPP principle

*Health

*Emotional state

*Lifestyle

*Politeness

*Politics

This tends to dictate relationships besides surface level attraction which tends also to be lenient depending on the lifestyle of the individual. All in all if you see yourself attracted to the individual, check to see if any of these apply

lipstickdiet · 2021-10-07T00:21:27+00:00

Wash their asses properly

Upper-Plantain2742 · 2021-10-07T04:32:56+00:00

I won't read any responses, you are very argumentive. I say this out of love. I think you should focus on just being a likeable person, reading through this feed, you are very unlikeable. You argue, you bitch, you whine, you nitpick, you think of women like they aren't humans.

Focus on being a friend, as in someone that someone would like to be around and chat with and spend time with. Then go from there, not suggesting learn to be in the friendzone with women and take that up a notch, no, just focus on being a likeable person that anyone can be friends with at this point. This is a START, the true bare minimum.

Work on personal development and growth.

Tips that are no one reflective of you, but good to have.

Basic hygiene and grooming Being responsible and managing your life Financially responsible as In taking care of yourself and your needs, notice I'm not saying take on a dependent Learn emotional intelligence

Listen more. Actively listen. Don't listen just to wait to respond, listen to listen.

Understand you are a person and women are too, there isn't a formula or magic spell or trap... Your perspective needs to shift, drastically, as with a lot. You are focusing on the wrong things.

Being attractive is all in the word, you are attracting others, it doesn't necessarily mean good looking (not saying you are or aren't idk what you look like).

Upper-Plantain2742 · 2021-10-07T04:34:59+00:00

You have framed this post as baiting us into answering a question, for you to argue and use to vent your aggressions from personal experience or perceptions.

Yesm3can · 2021-10-02T06:01:47+00:00

As someone living in a city in Europe, and came from Singapore too, where renting (less work than taking care of one's own property) and taking public transport is better than owning a car (public transport is on time, safe and clean), those are not my bare minimum.

My bare minimum would be coming from a good, loving, still intact except in the event of a death of a spouse family (and I do not care whether it is a straight or gay parents.) Intact family, that's it.

Yes, it is out of their control, yes, it is something unfair to put on someone. But that is my bare minimum. My own parents are happily married and very affectionate still after so many decades together. So I wanted a man that came from that kind of family as bare minimum. And my husband was indeed raised in such family. His parents are still together (for 5 decades now. They are in their 70s), still affectionate, still working closesly as a team.

I avoided guys from broken families when I was single. Be their friend? Yeah. Be their partner? No.

Title	What is the bare minimum that guys do not do?
Author	delabris
Upvotes	18
Comments	149
Date	October 2, 2021 12:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/pzktkr/what_is_the_bare_minimum_that_guys_do_not_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-is-the-bare-minimum-that-guys-do-not-do.1072961 https://theredarchive.com/post/1072961

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