As a backstory, our intimate relationship used to be amazing. I ended the relationship back in 2020 because we just kept butting heads and I couldn't control my anger. We were separated for over a year, in which time she was with somebody else for 8 months. We ended up getting back together, after lots of pushing from her, the feelings were there for both of us, coparenting was going really well, and it just seemed inevitable; we eventually bit the bullet.

This is where my problems started, I was wracked with insecurity and jealousy from the period that we were apart, I was asking so many beta questions you wouldn't believe, seeking comfort every other day. Safe to say this killed the intimacy pretty quickly, which led to a vicious circle of negative emotions.

Very slowly I pulled myself out of this, and gradually got my confidence/'frame' back, at least for the most part. But the damage was done, to climb out of this pit of unattractiveness has been no mean feat, and I'm not sure I've even made any progress.

Long story short, we ended up having a conversation yesterday that led to my girlfriend admitting she had been fantasising about someone else (for the record they've definitely never met, and he lives hours away). I said it's ok to have thoughts and fantasies about other people, you're only human and not to feel guilty about it; she said I feel guilty because I should feel that way about you.

I asked if they had sent any inappropriate messages, and she said that he had sent her some sexual memes; I asked if she'd sent any, and she said she had sent a few, but just ones she thought were 'funny', something about premature ejaculation when switching holes, definitely way over the line. I asked to see and she was hesitant at first, but eventually showed me.

She said she was being naive and thought it was just funny/friendly (lol), and asked what she should do about it moving forward. I said I need you to put a stop to it, and failing that I would leave, to which she agreed.

I should have just left it there but my beta emotions got the better of me, as this had hit me like a tonne of bricks. I can't even remember what I said but additional fluff that doesn't help the situation at all.

Fast forward to this morning; she said that I don't spend any time with her, compliment her or make her feel good, her life is just boring and that's the only exciting thing she's got going on (ouch). She then said about how she doesn't want her son to grow up in a separated home bla bla, I've managed to shut my mouth so far.

Moving forward, I don't really know the best course of action:

  • End it now and abruptly and do not tolerate that behaviour, be clear and firm.
  • End it now mentally, but build your value and wait until July to nuke it (whilst also gaining other options).
  • Continue going forward and monitor the situation.

We have a tenancy agreement for the next 7 months, and a 3 y/o boy together.