CMV: Most complaints about dating stems from not understanding how value works

MyLastBestChance · 2022-10-13T01:11:18+00:00

If we must make a market comparison, a barter model is far more accurate. Person A has xyz characteristics and wants abc in a partner. Person B wants xyz in a partner but has aef. They are not going to be able to come to an accord. Person C has abc characteristics but wants why. Again, no accord.

Eventually most people will find a “barter match” or someone who is close enough to make a “trade” worthwhile for both parties.

There’s no common relationship “currency” that compensates or smooths these matching of wants and needs. That’s part of why formulaic “looks match” or x/10 ranking isn’t effective as a measure of compatibility or dating/relationship success.

Some people either want things that are very rare or have characteristics that are rarely wanted by others or both. They will likely always struggle.

techr0nin · 2022-10-13T03:35:26+00:00

Not willing to lower your asking price or increase your value is not the same as not understanding how value works.

Physical_Software_29 · 2022-10-13T00:48:03+00:00

This is a logical explanation of how a basic market works. Although I agree in looking at a persons dating pool as a market, we also forget the emotional human point of view when viewing things through a logical lense. I agree with what you say, but there is another layer to it and that’s human emotion

WilliamWyattD · 2022-10-13T02:42:04+00:00

Yes. But if market values start to diverge too greatly from what we intuitively feel are the real values due to things like leverage or supply and demand, then we also start to feel that there is something innately wrong with the market system. This is particularly true for something as important to our lives as mating.

So there are two values: the market value and what we think is 'true value'. Neither is perfect. The market value is typically more important as we have few alternatives to the market, and thus reality is what reality is. We certainly tolerate great divergences in say the job market, where the sports star makes 10x as much as the great neurosurgeon, etc. How much we would tolerate in the mating market remains to be seen.

But, as a hypothetical, if in the future it became common for say the 50th percentile woman in terms of her SMV rank among women to pair with a 80th percentile man, due to greater female leverage and willingness to just opt out of mating, we might start to view such a market as dysfunctional.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-10-13T01:28:12+00:00

Those are just a few basics, but there's more at play. Like access to markets. Why are men advised to abandoned OLD for example? Because somehow their value is different there than "in real life"? Why is that? Why is demand there different? Or the question of frequency ; what if you get want you want, just not on demand. Or maybe it doesn't last as long as you want it to when you do get it. Is there something wrong with your valuing or is that just how life is; it deviates from market behavior sometimes. People get bored or angry and have egos, markets don't. That's just off the top of my head, but those are factors that complicate the simple market model, I'm sure there are others.

vogel777 · 2022-10-13T08:21:54+00:00

Firstly it's not a surprise that op uses the scenario of a woman deciding she is worth because men here love to view women negatively (because it makes them feel better about being rejected no doubt). Also viewing dating as a "marketplace" is also a male conception and a misogynistic one at that. You view it as a marketplace because to you women are objects you seek to obtain and possess, a hole and a domestic comfort provider. Not all men hold this conception but many of the men here do and that is the real reason women reject you, we can tell when you hate and dehumanise us.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-10-13T13:59:38+00:00

Nah. I decide my own worth and value. Then I chose a cool and fun pizza delivery guy. Does he make six figures now? Sure. Because we as people generally grow and change. We aren't inanimate objects. We can leave at any time of our choosing.

Most complaints about dating are because the people complaining don't have social circles anymore. They don't understand why dating can't be as easy as getting dinner with UberEATS.

soulangelic · 2022-10-13T01:00:04+00:00

“The worth and cost is decided by you. You might decide you’re worth a handsome man who makes 6 figures, owns a mansion and 3 business who will pamper you, but being realistic might decide you’ll cost a man with a stable job, and a house. The value is when that man comes along and decides a whether or not he is willing to “pay” those things for what you have to offer which is completely out of your control. Now what some people will do is lower their cost but the problem with this is when you lower the cost, well know you’re depreciating your value.”

It might be helpful to also provide an example of cost and value from a man’s perspective.

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KayRay1994 · 2022-10-13T20:17:17+00:00

i think the main issue is that a lot of men on here (and on many pill communities) view dating as entirely transactional and in economic terms - they try to boil it down to some law that works in, say, economic or business theory while leaving our aspects like indaviduality, human connectivness, emotional variables, etc - they view it as very ‘i provide resources in exchange for sex’…. which isn’t what it at all

Glory2Hypnotoad · 2022-10-14T19:10:41+00:00

It sounds like you're conflating descriptive and prescriptive claims. Being dissatisfied with how something works doesn't mean you don't understand it. Often how the thing works is the complaint.

fizeekfriday · 2022-10-15T00:59:31+00:00

If you want to compare dating to capitalism, you're going to have to start with how culture and how people are socialized affects supply and demand.

For one, different people value different things. I think diamonds are a poor example, as they're artificially scarce and can be made in a lab. People who value "feeling above others" through classicism value that $4000 diamond. People who don't value lab made diamonds that at the molecular are the exact same. The only reason someone realistically pay for that diamond is because it's made with slave labor by some poor african young man or boy. What people will accept or are attracted to, shows what they value.

It's somewhat like capitalism, but it's moreso like a stock market or a meta in a video game. Our media culture and the celebrities we're shown and whatnot, literally dictate our beauty standards and social interactions. You can literally watch as the guys who get girlfriends in high school and college tend to mimic whatever male heartthrob is in the music charts or cinema posters at that time. How do you think fashion trends start? This is literally a joke in mean girls.

Title	CMV: Most complaints about dating stems from not understanding how value works
Author	FutureBannedAccount2
Upvotes	15
Comments	39
Date	October 13, 2022 12:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/y2kog8/cmv_most_complaints_about_dating_stems_from_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-most-complaints-about-dating-stems-from-not.1134001 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134001

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