Just because a guy doesn't have some negative traits doesn't mean he is HV

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-12-19T15:53:07+00:00

If you are prone to fantasy, crushes and pining, I would urge you to adopt the mentality that a man can be LV for you. Even if he’s nice and looks good on paper, train your brain to see him as LV in order to squash painful and unproductive crushes on uninterested or unavailable men. This doesn’t mean treating him mean, which is where I think a lot of people get confused. For example if he’s a work colleague you’re pining for, obviously civility is still expected. But if you privately consider him LV for you, you can clear your mind and treat him with cordial indifference the same as any other coworker.

While this sub encourages high standards, HV and LV determinations are ultimately very personal. Who you have in your life, who you give time and energy to, this is all your decision in the end. You don’t need to come up with some objective criteria to present in front of an imaginary tribunal in order to “get permission” to see if people add value to your life or not.

Also a lot of the standards we talk about here and the stories we share aren’t just arbitrary for kicks; it’s women who see patterns of behavior and trends that continually show where women get disadvantaged. Like giving benefit of the doubt, giving “chances”, kidding yourself about red flags, accepting bare minimum etc. We have seen time and time again how women get burned over and over. All one has to do is look at the wider relationships-themed subs on Reddit to see it, and look at the dating lives of ourselves/friends/sisters with a clear eye.

Buggy1218 · 2021-12-19T13:07:44+00:00

Thank you, yes! I wish I had read this post years ago. There’s a huge difference between being high value and just not being a shitbag lol.

Like my ex. He was never rude or abusive to me. But he certainly didn’t adore me. He held down a job and paid bills. But he had no ambition and no savings ever. He talked about marriage early on. But five years in he put so many hurdles between us and marriage it was never gonna happen. He didn’t make my life a living hell but he sure as shit didn’t make me happy.

Men like this are why it’s important to look for both red and green flags. There should be an abundance of green flags, pleasant surprises, and outstanding behavior. If you’re dating you are after all his potential wife. A HVM will want to show you his best.

poppinkitty · 2021-12-19T12:14:45+00:00

I personally don't think that there's anything in between HV or LV. I think if you are not actively a good person, you are definitely LV. Neutral is nothing when it comes to behaviour. If a person is not actively doing anything bad but just sit and watch bad behaviour, he's LV. Taking stand for what you believe in is a HV trait. Being neutral about bad behaviour means you are on the side of the oppresser.

LadiesOpinion · 2021-12-19T11:19:06+00:00

HV to me is the absence of Red Flags judged through continuous vetting and the presence of valuable traits.

With a big sidenote that many people can seem HV during the honeymoon period. So if there is ANY doubt about them being HV within 6-12 months of dating, for the love of God, next them. They never improve over time. This is the best you're gonna get honey.

hensbanex · 2021-12-19T15:24:32+00:00

i’ve also seen people calling men medium value. ladies, medium value doesn’t exist. it’s low value if he has any LV traits. this isn’t mix and match; you can’t use the good traits to justify the bad; you’re doing yourself a disservice.

AnniaT · 2021-12-20T09:58:37+00:00

I think that in addition to not have the red flags he has to have several green flags. He also must be interested in you and showing you. A man can actually be HV in general but if he's not into you he's not HV to YOU.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-19T11:56:48+00:00

All that you listed is just bare minimum to me. The basics of what you need to be an adult human being.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-20T05:27:57+00:00

Amen, stop glorifying bare minimum

Title	Just because a guy doesn't have some negative traits doesn't mean he is HV
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	308
Comments	27
Date	December 19, 2021 10:55 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rjug1v/just_because_a_guy_doesnt_have_some_negative/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/just-because-a-guy-doesnt-have-some-negative.1091680 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091680

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