controversial thoughts on the female orgasm

titlejunk · 2022-08-12T02:56:44+00:00

Honestly, sex is better when neither partner is fixated on the end game. I’ve been w my husband for a decade. In the past year or less we’ve been exploring what probably amounts to tantric sex and it is mind blowing. Slow down. Feel what feels good. Soak in that feeling for as long as you can.

It would be the most boring porn video ever, but holy cow, it feels so good.

plum_moon · 2022-08-12T07:24:04+00:00

I do agree with your thesis. Sex is physical struggle for me, but I have a very high libido. I rarely orgasm from it, but I love it and want a lot of it. My boyfriend has a lot of difficulty orgasming himself but has a similarly high libido. Sometimes sex between us is just touching and kissing and stimulating each other until we decide to stop. that's still extremely fulfilling for both of us. Orgasms are amazing but shouldn't be the goal of sex--sex should be an expression of feelings.

I think the sexiest and most romantic word is "more." Sex is a way of showing you want more and more of someone.

That said, I think you should be willing to try to make your partner orgasm, via whatever works for them. But if it doesn't happen, that doesn't mean it was a failure! You still did a lot of fun things together.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2022-08-12T06:02:32+00:00

Hmmm, for me, soooort of but not quite. Yes, some of the hottest, most memorable sex I had with my husband was sex where I was nowhere near an orgasm...BUT...that sex was either:

a) somewhat risky sex in public (like in a hollow redwood tree when we were hiking in Northern California 🌳)

or B) quick, down and dirty, wham, bam, thank-you ma'am sex where my husband's desire and dominance was super exciting in itself.

So, yeah, risk and spontaneity are hot without the orgasm. However, for more leisurely normal sex in the bedroom, I'd be pretty disappointed and dissatisfied if orgasms weren't a thing. It doesn't happen every time, but I like that my husband thinks about that stuff. When he doesn't feel like giving me an orgasm, he can bang me quick in the kitchen, lol.

jadeylala · 2022-08-12T06:18:00+00:00

It seems so unnatural (to me) to have sex with an objective in mind.

I love being in my husband's energy, it's like I'm all caught up in him, the connection, the entire experience. It's so much more than having an orgasm. I feel this way regardless of what kind of sex we're having too.

Interestingly enough, I have way more orgasms (including PIV orgasms) with my husband compared to my two previous partners who were really adamant about making me come.

PerhapsItsKelpie · 2022-08-12T03:46:31+00:00

Why are you saying "I like this" and turning it into "sex should be this way/most women prefer it this way". That's not true at all? Most women enjoy orgasming and struggle finding a partner who cares about that, yours is honestly the first account of a woman saying "Every man I have sex with makes me orgasm" I've seen, which is especially shocking since you have a negative view of it. You like a specific method of sex, and you've been cursed with good partners who assume you're like the majority of women and enjoy cumming. I think you just need to be more communicative. Best wishes. I don't understand this sub whatsoever (trust me, I don't want to), so oops if a argumentive comment will get me banned.

avotoastisgreat · 2022-08-12T03:57:57+00:00

I (27F) never orgasmed (alone or with a partner) until last year, and I completely relate to where you're coming from.

Whenever I would tell my previous partners that I had never orgasmed before, they would kind of treat it like a competition. Like I was some conquest. I would always preface by saying that it's totally okay if I don't orgasm (and that most likely, I probably wouldn't). That I feel completely satisfied with the closeness and intimate aspects of sex. But I never actually felt heard, and somehow it became my fault that I couldn't orgasm for them. Like their egos were more important than my feelings about our sexual relationship. It was a real stresser for me and it took the natural love out of sex.

Fast forward to my current partner, and honestly, love of my life. He's the first person I was ever able to orgasm with. I literally cry every time I orgasm with him (which is not every time we are intimate) because I feel so much overwhelming emotion for him. He took the pressure off of sex and orgasm so that I am free to just be with him. We simply have fun and love each other, and that's how it should be. There's no expectation that either of us has to finish with an orgasm, but when we do, it's the cherry on top.

fatbitchonline · 2022-08-12T03:57:52+00:00

sex is what you make of it. i think all of it can be intimate and a good way to connect, whether it’s penetration or not. my boyfriend and i enjoy it no matter what we’re doing really. but i ultimately need to orgasm or else i feel hella unsatisfied. that’s the best feeling for me rather than just sex itself

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-08-12T06:14:01+00:00

Yeah, we do kind of feel like we’ve let the team down if we don’t get you off. I get it though. I’m never going to have an orgasm from road head, but I do appreciate the effort though, you know?

