What’s the average experience for unattractive women?

quiturbitchn · 2021-11-24T14:56:31+00:00

I was overweight in my teens so by definition unattractive and I got zero interest from men outside of the occasional skeevy cat call. When I lost weight, men started coming out of the wood work

constantly_in_motion · 2021-11-24T20:33:12+00:00

I can answer this pre getting in shape. I was about 30 pounds overweight when I was younger, and generally just a basic bitch/chunky girl who dresses to get attention.

I would not get hit on in public, if I did it was someone of the same "level" as me or lower. Or it was some blackout drunk guy at a party looking for an easy score.
Dating apps were "easy" if I put in all the work and only expected casual sex. I would never find someone who wanted to date me on there. Fwb were easy to find if I messaged them first, kept them interested, did all the arranging (I always was hoping this would turn into dating but who's going to buy the cow when the milk is free 🤷‍♀️).
Lmao no I could not date any man I want. I couldn't date anyone at all lol.
I would say partners I dated during this period of my life ended up being of equal value.

All this said, this only became apparent to me after I lost ~40 pounds, started lifting weights, toned my body up, and started dressing less revealing. I was the average chunky college girl who dressed like a hoe. Now I am more fit, exercise regularly, dress conservatively,, and someone the other day told me I looked like an Instagram model LOL. My face hasn't changed much but having less weight makes it more of a cute face than before. I've realized in the past few years now guys hit on me semi regularly, I can ask someone out with reasonable chance of them saying yes, and my boyfriend is someone I would have considered way out of my league before.

Willow-girl · 2021-11-24T20:10:51+00:00

I am 55 and look every bit my age so I'm invisible to men below about age 50. Men do not go out of their way to do anything for unrelated women they're not interested in fucking. Which, BTW, is totally OK with me ... I mostly want to do my work in peace and be left alone. Getting old has been great, IMO.

gschweska · 2021-11-25T00:27:01+00:00

Invisible to out right disliked

FitNovember · 2021-11-24T16:09:23+00:00

I’ve never been asked out on a date. I tried online dating when I was younger and I wasn’t successful, so I gave up. I asked out a guy once and he turned me down. And I am not expecting a partner at all. I am not attractive and I know I am not attractive.
I have never been in a relationship and a man has never shown any interest in me. Yet, I do not hate men. I’ve read so many threads where men complain about how easy it easy for women to get “laid”—as though that is a woman’s goal—and it actually isn’t that easy. Some of these threads also like to say how much easier life is for women than it is for men, it’s not. It’s just that we don’t complain as much. I can’t complain about men not being interested in me. I mean I can’t force men to like me, so why do men want to force women to like them? So men really want to change the beauty standards for men? Then maybe men should change the beauty standards for women. I’m sure I’m not the only woman who will never marry. And it’s not just because men don’t approach me, it’s because, whether men want to admit it or not, the first thing they always list when mentioning what they want in a woman, is a pretty face. That is not the first thing I look for in a guy.

chubbybutt22 · 2021-11-24T14:31:08+00:00

My time has come. Lol. 1. It has happened maybe 3 times but only in bars or at parties. 2. Yes, I was quite able to get dates on dating apps. Not sure how that was affected by the fact that I was explicitly looking for casual sex. 3. Of course not. But I don’t aim that high. I like nerds. 4. No? As long as I am attracted to them. That’s what I need.

ETA: You didn’t ask. But I’ve been in two LTRs since I was 18 with almost no break. So I’ve never really been single as an adult except for like 3 months.

goldustiger · 2021-11-24T17:20:51+00:00

As an unattractive woman:

No.

labtech89 · 2021-11-24T17:51:44+00:00

No. I am very socially awkward and introverted so I only leave my house when needed.
No. I rarely get a match
I wish but no I cannot 4 No. I want a weirdo who can go on adventures with me.

thunderbirdsaregoooo · 2021-11-24T17:04:53+00:00

For context: face is average, not fat, but I’m in a wheelchair and my muscles don’t always work right.

