keeping a man past a few dates

SunshineSundress · 2022-06-21T23:45:25+00:00

What worked for me was Incremental Reciprocation. Basically, you showcase your RMV instead of leading with only your SMV by doing a small but thoughtful gesture for the man you’re dating. You then watch to see if he returns your gesture by doing an equal or better investment into you as well. You then do a slightly bigger gesture, then so does he, and the cycle continues until you are both very invested and committed to each other. If at any point a man stops investing in you or doesn’t invest in you at all, you also stop investing in him (within reason - if he forgets to get you a coffee after 2 years of solid investment on his part I think you can let it slide 😂).

The reason this works is that you simultaneously gauge his level of interest and investment in you, while also doing something that compels his desire to protect, care, and provide for you. But you have to note:

The trick to make Incremental Reciprocation work is understanding that sex does not count as an Incremental Reciprocation. At the end of the day, Incremental Reciprocation is a way to showcase your RMV, while simultaneously vetting him for his. Sex is not a thoughtful gesture of investment because it requires no actual work. We literally just have to say yes to it and succumb to our animal instincts. It does not demonstrate your kindness, thoughtfulness, nurturing spirit, or any of the qualities that make men want to commit to you. Because of this, it also doesn’t incentivize men to reciprocate and invest back into you, because offering sex and sex alone does not sufficiently demonstrate that your RMV is far above the pack, and will not make him feel like there’s any favor to return.

That’s not to say that I’m telling you not to have sex at all. I’m of the somewhat controversial opinion that some of us should not withhold sex until some arbitrary date as a means to secure commitment because it might not be the most optimal strategy for all of us. What I am saying is that your investments always needs to be something OUTSIDE of sex, if you want him to see you as more than a f*ckbuddy or an FWB. It should incentivize him to want to spend more nonsexual time with you, and make him want to invest in nonsexual ways in you.

Hopefully this helps you! Check out the full post for a more detailed explanation of that concept.

Euphoric-Chain-5155 · 2022-06-22T00:23:11+00:00

Move out of NYC. Men looking to marry simply don't look in Manhattan - because that's not what Manhattan exists for. They are there to take advantage of all of the women who internalized the propaganda from Sex and the City.

If you're looking for a husband, try literally any R+10 district.

CountTheBees · 2022-06-22T02:36:19+00:00

I think it's a problem that you've met 8 men and thought each time "this is the man". You can have more standards than "will love me", really, it's fine, you can reject them before they reject you. Spend a bit longer getting to know them and find some faults and decide what's important and what isn't.

Jenneapolis · 2022-06-21T22:51:44+00:00

Do you set your expectations of what you’re looking for (a relationship) up front? Do you wait for them to show you actions that support they want the same thing? Dating sucks and the reality is that most of our dates won’t work out long term, and they shouldn’t. But honestly, most women can find people to sleep with them. I would guess this is about setting your standards about what you were looking for upfront and holding the men to these standards.

neuro_mancy · 2022-06-22T15:48:32+00:00

If I were to weigh in on this, I'd respond with many of the things that have already been said! Interesting post on Incremental Reciprocation too, thanks for linking it /u/SunshineSundress

The only thing I'll add is that, during the turning point in my relationship, I was lucky enough that boyfriend actually verbalized his thought process. He had gotten enough of a glimpse of my life that he could tell that every major decision I had made up until that point was done with intention and nuance. I wasn't looking to go to "some college," or move to "some apartment" in "some city" after graduation with "any pet." He said, "I can tell that you know what you want, and you're willing to find a way to get it. Just a few years ago, I wouldn't have been able to notice or appreciate that."

I think it made him understand that he wasn't just being picked for the "boyfriend slot," but that he was also intentionally chosen due to real compatibility. Track records speak for themselves: I applied to one unique college, chose to settle here so that I could buy my intentionally chosen and decorated home, and raise a cute little kitty to the best of my ability. Normally this assertiveness and ambition might be classified as a masculine trait, but I think that having a track record of acting in informed and intentional ways contributes to "gravitas," which is important for all genders when trying to attract love and move beyond SMV.

NevermindTheCrows · 2022-06-22T14:39:01+00:00

Get to know men as friends first. Spend a few months getting to know each other before you go on a date. Get to know their friends too. The more community you have in common, the less likely a guy will date you only to dump you after a few dates.

Some people frown on socializing with coworkers, but if you're new to the city, it can be a good way to build up a community.

Arthurstonewallis · 2022-06-25T20:02:32+00:00

I knew my wife was the one when she would check on me via text the next morning to see how I was doing. I know it sounds small but, of all the women I was dating at the time (and it was a lot 💪), none of them were showing a lot of feeling. A lot of caring. I don't know your situation, but for me, when somebody showed me love they got love.

redditmichelle1 · 2022-06-22T05:02:30+00:00

I don't get why women brag about getting men to sleep with them... Men will sleep with anything??? I've told many I'm waiting until marriage and they provably wait to see how long it will take (which is dumb on their part) but it keeps them trying I guess

111loR · 2022-06-28T08:20:50+00:00

You're thinking you've found someone to love you after a few dates???

Lady you should be thinking you've found someone to go eat lunch with until you figure out if he's worth any more investment, like opening up a little more, or giving him more of your time.

You're desperate and men sniff it out. I don't know what you're like beyond it, you could have genuine flaws that repel men, but this alone is enough to drive anyone away. Male or female.

Fishliketrish · 2022-06-22T03:47:21+00:00

If you master intermittent reinforcement of pleasure and operant conditioning but you’re better off waiting for a genuine connection lol

brushshstrokes · 2022-06-27T19:38:26+00:00

Men can't make you feel worthy. Only you can make yourself feel worthy. Find ways of raising your self worth that don't involve trying to get external validation.
Never sleep with a man unless he has told you he is your boyfriend. The fact that you sleep with men so easily makes them value you less. Also, men will not commit to a woman unless she makes them feel needed
Develop your RMV so that men will want to commit
You may want to get therapy.

srfm24 · 2022-06-27T20:16:43+00:00

What would be your ideal relationship? How can a man show you that he truly loves you?

Title	keeping a man past a few dates
Author	new_moon_solstice
Upvotes	18
Comments	24
Date	June 21, 2022 10:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/vhpexl/keeping_a_man_past_a_few_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/keeping-a-man-past-a-few-dates.1120525 https://theredarchive.com/post/1120525

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