The best thing to do, ofc, is to communicate – using words even though I know that can be scary sometimes – with our partners about likes/dislikes.

TheFruitofKnowledge · 2022-08-12T18:06:56+00:00

I agree that "fixating" on an orgasm in a mechanical way sounds sad and like it would get in the way of intimacy. But overall, this post puzzles me. I see orgasm as a natural, wonderful part of an intimate sexual experience and I don't understand why OP is acting like she has to choose between orgasm and intimacy. It shouldn't be one or the other - it should be both.

mcjohnalds45 · 2022-08-12T02:40:10+00:00

As a dude who is fixed on making his partners cum, I appreciate this insight.

In retrospect, women I've been with who seek intimacy always leave satisfied, while women who seek orgasm will sometimes leave frustrated.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-08-12T06:03:49+00:00

I think sex can be better when we don't fixate on orgasms for anyone. It is nice if it's there? Heck yes. Is it the point? No. The point is the intimacy, not the mechanics.

However, there could be a million perspectives on this and they could all be right. It's personal.

Underground-anzac-99 · 2022-08-12T06:26:10+00:00

True, but there’s nothing better than coming together, surely?

femm-fatale · 2022-08-12T02:49:52+00:00

I don’t really care to be eaten out or have an orgasm as long as piv feels good. For most women it’s probably never been pleasurable

peachycreaam · 2022-08-12T14:14:43+00:00

“it’s so impersonal, mechanical, detached.”

I think that’s a big reason why it’s become the main focus of sex for some people. It’s a sex positive/lib feminism thing. Use a man for impersonal oral sex the same way some of them use women. Most popular female rap artists and some pop artists talk about this. Not my thing personally.

HomeHornet · 2022-08-12T03:16:36+00:00

My wife is not red pill but she often tells me that to her it really doesn't matter if she orgasms or not and not to hold back my own until she does. (She doesn't like receiving oral). So yes, I would say she would be of similar mindset to yours. I do find that mindset actually VERY erotic. After years, I have embraced it and stopped trying to make her cum, but it's not just liberalist thinking, it is a male drive and ego boost to know the woman has orgasmed. I suspect there is some biological drive there..

magicalunicornjuice · 2022-08-12T16:55:41+00:00

Something interesting I learned as far as PIV sex is that a lot of men are doing it “wrong” from the perspective of what actually can stimulate the clitoris during sex.

It can either be due to male circumcision making that kind of deep but small scooty grindy motion that stimulates the clitoris not feel like anything to the man, or feel too intense to do for more than a few seconds.

Or it can be due to men copying pr0n where they use big long exaggerated strokes and spend a majority of their time pulling away from their partners body instead of remaining mostly inside in contact with the clitoris.

The vagina’s walls have a texture that grabs on to the foreskin and the man is supposed to be able to remain mostly inside and make small thrusts basically in and out of himself. The vagina then gets constant, rhythmic clitoral stimulation, less friction and more of a glide, and all the fluids stay in as well, whereas for a circumcised man he has to pull all the way out and in, with the barb shape of the glans actually scraping out the woman’s natural lube.

People outside the US think it’s weird how in American movies men use lotion to masturbate. In most of the world lotion and bottled sexual lubricant are mostly unnecessary.

The male foreskin absolutely serves a purpose for intercourse and it’s a scam for men and couples everywhere that, at least where I’m from, we go cutting them off babies without a thought.

Sources:

sexasnatureintendedit.com (nsfw close up pictures and gifs of real privates)

Marilyn Milos, former nurse and current anti infant circumcision activist

https://youtu.be/BgoTRMKrJo4

@jessicagarnerofficial on tiktok / Jessicagarner.net she goes over male technique and what she calls “poking” vs “scooting” and what a difference it makes for women

https://www.tiktok.com/@jessicagarnerofficial?_t=8UmCxNIhrNW&_r=1

Glittering-Neck557 · 2022-08-12T03:07:03+00:00

I agree actually. Orgasms are kinda whatever for me, it’s more of a mental/emotional thing for me

Unlucky-Study-5582 · 2022-08-12T11:39:02+00:00

This makes me think about times when my boyfriend will be close but say he doesnt want it to end yet and appreciate him for it because it always made me feel so good to hear that.

