Ex is NPD and has to always see herself as coming out on top of every interaction. Every communication whereby either I or her wants follows the same template. I will use the latest negotiation as an example:

Ex: "You had Christmas last year, I want Christmas this year."

Me: "Okay you can have my Christmas, and because I didn't have Thanksgiving last year (since you were withholding her), we can swap these holidays. We can also swap the days before the holiday, so you can have Thanksgiving eve and me Christmas eve."

Me (thinking): Aaah surely she'll agree to this, its a win-win! I'm so glad I can be constructive and think of creative solutions despite her trying to F me over at every opportunity.

Ex: "I already made plans for Thanksgiving, she's having her friends over and besides you got those make-up days back [through a contempt motion]... [Insert a paragraph of bullshit why narcissist should get what she is asking for because she is exceptional and I am less deserving]."

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The template can be broken down as such:

Ex: I want X. (Zero consideration, problem solving or creativity)

Me: Okay you can get X, if I get the reciprocal benefit. (Offers multiple, thoughtful proposals that consider both sides).

Ex: No, I reject all your proposals. I deserve X because selfish reasons 1, 2 and 3. (No counter proposals, if there is one, is only significantly advantageous to only her).

I am wasting too much time and mental energy on this, I have to break this cycle.