Extremely different sleeping habits

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-01-30T15:33:30+00:00

HOW newly married are you? We slept like crap the first week of being newlyweds. It just took a little bit for our bodies to register another body as normal. Fortunately we didn't have work.

Right now it's separate bedrooms. There's a baby, and instead of us both waking repeatedly in the night, he's not sleep deprived at all and my fully functioning hero during the day while I tend to the newborn at night. We are getting close to the baby sleeping through the night and moving her to a crib, at which point we will be in the same bed again.

If separate bedrooms sounds terrible (it IS really, really nice to cuddle to sleep together) one or both of you can start sleep training yourself to match the other. Maybe y'all end up with a 10pm bed time with music in your headphones and white noise in his, and he makes his body adjust to a normal amount of movement in the bed while you reduce it. Sensitive sleeping dissipates quite quickly if you force it. Your body needs sleep too much. But this is a conversation to have to get on the same page about goals!

Mommy_Koala · 2024-01-30T17:51:45+00:00

If you plan on having kids, I would recommend learning to sleep next to one another. I’m not a huge fan of the idea of separate bedrooms when kids are involved.

If your husband is that light of a sleeper, make sure he goes to bed cough cough exhausted.

I tend to have worry brain at night when my head hits the pillow too. It’s worse if I haven’t been eating well or working out, and if i’ve had too much caffeine too late in the afternoon. I don’t watch any TV and I try to read for an hour or so before bed and that helps a lot. Anxiety can be managed. Figure out your triggers and try making some lifestyle adjustments.

This is going to be a learning curve, but I would be exhausting all options before sleeping separate. The idea of spouses losing the intimacy that comes from sleeping in the same bed really bums me out.

RatchedAngle · 2024-01-30T13:34:19+00:00

Separate bedrooms.

I’m considering this with my husband. He has RLS and it keeps me awake. Also, he likes to stay up later than me and it wakes me up when he comes into the room.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Plus, with separate bedrooms you can sneak into each other’s rooms and feel like teenagers again which reignites the spark. Win-win.

blueberrypanda1 · 2024-01-30T13:35:16+00:00

Do your have a guest bedroom? My husband likes to sleep in total quiet, and he often snores. If the snoring is loud enough then I can’t sleep, and like you, I like sleeping to the sound of rain or a fan.

So our comprise is that we sometimes sleep in separate bedrooms and sometimes in one bedroom together. It works out great for us. Maybe it’s worth considering?

willowaverie · 2024-01-30T15:45:55+00:00

It takes time for your bodies to get comfortable sleeping next to one another with your differences. I was 100% your husband and my husband was exactly like you with needing sound. We compromised and switched on and off for a bit then I actually compromised more so and now have an air purifier I love hearing to help me sleep. I do love silence still. And if I truly need silence my husband will figure it out. It’s all about compromise and retraining yourselves to new sleeping patterns if you wish to sleep in the same room. Either someone surrenders, or you guys tackle it as a team. New form of sleep training you could consider it

FancyPants882 · 2024-01-30T22:49:07+00:00

There's a lot of good advice here already that I won't repeat, but I'd also like to add this: have you tried to resolve the anxiety and fear of the dark you're experiencing? There are a lot of strategies and techniques out there to assist with this.

Is it possible that you are procrastinating going to bed due to the fear you experience? Perhaps if you try to tackle the anxiety you could find yourself going to bed at the same time as your husband, and falling asleep quickly (hence less moving around) and without the need for soothing auditory distractions from anxious thoughts.

basedtrader_dev · 2024-01-30T19:45:05+00:00

Why don't you just ignore the thoughts? You're giving the thoughts more power than they deserve simply because you label them as "MY" thoughts. They're not your thoughts at all

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2024-01-30T20:51:01+00:00

Where’s the compromise? My bf knows I love sleeping with nature sounds tho he wouldn’t chose them on his own. He turns them on for me every night. If he gets up in the middle of the night he knows I don’t like pitch dark either so he leaves a little light on. Your husband needs to step up and take you into consideration too. Being RPW doesn’t mean you don’t get a voice or that your needs just get ignored.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-30T13:00:46+00:00

Title: Extremely different sleeping habits

Author EquivalentHuman7658

Full text: I (22F) and my husband (23M) have very different habits . I: tend to tuck in later . Busy myself with whatever until 11 or 12. Put on music or rain sounds and drift to sleep with the fan on. My husband: sleep at 9-10 needs it pitch dark and completely silent and I cannot move in the bed whatsoever.

This was whatever when we where dating for naps cause I was just so in love however we are New married and I’m concerned . It’s currently 7 am and I haven’t slept a wink and he is annoyed cause I keep moving and he has work at 9.

I like to play music or keep the tv going to tune out my thoughts cause I have bad anxiety and tend to over think. I also have a childish fear or the dark so it’s hard for me. I feel bad keeping him up but when I try to sleep I start over thinking and fear and scary thoughts of the dark keep me up.

What should I do🥹

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cbunni666 · 2024-01-30T13:59:02+00:00

I would say start sleeping separate. I know it sounds unorthodox but it helps with a lot of couples that deal with the same problem. Either two separate beds or two rooms.

Noressa · 2024-01-30T16:35:23+00:00

My husband has a sleep disorder, so we rarely sleep together at the same time. I sleep and need a ton of blankets, he uses far fewer, that's the easy part to fix. We ended up getting a cal king bed to allow us both to have "enough" space on the bed. Finally, if someone is simply coughing too much, or is sick and is getting up and down most of the day, we have a guest bedroom and one or the other of us sleeps there (the sick person usually gets the big/comfy bed). If that doesn't work for you, I know getting two twins that are close but not quite next to each other also can work.

neoslicexxx · 2024-01-31T05:23:26+00:00

A king bed, ear plugs, eye masks resolve a lot of issues, but if not, sleep separately.

LiteratureOk7716 · 2024-01-31T06:36:21+00:00

How about investing in an easy chair, and moving to that when you get up, staying off the bed still your husband gets up? Stick a pair of headphones around your head, enjoy your music, podcasts, or whatever and move around at will.

Title	Extremely different sleeping habits
Author	EquivalentHuman7658
Upvotes	8
Comments	21
Date	January 30, 2024 1:00 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1aenv2z/extremely_different_sleeping_habits/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/extremely-different-sleeping-habits.1244178 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244178

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