Feminine women and masculine men..Can it be too much of a contrast?

Remarkable_Pin_7753 · 2021-02-07T18:56:25+00:00

I'm going to go against all the comments here... im a very masculine man and I love feminine women, like you. Shared interests are very low down on the propriety list for a romantic relationship. I could care less if my girl likes MMA so long as she has her own interests and is at least curious about mine. My relationships are based on intimacy, physical and otherwise. I'm only physically attracted to very feminine women and they respond positively to me because I look like I will fuck them with abandon (consensual rape fantasy - esque). Most feminine women are more interested In the fact that I am very passionate and good at what I do than having shared interests.

I suspect that these men you are interacting with are insecure and are faking that dominant masculine persona.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-02-07T16:06:40+00:00

Most people have a mix of masculine and feminine traits to accommodate a lifestyle with the opposite sex. Hypermasculine and hyperfeminine will not get along long term.

This is generally why hypermasculine men can't/don't live with women and prefer flings, never marry, are loners, individualists, bachelors, etc. They will make babies, a lot though. They love to screw, if not anything else.

madhunnybee · 2021-02-07T15:47:51+00:00

Unlike in the movies, opposite characters rarely work together. You're going to wanna be with someone who shares at least part of your interests and opinions.

I'd say you shouldn't look for a dude whose interests and opinions you can't stand. I personally hate the 'masculine' types of men. By masculine, I mean people whose only character trait is that they're male and they base all of their interests on the generic image of a man. It's more boyish than it's masculine in reality. Look for a mentally mature, cultured kind of man.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not feminine at all. I also really enjoy hanging out with men (as well as women). The point is that you should look for cultured people to hang out with and everything will be peachy. Frat boys don't make for a compelling friend group any way you look at it. It's the same with women. You don't want to hang out with a woman who hasn't grown mentally since high school. You would prefer to enjoy a drink with someone more reasonable and sophisticated.

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2021-02-07T15:38:14+00:00

its a myth that very masculine men want and GET very feminine women. masculine men cant tolerate femininity and feminine women are frightened by too much masculinity. very masculine men need gun molls and sidekicks, not vaporing mommy moo cows

when i say femininity i do not mean appearance based bombastic tranny femininity like the stacy meme (which is actually very masculinized), i mean weak, passive psychological femininity

DaBlockObama · 2021-02-07T15:43:56+00:00

If you divide men into those who are masculine(like sports and can change a tire) and those who are feminine(like art and meditation), it’s your problem that you are simplifying the world so much.

I’m assuming that masculine men tease you because you draw attention to yourself and feel uncomfortable around things as ubiquitous as sports. Or they might make fun of you because you are an adult who doesn’t understand how to even change a tire. You just jack it up, unscrew five bolts, put the spare on and screw them back. Doesn’t really take a bunch of masculinity to figure that out.

There are very feminine women who enjoy sports. What do you think cheerleaders are? Don’t blame your social problems on femininity.

_mwk · 2021-02-07T15:50:25+00:00

i don't think feminine women are looked down upon per se, but i do think being too feminine is a meh thing that will make relationships difficult, as in too sensitive, too risk averse, too passive

opposites can attract and match well but they also really clash hard often when there's no common ground

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-02-07T16:31:17+00:00

I am feminine in the sense that I don’t like to play sports or get dirty, I dress up, love makeup, do my hair, and while I enjoy a good Steelers football game I am by no means a sports junkie. I can change a tire because Dad made sure I could do that. But I am masculine in the sense that I am assertive, high wage earning, dominant, aggressive and independent. I don’t think when seeking a relationship that interests per se are the most important thing I think personalities are. I think you are going to be hard pressed to find a man that enjoys yoga, belly dancing and mediatation but you also would not want a man obsessed with sports. You need some common interests, say travel, but separate interests are a good thing overall. Dominant men like passive women and that may be more so what you are running into. So they do want you to laugh like a bashful school girl at their jokes or side comments even if they are not funny, they don’t want you to come back at them with a sarcastic comment of your own. Beta men, with less dominant personalities tend to be attracted to dominant women, but dominant women are not attracted to them because they find them boring and it goes around and around. You need someone in the middle, someone who appreciates your independence and respects it, but is not a pushover. Someone who shares some interests with you but not all. It’s a tough one to find, I did I got lucky but it took awhile. My husband is not american and could careless about sports, but I have taught him American football.

Hoopy223 · 2021-02-07T15:56:45+00:00

Tbh I think you just need to find a guy who is your particular brand of “weird”.

Elevatedheart · 2021-02-07T15:57:50+00:00

Masculine men and feminine women are drawn together by polarity more than common interest. As you say, men who share your interests are usually not very masculine and seemingly gay but not really, and you're not attracted to them.