Literally never lol. Never even catcalled. Part of this may be that I stay at home more than the average woman, sure. I’ve never really bothered going to bars or parties. But I think the disability really works against me. When I do go out, I am very, very invisible.
Maybe. I’ve only tried it once. I talked with a handful of guys, went on a date with two of them, ended up in a relationship with one for a while. That’s technically “success” but I don’t know how easily I can replicate it.
Absolutely not. In what universe would I be able to do that?
No, but I genuinely do not pay much attention to this. I am a more religious/traditional individual, I live in a rural area and want to remain here, I am not looking for casual sex, I’m dating to marry someone. Add to that the fact that I’m a terrible judge of physical attractiveness, and it ends up being a very low priority for me.

CatoftheBanals · 2021-11-24T14:48:12+00:00

What’s unattractive? Cause I have seen some of those picture rating sub posts where a perfectly cute woman gets stuff like “eh. 5 at best. Eyes too close together.”

SuspiciousRule · 2021-11-25T00:10:35+00:00

I'm 21 years old girl I have never been hit on. No one has ever ask me out in my entire life. I never been seen as ugly or super attractive. I think it partly because I'm introverted and look younge enough to be mistaken for a child. Never been interested in dating so I don't try. But think it total false when red pill say every women have orbiters and simps. You don't automatically attract men attention by being a women.

CFinCanada · 2021-11-24T20:59:58+00:00

A friend of mine is unattractive and she constantly has to worry that men she meets online and falls in love with are scammers.

rufinishedrudone · 2021-11-24T21:33:49+00:00

No to all questions.

blueflamingo88 · 2021-11-24T23:22:02+00:00

1: in 12 years not once by someone that was not homeless 2: No no matches - 5 years younger or 15 years my senior, other than verry rude comments like " wanne f* now?" 3: absolutely not 4: No just someone thats cares about me like i do about them and wants a relationship that is not a hobosexual or fishing for a passport

errrright · 2021-11-24T20:08:46+00:00

So I can offer a somewhat interesting perspective on this -

I am a 27 year old woman who has almost always been thin and conventionally attractive. I say almost because I went through a phase between 24-26 where my entire body went through a puberty-like transition and it was not good. With no significant change in habits, I had gained 30 lbs and the extra weight didn’t suit me well. My skin was breaking out and generally looked puffy and inflamed. My hair was dry and brittle. We are our own worst critic, but I can objectively say that this was a period where I looked below average.

I can’t speak to dating because I happened to start dating my boyfriend right as these changes were happening. Even though he never complained, I could definitely tell that his attraction to me had decreased during that time.

Out in public, I was used to getting hit on frequently. It’s not just being hit on though, it’s being treated a certain way by men and I especially noticed that during this phase because it completely shifted. The compliments, the lingering looks in my direction, the extra pleasantries - that all pretty much went away.

Around when I turned 26, my body stopped its reign of terror and normalized - arguably with improvements. I lost every single pound I gained within about four months. My skin cleared up, thinned out, and returned with a glow that wasn’t previously there. My hair strengthened and started growing again. And just like that, I started being treated differently in public again.

Having experienced both, I’m very convinced that life for an attractive woman is significantly different than life as an unattractive woman.

livs4drpepper · 2021-11-24T15:56:16+00:00

Occasionally but I also feel like it’s a “duff” situation where a guy will approach the most “attainable” of a group for an in so that doesn’t necessarily mean anything
Yes I get a lot of attention on dating apps but I’m not gonna pretend they are a type of guy I want or one that treats me well (I know this statement will be controversial but oh well) I feel like guys usually just swipe on everyone and see what sticks
Absolutely not. Can I get them to me fuck me? Yes. can I get to them to date me? No. So it goes
I dont think so. I tend to go for guys similar to my level wise because I don’t like the “upper hand” an attractive guy has if that make sense

riskykitten1207 · 2021-11-24T16:53:22+00:00

I get the “you’re big but got a pretty face” backhanded compliment. With that being said, it wasn’t super hard to be successful IRL or on dating apps. I did ultimately get married to someone I met through OLD. I always considered him out of my league and I thoroughly believe I married up. So despite being a bigger woman I still ended up with a guy that is 6’3, average weight, college educated (chemical engineering), has a great job, and wanted to have a family. We have 3 kids that I stay home with and he financially supports us. I didn’t expect to get someone more attractive than me or more successful. Just the way it ended up. I also wouldn’t say I could date any man I wanted. I have had close FWB relationships with very attractive men but when I was tired of playing games that would be the end of it. They liked having sex with me and talking to me a lot but being in a serious relationship was not happening. They don’t see fat girls as LTR or wife material.

