I am going through a traumatic event. Need support.

everwonderlust · 2021-09-29T06:19:14+00:00

DO NOT TELL HIM ABOUT LEAVING. Do all the prep work in secrecy. Document everything. As in, any abusive texts, photos of bruises, etc, in case she needs evidence for an IVO. Call local abuse shelter and ask for help. Call as many shelters as needed. Delete call logs for abuse shelters. Call the Abuse hotline in the country she is at. Leave ASAP! Make sure she has all the documents and most important items packed when she leaves, at least. Call local universities to inquire about financial aid. If she is struggling with mental health, she should call local mental health hotlines. She doesn’t need to drive to leave, all she needs is some cash for a bus or a train. Has she got internet? Phone? A simple Google search would help with all of these. This is a bit above Reddit pay grade, I would talk to shelters as they have specialised people to help her deal with this. Please let her know that she can DM me personally if she needs someone to talk to. /domesticviolence thread on Reddit has got some good hotlines and resources on the About page.

discoveringliberty · 2021-09-29T08:41:09+00:00

Please call domestic abuse shelters in your area for advice, and delete your search history and call log once you've done this. It's very important that he doesn't know you are trying to escape. Tell them you are not safe and that you urgently need help.

If you are in immediate danger and just need to get out, leave and go to a library or a church or somewhere else that is public.

I'm thinking of you and I hope you get out soon. You can absolutely message me if you want someone to talk to

elainejay82 · 2021-09-29T07:39:54+00:00

Without knowing the area and what's available there, I cannot offer much for specific advice but I would look for any type of shelter, church, or even children's shelters would be able to direct her to the help she needs.

As far as her mental state, I really know all too well exactly how exhausting this really is. Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't have the strength to even get my suitcases into my car. I can't explain the mental warpedness being abused makes you feel. I don't think I'll ever have any words for that, but if she can think in small chunks (today, hide a few dollars, look up some phone numbers/shelters to call, contact someone from your past that the abuser had isolated you from, etc.) and make very small goals each day and have it set in her mind that one way or another, she is getting out, it will start setting her up to really leave. She needs to fully appease the abuser. Go along with whatever he says. I'm telling you that is the best acting I've ever done in my life was making the guy think nothing was wrong while I silently made plans, but it's exactly what saved my life.

In this situation, if she can get her most important belongings on her person (backpacks from a thrift store), have a phone number to call, and literally pack and walk out when she knows he is going to be gone a while, that might be her best bet. When she is away and can borrow or get to a phone, she will need that list of numbers. Gas station attendants have lots of info about local transportation, bus routes, taxis, etc.

Without knowing enough details that's the best I can come up with. I'm really sorry to hear she's going through this. She has the power to do it. When I left I felt 2 mm away from death. Not from his hands, but from the pure stress and tiredness I felt. She can do this...

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

K0rla · 2021-09-29T07:12:04+00:00

I suppose you are located in the USA, so I cannot provide much help regarding resources. I just want you to know that I care for you and your safety, and that you are not alone. I hope that you can get out of there soon and feel the happiness you so deserve. Stay strong, sister.

BarbwireBoots · 2021-09-29T16:05:57+00:00

This almost exact thing happened to me 20 years ago. I’m reading it and …remembering.

If he is a psychopath, which he likely is (between the abuse and his chosen “lifestyle”), then yes, she is in immediate danger. Get away immediately. Church or shelter ASAP. Let go of the idea it’s the lesser choice. Right now there are no choices but survive.

When you get back on your feet, do not date or engage in a romantic relationship with ANYONE as you will still be a very easy target emotionally. Predators will see you coming from ten miles away. Work on healing yourself and working. Your mental health is worsened by engaging with this kind of man, so don’t sell yourself short.

You are 22 and your brain is still developing. Do not beat yourself up about this. Abstain from drugs and alcohol. If you can, locate a safe extended family member or friend who might help you.

You will survive this if you escape right now. My heart goes out to you and you are not alone. I survived because I ran. You will too.

bookworm1896 · 2021-09-29T08:56:43+00:00

I din't really know the support system in the US, but I found this site:

https://ncadv.org/get-help

They should provide help and perhaps tell you the name of local shelters, etc.

Don't tell your partner that you plan leaving him, prepare in silence and be careful.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-29T15:26:22+00:00

You need to build your community. Find a women’s shelter and move in. Volunteer, get to know the staff. If you can then contact a social worker they can open a case file and help you with resources like finding housing, food supports, mental health support, healing/counseling/support groups, addictions treatment if needed, domestic abuse resources and more.

When my dad was homeless he volunteered every day at the shelter he was staying at, it ensured he had a strong community and a place to stay every night with people who knew him and were looking out for him. You need people to know you, so, find those safe people and resources so you can be safely assisted to get out of your situation alive.

MissouriBlue · 2021-09-29T18:41:29+00:00

A really good site for resource, based on the Zip Code where she happens to be:

https://hpp.auntbertha.com/

bonzo0 · 2021-09-30T01:10:02+00:00

Hi, I hope she is doing well, and is in a safe space right now!! If near the southern USA, message me and I may be able to help. My job is hiring and does live-on housing. Can provide proof via website, email, and professional Instagram.

If not, I would definitely have her call her nearest women’s shelter. They will be able to help with temporary housing.

Sending so much love 💗

2020na · 2021-09-30T03:29:14+00:00

If she's using her phone to contact you, then advise her contact a women's shelter, they may hopefully arrange for a taxi to get her.

Title	I am going through a traumatic event. Need support.
Author	arnezuara
Upvotes	122
Comments	13
Date	September 29, 2021 6:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pxp8zr/i_am_going_through_a_traumatic_event_need_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-am-going-through-a-traumatic-event-need-support.1073626 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073626

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