Men who feel that their wife settled for them as a safe option

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-27T04:56:08+00:00

In the West, women rarely marry a man that she did not desire enough for sex to be more desirable than no sex. In the beginning. That is the thing, this desirability is on a continuum. Usually there is enough attraction, combined with novelty and youthfulness, that in the beginning there is desire--maybe not the most she has ever felt for a guy, but enough that she wants sex with him sometimes.

So it's more about the trajectory of her lust as the relationship goes on. And when lust and desire tank below the level at which sex with the man is a net positive, it can be hard to diagnose the causation. If he had been more of a Chad, would desire have stayed above that threshold for longer? If she hadn't slept with hotter guys, would that have changed things? By how much? Or are inequities in domestic labor to blame? Or has one partner let themselves go? Or both? Is it just the removal of the novelty factor? Is it women's programming for 3-7 year serially monogamous relationships rearing its head? It can be hard to know. Women can get to the point where they also don't want to fuck the Chad they married as well.

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AdEffective7894s · 2023-12-27T10:56:02+00:00

Look ... Our cultural context is different and that means it needs to be interpreted through that lens

Reading things online and getting radicalised by trp is the last thing you need to do right now. Especially since you are married.

In terms of advice try dating your wife (because the normal sequence of things is topsy turvy in Arranged marriage settings especially yours)

Take her out to things you both enjoy so that you dont feel .... Resentful about the effort you put in.

Try getting her into things you like and get into the things she likes

Go to the gym and work out to burn off the excess energy and to channel your angst somewhere.

Don't approach all Interactions as if you are trying to get to sex. Just try to understand her.

Be the best husband you can, not to simp but to atleast be honest if you ever say " I did everything I could to make it work" and that means no overt pressure and no jibes.

Work on your friendship with her. Try to get invested and get her invested. This is decidedly different than the nice guy playbook of being her friend while wanting sex because you are married. The subtext of this typically being a romantic relationship exists even if you are not insistent on sex.

Invest in your own life, be busy and let her be an auxiliary within that life rather than the center peice. She need to earn her position.

Accept within your mind that your marriage might fail.... And that's ok ... Sit with that thought. And reach a place where even if it does happen you aren't resentful.

And always keep contingencies in mind.

Barely-moral · 2023-12-27T03:20:00+00:00

Not married. 10 year relationship with no intention to marry and my partner is aware of it.

How soon into your marriage did you get this feeling?

Not a feeling. A fact. And since day one. I picked miss moral because she was rational enough to understand that I am the best option she will ever have. Sure she could try to go after someone better. No one better will consider her as an option.

How do you feel about it?

I don't feel. I think. As long as both of us are getting what we want out of the relationship then the relationship will continue.

How do you deal thinking she isn't physically attracted to you?

Identify her definition of attractive. Move in that direction. Continue moving in that direction. She fulfills her part of the deal, it is fair I do the same.

Title	Men who feel that their wife settled for them as a safe option
Author	MaleFrustration
Upvotes	20
Comments	44
Date	December 27, 2023 2:34 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18rpi78/men_who_feel_that_their_wife_settled_for_them_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-who-feel-that-their-wife-settled-for-them-as-a.1241629 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241629

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