How do you guys do it?

sicrm · 2022-08-09T14:49:39+00:00

look up and stick to grey rock if you talk to her at all.

you can’t control her actions but you can control your reactions. also if she won’t give the keys back change the locks or ask your landlord if they can.

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2022-08-09T14:44:42+00:00

I didn't know the other person has an option to sign if they get served. Is that what you're referring to?

Is your apartment 2 bedroom? Move into the other bedroom. Then you just have a shit roommate and you act professional until you can get out.

If you have months on the lease, you have months left to live with her. If she's spiteful she won't move out and keep paying rent just because she would be admitting her fuckup to everyone by moving out.

But for the divorce, sign all the documentation, submit it to the lawyer, then go on about your life. Check around with other lawyers and call them and get clarification on what can happen, and for how long.

If you got a shit lawyer, they may be dragging their feet. I don't know. But calling other lawyers is a good place to start.

2022-08-09T16:43:53+00:00

Some facts for you to digest

she is already planning for a divorce and most likely has already seen a lawyer
about your arguments : she is passive aggressive. She wants you to snap. Once you snap it’s a Domestic Violence. All she has to say she “feels” unsafe and bam! You are arrested and removed from your own home. Don’t fall for this. Instead - once she starts arguing with you, record everything discreetly
DV accusation is a bitch. Once you are branded as DV abuser, you won’t even get a visa in certain countries eg Australia
relationship is finished; you gotta be strong and “protect” your future
keep calm
file for the divorce before she does it. You initiate first

stacksmasher · 2022-08-09T14:39:53+00:00

Go get another lawyer. Also it may help you move away and let your attorney handle it. A good lawyer is the first step.

ThatWontWork5 · 2022-08-09T14:58:40+00:00

Mailbox key seems easy, get a PO box and divert everything to there, is very likely you could get the mail permanently forwarded to that box without having to change your mailing address with everyone that sends you mail.

I'd also contact your apt complex and see if you could have your door rekeyed, tell them you lost a key or something, not sure I'd admit to trying to keep your wife out? Other options would be to put a keyed lock on your BR door and move all prized possessions into there, maybe consider putting in a camera that would alert you if she was in the apt un-supervised?

Just a few thoughts? Good Luck!

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-08-09T15:35:00+00:00

Is her name on the lease? If not then you can get the locks changed to keep her out.

Sofloguy72 · 2022-08-09T16:02:08+00:00

Get a different lawyer. I was divorced in one month and my ex said she never saw any paperwork. So I know it can be done.

yeldellmedia · 2022-08-09T16:05:33+00:00

Bro listen up… no matter what, do not move out of your home/apartment unless/until you have a court order to do so… if she has locked u out of your own place, call the police, notify your attorney and file an emergency motion… it appears you need better legal advice and a better attorney… it should be no issue filing for divorce irrespective of her answering the complaint….

Maintain silence and dont tip your hand. Maintain high ground.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2022-08-09T17:20:11+00:00

If you have the money, put your stuff into a storage unit except what you must have to live on if she wants to damage your belongings, or take them to a family members house. My ex tried breaking in because I had documents showing she tried to steal money from the community by hiding it. Fortunately I changed the locks.

HowManyBobs · 2022-08-09T16:53:04+00:00

Settle in for a long slog. It will suck for a while and then it will get better. Adjust your expectations - your standard of living will take a dip and at 25 that gives you plenty of time to recover.
It may (at this point) feel like something to rush thru but from my experience deliberations will pay dividends. Find a counselor and/or a group of men (men!!) you can trust and run things by.
And always remember - you can do this!!

JD-Anderson · 2022-08-09T18:11:15+00:00

The waiting really is one of the worst parts of the whole situation that we don’t really talk about. Probably because of us guys that had to go through it would just rather forget about it. Years later I’m waiting for my day in court on a custody issue. So I had to do the waiting game back then, and now all over again. It can drive you legit crazy.

This second time around I’ve learned to only take it one S storm at a time. Don’t look too far down the road, just focus on what’s right in front of you. Get busy with work or a hobby. Understand that this is temporary, and even though it seems like the last month lasted 5 years, it’ll be looked back at as just a speck of your life.

I’m right here with you brother, just waiting. Even though our current situations differ, I’ve been exactly where you are. The freedom I felt once it was done was amazing. I got to build my life back, and it turned out 100 times better than I ever thought. And there’s no way I’d have this life if I was still married to her.

derelictherds · 2022-08-09T18:56:49+00:00

I'm assuming you haven't been married for long and have no children or significant assets...

It only takes one to divorce so it does not matter how she feels about it. Instruct your lawyer to schedule a hearing ASAP then cut all contact with her and sit back and wait for the court date. There's a good chance she'll settle before this date arrives.

Secure your valuable or sentimental possessions by placing them in storage or leaving them with a relative/friend until the divorce is over. My brother held most of my firearms and heirlooms until after my divorce was finalized. Of course bounce this off your lawyer before doing.

pk2at · 2022-08-09T15:41:49+00:00

Pretend to patch up while you try to convert marital assets to separate. Prepare well for divorce and try to get her to sign as many contracts during the patch up period as possible

Title	How do you guys do it?
Author	Bluedemon52
Upvotes	18
Comments	47
Date	August 9, 2022 2:35 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wk4xjz/how_do_you_guys_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-guys-do-it.1127035 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127035

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