Teacup000 · 2022-08-12T12:43:02+00:00

I totally agree with you!

I LOVE having sex with my husband, especially PIV but even the stuff that doesn't do anything for me. Ideally, we'd go at it 1-2 a day.

I don't really like when we focus solely on me. Orgasming is underwhelming and kinda sad when I do it to myself and really hard for me to do with a partner. My husband is determined to keep trying, but it's a mental and physical struggle for me everytime. When it does happen, it's great! But I'm satisfied with 1-2 a year.

I think there's been studies done about how women orgasm differently. Some have frequent, less powerful ones and others have infrequent, more powerful ones. I wonder if those in the latter category are more likely to view orgasms as superfluous.

ash5991 · 2022-08-12T13:41:47+00:00

I feel almost the same way. I definitely do like to cum though lol, my husband is definitely an overachiever when it comes to that. He is the type that goes out his way to make sure I'm 100% satisfied, which is really sweet and sexy. He gets off on making me cum which I like. However, I do agree with what you said, I crave the closeness of penetration. I love the feeling of the rest of the world and life just falling away and for awhile it's just me and him. He feels that way too; we've talked about it. It might sound corny, but one of my most cherished memories is making love with him and we both kinda teared up because we were just so in love, we were kids and still dating, I have no idea if I came or not lol I just remember that unexplainable feeling of my heart just being so happy.

AdventurousAd5107 · 2022-08-12T14:54:27+00:00

I understand exactly what you mean. I’ve only ever had this with my husband though and I think it comes from simply wanting to please and that special feeling that you don’t need to gain anything it’s just for him and that’s satisfying enough.

sunglasses90 · 2022-08-12T17:00:32+00:00

I agree with you totally. I discovered orgasm very young. I can make myself come easily. I come very easily by piv. I like it, it’s great, but I’m more interested in the emotional connection of sex.

Everybody’s different. It’s good that guys want to please you and give back, but it doesn’t need to become a fixation.

Such_Beginning_1629 · 2022-08-12T17:53:23+00:00

By our Christian dominated upbringing (all the book religions really) we have a set of morals and tabus. Men coming to orgasm is ok, necessary for reproduction. Women coming to orgasm happens mostly with extra work. It is considered unnecessary and hard on the man. Your post is a stellar example of how these views shape our thinking even today.

Andrea_Arlolski · 2022-08-12T12:04:35+00:00

The focus on female orgasm is yet another way that modern feminism has failed on what women need.

itsintheayes · 2022-08-12T20:55:34+00:00

Haha yes! So true.

Heartshapedbeds · 2022-08-13T00:56:23+00:00

Agree! Some chase the objective a little bit too hard making their experience unenjoyable

tinylittletoad · 2022-08-13T17:58:20+00:00

I lurk sometimes and don't usually post here, but I just had to respond to this because it's the first time someone has read my mind on this subject.

It's because the majority of men these days are brainwashed by porn and 'sex positive' media. I can't stand it when men are obsessed with this subject. I have actually had to tell my husband to stop asking about it constantly. It actually gives me a lot of anxiety. I am still trying to explain to my husband that I don't care, but he's been so convinced by pornography that women have to 'finish' just like men do to enjoy intimacy. In fact this is a really common belief from men. They think they have somehow failed if the woman doesn't finish. It's really off putting and people think I'm some kind of awful person for thinking this and it's actually hurtful.

Waxflower8 · 2022-08-16T23:24:57+00:00

I didn’t know I needed to read this. Thank you!

Helpful-Ad919 · 2022-08-17T15:56:24+00:00

Karezza sex is all about love making without orgasming. Read more about it

Title	controversial thoughts on the female orgasm
Author	new_moon_solstice
Upvotes	171
Comments	55
Date	August 12, 2022 2:28 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/controversial-thoughts-on-the-female-orgasm.1127667 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127667
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/wm9hjn/controversial_thoughts_on_the_female_orgasm/