How do I deal with my gift giving semi addiction?

excusemeILY · 2021-11-14T09:23:29+00:00

Yes, focus your addiction on yourself, think about yourself more. Or you could channel your giving nature into doing charity work too!

sikulet · 2021-11-14T10:17:59+00:00

Gottman’s love languages should be read as how you want to be treated, not just as a way you express your love.

In this context you like showering them with gifts because in a way that’s how you wanted to feel the love that you’re giving out. When you’re experiencing the need to keep him buying stuff, catch yourself and ask yourself, what have you really been wishing to get for yourself but think it’s too expensive or something you wish somebody will gift to you and then give yourself that.

Specific-Composer300 · 2021-11-14T10:22:52+00:00

I used to do this! Though not to the extent I think you do. It's just so tempting when you see something you know they like! And gifts are my main love language.

Maybe make specific rules for yourself before you even get into a relationship, that you can't break. For example, no buying him any gifts until you've been dating at least six months and only buying him gifts on his birthday, Christmas, V Day (so 3x a year) and spending maximum X amount on each gift. So you've got a blueprint you must stick to that you've created before emotions get involved and you're dating a man you're smitten with.

Also it helps to think back to all the money you wasted buying previous scrotes things and cringe.

lvrcalii · 2021-11-14T14:26:50+00:00

I was once like this. Past history includes multiple foster homes and parent abandonment, so I have been a walking ad for anxious/disorganized attachment.

My tip? Channel this into canned food drives, book drives, school supply drives, adopt a child/giving tree drives, hats/coats/scarves drives, etc. There is even one near me that let's you adopt a foster child's birthday!

Step 1: observe a firm budget. Step 2: choose an appropriate gift(s) for your partner. Step 3: spoil your community by choosing loving items that the kids and adults may never have access too without you! Things donated are often used, cheap, or irrelevant. I got shaving cream for Christmas when I was 4 (I had a blast with it, btw).

Do not look down on this part of yourself as a weakness, simply remember to protect yourself financially and funnel the energy into something you will never regret.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-14T09:28:20+00:00

Rread the book Attached. Sounds anxious/obsessive if you know 30 things for a dude after 8 weeks. I have a good memory and I pay attention but this is too much. (Maybe he'd like that, maybe he'd like this, maybe he'd like ME after I get him all these things).

"Not the Price of Admission" and "Complex-PTSD" (fawning) for why you're trying to pre-pay your way into a relationship, buy people's love and affection, and audition as wifey for so many deadbeats.

If you're still with him at Christmas, get him one thing under $40. ($10 per month together)

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-11-14T17:00:28+00:00

For each gift idea you have for him, buy yourself something instead.

NotSoSmartChick · 2021-11-14T19:52:26+00:00

Buy amazing gifts for your family and female friends. Give your man something simple, and not something that requires a ton of thought. Money clip, nice pen, bottle of wine, etc.

Your presence is present enough.

burpleseaurchin · 2021-11-14T11:44:56+00:00

You're a good gift giver, so look for an appropriately inexpensive gift for him. I find that quirky inexpensive "meme" gifts work well. Great gifts don't have to be expensive and they don't have to overstep where your relationship is at.

Some-Air9442 · 2021-11-14T15:56:00+00:00

Do NOT give presents to men. They interpret that as weakness.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-14T20:05:50+00:00

Maybe find a mutual platonic friendship with a woman to channel this energy into? Or family? It's really a bad idea to act like this in a romantic relationship with a male...

ordealia · 2021-11-15T09:16:46+00:00

Just remember that if the relationship is successful you have years to buy him gifts. Treat the first Christmas as a trial to see if he reciprocates your level of effort

Carpedictum · 2021-11-17T00:47:38+00:00

Make a wish list on Amazon called “Interesting Things.” DO NOT call it a list for him.

Add to the wishlist to your heart’s content. Those will be the presents you give him for your wedding anniversaries and birthday/Holidays after you’re married.

If you break up, it’s cathartic to delete each item, one by one, as though you’re taking back his future gifts. And he never even knows you were so very into him.

For your actual gift, spend 5-10% of what he spends on you. If that’s just a cheap card, it is what it is. If you have no idea, spend $30-$50 (if you’re an age 30+ professional).

MissouriBlue · 2021-11-14T09:19:40+00:00

I look at the past three things he’s given me, add them up, and that’s a “big” gift.

The Thursday candy, the Valentine’s $75 item, and the July fireworks of $150, means that his Christmas is a limit of $250 MAX!

Easy “rule of thumb”.

miss_peach94 · 2021-11-17T06:06:58+00:00

Direct that energy toward yourself and buy those things for yourself.

Tharwaum · 2021-11-17T21:52:37+00:00

Tell some people you’re close with the situation and your income(and or budget or job, if that info is relevant) and ask what they think is a reasonable amount to spend and compare the answers. Then stick to it. Remind yourself that he has to be in a provider role (see the video someone just posted about Anna Faris and not dating down.) give him the gift of letting him be the man and of your feminine “receiving” energy

Title	How do I deal with my gift giving semi addiction?
Author	skyerippa
Upvotes	122
Comments	25
Date	November 14, 2021 9:10 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qtm2cv/how_do_i_deal_with_my_gift_giving_semi_addiction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-deal-with-my-gift-giving-semi-addiction.1084161 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084161

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