Are men treated better than women? A trans man's point of view.

mr_sinn · 2020-07-13T00:48:00+00:00

Society does not bend to suit your needs and wants as a man, whether that be your mental health or practically any other issue. Females are so used to being treated like royalty that they just treat it as normal behavior. As a female you are treated as a priority in society, while a male will be treated as if they are highly replaceable.

Griffin1102 · 2020-07-13T01:44:06+00:00

I can absolutely attest to how much better I'm treated when passing as a woman.

It's like men just don't receive empathy and understanding most of the time.

jpla86 · 2020-07-13T04:20:03+00:00

I've heard similar from many FTM trans people, they grow up female with the propaganda drilled into their head about what being a male is like, then they transition and it's nothing like they expected.
There is a reason there is a huge and growing subset of men who would rather live and die alone then play the game of relationships and marriage it's a figurative minefield on the best of days with all cards stacked against you.

Matt_the_Alien · 2020-07-13T03:29:13+00:00

Welcome to the club, I’m glad some things are better for you at least

jakethegreatwhite · 2020-07-13T03:55:59+00:00

Thanks for making this post and having a clear filter on both sides, yes id say life is harder for the average man then the average woman but to hear someone who knows both sides hopefully opens up even more eyes to today's gynocentric society

accidental_me · 2020-07-13T07:02:10+00:00

It's a well-studied phenomenon that men are treated worse but the prevailing narrative tries to tell us otherwise. And succeeds. Many people have this strange delusion that men are treated better than women.

I have learned to live with it, not knowing what my life would feel like if I was treated more kindly by strangers. Within families,, I think, the difference isn't that big.

AndyBrown65 · 2020-07-13T00:27:51+00:00

Thanks for sharing your personal experiences and best of luck continuing your transition.

There are different expectations on either sex, but your comments regarding mental health are probably the big thing you will notice. When a woman is upset, "we need to help her, the poor girl", whereas when a man is upset, society expects him to tough it out. There have been studies where the same baby was dressed in pink and blue. When the baby was dressed in blue, people (mainly women) were less likely to hold the baby, talk to the baby and interact with the baby.

The ingrained misandry in society is obvious when you are a man, but hard to see when you are a woman.

Griffin1102 · 2020-07-13T01:45:43+00:00

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DubsPackage · 2020-07-13T03:11:28+00:00

I've always said that trans is the nail in feminism's coffin for 2 reasons.

If you don't know if someone is a man or a woman, you have no choice but to treat everyone the same.
Anybody who thinks it's so great being a man or a woman can go try life on the other side, most of the time it's like "oh shit, I think I just joined the losing team."

Bookinton14 · 2020-07-13T00:48:38+00:00

Never had it compared tbh .... I just thought that these experiences were something everyone faced irrespective of gender.

Calpernia09 · 2020-07-13T08:57:26+00:00

Men aren't listened to, so how could you be warned?

PennyFeatherIX · 2020-07-13T09:08:33+00:00

I've seen a few trans people say things like this, but feminists never seem to pay attention to then

excess_inquisitivity · 2020-07-13T11:04:53+00:00

How active are you in trans and detrans Reddits? I ask because I tried to open a dialogue about people's experiences after transitioning into male and social perceptions received after that and I got shut down and called out for being an MRA.

theanchorman05 · 2020-07-13T00:38:06+00:00

Yep this sounds about right.

Griffin1102 · 2020-07-13T17:20:27+00:00

Thanks for the insight. We have had several transmen write articles on the issue and they seem to be in line with what you said, though often experience more extreme issues as a man. Some have even transitioned back to women because they cannot handle being treated as a man (though I am sure other issues with dysphoria may have factored in as well).

One thing you may want to consider if you want to elaborate more and repost is detail how many people knew you were trans, or whether or not you were still on the effeminate side for a lot of this because hormones take time to really change your body and such. Effeminate men tend to be treated differently and even if you 'pass' as they say, if you are open about being trans than people who are put off by you may be doing so because they are transphobic (or just not used to trans people really) as opposed to treating you like a man.

Perhaps in another year or two or more you can experiment more with how people are treating you and dissect what comes from being seen as a man, being known as trans, or even being known as autistic.

Wordman253 · 2020-07-13T22:08:02+00:00

"No one likes a weak man"- Jordan Peterson.

user_miki · 2020-07-14T01:37:01+00:00

Your experience is the same as other trans men.You can read their experiences on the net ,it can be more traumatic.

Objective_Watch · 2020-07-14T03:18:17+00:00

as a person that sees a psychatrist (sry for bad spelling) I always get nervous telling people that I am seeing a psychaiatrist cuz I think that they will think that I am a piece of shit for seeing someone to help with my deppresion and my feeling of overall worthlessnes

2020-07-14T20:33:53+00:00

Your only choice to be loved in society as a man is being strong. You can't ask anyone's help. If you have a problem you have to "man up". You should be the provider not the provided. Nobody likes weak men but everyone is used to the situations that women are weak.

staymighted · 2020-07-14T23:12:18+00:00

You should read some books on Stoicism from Epictetus

McGauth925 · 2020-07-14T00:20:11+00:00

Nobody told you because not that many people have made the transition you did - or, you didn't talk to some of the people who have.

hottake_toothache · 2020-07-14T15:06:32+00:00

Thank you for your perspective.

LegendaryEmu1 · 2020-07-15T03:57:10+00:00

Your not the only one to have these thoughts. There was this.