There's an old quote made by, I believe, some feminist woman about how she finds herself torn between two types of men. The men that she's attracted to personality-wise, she's not attracted to physically, and the men that she's attracted to physically, she's not attracted to personality-wise. I think she generalizes this as a woman's problem/dilemma.

So what’s the solution? Are feminine women looked down upon or do masculine men just have no clue how to act around us.. and perhaps the problem is I don’t know how to act around those type of men.. ?

If you look at this from the lens of evolution, reproduction and survival, it makes more sense. Contrary to popular belief, "relationships" are constructs, not really the natural order of things as far as humans are concerned. We're not meant to stay together for any undisclosed length of time. The factors that bring us together are not the factors that keep us together, and the former is more important. We're only meant to stay together long enough to reproduce, and maybe make sure that the children survive. Most relationships fail around the 5 year mark, if they even make it that far. It takes true compatibility and attraction to last longer than that.

So, to answer your question, I don't think we're built that way, and it just is what it is.

GrandRub · 2021-02-07T16:17:37+00:00

there are tons of feminine women who like right wing,sarcastic and dominant men ... its just your own preferences.. dont make that a "male vs female" thing... some men will like you and some wont... the thing is ... what do you see as "masculine" ? is liking football masculine?

2021-02-08T03:42:47+00:00

As someone who is probably what would be called hyper masculine. (Not by appearance- I’m fit, but not a hulk - but by attitude and ability) I have a deep, near irrational need to protect that which I consider delicate, fragile, and physically weaker (than myself). This urge is what defines me as a man. This is why i prefer feminine women . They balance me

As far as interests I’m probably not gonna be really into the same things a very feminine woman is into but that’s irrelevant, if it matters to her then i will make an effort. The important thing is to be there in heart and spirit. Vigilant always.

Elevatedheart · 2021-02-07T16:10:06+00:00

I'm confused. I'm fairly masculine and I guess I like watching attractive women belly dance, but otherwise I have no interest.

If I was dating you, I generate some level of interest because I care. But I'd never be into it.

Are you saying men are into it?

passepar2t · 2021-02-07T16:15:36+00:00

If you want to have a good relationship with someone, it helps to have at least a handful of things in common.

Otherwise, once he's done splooging his masculine matter into your feminine antimatter and annihilating his sexual hunger for the day, he's not gonna enjoy hanging out with you.

Y'all are gonna need to be well-adjusted and have large groups of friends that give each of you what you need.

DXBrigade · 2021-02-07T19:00:29+00:00

That's why I don't believe in opposite attract… if there is no common ground, it won't work.

FluForThought · 2021-02-07T23:01:15+00:00

My solution was to keep our distances. I don't believe it's a matter of masculinity/femininity; it's more power dynamics & preferences, more former than latter. I believe you're speaking of people who assert their dominance, however naturally or forcibly.

I've met a slew of men who fit your description (artistic/ yoga & meditation / culture / ..okay, not belly dancing lol) that were also hyper-masculine. They can be just as domineering and assertive. Unlike what mass media likes to perpetuate, being a sporty handyman has nothing to do with one's penchant for dominance.

At the same time, people do judge a book by its covers. They will assume your masculinity/femininity, as well as any number of things just by your look/voice/hobbies.

I don't consider myself hyper-feminine, but my appearance is considered so, at least in my culture (small-boned, no stark defining feature, pale, not too tall etc). Tom girls either liked me as a mascot or disliked me openly. Men who approached me aggressively usually ended up being disappointed, because I'm not really "hyper-feminine"--or their idea of it anyways.

I'm willing to bet OP, that you are in fact "masculine," in the sense that you don't bend. You've got a set lifestyle & mindset and will not be that girl who forces herself to like football & kayaking just because your man likes it. But you look soft. People see soft and expect a soft core. They get bewildered or pissed if the exterior doesn't match interior, unless they've got reason to think otherwise. So best course of action is to keep your distance until they get to know you better.

If searching for a partner, look for a niche. My niche was athletic artsy men who never take over the room. Conventional jocks never liked me much, nor did "sensitive types." We may date but it never went passed three months. Every man I've dated longterm enjoyed working out but also was creative in some way, whether it be music/drawing/singing etc. They never "forcibly" asserted dominance, which is the #1 I look for in long-term partners. I don't mind natural dominance lol. Curious what OP looks for in a partner.

glintglib · 2021-02-07T23:03:12+00:00

> Are feminine women looked down upon

No way. feminine women are more popular than ever as there is less of them these days. they are popular from the nerd to the jock just that the chad types are going to be more assertive in trying to snag them, but trust me the less masculine more cultured type of men are going to appreciate you, just that they will probably want some decent indicators of interest back from you.

as for the macho dudes busting your chops it is a bit of classic play on women who are a less outgoing and a bit more aloof. It gets combined with negging and often works to get the women to flirt back with them., but seems not so much in your case. I dont think its a case of the the guys having no clue as that technique works on plenty of women, just not you.

