I am pretty new to MRP and currently in the anger phase. I’m on a solo trip at the moment and am generally trying to work on myself and my other relationships. She misses me when I’m gone and seeks my attention. However, she has mentioned that she feels like our spark has faded and that she wants to feel butterflies. I know that all of this reflects me losing both my alpha and my beta over the last several years. I’ve fixed the beta (used to be irresponsible) and am working on fixing the alpha. I used to be quite romantic, confident, and active and am trying to bring that back in a more mature version.

My wife approached me a few days ago saying that she has done some googling. She feels that she has some resentment toward me from things that happened earlier in our relationship. She found a “couples forgiveness ritual” online that she wants to do together, and insists that this is an important step for her to deal with her resentment. She can also tell that I have resentment and wants me to open up as well. We basically are supposed to talk a lot, light some candles, and get rid of some “symbolic objects” from bad times in our relationship.

I told her that I would rather move on and make positive memories instead, but she really wants this. However, I’m in the anger phase and also don’t think that feelz will come from this kind of talk vs. self-improvement. Hell, last year, I was doing well in self-improvement and her feelings for me came back in full force, no big ritual needed. Plus, I’m angry/resentful enough that I don’t want to open my cap and spill out all of this rage and bitterness. I think it would be negative for me.

Yet, she wants to do this as soon as possible and really thinks she needs this. She says that her goal is to have a closure conversation about these previous issues and then move on without so much conflict and tension in our relationship. She wants things to feel easy which is fair, as we have argued a lot over the last few years. I don’t think she means anything bad. I believe she is genuinely trying to reconnect. She has also recently hit the gym (after I did) and is sending me a lot of updates on her progress.

I’m a little stuck and looking for advice. Again, I’m new, and learning fast but still working on things. I am planning to hardcore follow my MAP for the next six months and then evaluate divorce. I’m considering doing the ritual with a plan in place for what I’d like to say, going for less rather than more, but I’m not sure.