Final conclusion is that yes even unattractive women generally have options.

ruboyuri · 2021-11-24T15:40:51+00:00

Lol to all of those, and I’m on the low end of average, not full on unattractive

The vast majority of men don’t care and mind their own business. But the shitbags still try and pick on you to make themselves feel better

lemurianelf · 2021-11-24T15:51:00+00:00

I am not unattractive but I was very weird and not good looking until I glowed up at 21-22. Until then, I was bullied, made fun of my teeth gap, my accent in French (live in Quebec), my clothes.... at 19 or 20, I started with new friends in college and got confidence. I am not a stunner but i dress very well and have a nice butt so I get plenty of attention in public.

I have had a lot of orbiters. Lonely guys who I thought were friends who were after me because I'm chill, down to earth and they see gf material in me.

I think this experience made me much more humble and realistic. I never expected a Chad and even pushed Chad away assuming he had an insidious agenda.

To answer you.

I used to never get asked out. To this day, my friend who is very good looking and tall gets asked out and I get distracted by the wingman friend... feels awful lol. Now, I get asked out once in a blue moon. In summer, a guy who was quite unattractive and fat asked me out when waiting for a bus. I was polite and nice but I'm married and I would never go out with him if I wasn't.
Married now but it was so easy and amazing. I am luckily into math types and have a lot of manly hobbies like strategy video games. I would get some serious AAA males. Dated world class men who were into me after talking to me. I have had 5 relationships from OLD and a few 1-3 month affairs until I met my hubby.
No, not every man has been into me not even close. I definitely have a type that's consistently into me and the feeling is mutual so I can't complain. I don't like athletic jocks, artists, actors or well groomed metrosexuals.
I expect someone who is happy with me who's attracted to me and vice versa. Who cares what ppd rates them as. My husband is a hottie in my eyes.

Throwaway18077 · 2021-11-25T02:25:37+00:00

I’m 24, 5’4 120lbs and used to be about 180lbs. I know what it’s like to be thin and I know what it’s like to be fat.

I found that when I was fat I got more men hitting on me at bars and clubs. Probably because they thought I had less options and was more desperate thus would be an easier lay.

However when I lost weight I did 100x better on dating apps. I got the same amount of matches but the quality of matches skyrocketed.

There’s no chance in hell that the guys I dated after losing weight would’ve wanted me before I lost weight. But the better looking I become the less I give a fuck about men in general. Something about being fit and pretty and not having a man to weigh me down feels like I’m living my best possible existence.

VanillaSkyPie · 2021-11-24T15:06:14+00:00

Twice, both times after literally walking out of the salon.
Never tried.
I highly doubt it given the experience thus far, at least not without faking myself out (see below).
No. Physical appearance doesn’t mean a lot to me (for myself, either, mind you - people tell me I’d be attractive if I just did my hair or makeup but the kind of person who values appearance that would really change their opinion of me based on this isn’t someone I want to be with) but I also put a higher price on shared interests, worldviews etc. than it seems a lot of people do based on the amount of failed relationships I see.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-11-24T15:40:12+00:00

I'm not particularly unattractive but not stunning either (from what I can tell anyway), so I assume those who are unattractive will have worse experiences. I have never been hit on, ever, and have been asked out once in my life which was by a close friend (less attractive than me by conventional standards). I never had success on dating apps for unrelated reasons. I can't date any man I want, I don't think any woman can but I've personally been rejected so it's clear that I at least can't. I expect to date people who I find attractive and don't really care where they would fall on an objective scale were there to be one (the guy I'm with would be below me by this sub's standards from his height alone).

goatismycopilot · 2021-11-24T14:39:57+00:00

Unattractive women get hit up to be dick receptacles all the time. Other than that they are mocked if they are ugly or fat. Or they are just ignored.

