Have you changed anything in your appearance to better your relationship?

StructureNo3388 · 2023-08-31T07:51:00+00:00

I changed a lot to suit my ex is a past relationship. Nails, dyed my hair blonde, wore more revealing clothes than I was comfortable with,, and he was always dropping hints about the possibility of a boob job.

I felt like I sold out a bit, to be honest. I didn't feel like myself. We broke up for other reasons.

It's all about how it feels for you I suppose. My current partner has a more similar style to myself. I enjoy feeling like I can dress up for him, I don't feel objectified. I notice what things he compliments and wear more of those.

If you feel uncomfortable with your hair, nails, lashes, or the thought of extensions... listen to your gut. It's your body after all, and at the end of the day you don't want these changes to breed resentment.

Deliaallmylife · 2023-08-31T15:44:20+00:00

I feel almost bad?

I had a meltdown one day in my 20s because I had fake nails, fake (dye) hair, wore make up, altered my height with heels and I forget what else. I felt like if everything about my outside was changed in some way then how could I be a real person.

And now that I'm older I laugh at my younger self.

I laugh because the outside package is not the whole of who you are. Highlighting your hair shouldn't change your sense of self. Doing it for a guy is exactly what you called it "a little treat". If you look in the mirror and hate something, then by all means don't do it. Or if you have a job where acrylic nails are forbidden, then go ahead and say no. But otherwise, you are still you regardless of the packaging and I see nothing wrong with being in the prettiest gift wrap you can manage.

Things I've done over the years because it makes my husband happy: wearing heels, highlighting my hair, getting my nails done, waxing, make up, keeping long hair, getting a tattoo, getting things pierced. And I don't do everything anymore for various reason many beauty treatments come and go.

And I'll add that my husband keeps in shape and is well groomed. He generally keeps the facial hair that I like. He dresses in colors that i've told him I like him in.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with maintaining your looks for the person that you intend to have sex with for the rest of your life.

ForeverMaleficent993 · 2023-08-31T12:33:55+00:00

No. I asked my partner for hair colour recommendations and he showed me a really cool style. However i think a man suggesting a woman modifies anything is absurd. If you feel comfortable with it then it's completely fine however.. There's a difference between healthily helping each other look our best vs trying to change a person. Especially invasive things like surgery. Making your partner insecure is pretty evil.

Deliaallmylife · 2023-08-31T07:51:17+00:00

I get my nails done and I never used to. I have full laser all over my body so I'm hairless. I have my hair changed every couple of months. I've also had a fat transfer to have more even breasts. Not that my breasts bothered him, but for my own confidence which is what he likes.

He doesn't like fake lips even though I really want to do them and becauae he doesn't like them I won't do it.

Having said all of this if it was something I didn't want to do I wouldn't do it. Extensions require upkeep. What a pain lol

pieorstrudel5 · 2023-08-31T13:33:29+00:00

The only thing I do specifically for my LTR is keep my hair long. I would prefer collar bone length hair because my hair is so thick and wild. With it being so long I have to have a pretty extensive routine to keep it healthy. It takes way more time than I care to talk about. Even my stylist told me I take more time to color and style out of all her clients. Eventually I will probably do a big chop and grow it back out. The only other thing I did.... I started wearing press on nails this summer (for me, not him) and at first I was wearing the shortest ones I could find. Then one night he said "they look nice, but you should go longer." So I did!

Have I become more feminine over the years with him by my side? 5000%. But that also has to do with becoming comfortable with my true self and my personal style.

christinaaamariaaa · 2023-08-31T09:00:24+00:00

I’ve changed nothing but he’s never asked me to change anything.. i think if he did I’d feel icky

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-08-31T11:38:36+00:00

I don’t think you should feel bad as long as you like and enjoy the things you’re doing. I’ve gotten stuff done/changed stuff based on knowing he would like something better, but it was always something I liked/wanted too, or was neutral about and open to trying something new. For instance I got LASIK because of an ex encouraging me. It was something I was always vaguely interested in and he gave be the push to do it, and I love it! On the flip side, he also wanted me to wear heels all the time, and while I like the idea of that, I do so much walking everyday, that it really wasn’t feasible.

I think if he suggests something and you have a negative reaction, it’s not worth doing, but if you feel interested or just neutral, why not try it and see how you like it? Personally it can feel extremely rewarding to follow his direction in appearance as long as he shows his appreciation and takes pride in how you look. I think there can be some mental hurdles in that area because we are taught that we are only supposed to dress and make ourselves up for ourselves, but I love doing things that he appreciates and if he appreciates me looking a certain way I want to do my best to do that for him, because that makes me feel good.

