Feeling doomed at 26

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-07-28T11:11:42+00:00

Although understandable, it is delusional to think you are used up after a 7 year relationship at 26. I suggest therapy.

Existing-Diver-2069 · 2023-07-28T11:30:47+00:00

You are not 'used up' and your baggage is nothing compared to what other women have. You had no kids with this man and there was no permanent damage done except the emotional healing you now need. Moving forward, the men you date will get over it as long as it's a story you learned from and have placed in the past. Make sure you don't go back to this ex and avoid Misogynists in the future. Just keep a positive outlook. What will attract a guy to you is CONFIDENCE. If you constantly beat yourself up by remembering this 7yr relationship it will eventually turn potential partners off. You're 26. You have some more time.

throwaway253025 · 2023-07-28T12:10:09+00:00

You are only 26, and it’s much better to have gotten out of that relationship before you got married and had kids. Everything will be okay with you. You still have time to find an excellent man and have three or even four kids. I hope you can find a way to heal from this.

Jenneapolis · 2023-07-28T14:29:44+00:00

Do not talk about your previous relationships with other men on dates. Simply don’t. If and when they ask about it, they will usually say something like “when was your last serious relationship” and just answer “oh it ended x months ago, i wish him the best” and then change the topic. If they ask how long you were together, say “7 years but the relationship started when I was 19 and really young so I didn’t really know what I was doing! Lol” and move on to a new topic.

You do not need to go into a lot of detail about how long and bad it was. The worst thing you can do is come off as a bitter ex or try to overexplain or defend yourself about why it ended. If asked just state the facts and try to be positive and brief about it: “it’s over and it’s for the best, I wish him luck” etc. Most guys honestly don’t want to know too many details of your past relationships and most guys at 26 are not thinking “I wonder why he didn’t marry her.”

__CitrusJellyfish · 2023-07-28T11:37:26+00:00

Go to therapy. You’ve got work to do on yourself before you even consider dating again. An emotionally unstable 26 yo is a lot less dateable than an established & emotionally well-adjusted, 30+ year old woman.

CountTheBees · 2023-07-28T11:43:24+00:00

"What do I tell the next guy I date?" -- I don't see why this is such a big deal. Everyone who is dating at 26 is going to have some baggage. Being in one LTR for 7 years is not the red flag you think it is. Even if everything in it went wrong, it still signals loyalty.

No one makes it to that age without having one or more failed relationships or other major baggage that has kept them single that long. I think you are being too harsh on yourself. Go talk to your friends and let them cheer you up. And be glad that you are out of a dead end relationship. Give yourself some time to get over the old relationship and start dating again when you are a bit more upbeat.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-07-28T16:28:56+00:00

He was “alpha”

Hold that thought....

He would call me names, insult me, etc, for years now. ... would bring it up ANYTIME something wasn’t like he wanted it to be. Minuscule things, he’d immediately go into rage mode and insult me.)

This is not Alpha behavior.

what do I tell the next guy I date?

First, you work on yourself before there is a next guy, because you are not ready for the next guy yet.

When there is a next guy, tell him you were in an LTR, the guy turned abusive - you might add here "I know that term gets tossed around a lot, but in this case it's accurate," - so you left, worked on yourself for {amount of time} and now you are ready to start dating again.

It won't be as bad as you imagine, but you have to do the work.

Counter_Proposition · 2023-07-28T14:58:23+00:00

I'm 41 and my wife is 29. We met 2 years ago. Both of us had been married & divorced before we met (no kids from the prior marriages, thankfully). We have our first child on the way now and are overjoyed! :)

I think I was a bit of a rarity in that I was in my late 30s without kids and want them, and I'm a high earner. However, I bet there are a lot of men out there like me. If it suites you, you may want to date slightly older men as we tend to be more serious about having kids and have higher incomes. I mean like mid-late 30s or maybe early 40s, not 50s, TBC.

26 is very young, you'll be fine!

DarceysExtensions · 2023-07-28T12:54:52+00:00

You were only 19 when you got into that relationship. Nobody is going to wonder why it didn’t last. Early 20s are still a time of developing and changing personality and values.

You still have many years ahead of you to get married and start a family. Due to education and careers, more and more women have children later without problems.

Turning 30 is not some magic point where your fertility and desirability suddenly disappear.

Look at women who you admire and see if any of them got married and had children well into their 30s.

