Since I left the redpill, it’s been extremely harder to be in a relationship.

Nurse_inside_out · 2022-06-11T05:39:18+00:00

What about the quality of the relationships?

softnmushy · 2022-06-11T06:11:24+00:00

I'm guessing that the redpill tactics got you into relationships with women who had some serious issues of their own, which is why things fell apart once you tried to have a healthy and loving relationship.

I suggest you look for women who are more healthy mentally, and scale back the dating tactics a little. But even healthy relationships do often need some game playing in the beginning. For example, not appearing needy, not appearing overly interested, and acting confident are typically very important in early dating.

Naus1987 · 2022-06-11T11:09:24+00:00

Stoicism and mind games are not the same thing.

Kaleidoscopefatigue · 2022-06-11T07:31:45+00:00

Instead of thinking "it bores women" think "it bores her".

Remembering the fact that every woman is a unique person will save you.

You really don't know what bores us because we aren't a borg like PUA trp logic says. We all have our own ideas of boring.

ChocolatChipLemonade · 2022-06-11T17:14:40+00:00

I was the woman that dated a guy that did that stuff. For what it’s worth, it always felt unnatural to me. I felt there was a normal, affectionate guy in there but he forced it away so he could hold the cards. In reality, he never had them, because I could never connect with him enough to care deeply. I got bored of him over time because he never let me get to know him, and I knew he was closed up in order to play the role trp had laid out for him. He was a massive disappointment in all ways. I always wonder how things could’ve been if he’d just been himself.

brokenB42morrow · 2022-06-11T10:23:03+00:00

Maye just try short term dating or just flirting until you find someone you're more compatible with.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-06-11T10:52:54+00:00

I've been reading RP forums for a while as a woman, and I find there's somewhat of a cult mentality in there, and I guess it's difficult to wean oneself off that and start behaving in a more natural way.

What exactly in that "new you" is causing you trouble when relating to women now?

neoexileee · 2022-06-11T12:35:57+00:00

Like I always say. Not everything the red pill says is wrong. Where it’s wrong is the misogyny

thrwwayguy · 2022-06-11T20:37:59+00:00

You might be going to much in the opposite direction to spite the red pill mentality. The opposite of crazy is still crazy. Don't be fake and manipulative but also to devalue your own time and effort. I think there's a balance my guy.

HeroinBreakfast · 2022-06-12T01:01:47+00:00

Stoic men don't play games.

kingpinkatya · 2022-06-12T04:20:19+00:00

Unsolicited thought....

With those RP tactics you attracted Insecure people who were in many ways activated by your distant and unpredictable ways because its how they're used to being treated in relationships.

Basically you were acting like a chaotic negging fuck, so you attracted Insecure people who are used to chaos and needed validation from external sources.

Secure people are...secure. They don't need that. They had their needs met growing up and they themselves internally have everything that they need. They have already met a lot of their own needs. Therefore they are attracted to other people who have already met a lot of their own needs.

Thats my theory, anyway.

Unusual_Singer8798 · 2022-06-12T15:08:04+00:00

How many RLs did you have as a Red piller? Seems like you cpuldnt keep a Single one??

vcreativ · 2022-06-13T16:09:34+00:00

I think being Stoic is fine, personally. But it has to come inside out, it doesn't start with mannerisms. Personally, I find there to be a ton of wisdom in Stoicism. But players on youtube usually use the word without understanding the underlying principles. They're using it as an excuse to suppress emotions, which isn't the same thing.

Anyway.

You were being "successful" by faking a "personality" that better matched the other person using psychological hooks that dysfunctional and insecure women react to. That means your efforts were spent on signalling not being. Also I suspect your target didn't matter outside of "you fancying them".

Stripping that away makes it difficult in the sense that you haven't matured any of those sides of yourself. So yeah, you're starting from the beginning. It's always difficult in the beginning.

But it seems like I have to use those tactics to get into a relationship and be that way for the rest of my life which is depressing.

No. Whereas you can go back if you wish, you yourself say it's not working for you even if "successful". So why go back? I suspect you should also take a good hard look at whom you're going after and ask yourself if that's really the best you can do. A good body is nice to look at, I completely understand that, but it's not a character trait.

I suspect the first question you ought to ask yourself what it is that you even need from yourself. Exploring who you truly can be/want to be. The better you understand yourself, the less you'll need attention from women, which is what I think the real issue is. You crave attention and validation from others, when you should be learning to provide it for yourself.

n0name1026 · 2022-06-13T20:57:54+00:00

It sounds like you're still developing a personality and communication style that you are comfortable in.

The standard advice is 'be yourself' but the real meaning behind that phrase as i understand it is: 'don't be ashamed of who you are'

Wanna know why the bully gets girls? He is just who he is. He doesn't pretend to be a nice person, he's comfortable being a prick and some people will like who he is and some people will hate who he is but the one thing those two groups will have in common is that they remember him.

If youre a sensitive guy, just admit that you are from the beginning. If you will make mistakes when communicating and not be sure if youre being ignorant, admit it from the jump. If your first instinct is to listen to give advice rather than to offer an ear--admit it from the beginning. A good relationship never starts from a place of dishonesty. These women aren't bored with you, they just recognize that you've changed. That the 'game' got them interested in you was not who you are.

Are you decisive? Will you proudly admit your interests? Are you willing to express your real opinion even if it won't be well recieved? Are you willing to just be who you are regardless of who likes it? How do you define your masculinity? If a younger version of yourself met your current self, what do you think he'd make of you? What kinda of questions might he ask and what kind of advice would you give him?

Deanwinchesterr67 · 2022-06-11T15:55:19+00:00

Redpill is for sociopaths, i am a sociopath so it works for me but to each their own

Title	Since I left the redpill, it’s been extremely harder to be in a relationship.
Author	Luciansleep
Upvotes	42
Comments	39
Date	June 11, 2022 3:50 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/v9p3sr/since_i_left_the_redpill_its_been_extremely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/since-i-left-the-redpill-its-been-extremely-harder.1116451 https://theredarchive.com/post/1116451

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