Ok-Promotion-861 · 2023-08-31T15:58:01+00:00

I do my hair how he likes and wear glasses over contacts now because he likes it and honestly it’s helped me be confident in my glasses as well

foxesgloves · 2023-08-31T16:31:51+00:00

I changed a lot for what my ex liked which was this very alternative, goth style. I dyed my hair florecent colours or black how he liked and I felt like a fraud

My current boyfriend doesn’t care what I wear. I ask his opinion on some things and he generally seems to like what I like, sometimes he’ll point out he particularly liked something I wore (usually dresses, if I dress up a bit that really catches his attention). He’s not bothered about makeup hair or anything. I also like that he will dress up with me if we’re going out somewhere nice. I like that he’ll just throw his jeans and boots on if we’re going on a hike, I feel like such a lady now. I’d be waiting around for an hour with my ex for him to fix his hair and put eyeliner on just to walk the dog or pop to the shop and it drove me mad

mi7711 · 2023-08-31T18:12:53+00:00

Yes. He honestly doesn't seem to care how I look, whether it's a sexy short dress, full makeup or his oversized t-shirt, no makeup. He might actually even prefer the latter. Nails, makeup, outfits are all things I do "for myself".

But still, I like to look good, so I've been doing some things and had a little glow up these past 2 years while in a relationship. The only change he definitely enjoyed was me going to the gym and building some glutes. I'm definitely not finished with my glow-up plan, though, so hopefully I'll become a trophy wife soon, haha

The only thing he openly expressed he'd like to change (a few times) is hair - I love my long hair, I take great care of it, want to grow it even longer, and would never chop it. I used to have shorter hair and I looked much worse than I do now, it wasn't flattering at all. My guess is, a woman he liked before me wore her hair short, so...

He also seemed to be pro- breast augmentation, which I'm completely on-board about (asked about his opinion myself). I'm wishing to get it in a year or two.

Margareydragonslayer · 2023-08-31T22:24:15+00:00

Yeah! I “nudge” my sense of style in the direction that my boyfriend likes. I would never push myself into wearing something that I hated or even disliked, but in areas where I’m neutral I’ll opt for the choice that I know he likes a bit more. For example, wearing a dress that’s a tiny bit shorter than what I would pick out for myself, or wearing glasses instead of contacts which I find to be less hassle. I think it’s natural and healthy to want to change your appearance a little (a little) to make your partner happy.

I’ve gone through periods though where the thought of changing anything about my appearance for another person feels bad. I still am at a maturity level where my inner feelings influence my appearance and my appearance influence my inner feelings - on some days I really, really need to connect with myself and recenter so that’s when I skip doing anything about my appearance for anyone else. That usually happens around the time of a big decision or during a particularly stressful period. Otherwise, I think it’s totally fine to change your appearance a little for a long-term partner.

Consistent_Sleep_341 · 2023-08-31T23:48:53+00:00

I’m in the opposite situation. I like fake things (lashes nails filler want a boob job in the future etc), but bf just likes everything natural (supposedly anyway). Like someone else said, it’s important to listen to our gut. It’s natural for us to want to please and be attractive to the men we are with, but we must prioritize doing that for ourselves first

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-09-01T00:53:34+00:00

Oh gracious. Don't feel bad! That extra bump in your man's physical attraction for you has all sorts of pleasant consequences for everyone.

Enjoy the pamper process and enjoy his increased interest.

Also hi, fellow thin-hair haver! Funnily enough, my husband says he has no desire for me to change my hair despite my offering. I want to experiment anyway. Not because I want a different color or anything. What I want is to see if my hunch is right and he'd enjoy a color and/or extensions change... or at least the novelty for a while. There's probably a lot of guys out there who would find being married to a blonde one year and a brunette the next fun.

So far the biggest change I've made that I would never had done otherwise is from weight-training in the gym. He enjoys a thicker look in bodily areas that is the opposite of what was "in" when I was younger, and I think I had body ideals from a different decade implanted in my pubescent brain. I think we both see aesthetic improvement as an extension of everything else we do for sexual excitement. You wouldn't feel shame for trying new lingerie or new positions, and something like extensions is really the same thing at the end of the day.

Ok-Coat7665 · 2023-09-01T02:11:06+00:00

As long as you’re not making changes that are uncomfortable, unhealthy, or unreasonably burdensome, I don’t think you should feel bad. And it’s not like he pressures you to do something extreme that conflicts with your values or ruins the look you prefer for yourself. (Also, if you ever get tired of extensions, you can make your hair thicker with a scalp rinse that stimulates hair growth)

flower_power_g1rl · 2023-09-01T05:35:58+00:00

Yes. I love long nails and take pride in them. But, when I started dating my boyfriend he says he much prefers short nails. After asking me several times to cut them short, I now keep them short. He is happy when I come back from a manicure and they're on the shorter side. Obviously I still like long nails, but it wasn't worth him asking me several times to cut them.