Sometimes a looks match man will want to date her or even reproduce with her.

pearllovespink · 2021-11-24T15:11:20+00:00

I’m overweight but not unattractive. I’m not sure if my responses count since I’m not ugly. But some people find anything overweight unattractive which I didn’t even realize until I was 18+.

Courwes · 2021-11-24T17:44:56+00:00

I’d consider myself unattractive. I have a terrible body and a terrible face. Posted on true rate me once and got a 3.

No. Never been hit on in public. Never been catcalled either.
no. I’ve met two boyfriends through ‘online dating’. But they both saw my body first and our relationship began as hookups then Turned to dating.
no. There’s plenty who I’ve wanted to date who wanted nothing to do with me
no but I expect them to be attractive to me.

As others have insinuated it’s easy to hookup as an unattractive woman but no one wants to commit. They prefer to use you and throw you away.

sunkized · 2021-11-24T17:46:46+00:00

1.) I consider myself an average black woman. I'm a 4 to the majority and a 6 to my race from what I've observed. I get followed in stores and followed to my car sometimes. Especially if I'm at walmart.

2.)If I was straight they would be very easy. Men are less picky. On the straight side I had 300 matches in the first week. After getting in shape on the lesbian side I only had 50 matches after a week.

3.) I really don't pay attention to men. They are just things in the background. Definitely can't get any woman I want.

4.) I would be happy with a woman that's not 300lb, but that's asking for too much still. After I finish this bottle I'll get back into this awful game.

orangecloverbud · 2021-11-26T13:06:09+00:00

You are basically just a walking fleshlight that guys will sometimes want to cum in if they are desperate.

itsfknoverm8 · 2021-11-24T21:39:01+00:00

U have to better define "Are dating apps still easy for you?". Unattractive women are still swarmed with likes and messages on dating apps, but "easy" implies getting what they want - which they usually aren't because they're bombarded with inappropriate thirsty messages

givemetwodollars · 2021-11-25T00:25:02+00:00

Alright, let's give this is a shot! For context, I was medically obese until a year ago until I lost like 25 lbs and now have a normal BMI, so yes I know what it's like to be (and still be) unattractive.

I live in a Muslim majority country, so no. I don't dress conservatively, but the men here are respectful and I have no problems interacting with them on a day-to-day basis.
I've never tried a dating app, but I might in a few years. However, seeing as I've been propositioned on Reddit a handful of times, I don't think I'll try OLD anytime soon.
Absolutely not. People have different attractions and desires, so unless he was also interested in me, I doubt I'd have a shot.
No, I don't. Privately, it'd be better if I was the attractive one but the bar is super low, so I'm going to go with no, he just needs to look good in my eyes, not anyone else's lol.

TheMedsPeds · 2021-11-25T05:25:07+00:00

I’ve been told I’m slightly below average, so about a 4. I’ve had success with online dating when on actual dating apps. I never had like tons and tons of messages, but I got responses from men that I matched with. I’ve gotten the occasional creeper add on FB. But IRL? I’m 31 and maybe have been cat called 10 times in my life. I’ve literally never had a guy approach me in a bar and ask to buy me a drink. I’ve probably been asked out IRL 5-10 times total (cat calls and being actually asked on a date are separate)

I’ve had 4 real relationships total. 2 were total garbage me settling for guys I didn’t really feel for in order to avoid being alone and 2 with guys I had actual feelings for. So I’d say overall my experience with men is like a C-.

Motherofvampires · 2021-11-25T10:44:59+00:00

Ok. I'll bite. I never used to be unattractive, but I'm now 50, so by default that makes me unattractive to many, including men my own age as they often want to date younger.

1) No I never get hit on out in public any more

2) I can still get matches on dating apps because the men swipe on everything. But most of my matches don't talk, or if they do it's just a couple of sentences and then they disappear. Occasionally a younger man will ask for a hook-up, but usually he won't agree to meet me in public first (presumably he doesn't want to be seen with me) and that's a big safety issue so I can't agree to that.