For example, age at first marriage: Melania Trump 34 , Kourtney Kardashian 43, Salma Hayek 42…. and the list goes on.

Extra_Flamingo_4774 · 2023-07-29T07:47:31+00:00

Why do you have to necessarily marry if the dating period has been long? Granted you are together to build something together but people do change. Most men do start taking their partners for granted when a certain amount of time has passed and it is best to leave anybody who doesn't value you. At 26, you have a whole world of opportunities available. You need to leave that self-doubt behind.

ClarityByHilarity · 2023-07-28T20:15:10+00:00

You are still incredibly young and have a great chance at starting over. Masculinity can be toxic when it’s being modeled by an idiot. Get some therapy before your next relationship, be choosier, pick better and in the meantime focus totally on yourself. Be the best version of you, be as gorgeous as you can be and get involved in hobbies. Put all that effort you put into that relationship into yourself.

politicalbibliophile · 2023-07-29T01:09:58+00:00

Your not even in your thirties yet, he didn’t leave you with kids. You’re not a single mother. You having been in a long term relationship means your body count likely couldn’t be very high; you’d still be viewed as quite high value by men. Hang in there, your circumstances are a lot better than many women’s.

AlexTrader85 · 2023-07-29T02:07:01+00:00

26!? You got plenty of time!

djdmaze · 2023-07-29T03:53:41+00:00

You’re overreacting. You’re fine, most men will value you. You have emotional baggage, most of us (men and women) do. Cheer up. You could have real baggage and even then you still have a chance at happiness. Lighten up a bit, hope this helps

teaed_up · 2023-07-28T18:40:49+00:00

Hey girl, hmmm, what you're feeling is normal - unfortunately. It's easy to slip in the "I'm never going to be happy or find someone." We're at a weird age where time is very precious, but we also have enough time.

I hope it doesn't come off as too preachy sounding or judgy you were in a 7-year relationship with a not so great person. That actually took up a lot of your formative years. Me at 19 vs. me at 24 vs. me at 26 rn are all different people. It was not a complete change, but I evolved, and after each relationship, I realized a little bit more about who I wasn't.

I got some advice last year that I didn't take, and I'm only now kinda realising it's importance. Learn to be alone and build your foundation. A foundation with self-love and compassion.

This is the preachy part : Are you an HVW? You mentioned being disrespectful to your partner. If you're doing LV ish, you're not going to get HV in return, and even if you did, you probably wouldn't even know what to do with it. You were in an almost decade-long relationship. Who knows what emotional trauma you have had from earlier parts of life that lead you to tolerate a not that great relationship for that long.

You need to take this time to grieve who you were, what you had with this person, and make note of things you didn't like, the ways you dishonoured yourself, what was valuable and contributed to who you are rn. There's light with the dark even in shit relationships. Be alone for a little while 27 or 28 year old you will be happier for it.

I didn't say not to date, if you want to do that, do it but the priority should be you and learning who you are as a 26yr old woman without the confines of that 7yr lug

davidzysk · 2023-07-29T01:58:30+00:00

I'm a man, 28 and my dating prospects feel far more abysmal than yours would be. You don't have a high body count and you don't have kids, that would make a relationship messy. The fact that you were in a relationship for seven years without cheating or being manipulative or toxic is a good thing. It also sounds like it ended amicably, which is a good thing.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-07-30T14:20:03+00:00

I've been on a break from Reddit, but I was perusing and saw this post and wanted to offer some insight.

Like you, I was in a very unhealthy relationship from the time I was a teenager. Unlike you, I was divorced at 23 in the religious South. I thought no man would want me and all my baggage, especially not a high value man with a good job and little baggage himself. I spent the next couple of years improving myself, because I needed improving. I lost weight, did my makeup, worked out, learned to dress and style my hair. I also dated... a lot.

I cannot stress the importance of this enough. If you want to meet someone, marry, have the house and the babies, and you're 26 years old, you need to date. I see so many women here posting about how OLD is trash and high value men aren't on dating apps. 1. That's not true. Everyone's on dating apps. 2. OLD is the most common way people are meeting. Don't cut yourself off from that. However, don't solely rely on swiping from your couch. Get cute. Go to the gym, the park, the disc golf course, the wine tasting your friends want to attend, and be approachable. Go to church if you're religious. Let friends set you up. Do everything you can to expose yourself to new men. That's the heavy. The light is that it really can be fun. As long as you get out there and enjoy the right activities, you'll meet new people and be doing something fun.