From my observations, the more feminine women typically go for the more masculine men, which leaves those who are less so, struggling to find partners. A beefy/thick, loud ladette type woman would much prefer a rugged beefy dude to make herself feel more feminine rather than a skinny quiet type IT dude. Likewise that skinny nerd guy would prefer a slender elegant refined submissive feminine woman to get that masculine/feminine dynamic in his relationship, but those girls far away prefer to date at the other end of the spectrum.

ex_red_black_piller · 2021-02-07T15:38:24+00:00

> I can be friends with these sensitive type men but we are “ too similar “ to ever have a romantic relationship. Masculine type men are attracted to me but often we have nothing in common by interest. We end up doing separate things often. These men also are very sarcastic, right winged and have dominating personalities.

> Are feminine women looked down upon or do masculine men just have no clue how to act around us.. and perhaps the problem is I don’t know how to act around those type of men.. ?

Seems like they know exactly how to act, since you're sleeping with the masculine guys.

Elevatedheart · 2021-02-07T15:50:24+00:00

So what’s the solution?

I don't think there is the solution. There are several variants you could try though and it seems that your biggest problem isn't how these men treat you, but the kind of guys you date. The fact that they go for you doesn't mean you have to date them, you know, you could be proactive and try hanging out with someone different. Maybe someone in the middle or someone who you feel attraction to but who you also have something to talk about.

Are feminine women looked down upon or do masculine men just have no clue how to act around us

First of all, I wouldn't call the type of guys you're dating stereotypically masculine. Yeah, they're into sport and other "manly men's" stuff, but there different tastes even in stereotyped gender roles. For me a "stereotypically masculine" guy in a good sense of it is a man who is respectful, serious, mature, knows what he wants and how to treat other people with respect and not let them go over him. The type you're describing though sounds just like school sport guys.

and perhaps the problem is I don’t know how to act around those type of men.. ?

Are you even into them? It seems you're uncomfortable with these guys and it's okay.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-02-07T16:53:35+00:00

I avoid masculine men because I don't find them attractive more generally, but it does seem like the more masculine a man is, the more they have a problem with femininity.

THdz101 · 2021-02-07T16:55:47+00:00

Your overthinking this men like hot women the hotter the better regardless if there Tomboys or feminine.

Workaholiconew · 2021-02-07T18:00:26+00:00

And I am pretty perplexed at your definition of masculinity.

Comparatively, men value objects, activities and ideas more, and value social emotion, thought and views less than their female counterparts. Just that.

Tomboys are just easy to access. They are quite literally beside men in many activities they like. One does not need to get out of their way much to get them, so if we can, we will get them.

The fact is, we men are forced "to hunt for women". If we could, we wouldn't. It is a pain in the arse. So most of us are constantly "hunting" but not going much out of our way to get a woman. We may hit on all our coworkers, but we not gonna go out of our building to hit on every woman on the street.

If you were physically in the same space as men for the same time period. you would get as much attention, if not way more (we like feminine women).

Acceptable_Parking96 · 2021-02-07T15:45:31+00:00

All men generally like feminine, submissive women not just masculine men

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BeepBeepSaysTheJeep · 2021-02-07T19:03:20+00:00

Unless you don't own a car, there is no reason not to learn how to change a tire. That's just a basic life skill, and not even difficult to do if you have a proper jack. It's not masculine or feminine. Why would you gender something like that? Getting a flat tire and needing to fix that is not a gender issue.

Maybe your male friends are snarky towards you because you depend on them for certain things and they see you as a bit of a damsel in distress?

SpaceS4t4n · 2021-02-07T20:15:40+00:00

IcarusKiki · 2021-02-07T20:28:59+00:00

I don’t think super masculine chad men get with super feminine introverted housewife wannabes. Usually assortative mating puts like with like depending on social status. Chads get with queen bee stacies, submissive introvert women get with introvert men, nerdy girls get with nerdy programmer guys etc etc. You’re forgetting that there’s many types of feminine and that the queen bee hyper social Stacy women are just as feminine if not more as the submissive quiet housewife dress wearing women.

Title	Feminine women and masculine men..Can it be too much of a contrast?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	132
Date	February 7, 2021 3:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/leo97q/feminine_women_and_masculine_mencan_it_be_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/feminine-women-and-masculine-mencan-it-be-too-much.1192655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192655

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