As well as another one a while back, the one i'm thinking of was a lot more...honest, i think. Basically, going from woman to man, there was no benefit, only negatives, in particular treatment by women and police.

Maito_Guy · 2020-07-15T09:14:42+00:00

Honestly that is exactly what I would have predicted had you told me A. you where autistic and B. you where F2M trans. Generally autistic girls struggle to fit in with other girls and Men are treated as Amoral(neither moral or immoral) and sometimes as immoral until proven otherwise and are not given the same level of empathy as women. Women are treated as inherently moral and people are much more empathetic towards them.

The best advice i can give you is to do your best to find a group of friends that you can trust, that want the best for you and to train yourself not to give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. There is a very interesting book by A F2M trans called Max Valero, it's called The testosterone files, you might find it helpful. I hope everything goes well for you and welcome to the team ;)

Lendari · 2020-07-15T10:51:35+00:00

Really interesting story. Thanks for sharing.

Svenskbtch · 2020-07-15T18:07:36+00:00

Thanks for your honest thoughts. For all the hype about - lets call it transexualism - over recent years, most of what I hear are silly but yet heated discussion about pronouns and polarisation that makes simple scientific statements about gender the realm of the alt-right. Yet we hear little about how people who have gone through transition actually see the differences between living as a man or a woman.

Perhaps this is because the few accounts I have found, with a few exceptions, confirm the MRA rather than the feminist narrative - albeit with a few fascinating and unexpected insights.

I find it important to keep in mind, however, that the differences between how we treat low versus high status people are much more important than gender. Without making assumptions about you, I would expect non-gender typical people to suffer whatever their gender - see discussions here, for instance, about short men. So we have to correct for this carefully.

I am interested in more details on how you are treated in the work place. This was one of the points that most of the stories I read found to some extent valid - men ARE taken more seriously. But some admitted this might have been in part because people who have transitioned are more comfortable in their skin. Besides, I think it is also a part a matter of women simply needing different strategies than men to be taken seriously: Margaret Thatcher, for instance, faced no problem in that regard, while using methods that were tangibly female (in fact, could we even imagine a neutral, black-suited man such as Callaghan having the impact, for better or for worse, that she had?).

So tell us more. You will have a captive audience, here and elsewhere.

mrmensplights · 2020-07-13T12:00:41+00:00

Gender empathy gap.

From a biological point of view women are precious and men are expendable. Women carry offspring. If a society has few men and many women it can survive but reverse the situation and it will die. Nature has specialized the species. Men can be sacrificed, men can do dangerous and dirty jobs like hunting, war, mining, experiments, protecting.

Humans are wired to care about the needs and wants of women. Many studies have shown that both men and women are biased in favour of womenS That's why MRAs can never simply adopt the grievance strategies used by women's rights groups. Those strategies work because we're literally biologically hard wired to care about women's wants and needs.. no such wiring exists for men.

As a society we can use culture to moderate the outcomes of our natural tendencies. Did you know one of the most prevailing arguments in the early 1900s for why women should not have the vote was "Politics is too dirty for women. Women should be on a pedestal and not down below in the muck". The argument was actually born from our inborn desire to protect and value women. We mediated that impulse at a cultural level and women how have the vote and are (and actually were always) involved in politics. We could do the same for men in regards to the gender empathy gap, but first we have to accept as a culture and society that it even exists. Right now society hates and despises men and the main narrative is that men have it easy and are oppressors.. so we have to undo this incredible lie reinforced by powerful groups before we can even attempt to set things right...

2020-07-13T12:50:40+00:00

Men are loved for what they provide and not for who or what they are. It’s a lonely life but oh so satisfying.

AlexIsBawss · 2020-07-15T19:20:28+00:00

Too many people just assume they have it bad and no one else does just because they don’t know what it’s like to be the other person. Everyone has their own issues, and this really shows it.

2020-07-16T06:42:59+00:00

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__pulsar · 2020-07-16T17:43:54+00:00

Interesting. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Abdallah1050 · 2020-07-16T20:42:18+00:00

Hi dud,I wish you the best but I got a question I want to know from your experience Do you think that masculinity and femininity are social construction or they are in our genes?

iamcathyy · 2020-07-17T17:35:31+00:00

Just chiming in, spent the first 18 years of my life as a scrawny weak boy, and the next 12 as an attractive woman. Socially, life went from nightmare difficulty to very easy mode. I went from everyone just being impatient with me all the time, to suddenly becoming all nice and friendly.

With that said though, I did go from the bottom of the male social ladder (weak, skinny, timid, short, awkward) to the top of the female social ladder (dainty, slim, beautiful, tall, quirky), so it's not a direct 1:1 comparison. Other male friends of mine did not get treated as badly as me, and other female friends of mine don't get treated as well as I do.

Hajtkap · 2020-10-17T02:22:34+00:00

qemist · 2020-07-13T06:59:58+00:00

It's always valuable to hear different perspectives on the straight "cis" male condition, but it should not be necessary for it to be validated by those who might happen to present as such, be they gays, women or any transx. Their experiences are colored differently for many reasons.

Griffin1102 · 2020-07-14T05:27:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Are men treated better than women? A trans man's point of view.

Comments

killallmen is exactly what caused me to have a problem.

Title	Are men treated better than women? A trans man's point of view.
Author	Griffin1102
Upvotes	320
Comments	130
Date	July 12, 2020 11:53 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/hq4ts6/are_men_treated_better_than_women_a_trans_mans/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/are-men-treated-better-than-women-a-trans-mans.1196738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1196738