I love red lipstick. I used to wear it almost daily. But my boyfriend told me he detests it. He prefers natural makeup. At first I was upset, and kept wearing red lipstick. But he kept asking me to go more natural. Now my solution is that I wear red lipstick on days I know I'm not going to see him.

Generally, I prefer myself more with short hair. I feel so bland when it's long! While my boyfriend never commented negatively on my hair, if he ever asks me to grow it out, I'm likely to refuse.

You have to decide what you will and won't budge on. It's okay if it takes you a long time to know what are those things. Just see after a while if you get used to the change and forget about it (like me with the nails) or if the uneasiness doesn't go away.

krr14 · 2023-09-01T14:52:19+00:00

I got lash extensions pretty regularly, very natural and light. My partner would joke “lashes are a waste of money men don’t even notice them” yet he’s telling me how good I look right after waking up in the morning. They just make you look more put together but can look awful if too big or not done by a good professional.

jewelsuwu · 2023-09-03T02:39:25+00:00

When I'm dating or seeing someone I grow my nails and manicure them more often (when not I simply trim them as short as possible very often as to get them out of my way), not just because they look nice but because I think they're a good element to add to intimate time, tracing on their skin or scratching the back of a man's head can be such a relaxing thing.

OkEstablishment6463 · 2023-08-31T21:34:08+00:00

Just do what makes your husband hot for you. Don’t think so much about it

AutoModerator · 2023-08-31T06:46:16+00:00

Title: Have you changed anything in your appearance to better your relationship?

Full text: Not talking about weight- I want to keep that one out since I feel like it can be a controversial topic.

I mean more on other areas i.e hair, nails, dress style, etc.

Lately I’ve been getting lashes(natural classic) and my nails done (short oval shaped acrylic) because my husband loves the look. I’m not not a fan but I’m also not a diehard on these things. I do enjoy ‘ getting them done’ but that’s it.

We talked about getting hair extensions as he loves the look of thick hair. It was a passing comment not a ‘you must do this’ btw but I do want thicker hair, it’s always been an insecurity of mine and I’ve had extensions in the past.

But now.. I feel almost bad? I have lashes, nails, hair…. Should I feel bad? Lol have you changed anything to give your partner a little treat?

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chrissycash · 2023-08-31T09:22:27+00:00

My boyfriend always says I look great when we meet up and especially when I’m dressed modestly / conservatively but when I spend the night and he sees me without makeup he says I look beautiful. I am working on wearing less makeup in general and around him but it’s really hard for me to go without any makeup. Most of it goes on my eyes as mascara, eye liner, and eye shadow with a small amount of concealer and blush

Fae_Leaf · 2023-08-31T17:31:04+00:00

I personally don't, but I've always been about being as natural as possible. My hair is pretty vanilla, and I don't wear make-up. But I do like to dress in outfits that are cute, particularly linen dresses and skirts. My husband loves how I look and appreciates that I'm not "all done up with artificial stuff."

I have been growing my hair out as long as possible now because I feel more feminine that way.

I also eat and live a very clean lifestyle because nourishing your body will help your weight, body composition, and hair/skin/nail health. And being healthier will slow how much you visibly age. You can definitely eat to become more beautiful.

CurrencyFearless250 · 2023-08-31T20:07:48+00:00

I wore sexier lingerie, cut my hair, straightened my hair.. that was pretty much it

Consistent_Sleep_341 · 2023-08-31T23:47:18+00:00

Just curious, how long do ur natural classics last? I get volume (trying to go down to hybrid tho bc $$) but my classics would be gone in like a week

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2023-09-01T20:19:57+00:00

I take great pleasure in pleasing my husband. If I ask for his opinion on something like hairstyle or clothes, he always tells me I'm beautiful... but when he comments on something unprompted, I know he really likes it. So I make an effort to often wear the clothes he really likes, wear hairstyles he finds cute, dress up when we go out, etc. It's easy because we have similar tastes anyway. I wouldn't completely alter my style for him, but why not choose something I know he likes?

LoveWitchXo · 2023-09-03T16:42:42+00:00

I took out all my piercings from when I was a cringey teenager. I look so much prettier now in my opinion

Title	Have you changed anything in your appearance to better your relationship?
Author	LocalCap5093
Upvotes	30
Comments	54
Date	August 31, 2023 6:46 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1663h1y/have_you_changed_anything_in_your_appearance_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/have-you-changed-anything-in-your-appearance-to.1229917 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229917

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