Temporarily Living With Your Ex-Wife or Soon-To-Be Your Ex-Wfe

Small-University-875 · 2023-01-06T12:31:41+00:00

My wife filed in July 2022 and she's moving out tomorrow.

Gattsama · 2023-01-06T06:12:22+00:00

Depending on how amicable the divorce is this can work and is not uncommon. It's a good idea to make clear ground rules: dating / sleep overs (should be zero for both), chore list, how utils & bills paid, parties, quiet hours, etc. Treat it like a hostile roommate or college dorm situation.

Despite all claims to the contrary it is a very very rare person that can deal with the ex fucking someone else down the hall, and that's where we often see this go sideways. Or trying to share anything.

dragonfly323 · 2023-01-06T11:20:35+00:00

I lived for 6-7 months with my ex wife while going through a divorce and it sucked. She was with her AP the whole time. She would go out nearly every night and come home at 1 am. She would leave me with the kids while she was with this guy. I was basically a nanny for her during this time. Towards the end she just started staying the night at this guys place which was a relief for me because I didn’t have to deal with her but it destroyed my kids. My oldest son (12) doesn’t really have any relationship with her right now because of all of this stuff she did. We have 50/50 now but he refuses to go with her and she doesn’t understand why. I can’t believe I was married to this psychopath for 17 years.

Living together might work if your wife isn’t a serial cheater or pathological liar like my ex.

Benzon22s · 2023-01-06T06:34:45+00:00

I’m still living with my STBXW in our house with 2 kids and her mother. It is NOT easy, even if both are supposedly wanting the divorce and there is no such thing as amicable choice to divorce….The things that made the divorce a choice will still be there bc you just turn off your feelings no matter if you have separate areas in the house…bottom line is take this time to really plan your life after divorce…that was my problem and I was stuck in limbo and really still in limbo but I’m making it my New Years resolution to plan my life with my kids so that when the divorce is final, it’s not a new start you need to go through.

Dml33 · 2023-01-06T19:03:34+00:00

Take it from someone that thought like you.

MOVE OUT! Either you or her. It will become a mess trust me. It is just awkward coming home to someone you are leaving.

Adventurous-Crew1025 · 2023-01-06T20:11:39+00:00

We started our divorce talk in march, worked on things until may. She officially wanted a divorce. During that time we continued to stay in the house and did the rollcoaster of emotions of “should I stay or should I go”. That long drawn out process has been the hardest thing of my life. We both have never fought before this event, both level headed. I found out last week she’s been having sex with other people. She then manipulated me to help her through her problems with friend but didn’t tell me they were outcasting her because she’s a whore. Even though we’re getting divorced, her sleeping around has led me to thing of doing unspeakable things I would never dream of. It’s literally been a nightmare the last 2 months. We signed papers yesterday.. I’m actually watching her clean the garage out of her belongings as I write this. Don’t be me, don’t thing this will end peacefully. I and a friend are going through this divorce at the same time, his ended hard and swift… I wish mine was that way.. this is like ripping of a bandaid verrrrry slowly.

mrk177 · 2023-01-06T20:20:13+00:00

My ex lived with me for 4 months after the divorce. I kept the house, she moved. The housing market was a mess at that time and it was extremely hard to find a house. We actually got a long great for this time. The tension from our martial problems weren’t really an issue anymore. We still lived as a couple, intimate and all that. It was really hard when she found a house and moved. That’s when it really hit me and the process started for me.

Good luck Man. I wish you the best.

Aromatic_Boot3629 · 2023-01-06T20:38:17+00:00

My ex wife and I did this for about 5 months.

It surprisingly worked out well. We laid down some ground rules (nobody but mutual acquaintances allowed over and only with prior agreement, no sleep overs, no boyfriends/ girlfriends allowed in the house under any circumstances, clean up your own messes, etc.) and we both stuck to them.

Our schedules were fairly offset, so time interacting with each other was fairly minimal. We would go 3 or 4 days at a time without actually seeing each other in person. I moved to the the opposite end of the house and used a different bathroom.

All in all it was like having an old school roommate. It benefited us both.

I think it all comes down to being cordial and being adults. Even though our marriage ended because she had an affair, we were on a slow downward spiral for years. There were a couple of fairly heated moments in those last 5 months we lived together, but they were short-lived and no big deal.

Good luck brother.

SuggestionSmooth1202 · 2023-01-06T07:37:16+00:00

Im living it now. Good luck brother

Classic_Dill · 2023-01-06T14:25:50+00:00

Why not date, because she probably will.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-01-06T15:54:51+00:00

Did this for 6 months and it sucks, I would rather be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone. The 1st month was the worst, when she was obviously going out with AP but lying about it. I took advantage and took my kids out for stuff (mini golf, dinners, etc.). So I can look back and say during this time hey I put my kids first, unlike the selfish ex.

Ground rules are needed, no bringing AP over and likewise I haven't dated/brought anyone in. Treat it like a roommate you want to get rid of but try and keep the place clean and you'll get through it.

relationshiptossoutt · 2023-01-06T17:18:06+00:00

I relate. We decided to divorce and lived together throughout the divorce and for a few weeks afterwards as she finalized her new place.

Honestly, it was HORRIBLE. Much worse than I expected. We lived in a pretty large house and I basically just stayed in the basement and she stayed upstairs. She never really needed to come down, but I needed to go up to do laundry and use the kitchen. Our interactions were awkward and strained. We fought loudly and often. It was uncomfortable the whole time. I honestly can’t remember a worse time in my life, and it was just about 3 months from start to finish.

There’s still life stuff you’ll need to deal with while cohabitating. Bills at bare minimum, but also cleaning up after yourselves, preparing separate meals at the same time, activities in shared places.

It’s hard man. I wouldn’t be able to last 8 months, but good luck to you.

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-01-06T18:06:42+00:00

CA has a 6 month waiting period but our divorce still took 2.5 years. We were arguing over who would get the house, so we ended up living together during that time.

We kept it civil most of the time because of the kids, but there was a lot of tension. We both had separate rooms, like you.

Our divorce wasn't amicable and there were definitely times I wanted to leave, but it can be done. I just treated it like a professional work relationship.

I ended up buying her out and now live on my own... and it's friggin' awesome! My new GF is usually there 4-5 days a week, but I've been hesitant to cohabitate again. It would save me money, but it's hard to put a price on peace and quiet. After everything I went through, I'm the only person I want living under my roof for a while.

Title	Temporarily Living With Your Ex-Wife or Soon-To-Be Your Ex-Wfe
Author	17throwaway-scorpio
Upvotes	7
Comments	40
Date	January 6, 2023 6:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/104mghl/temporarily_living_with_your_exwife_or_soontobe/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/temporarily-living-with-your-ex-wife-or-soon-to-be.1146825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146825

Comments