Spousal support

AnonJetlag · 2022-07-22T18:16:03+00:00

Someone has to stand up for men eventually. Women basically dominate the legal terrain when it comes to divorces. Women initiate most of these divorces. Can’t have the cake and eat it too.

EDIT: and what did you expect, you’re in a men’s divorce sub; most of these men have been fucked over emotionally or financially by a woman they loved, obviously they’re gonna appreciate some sweet revenge when they see it, I think your post lacks critical thinking lol

Jbr74 · 2022-07-22T18:38:39+00:00

It's wrong either way, but when you, your friends, and pretty much every male you know get screwed in a divorce. When we hear about the rare anomaly where the shoe is on the other foot.

We momentarily live vicariously through them to get revenge on the system that screwed us over.

It's selfish revenge, pure and simple that's all.. It's still wrong, but it feels good to see someone win the lottery when you've been nothing other than an ATM. And it makes us feel good if for only a moment and morally wrong.

ndeniably · 2022-07-22T18:49:00+00:00

This sub is not about hating women.

This sub is not anti-feminist, or anti-womens rights.

This sub IS a place to discuss the very real issues with equity in divorce as a man.

This sub IS a place to share the difficult emotions men experience going through divorce.

Most importantly

This sub IS a place for men who may not have an in person support group, to find comfort, express themselves honestly and find feedback and comfort, likely during one of the hardest times of their life.

I understand there is a lot of language in this sub by men who are in high conflict divorces, that can turn into women haters, mgtow, red pill and so on. These ideologies are just that, ideologies. It is no reason to come in here acting as if this is a hate group.

Yes many men in here are angry, frustrated, irrate, maybe even extreme. Its better they express in this space, than have it bleed over into their personal lives. Better out than in as I always say.

I've received some of the most beneficial advice about protecting myself from the legal systen in this group, that truly saved me 10's of thousands of dollars, and at the end of it, my ex and I are on respectful and speaking terms. But it would not be the case had I not had the support of the men in this sub-reddit.

As many are quick to point out, women initiate at minimum 70% of divorces, men are more likely to be falsely accused of DV during the process for custody claims, men are less likely to be given a fair shake on custody even though their bond with their child is just as strong and important, men generally have more to lose financially even when the spouse works, divorcing men are more than 8 times as likely to commit suicide than divorced women because of these reasons.

So no it's not this simple double standard of "man think man good for taking ex money, but ex bad for asking". It is nuianced, and systemically slanted, ask any man on here that only gets every other weekend and still has to pay child support, after being surprised by divorce papers and being kicked out of his home, which he also needs to pay mortgage on until an agreement is reached.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-07-22T18:44:22+00:00

Then leave the sub that is for MEN. There are plenty of other subs where men are bashed non stop. Can we have anyhing that is ours?? Bye!

ABBucsfan · 2022-07-22T18:38:45+00:00

What you're witnessing is essentially backlash. Society basically thinks that even when a woman leaves (or him less often) that she should continue to receive a lot of the same benefits without being married. Most of us here don't agree with the extent (even if some temporary support should be given, although child support covers a lot of that already). So when the tables are turned some are a little too hungry for blood. Reality and other people's accounts tell me this rarely happens. Most guys are too proud to accept a lot of help.. more lenient even on soemthing mandated like child support.

As someone who almost had to pay alimony myself (technically I did, lump sum because I took like 1/3 she took 2/3 due to me wanting to be reasonable when her rich family helped out before) my issue is a lot of time it's not by the man's choice she even stays home. I tried to get her to go back to work but always some excuse and pointing to her rich families money to why she didn't have to etc. You can't force them to work unless you want to pull the plug earlier over it. I was the only breadwinner, she sent under school age kids to preschool depsite my misgivings, hung around at home and still wanted me to take over everything when i got home. She didn't really do anything to earn additional support and my child support covers way more than we normally spent on them before. She doesn't even have a mortgage. Oh and she essentially decided to retire when she lost her job a year and a half before our first was born, lost out on maternity pay, then the 4 years (-9 months) between kids didn't look either and lost out on mat pay again. The benefit to the family of her staying at home was fairly limited tbh

I understand there used to be women that gave everything up because he wanted her home.. she spent all day taking care of the house and kids etc. He comes home and doesn't lift a finger.. does it still happen? I guess some households, but it's becoming a lot more rare. I think that's why alimony is becoming less common

AirSailer · 2022-07-22T19:10:11+00:00

Brand new troll account says what now?

