She breaks up our family yet wants us to act like a family ?

jgjg9999 · 2021-11-21T09:21:26+00:00

My x (recently divorced) left me for another man after 21 year marriage because she lost the butterflies but wants to stay friends. She just asked me if I wanted to get together for the holidays (no kids). Don't try to figure out these types of women. They are so shelf involved I don't even think they realize when they ruin our lives.

crowexplorer · 2021-11-21T09:10:50+00:00

She wants men in her life who will give her money, status and security.

She'll put whatever bare minimum effort she feels is required to keep you giving her money, and a little bit of status as well(she'll get to post on social media what a great divorcee mom she is, co-parenting and all with a pic of you at her families Thanksgiving dinner).

dpch · 2021-11-21T08:01:31+00:00

The initiators can get really manipulative and can “reason” away their actions.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-11-21T11:33:24+00:00

You are just an ATM to her.

CrazySanta7 · 2021-11-21T14:13:25+00:00

My ex wanted to remain married until kids turned 18 (12 more years) and stay in the same house together. Crazy. I went and filed and she (finally) moved out. Set your FN boundaries and don't reply when those are crossed.

Bipolar_investor · 2021-11-21T08:22:14+00:00

She's waiting for you to make some kind of positive move. And when you'll do it, she'll stomp on your heart until you become fucking heartless for good.

Ok for staying in good terms, but don't let her walk all over you. Set boundaries, manly boundaries... No agression, show that you're peaceful... But you'll never be peaceful of you try to make sense of this shit.

Good luck bro.

Gattsama · 2021-11-21T22:28:03+00:00

You have many roles: father, lover, support, friendship, companion, financial, etc. She might not want to be in a romantic longer term relationship, but what's that got to do with you taking care of and providing for her?!? No joke, the love might be dead but your money is still just as good.

Drop all of it

AtomicMGTOW · 2021-11-21T23:49:14+00:00

I heard a talk on female nature one time and the guy puts forth the idea that women are hedonistic, wanting to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. We all mostly want to do that but when I thought about that idea so much more of female nature made sense. They want pleasure they want control and they'll cherry-pick, and sometimes they're cherry picking is on such a delusional level.

Not only that but she can use this as an opportunity to make you look like even more of the bad guy. She can tell her parents that she's trying to be reasonable with you and co-parent and that she invited you and then use this to demonstrate to her family that you are a toxic selfish uncooperative narcissist immature baby-man. A woman's favourite weapon of war is reputation destruction.

Then if she gets some attention and validation on her claims it will relieve her, at least for a short time, of any shame and guilt which are the woman's biggest enemy.

She's trying to appease her ego. It's so twisted.

Darkfire66 · 2021-11-21T19:20:01+00:00

I'm dealing with this right now too.

She moved out a week before I got home while I was away working for the DoD for 9 months.

Now, six months later she's dragging her feet on the divorce I filed and I'm forced to order her to appear and I'm the bad guy for having a new girlfriend who is ten years younger and much hotter.

Guess the grass wasn't greener and she's upset about being in no man's land.

Keep your head straight and keep her in the rearview.

TP_Crisis_2020 · 2021-11-22T05:55:29+00:00

Yeah, getting strung along like that is pretty common after a split. They don't want the responsibility of the relationship anymore, but still think they are entitled to the benefits of it.

symolan · 2021-11-22T09:26:48+00:00

"but we'll always remain family".

I heard that also. And nope, that's not what divorce means to me.

cdjohnny · 2021-11-21T17:39:21+00:00

They just can't let go of their punching bags...

lkjaioi22jlkak23 · 2021-11-22T00:16:27+00:00

It is because of the entitlement attitude, men putting them on a pedestal and simps giving them resources with minimal effort on their part. This is the end result.

rb5775 · 2021-11-22T10:18:47+00:00

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. That is how women think. View everything said from this perspective.

ChatRoomNinja · 2021-11-21T15:25:19+00:00

She wants the positive and not the negative. Family time and financial support - clearly wants it. It's selfish but it makes sense.

The question you need to ask is what YOU want. Offer what YOU want. If you want a place to go for Thanksgiving, go ahead and do it. If you want her to have a new pair of pants (why would you?) then do that too I guess?

You have to flip the switch at some point. You can find common ground with an ex, either things you both want, or trades you're willing to make. But don't do something you don't want to do... without a return. It's transactional now, nothing more.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2021-11-22T16:14:10+00:00

Mine tried to pull stuff like that. When I didn't go for it, she changed to "you don't know how you're hurting the kids" when I enforce boundaries.

Using the word "no" and ignoring anything that isn't actionable works wonders.

Title	She breaks up our family yet wants us to act like a family ?
Author	skaelee
Upvotes	35
Comments	37
Date	November 21, 2021 7:46 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qyq2f6/she_breaks_up_our_family_yet_wants_us_to_act_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-breaks-up-our-family-yet-wants-us-to-act-like.1082861 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082861

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