3)No I definitely can't date any man I want. I have asked men out IRL and online and while most won't say a straight out no straight off (although some do) generally they don't respond to texts or agree to meet. They fade away.

4) I'm not sure about this. I get more interest from younger men than men my own age and I guess they are by age alone more attractive than me, but they are not wanting to be my partner, they only want a hookup. Men my own age, a lot are very overweight and I don't find this attractive. I'm not overweight myself, so I'm not expecting anything I'm not offering in that respect.

When I was younger I was I suppose conventionally attractive. I did the Reddit approved thing of settling down with my boyfriend in our early 20s, getting married, having kids, so I didn't really experience loads of male attention - online dating wasn't a thing.

cccccclairee · 2021-11-25T20:25:43+00:00

I’m fine looking but I’m no way going to be confused with a model.

I was being catcalled and “hit on” in public as a very young looking 13 year old. Looks have nothing to do with that.
Easy in the sense that if I dropped my standards I could get laid.
Date, no. Sleep with, usually.
I have a more attractive partner.

newaccount118 · 2021-11-24T15:18:04+00:00

No, never. I used to be hit on years ago when I was more attractive but not very much
Never been on dating apps
Absolutely not, no man has returned my interest in many years
I am not expecting any partner

Booexgirlfriend · 2021-11-24T16:58:14+00:00

When I hear the term "unattractive" it comes to my mind something that can't be changed. it surprises me the amount of comments from women that thinks that being fat is equal to unattractive.

I always thought that being unattractive affects mostly the face. I googled"unattractive women" and yes weight is not even on the top pictures.

I had a girl friend who always had the face of an old woman and the face of a man. She had lots of hair and wide hips. The last time I spoke to her she was complaining that men had never approach her and she was in her late 20's.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-24T16:13:33+00:00

1 - I used to be cute but now I’m old and frumpy. Still get hit on but generally by older and frumpier men.

2 - Only used them once in 2012 - OKC and I did get some bites. Went on 4-5 dates total, 2 of which I am FB friends with still. One was a possibility but just wanted an FWB type of thing, which didn’t work for me. One looked good in pics but showed up and had no teeth and an arrest record. One was fatter than his pics and smelled like cat pee. I can’t really remember much about the other 2 but they were non starters.

No, not even at my cutest. I’ve done okay though.
I would say objectively my husband is probably more attractive than me. Certainly his N count is higher. But I didn’t expect him, thought he was flirting for tips (he was a bartender), and even when we started dating didn’t expect it to go further than FWBs.

throughalfanoir · 2021-11-24T16:25:50+00:00

1.: no, I had men come up to me to tell me I'm ugly though (strangers. and also one of my university professors)

idk if that's in public, but I had a few men hit on me in social settings where people generally go to with explicit goals of picking someone up, like uni parties. but I also watched those men use the same tactics on every girl in the room, one after another so...

2.: makeup and good photos help a lot there, plus a witty bio. I'm a part-time photographer so I believe I know how to take a good photo that will up my chances even without excessive use of filters. my photos are a solid 7.5/10, while I am regularly a 3.5/10 at best

3.: lol no, and being rejected several times when I initiated proves that. and add insult to injury: I progressed from a non.conventionally attractive bodytype to a fairly conventionally attractive body, while my face stayed with obvious asymmetries and other issues, and having a "fuckable" body brought with itself a lot of shallow attention, but none of them wanted to stay around for long

4.: more attractive than I currently have? that would be anyone. more attractive than me? I expect a partner I am attracted to, regardless of whether in society's eyes they are attractive or not. I have fancied people who are conventionally attractive and I jhave also fancied people who were really attractive to me, but I guess, the average person wouldn't rate them higher than they would rate me, based purely on looks. having a great personality helps y'all

MelisandreStokes · 2021-11-24T15:56:53+00:00

Idk if I’m unattractive but I’ll assume I am. I’m average at best

I get hit on by absolute freaks, weirdos, and neckbeards, and only rarely. I don’t get out much so that may be a factor for the rarity.

