Sleep Problems

Noodletrousers · 2023-06-03T09:47:01+00:00

I hate to tell you this, but 4-5 isn’t too shabby. It took me a few months to get more than 1-2 a night. It felt like a terrible spiral and just made everything else that much harder.

Do your absolute best to completely exhaust yourself during the day. Obviously exercise is going to be a ton of help. It also has the added benefits of keeping your mind off of negative thoughts and redirecting you towards making yourself look better. Once we look better, we feel better. If you absolutely hate to, talk to your doctor and get a week or less script for sedatives. Don’t take them for a long time, just a few nights to get back on track.

Gattsama · 2023-06-03T09:48:22+00:00

Hey man. I have/had the exact same thing. In my case, we separated (her request), and I left. I was sleeping like a baby and felt great. I ended up filing about 2mo later and my sleep went to shit immediately after.

I had no trouble falling asleep, but woke up after 4hrs (nearly on the dot). I tried staying up super late, exercise, jacking off / sex, and meds (benadryl, ambien and melatonin). Nothing made any real difference.

I'm 100% certain it's a psychological issue because I was sleeping great prior to filing. Three things helped me (although 1.25 years later and still not 100% back to normal)

acceptance and release. I stopped trying to fight the sleep issue and just accepted that this is my new normal. I would wake up, not get upset, roll back over, and do mediation.
regular exercise and a proper diet.
naps when needed, even if short
if not asleep after 30mins get up. But do nothing activating. Would read medical / tech journals. Or go for a walk.

In my case I went from 4hrs of sleep, can't fall back asleep. To slowly falling back asleep after laying in bed several minutes, with naps sometimes.

And to be honest, I'm still not back to baseline. I might get 7hrs of 'downtime' but still wake 2-4 times in that period. Which is just not the same as continuous sleep.

When not working I now end up going to sleep at 0330-0530 and getting out of bed at 1030-1400. Still wake about twice period sleep period.

Adventurous_Tie_4464 · 2023-06-03T11:19:09+00:00

Sleep is probably the single largest factor for maintaining mental health and clarity. In the CIA they actually teach their candidates that “sleep is critical in a high stress environment” and staying well rested profoundly increases your chances of performing well when under a lot of pressure.

I would recommend a consistent regular bed time, no electronics before bed, no alcohol consumption, no caffeine after noon, and having your own space to sleep with blackout shades and a locked door since you are in a high stress environment. You should consider getting a physical with your doctor and don’t rule out medication if necessary. Getting help for sleep issues will have no bearing on your case as your medical records are privileged. Being exhausted and subsequently short tempered will impact your case so get help if needed.

rb577511 · 2023-06-03T11:46:47+00:00

Are you getting any physical workouts in? It will help. I have found that keeping a window open a bit keeps fresh O² in the room. It helps.

Dadsurvivor317 · 2023-06-03T12:04:38+00:00

Dealing with the same thing now. You’re lucky to be getting 4. I’m averaging 1-3 a night. Sleep at 11 and wake up at 12 or 2. And can’t go back sleep.

Ever-learning271 · 2023-06-03T13:09:29+00:00

Absolutely normal stuff during an abnormal experience….you shouldn’t have to go through this but she doesn’t care…It does get better! The anxiety decreases, your life improves in time…it is all part of your healing process! Focus on you, self-care, meditation, walks in nature… Good Luck❤️‍🩹

DocHolliday80 · 2023-06-03T13:42:33+00:00

I slept meh after she asked for separation April 2022, like 6 hours, but it was enough-ish for me, since I have never slept a lot.

This year, after divorce was final and after I was forced to change my job to for another one in a nearby town that has a 50 min commute, I am sleeping like shit, like 3-4 hours.

I reach Friday night feeling like a zombie, and on Saturday and Sunday I sleep till 11:00 in the morning. I think of myself as a camel sleeper.

I have to take sleeping pills some days, not gonna lie, not the best option, but the least bad option (I prefer a pill than a 1-2 hour night sleep with a 12 hours work shift).

jujumber · 2023-06-03T14:16:38+00:00

Look into Apigenin. It’s the main compound in Chamomile tea that makes you sleepy. You could also bump up the melatonin to 3-5 mg. Ideally though, reset your circadian rhythm by Going outside right when you wake up and look at the sky in the direction of the sun (obviously don’t look directly at it.) Then the next natural benefitial was is to work out hard during the day and make your body tired. This will help sleep and also work as a natural antidepressant.

AirSailer · 2023-06-03T14:24:06+00:00

I've found that learning about your body rhythms during the day and night is super-helpful. Your body is a machine, it needs to be treated as one. Swoop can help you adjust your physical activity during the day to your recovery at night. When those match you are more likely to sleep well and recover properly. I also recommend an O2 ring, this will help you track your oxygen level, and set an alarm should it go below a certain level (I have nine set to buzz under 92). I use sleep meds to help me get to sleep, low dose of course. As others have said, keep a consistent sleep schedule, I prefer to sleep with the sundown/sunup schedule in lieu of blackout shades. No phone an hour before bed. But most importantly, get exercise and no alcohol/weed. If you're overweight then come up with a plan to lose the weight; intermittent fasting worked wonders for me.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-06-03T22:36:34+00:00

This is normal. And it’s also normal for 40 something year olds even without divorce or marital issues. It’s part of aging. Stress makes it worse.

Practicing proper “sleep hygiene” is difficult.

1) stay hydrated but don’t drink too much before bed.

2) don’t eat too late

3) avoid alcohol

4)super dark and super cold room

5) shut off tv, iPad, iPhone etc 1 hr prior to bedtime

6) melatonin, magnesium, passion flower extract, camomile tea, CBD, Gorilla Mode Sleep Aid,

7) meditation

8) yoga nidra (which is just meditative breathing, not actual yoga. Look it up on YouTube)

9) keeping a pad and paper next to bed. If you wake up with multiple thoughts or ideas, just write them

10) eye mask

11) noise machine

12) spend the money and get a good mattress

Kenuven · 2023-06-04T03:47:37+00:00

I had similar issues. 3-5 hrs per night for about 6 months. Occasional crash for 12 hours maybe once every 3 weeks. I went to a couple counseling sessions and the counselor recommended that I start a journal. Any time I had a build of negative thoughts to enter it all into my journal. I haven't had a sleepless night since. It may or may not work but it's definitely worth a try.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-06-05T04:26:15+00:00

I always sleep 4/5 hours.

Plenty of time in the morning to wake up an work out an start the day feeling strong an accomplished.

Mrsmmi2 · 2023-06-03T11:49:23+00:00

I’m over a year out and my sleep isn’t perfect.

First six months I was routinely up at 3 and ruminated with anger. I tired melatonin and sleeping pills with some success. Sleep meditation and breathing exercises helped.

Ruminating and anger are largely gone but still pops in to say hello every once in a while.

Title	Sleep Problems
Author	Any-Dare-7261
Upvotes	11
Comments	21
Date	June 3, 2023 7:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13z5atk/sleep_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/sleep-problems.1221145 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221145

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