I met my husband at 27, married at 29, had my twins at 33, my boy at 35, and am currently off Reddit because I'm trying for my final at 35. You have time. Just don't waste it wallowing in negativity. Take your fresh start.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-07-28T16:13:57+00:00

Therapy or counseling

1uniquerose · 2023-07-29T13:40:04+00:00

First of all I am sorry you stayed so long in this relationship and congrats that you finally left him. It’s understandable that you feel drained and lost faith, I am sorry to hear!

But you just broke up, please focus on yourself rather then think of the next relationship! You are 26, you are soooo young. An acquaintance got pregnant the first time at the age of 41 and got two beautiful babies (they are twins).

Margareydragonslayer · 2023-07-29T22:40:24+00:00

Make a list for why he was not compatible with you! He didnt want kids, he was emotionally abusive, etc etc. You may feel an urge to go back to him at some point as your memory of the bad times fade and memories of the good times remain. If you go back to someone who doesnt treat you right you will lose even MORE time so be proactive and write a letter to your future self who has forgotten all the bad things why she should not go back. Be convincing!

That being said, 26 will be fine. In blue American cities that is basically the time a lot of women begin to think about settling down so you are not behind at all. I think going to therapy is a good idea as well as starting on a program of learning more about yourself - like getting a regular journaling practice down, volunteering, taking up gardening… trying new things in general is a really great way to grow and heal after a breakup. Personally, taking care of plants and the people in my community really help me remember that I’m truly a caring feminine woman even if I don’t yet have a husband or kids. You learned a lot of skills about compromise and self sacrifice and the deepness of love during your seven year relationship that will be really helpful when you become a wife. Focus on rebuilding your sense of self and staying true to your values slowly but surely and you will have plenty of time to find a husband and have those three babies.

First-Ad-4314 · 2023-07-29T04:08:09+00:00

Okay, I'm 30 and I want you to listen to me. I had a 7-year breakup and hit the wall at 27. I won't go into the specifics but 3 months after we broke up he got engaged and married a 19 year old. She then got pregnant quite quickly after. Listen to me, I crawled back over that wall with the determination of never letting myself feel inferior to another woman again. Especially a woman that sleeps with somebody else's boyfriend, then body shames her and kicks her when she's down. You can compete. You're just not sure you can win. As a 30-year-old, with an incredible amount of self worth and perhaps sometimes shaky sense of self-love, I promise you can compete and not just compete you can dominate. Age is just a number girl, I am at my Peak and if I show pictures if you went on speed dating with my 19-year-old self, my 25 year old self, and my 30-year-old self without knowing my age I think a majority would pick the 30-year-old me. I glow from the inside out. I listen when people are talking, I don't get drunk I no my weaknesses and strengths. And I no longer feel the need to over compensate for my weaknesses or hide my strengths. You seem like a very empathetic and sweet person. You seem like the kind of person that is not able to love somebody else and yourself at the same time. I can relate, it's not true they're going to ask why you didn't get married. They're going to ask if you're married they're never going to ask why. I've never been asked why aren't you married? And I would look them dead in the eye and same because it's a statistical mistake. Because love exists without having to boast it in front of everybody. Because I don't need the validation of another person to bring value to the world. 26 is your prime, I don't care what men say about the f****** 25 wall b*******. It's actually been defeated and it's still remains defeated by a lot of women. I am much more desirable now than I was then, they can tell you I'm lying they can tell you it's a cat but it's not. My body is the kind that guess the double take. I learned weight training instead of cardio, and not drinking is incredibly life-changing. Don't let the red pill poison you let it educate you sure, but don't let it poison you

PayFormer · 2023-07-28T23:59:33+00:00

Look at the Kardashian’s, Kourtney is the oldest, 44, and she only recently found the love of her life and is now pregnant with his baby.

Kim is 42 and is now a single mum of 4.

Khloe is 39 and also single with 2 kids.

I know that they’ve got fame and fortune.. but it just shows that age really doesn’t matter in the time that we live in.

Please don’t stress about it. Your time will come but you have to work on loving yourself first before anyone can love you. Because how can anyone love you if you don’t even love yourself.

Have a well deserved break, read loads of self help books, don’t bother with a gym membership just go outside get the vitamin D and do some squats, sit ups, push ups and stretches.