I don’t use dating apps

Definitely can’t date any man I want, even hot people can’t do that

More attractive than what? What do you mean “expecting”? I don’t expect any partner but if I had one he’d have to be more attractive than my bar for attractiveness, meaning I’d have to be attracted to him.

2021-11-24T17:47:43+00:00

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sweetestpineapple · 2021-11-24T16:25:29+00:00

Almost never, unless you count catcalling maybe once or twice a year.
Somewhat. I have to lower my situation standards (drive to the guy’s house, hookup only, etc) but with a wide location range I can usually find a guy whose down.
Hell no. I can get hot guys with horrible living situations to date me but I don’t expect to be treated well. I also always have to make the first move.
Yes, and im willing to sacrifice financial security, education etc. for it

peachycreaam · 2021-11-24T17:59:21+00:00

Nope
I don’t use tinder or anything
No
People have told me that the men I like are ugly so 🤷🏿‍♀️

I’m 28 F and spent most of my adult life in an LTR though until a couple of years ago.

arcticshqip · 2021-11-24T18:19:03+00:00

1.Never, 2.No, 3.No, 4. I am not sure how unattractive I am so can't really tell.

AssistanceMedical951 · 2021-11-24T19:04:23+00:00

Hello,

I’m somewhere in the middle. Not ugly, but overweight.

No, harassed a few times. Legitimately asked out, never.
On dating apps, I get matches. Not a lot, but you only need one if it’s the right one, right...... right? But not for relationships. They just want sex, even if they say they’re not into one night stands. They’ll pressure for sex, on the first date, I don’t put out, and then they ghost. ..... yay.
LMAO 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 HELL NO!!!! I have been turned down by super average dudes. And had sex with very hot guys - not as one night stands. There’s no accounting for taste. I have been friend zoned. .... Multiple times.
No, Just as long as I find them attractive. But I have found myself attracted to average looking men after getting to know them.

ashpr0ulx · 2021-11-24T21:00:15+00:00

does very average count?

i occasionally get hit on in public, but it’s rare enough that sometimes i’m confused by the advances.

dating apps are fairly easy for me.

i don’t think i can get any man i want, but i’m confident i can find a man who fits my preferences.

i expect my partner to be of similar attractiveness.

Radiant_Shock_7529 · 2021-11-24T15:49:37+00:00

35F over in London, hi everyone! 1. Occasionally in bars 2. Was in a very LTR from age 24-34 so basically I don't know if the number of swipes i get is good for my age or not as i wasn't using apps in my 20s. I imagine it would have been 'easier' when i was younger but its not that bad right now 3. Obviously not 4. More attractive than what/who? Me? Other men? Needs more clarification. I would certainly like a partner i'm attracted to though. That helps if one is considering sleeping with them..

2021-11-24T16:54:50+00:00

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bakalabalak · 2021-11-24T17:41:22+00:00

1) do I get hit on out in public? Catcalling is constant. If that counts as getting hit on, then yeah. If you mean getting asked for my number or a date, then no. That’s happened to me maybe once or twice in my life.

2) Are dating apps easy for me? Well, as a woman, I used to get hundreds of matches on any app in a week or so. However, these were all men just looking to hook up. If they were looking for a serious relationship, they were usually all creeps who wanted a submissive housemaid. Something I am not interested in.

3) Can I date any man I want? No, I have a boyfriend. If I didn’t, then still obviously no. What kind of a question is this lol.

4) Do I expect a more attractive partner? No

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-11-24T18:02:57+00:00

I’m actually about average or slightly above, but still...

1) Rarely, pretty much only at bars and other settings where people are likely to be looking.

2) Depends on what you mean by “easy.” I got matches and messages, but dating apps are at least somewhat frustrating for everyone.

3) lol No.

4) No. I prefer someone who is equal to me, or slightly less attractive but my type. Men will never value a less attractive woman, so such relationships are never worth it.

Fishyinthemiddle · 2021-11-24T18:24:51+00:00

Average woman here. I sometimes get called pretty but never hot or beautiful. My BMI says I'm a bit overweight, but I don't have big enough boobs to make cleavage. I work out but I don't wear makeup. Usually if someone finds me attractive it's because I'm always smiling. I'd say 5/10 body and 6 or 7/10 face.

No. Maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life.
Kinda. I have to put effort in to get a date. Guys aren't flooding me with messages, but I can always find someone to ask out in about a week.
People don't chase me, but they don't run from me either. I rarely get rejected.
I NEVER go for guys more attractive than me. I have really high standards for emotional maturity. I also like to feel like I'm on the same level as my partner.

Mimoxs · 2021-11-24T19:52:05+00:00

Do you get hit on out in public?

Only by extremely ugly, fat or old dudes, still rarely

Are dating apps still easy for you?

Never used one

Can you date any man you want?

No

Are you expecting a more attractive partner?

Based on my history my standards are male, human, and alive

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questionasker012 · 2021-11-24T16:35:19+00:00

Idk if I'm considered attractive or unattractive, but based on my experience thus far I lean towards thinking the latter. I'm 24, no kids, and thin (within my healthy weight range) and I don't have any injuries or physical abnormalities, but even so, I have had an immense lack of success in dating. Men never approach me. Thy never initiate conversation to get to know me and to get closer to me. They never ask me out. They never ask for my number.

On dating apps, men would match with me and message me. I used unfiltered, unedited photos that accurately depicted my face and body. However, considering many men swipe on every woman hoping to get just one match out of it all, I don't put much weight on mere matches. As for the messages, I have learned not to take them too seriously either. When I'd reply to them, I would invariably find that the men never escalated the conversation into asking me out or attempting to see me in person whatsoever.

I've been on a few dates but the men weren't interested in seeing me again. I've never kissed, been in a relationship, or had sex.

sarkington · 2021-11-24T19:08:25+00:00

Any attention you get is mostly negative or impersonal/desperate

Which is fine as long as most of it isn’t rude or threatening

Desert_butterfries · 2021-11-24T20:34:17+00:00

Since attractiveness is subjective and I am probably ugly to someone, I will answer.

Yes
Yes
No
Not necessarily, though the men I find handsome, I think they're more attractive than I am.

midwestufohunter · 2021-11-24T20:51:55+00:00

Yes
“Easy” if your goal is what men’s goal is (sex) But only bc men are easy to get sex from.
No? I don’t think anyone can but I def do not expect men to be attracted to me. I don’t go on blind dates or hangs w friends of friends bc I do nt want the guy to be disappointed and take it out on me or out mutual friend.
No? Attraction is just a thing you notice when you like someone. It has nothing to do w partner selection.

ohhhheyyyythrowawy · 2021-11-24T21:23:28+00:00

For me, I wouldn’t get hit on all the time but it did happen occasionally. Most of my experiences with people would happen after knowing them over time, but I’d never have men just approach me out of nowhere to talk to me. The idea that a woman can just walk into a bar and immediately have guys buy all their drinks for them is a joke in my book. I used to go to bars alone all the time and couldn’t even get as much as a conversation. And when I did occasionally get a guy, it was always casual. It was so impossible for me to get a guy to keep seeing me for more than a couple of weeks and even when I could, those guys never wanted to be “official” and would make me keep us a secret. I got used to being ignored by guys I was sleeping with in public and even had guys I was sleeping with try to pawn me off on their other friends when they were bored of fucking me.

I have gotten a lot more conventionally attractive as I’ve gotten older and I am in an amazing relationship with a guy who loves everything about me and thinks I’m the hottest thing on earth. I also find him super attractive, but I recognize that he’s not someone who would be considered conventionally attractive to most, I have been told that I’m the one out of his league. But honestly I think we’re a perfect match and I wouldn’t feel as comfortable with someone who actually was way out of my league.

catsinbananahats · 2021-11-24T22:12:56+00:00

Not often. Close to never.
No
No
Probably

LoveableSometimes · 2021-11-24T22:29:56+00:00

I've seen plenty of plain women who compensated by getting into great shape, having a very confident attitude and great makeup, over which they told me they spent months if not years perfecting. Slim, trim, bubbling (but not retiring female mouse) personality and that makeup got them plenty of guys.

