I thought I passed the point of getting hurt again

TyroneStitches_ · 2022-04-02T20:21:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

paz- · 2022-04-02T19:53:09+00:00

Its all good bro. The next one will be even better. Head up, elbows out and move forward. You’ve got this.

Nomadic_Expat · 2022-04-02T21:15:17+00:00

You gotta like yourself before someone else. I don’t want to sound harsh, but you should be perfectly content being on your own and would accept someone that adds value to your life.

I know a breakup sucks and it’s super fresh, but at the end of the day you want someone because they compliment you and your life. You definitely do not “need” someone.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-04-02T21:55:54+00:00

If someone is willing to dump you over a misunderstanding, that's a huge redflag. So you avoided a trainwreck. Thank your lucky stars.

There is a reason why a lot of men are preaching MGTOW (before it got banned) which is about self-fulfillment. You cannot become happy if you're relying on someone else. You first need to find it within.

I've also been divorced 3 years and I'm taking my sweet time. There is no rush.

KnownLedgesIsPowder · 2022-04-02T22:06:07+00:00

If you’re not content being alone, then you should date.

What’s common with people who have been in a monogamous relationship for a long time, is to put her interests ahead of yours.

It’s a changed ball game, especially in this post social media era. You need to make yourself the center of your world, or if you believe in God, then Him.

To reduce your scarcity mindset, you can do a couple things. I’m writing from a Christian perspective, so bear that in mind. You need to fill your schedule to keep busy. You need to find a purpose.

In this life, women will be a pit stop for you and not the destination.

This might be controversial, but ask out many girls, and go on many dates. You don’t have to be having sex with all of them. But you get exposure, and it may seem like magically women are more receptive to you after this bc you have torn down the veil that hid their mystique. Get exposure to women, experience rejection, analyze your failure and your success and refine your technique. And if you’re dumb enough to want to get married again, figure out what you want and don’t deviate it for that or overlook red flags.

ghostiewm · 2022-04-02T22:43:20+00:00

Maybe you have a type. Most of us do, and usually the type plays to our patterns. And we inevitably get hurt. Have you considered the type of women that you choose to be intimate with? And have you taken the time to ponder what each of the characteristics of that person can be tied to in your life?

I would propose that you take some time to ponder this, if you haven't already. Don't be afraid to go deep and wide.

TrollCityBlunder · 2022-04-02T23:08:24+00:00

I see this as an absolute win. You didn’t put up with another relationship that could have been a disaster. Anyone who finds flaws in misunderstandings and doesn’t want to talk it out, needs to help themselves in the first place.

Next one will be even better.

oli_21_ · 2022-04-02T23:50:57+00:00

Been divorced for almost a year. I look in on this couple from time to time as I'm grilling. (neighbors) They like to have their "talks" outside on their porch. While I can't hear the convo I am excellent at body language.

The chick is never happy. The dude is chill and just shakes his head the whole time she's nagging and complaining about whatever.

Then I go back to grilling my steak and having a couple drinks.

I smile each and every morning I wake up. No back\neck pain. Well rested. No drama. Just peace. Every time I think the grass is greener......I look no further than this couples "talks".

And that's just it. I've come to the conclusion that the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

I don't need anyone to complete me. I'm good. I like the guy looking back at me in the mirror. I smile at him every single time. I know him well.

Aquendall · 2022-04-02T19:54:57+00:00

The great thing about dating these days is that it’s relatively easy to get dates. I’m speaking of online and what not. But it still took me 4 years of dating to get to the pint to where I have someone that I want to be with forever. That still takes time. I would not lose so much heart over it. You’ll get there

Edit: heh pint. I live that pint sooo much

thefudmaster · 2022-04-02T23:20:13+00:00

The dating game sucks OP. I tried it out after divorce and had a lot of fun, because that is what I told these women to expect, and to never fall in love. It's weird when you deal with women and tell them something like this, and the the opposite happens (i.e. they fall in love every time), and I kick them to the curb.

I wouldn't recommend trying to partner up with someone, but set your goals low, and your standards high. Don't date single mothers (that's a rule for myself), and drop them immediately when red flags occur. You need to read books like "No more Mr. Nice Guy" and make sure your rose colored glasses don't get put on again.

playerknowmore · 2022-04-03T00:05:12+00:00

Anything that doesn't kill should make you stronger. Find a way to use this to make you stronger. Who hits a home run after years of sitting on the bench. Dust yourself off and go on another date with no expectations of it going anywhere. I get it you liked the stability of marriage, but it is more important to get it right.

CantCopeAnymore24 · 2022-04-03T00:36:11+00:00

Heartbreak never is easy.

Gattsama · 2022-04-03T02:09:35+00:00

Hey man, don't know you age or situation. But I think one thing to explore is why being alone is scary. What has or would a female romantic relationship provide for you. You should look into it, because if you are looking for someone else to 'fill' that need; you are going to suffer and get hurt. Because no one can be 'perfect' all the time. A women should be an accessory or companion, nothing more.

Also, do not invest or overly invest in women. Have a 'this could be fun, let me see what happens but I'm cool if it doesn't work / go anywhere,' mindset. Either spin lots of plates, or just be willing to walk away. There is no shortage of women...

InWeGoNow · 2022-04-03T03:12:03+00:00

Honestly though. Good job putting yourself back out there in the first place. Maybe it's really not worth it, but it's tough pushing through to find out.

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-04T07:52:04+00:00

Yeah, it's weird to go from one person for a long time to a succession of people over shorter times. But it's normal for most relationships not to work out and we should be grateful for those who - for whatever reason - don't string us along. Yeah, it hurts but if it hurts more than it should, that's on you not her.

SudetenNachkomme · 2022-04-07T21:04:58+00:00

Keep your chin up. There’s always another pretty woman. This too shall pass. Stay sharp, stay on your game, and embrace female nature for what it is.

“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.” - Richard Cooper

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but that’s just how it is. Keep your head on a swivel, chase excellence, stay in the gym and live your best life. If you need help w/ the physical health part - I’ll gladly refer you to the guy who helped me get my life back on track (helped me lose 30lbs and recalibrate my relationship with food after my divorce was settled. Took a year to get here, but my mind and body are healthier than they’ve ever been. You’ll get there too man ✊)

Title	I thought I passed the point of getting hurt again
Author	TyroneStitches_
Upvotes	20
Comments	35
Date	April 2, 2022 7:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/turjh0/i_thought_i_passed_the_point_of_getting_hurt_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-thought-i-passed-the-point-of-getting-hurt-again.1108919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1108919

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