You are over thinking and letting social media poison your mind.

kitterkatty · 2023-07-29T07:59:26+00:00

You’ve got at least another 20 years for kids I’m not joking. If you’re otherwise healthy. My OBGYN has been encouraging me to have more. My mom had an elective hysterectomy at 60 and they told her she had the womb of a 20-something. Before you rush into anything permanent gets thorough evaluation.

mishkaforest235 · 2023-07-29T10:02:50+00:00

Don’t tell him anything until you’re settled into the relationship. He doesn’t need to know - you can share with your friends, a therapist etc.

You want the next guy to think you don’t accept anything other than princess treatment ;).

Scabondari · 2023-07-29T00:35:54+00:00

You can still find someone but I would not mention the emotional abuse part of your previous relationship to your future partners. It's not the future's guy's fault, he can't change what happened and you don't need to advertise past poor decisions

AutoModerator · 2023-07-28T10:52:07+00:00

Title: Feeling doomed at 26

Full text: Hi ladies,

I’m writing to get some support from strangers as I feel that my friends are a bit biased and didn’t necessarily swallow the red pill yet.

I’m 26, I just broke off a 7 year relationship. It turned ugly, emotionally abusive, and it wasn’t good for quite some time. To be honest, probably wasn’t good since the beginning. He was “alpha” but closer to being a misogynist… He would call me names, insult me, etc, for years now. I didn’t have the strength to leave. I kept lying to myself that we were soulmates and that if I just let him blow off steam, it could be good again. (We both disrespected each other greatly, but I was the one who wanted to leave it all in the past and try again with a clean slate, whereas her would bring it up ANYTIME something wasn’t like he wanted it to be. Minuscule things, he’d immediately go into rage mode and insult me.)

So, I finally found the strength and left.

However, I’m feeling desperate. Utterly desperate. I feel old, used up, emotionally drained, I have 0 faith that any HVM will want to be with me after my relationship. After all everyone is gonna ask why didn’t he marry me?

I’m here spiraling, what do I tell the next guy I date? No one wants this kind of baggage. I wish to have a family, at least 3 kids.. I feel like I’m too late.

What do I do?

Thanks to everyone in advance! 🙏🏼

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idkwhoelsetoask · 2023-07-28T19:48:06+00:00

I came on here to write exactly what you shared, except it was 5 years. I’ve been moving on, more successfully than I imagined, but not quite there yet. It’s been almost a year since I left. My issue is that the effects of it haven’t worn off. I feel used up, especially emotionally, and don’t have the capacity to love another person. I want a HVM, but I don’t know. It’s not that easy. I also want kids, but could see myself living out the rest of my life exactly where I am right now. I have a fwb prospect. We’re meeting up on Sunday. I feel like this is what made me realize to what extent I feel emotionally closed off and unavailable.

I apologize, this isn’t the most reassuring thing to read. I just want you to know that I understand how you feel. But I also have a slight and sneaking suspicion that there’s hope for us. We might just need a little time and even more healing.

Tika_tikka · 2023-07-30T03:57:11+00:00

Find a therapist to help you with your self-esteem. You have a beautiful life ahead! Good for you for leaving abusive relationship.

Druidwannabetbh · 2023-07-30T19:48:52+00:00

Okay well first of all, I'm very proud of you for finally making the decision to leave, and I think everyone here will feel the same. Good for you! You didn't deserve any of that and you've taken a step in the right direction. However, you are now suffering from what far too women suffer from after such a relationship. Your self-esteem has been absolutely ruined by this jackass.

Don't try to jump right into the dating pool, just don't. Take some time for yourself. You need to rebuild your confidence and your self-esteem. Nothing he said about you is true, you are amazing and beautiful and lovely and everything is going to be fine. But hearing that from a stranger won't work. You have to convince yourself.

Edit: also, you're in your mid-20s, girl. Older guys will be all over you. In the near future. You have to repair the damage the jackass did first. And trust me, you want an older guy. Not much older, not gross older. But older. You do not want a guy your age, I promise you. I promise you. Im 32 and my fiance is 40. We started dating when I was 28 and I have no regrets. He's a stud who's starting to show a little salt with his pepper (men in his family go grey early but keep their hair forever) and I'm absolutely head over heels for it. In more ways than one

Title	Feeling doomed at 26
Author	Long-Astronomer-6870
Upvotes	54
Comments	56
Date	July 28, 2023 10:52 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15bu2b8/feeling_doomed_at_26/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/feeling-doomed-at-26.1226742 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226742

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