I hope posts regarding sex are allowed but to clarify this, I’ll not go into any sexual details but try to describe our problems. I’m using a throwaway account because I don’t want my friends and family to read about problems with my husband.

So me (23f) and my husband (23m) have been together for almost 7 years now. Over time he opened up more about the things he likes during sex. So I tried those things with him many times but never enjoyed them at all because they’re really difficult for me and I communicated that in a friendly way.

So the thing is, every time he wants sex, he asks me to do things that he enjoys that I clearly don’t. So they’re two scenarios of how the situation goes: 1: I do it for him, he feels loved but I don’t enjoy it and feel resentment towards him for asking for things that I dislike. 2: I decline, he feels resentment towards me because I don’t make him feel loved. I feel relieved but know that this will put his mood in a bad place for sometimes days.

So over the years, I lost almost all interest in sex because I know how it goes: one of us will be unsatisfied especially on an emotional level.

Sex with him feels great physically. But his needs pressure me and it got so bad that I can’t enjoy it anymore and even avoid physical contact in daily situations to not make him want sex later.

We talk about this at least once a week for years now but we never seem to find a good way to deal with both our needs.

I used to give in to his needs, hoping it would get better or at least less frequent but the more often I do it, the more often he asks for it which is almost every day. Another layer of this problem is that whenever I give in, his whole mood is so positive, he feels so loved and seems to get a lot of energy from that while I feel the opposite and there’s nothing he can do to make this feeling go away. So this makes me feel responsible for his happiness and our happiness as a family because he spends more time with me and our kid, his friends, and his hobbies whenever his spirits are lifted. He even seems to perform better at work.

I’ve read the book „Fascinating Womanhood“ and it suggested giving in sometimes but that this doesn’t mean to always give in or fulfilling the husband's needs every time, all the time but sometimes.

I’m grateful for every piece of advice you might have!