How do you control your anger?

mfolivas · 2022-05-17T23:41:46+00:00

It's normal to feel angry bro. Hell, the first time I found out about my wife's affair, I wanted to kill that mfer. However, you have to control it. Remember bro, you're a man, not a child and more important your son looks up to you so you're setting an example.

In the beginning, when I found out about the affair, I couldn't stop calling my wife names and putting her down. If I'm honest, I even did it in front of my kids. I got so angry that both of my kids started crying because they were scared. Dude, read this, it doesn't help. You're just proving your ex right. You have to come to terms that this is over...and once you do that, then you have to figure out how will be the next chapter of your life.

It's true man, hurt people, hurt people. Now I know that I was just hurt so I was looking for some vengeance. You need to come to term that it is over, but based on what you're feeling...it doesn't sound like you are. Anger is energy, you need to channel that in some other ways - weights, MMA, jiu-Jitsu, or personal fitness are my recommendations. If you don't channel it, then it is going to come out sideways - drugs, anger will consume you, fights (yep, talking for experience), etc.

I cannot stress this enough, being around other men that have gone through something similar helps. Find a group, a mentor, an accountability group. Seek the greatest version of yourself. You'll be glad you did it and more importantly, you're kid will love you because you'll teach him that it doesn't matter when life gives you a shitty deal, dad didn't back down.

Eve-3 · 2022-05-18T00:08:03+00:00

Tell her plainly. Seeing you or talking with you hurts me. I'm not interested in hurting more than I already do. Do not contact me unless it is something necessary about my child. I do not want to meet for lunch, I do not want to plan a party with you, not even one for my child. In time the pain will subside, but that isn't where I am at yet. Respect that and give me the space I need.

After that communicate with her only through text. That avoids actually seeing her or hearing her voice as much as possible. It also gives you time to mentally calm yourself before you respond.

This won't solve your anger, but it'll help get you through life while you're working on solving your anger. Best of luck.

Bipolar_investor · 2022-05-17T23:48:35+00:00

When you realize that indifference is way better for you than anger ...

It's a trend now, the johnny Depp case.... All he said to Shit face is : "You will never see my eyes again" And that my friend is powerful.

If you're not the one using indifference, you're the one it's being used on.

nomdeprune · 2022-05-18T00:12:41+00:00

You don't have to meet to plan a kid's birthday party. You definitely don't have to meet for lunch. You don't have to live on her terms at all mate, and you don't even have to explain to her why you don't want to.

dadmacintosh · 2022-05-18T02:30:11+00:00

Anger is a response to [an] injustice/s. It is also frustration that you can’t address it adequately with your ex. The thing is, you will never have closure with your ex or get back the life you thought you were. Easier written than done, but acceptance is the only way.

HENKH4L · 2022-05-18T06:01:07+00:00

Brother, first of all you have to know you are not alone.

Lots of us are going through or went through similar emotional rollercoaster rides.

The anger feelings are totally normal in these kind of situations. It's al part of the process of grieving.

I myself couldn't understand how she went on with her life after having years and two kids together. She's in a different mindset already and that very fucking frustrating.

Keep in mind that anger is part of grieving, but crying is also a big part of it. I found out for myself that this anger I felt, was just hiding some actual tears. If you're having a tough time crying, just put on some music. Johnny Cash helped me out quite some times. (What a legend right!)

Try to avoid situations where you get angry in front of the kids, they need your best part. Of course it's okay to show emotions but not in the toxic way.

Acknowledge that you're about to feel this way now. This is not the end, better times are ahead. Someone else on this helpful sub once wrote "She wasn't yours, it was just your time" (something in line with this)

Believe me, better times will arrive!

2022-05-17T23:53:30+00:00

Beat the hell outta wood building boathouses, drink liquor and smoke weed when I’m finished for the day. Hell of a life huh. Not a ? I know the answer..now rip me apart I’ll make another Reddit account and start my miserable shit again 🤷🏽‍♂️

dpch · 2022-05-18T03:53:32+00:00

It's normal. Don't get together to plan shit. Plan your own shit for your kid. She's not your teammate any more, you're solo now. Upside is you don't need her opinion for shit. Downside is there's no one to share cute moments with your kid with.

It's not "they" who left you, it's her. Unless the kid is like a teenager and can assert his or herself.

Time, above all else. To heal. Above all else. I promise.

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-18T04:46:07+00:00

Go for a drive alone and scream all the nasty shit you really want to say to her at the top of your lungs - i promise you it works.

You can't control your anger, but you simply must learn to control yourself. She wins with every nasty thing you say.

Gattsama · 2022-05-18T08:00:52+00:00

For me angry is strong an emotion and attachment. Hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is. Hate and anger are very strong and binding emotions. Often more binding then love. People will blow themselves up, kill and endure for hate. I have already given her so much, she does not get to continue to occupy space in my brain or life going forward.

It's not the event itself that upsets a man, but his view of it. I accept that the only two things I have any control of our my thoughts and feelings. I can not control her. She's going to do what ahes going to do. I can no more be angry at her for that than a child, or a hurricane.

I have feelings, but I lean into them, let them wash over me, and move through me. That's not always easy and I'm not always successful, but I try.

For the record, I filed and we have no kids. My STBX and I are very unhealthy together. My story and journey isn't yours. But as someone posted above if you have kids then you are their model, as you know, at all times. It's OK to rage, but when and with whom?? Try writing it down, or make a video log (do not post this anywhere). I know this sounds silly but just shout all your thoughts and feelings at a picture of her :)

Do want you have to do be the functional Man you have to be to protect yourself and kid/s. It sucks, but it's part of the life package.

Be safe out there...

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-18T11:58:42+00:00

Turn up your Don't Give a Fuck meter another notch.

Plan your own birthday party, without her. It's the norm.

When she asks you to lunch, just say "No." No other explanation needed. You don't get divorced to remain best friends.

ForbiddenBromance · 2022-05-25T02:45:55+00:00

I have this fear of not being to let go of the anger for the same reasons you described. I have this horrible thought that they enjoy to see you suffer for anything you've done in the past. Well, that's just my situation... And the horrible feeling in the back of my mind

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2022-05-18T06:02:57+00:00

I had to go to therapy 3 times a week to get through. Now I'm down to twice a week with a much better therapist. There's a ton of feelings but I'm not near as angry. Didn't happen over night, that's for sure.

anxious_throw_away33 · 2022-05-18T03:12:05+00:00

I cry almost every night. That’s how I control it.

derelictherds · 2022-05-17T23:31:09+00:00

Stop palling around with "them" and invest in a heavy bag.

northdakotact · 2022-05-18T12:50:14+00:00

Sadly, enormous amounts of nicotine. Nicotine, in very large doses becomes a sedative.

Title	How do you control your anger?
Author	EmotionSix
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	May 17, 2022 10:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/uryfcs/how_do_you_control_your_anger/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-control-your-anger.1209865 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209865

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