IcarusKiki · 2021-11-24T22:38:00+00:00

I wasnt ever ugly but i had bad acne in my teens and never got asked out to any dances and even went to prom alone, never got cat called and was treated like a ghost by men. Changed real quick after I started accutane

barbie_1234 · 2021-11-25T05:04:58+00:00

I was unattractive and then I got liposuction and breast implants and now lots of men are hitting up one me 🙄 for real

introvertandshygirl · 2021-11-26T18:33:11+00:00

1.no 2. Never used any 3. Of course not. 4. I'm in LTR, it's my first and I never dated until 24.

I used to be quite cute when I was younger and I didn't gained weight or anything but now I'm considered unattractive and the gap is huge. Before my 20s and got hit on often, people smiled at me and were nicer. Now I'm shunned, insulted in public by random strangers, get laughed and people assume I'm easy because, of course, I must be desperate. It hurts a lot. I became depressed and I have very low self-esteem. I often think about kms because society makes me feel like trash so yeah, it sucks.

2021-11-27T00:33:18+00:00

1: not really but I’m also not actively trying to be hit on. I go out to enjoy my time out lol 2: dating apps are harder as I’m bigger and so as soon as you let them know they freak out. I also avoid anyone too attractive on there because while I’m confident I know from experience if they are super hot and they are into me 99.99% of the time I’m a secret or a fetish or a joke. 3: I’ve dated people I found good looking. But I also am older now and realise that I actually love someone who is capable of being mature and open. I can be confident enough to date whoever I want but I also don’t want to date whoever I want 😂 4: I want a partner that enjoys me. And I enjoy them. I’m open to being proven wrong but also I’ve not had the worst experiences. If I’m ugly to someone I’m not to someone else. I like me and I like lots of things about me.

Nut_Cutlet · 2021-11-29T16:48:17+00:00

I was considered ugly in high school, now i'm just 'conventionally unattractive'. The only time I got hit on was as a joke. As I grew older (so, actually started to grow boobs. Late bloomer.) people started showing more interest, at first it was just perverted types, in particular one dude who would neg me and then assaulted me at a party. Also when I was 16 I had a bunch of 30-40 y/o's who were drunk and tried to hit on me whilst on a train journey. Very intimidating. As i got older I started getting less weirdos and more friends telling me their interest in me. Let me just say as someone who is convinced I am ugly, it's really weird to have friends confessing that they think i'm hot and having people actually ask me to date. I always feel like i'm the butt of some massive joke. As far as being hit on in public, its happened a couple times. Mostly metal head teenage boys who think i'm younger than I am.
Never used them, i'm not photogenic and don't trust online dating.
No way. I'd have more chances of having sex, but that's pathetic. As far as dating goes, nerds, geeks and alt types are my jam.
No expectations. I thought my fiance was completely out of my league. But then he confessed interest after he got me to admit I had a crush on him.

gigi6614565698call · 2021-12-15T03:14:45+00:00

Everyone's opinion of perceived beauty is different, so really there's no unattractive men and women because someone not of your liking will be a perfect fit for someone else. There will always be a first, second and third date for those with self confidence, that's what's really sexy.. Hope this helps.

throwayayyew · 2021-12-29T14:34:49+00:00

No to all of these

I’m 5’1 and 109 pounds

Uglygirl8666 · 2022-01-03T12:20:43+00:00

1- no

2- no

3- no

4- no

sheddingcat · 2021-11-24T20:03:45+00:00

No, not like pretty women do. The occasional creepy old grandpa but that’s about it.
Easy-ish? I can usually find someone to at least go out on a date with but I’m in my 30s and I’m kind of particular. I’m not super picky but I know what I like in terms of a partner.
Nope.
If you mean more attractive than myself, no. I don’t like a big gap in attractiveness because it’s not a status symbol for me and dating a really good looking person would make me feel bad about myself lol.

Title	What’s the average experience for unattractive women?
Author	Luciansleep
Upvotes	147
Comments	671
Date	November 24, 2021 2:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r161fh/whats_the_average_experience_for_unattractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-the-average-experience-for-unattractive.1086779 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086779

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