Vegetable_Tourist829 · 2022-07-22T19:44:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

eyesayhello · 2022-07-22T20:10:38+00:00

That's because we want the situation to be treated equally. Maybe once more women get on the hook they'll lobby for a change in the laws.

wisstinks4 · 2022-07-23T02:48:25+00:00

You’re obviously a female poster. I consider our legal system broken in the case of divorce for men. My heart breaks for the man that works his whole life saving scrimping doing anything he can to set aside funds for retirement, life after work and his golden years. Only to have to give up half of it to a potentially cheating spouse, pay for children, pay for a mortgage. The whole structure is just awful. If you don’t see that you’re missing the point.

ZombieJetPilot · 2022-07-22T18:42:18+00:00

There is absolutely a lot of bitterness and flat out "woman hating" that does go on here. I'm not sure of the spousal support thing though.

In my situation she used spousal support as a carrot and stick: she wanted to move a distance away which would cause our parenting to be more 60/40 instead of 50/50 and said if I'm okay with that she won't request spousal support, but if I was going to fight it then she would.

We have quite a big income gap, so it was a good bargaining chip on her part. We'll see how it eventually shakes out.

BlackFire68 · 2022-07-22T20:08:08+00:00

It’s a historical backdraft (I would guess).

James1933-75 · 2022-07-22T22:32:42+00:00

Alimony is abused on so many levels. It's not like one can force a spouse to work, or apply for disability, so in the eyes of family law, they have become a SAHM. This is used to their advantage.

Freefaller6 · 2022-07-23T11:11:50+00:00

Seriously, bye Felicia.

recce22 · 2022-07-22T18:31:14+00:00

I honestly don’t think on average, that men will take her for everything. In fact, most of the comments I read are men preferring not to ask for alimony and other assets. Most are willing to just walk away and not put up a fight.

Here’s the problem…. Some men/women have personality issues regarding cheating and painting their Exes out to be Psychotic via “gaslighting” or playing the victim. When a woman calls in for a domestic abuse complaint, the man is often the subject of scrutiny. It is harder for a man to prove his innocence (in the case of Amber Heard vs. Johnny Depp.)

Some women will claim all kinds of things and the innocent party may not even have proper representation due to legal costs. Most end up having to pay all kinds of support because she is able to manipulate the situation.

I truly believe in 50/50, no fault, because the married couple worked together to build treasured achievements. Both lives are shattered and both have to put the pieces back together separately.

Rare-Possession2346 · 2022-07-22T18:58:07+00:00

I feel you on this one, and in some ways I agree and others I do not. This sub makes all women out to be gold diggers, but I am a woman and asked for nothing from him, no alimony,child support or any retirement funds, I guess some women see it differently than me but I want out of this marriage because he is a verbally abusive, not to take his damn money!!! Maybe they should look at themselves because they married the “gold diggers.” Some woman so have pride and others may not, my pride is all I have left and I will be poor before I ask that man for one cent!!!

Cassie0p1a · 2022-07-22T21:19:19+00:00

I mean, I knew the response I would get in this sub and I understand your frustrations to an extent, but men are privileged in almost every other respect in life. The gender pay gap is statistically real, whether you believe it or not and while animosity runs rampant during the divorce process, these systems are designed so that neither party ends up destitute - and sure, in the vast majority of cases, the spouse that needs support is the woman. If you want to change this - I suggest you campaign for equal pay. More time off for maternity leave so that women don't have to leave the workforce entirely. Things like that that will better equal the playing field overall. As a whole, men are not hard done by and are systemically advantaged - if you think this one instance is difficult, try living your life as a woman.

Vegetable_Tourist829 · 2022-07-23T15:47:01+00:00

Could it be a cognitive bias at play? We know more men and talk to more men, so we we hear stories that reinforce the feeling something is true? I guess financial inequalities are being addressed more fairly now but a judge uses money alone and what I find hard is that income lost to child rearing is counted (whether you are a man or woman) but income lost to being sick or injured is harder to capture unless you have a disability determination.

Vegetable_Tourist829 · 2022-07-23T15:47:15+00:00

Could it be a cognitive bias at play? We know more men and talk to more men, so we we hear stories that reinforce the feeling something is true? I guess financial inequalities are being addressed more fairly now but a judge uses money alone and what I find hard is that income lost to child rearing is counted (whether you are a man or woman) but income lost to being sick or injured is harder to capture unless you have a disability determination.

Title	Spousal support
Author	Cassie0p1a
Upvotes	0
Comments	46
Date	July 22, 2022 6:13 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w5hbdk/spousal_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/spousal-support.1125254 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125254

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