So long story short, we opened up our marriage a couple years ago because wife realized she repressed that she was gay to some degree and I wanted to support her exploring. She went through one girl and now is with someone she is leaving me for. Through the last 2 years there were many times she treated me very badly while I supported her. At the end she used past issues as an excuse for how she treated me, but later regretted it all and apologizes, but it was a lot of coldness and things said that hurt, while giving me some hope so I put up with it. Now she realizes she is too gay to stay with me and wants a slow transition. We have a child and will be telling him after the holidays. She is visiting her right now. It's a nightmare.

She has been a stay at home mom since she was pregnant. I always supported it, even when it did not make much sense when he was in school. She always talked about getting a job as an aide at his or another school but never did. She got to stay home (took care of household things like paying bills and shopping, things to do with our son, but rarely any cleaning) where she talked and who knows what with her long distance lovers. Now I am afraid I will have to pay her money when she has gotten to live this life where she had hours of free time. Again, she feels very bad for how she treated me during this time, but not sure how she will be when we actually go through divorce.

Should I wait for her to get a job (probably some entry level retail or a nanny job) before we actually divorce, or will that not affect anything?