It finally clicked for me why complimenting a woman for her beauty isn't very effective.

Ben_KickassAcademy · 2013-01-20T21:41:18+00:00

For what it is worth, I don't think it is that she doesn't believe it or thinks you are being polite. If she is hot, she knows it.

I think the real reason is two-fold. First, if she's a hot girl, she's heard it a million times before. It's not special and it gets boring to hear after a while.

Second, it's that she thinks you're acting like every other guy that wants to fuck her for her looks and doesn't give a shit about who she is or what is going on in her head. You aren't making her work for your approval at all, or making her demonstrate that she's awesome. A hot girl is going to be attracted to someone who demands more of her than just looking good, and actually has standards for her personality. By complimenting her looks too soon, you aren't doing that.

Once you have her in bed and have connected with her as a person, feel free to compliment her looks to your heart's content (especially when she's naked. Everyone likes to hear compliments when they are naked).

TL;DR If she is hot, she knows it, and has been told it by tons of dudes in her life. It makes you seem low value or value seeking.

Almost_A_PUA · 2013-01-20T21:04:18+00:00

I think it depends on weather you're doing daygame or nightgame. In nightgame, giving a compliment on looks is definitely not gonna work because they're expecting it and its generic. But during the day a woman in not expecting a random guy to come up to them and compliment them on their beauty, so it has a lot more impact. Yeah it definitely better to compliment them on their style or preference in whatever, and I think if you do both ("Hey I just saw you walk by and I wanted to come say that I think you're very beautiful and I love your style") it's a lot more effective, mainly because you're making your intention known while complimenting something they have control over (like sense of fashion, etc).

mypuaaccount1984 · 2013-01-20T23:16:37+00:00

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with complimenting a girl. Anything you read on direct game will support this. What's important is the intention behind the compliment. Don't say it with the expectation that it will get you a reaction. And make sure you qualify her for something other than her looks after the compliment, learn more about her and verify she's a person you'd like to know. Making your intentions known immediately is very good at generating attraction quickly, because it's bold and shows massive confidence. I think the rule of never complimenting a girl applies more to beginners because they don't have the confidence to carry the frame of a confident man introducing himself to a woman he finds attractive with the intention of getting to know her. Sure, girls hear they are hot all the time, but they also hear "cool hat" or whatever lame ass situational opener is being used on them, and if you think she doesn't know that you don't give a fuck about her hat, then you're fooling yourself. She knows exactly why you came over.

My standard day game opener is:

"Excuse me, I know this is very forward [long pause] but you are fucking gorgeous [another pause] and I knew I'd be kicking myself all day if I didn't come over and introduce myself. I'm mypuaaccount1984". [Extend my hand and hold the frame. Hold eye contact and don't move until she takes my hand and says her name]. Edit: Also, hold eye contact from the moment you open your mouth all the way until she introduces herself and you start chatting.

There's a heavy element of romance to this, girls love that. It generally builds interest right away and will get you in a conversation. You get instant credit just for having the balls to approach a stranger in such a direct manner, and put yourself in such a vulnerable position. However, that's all it gets you. You then have to follow through. When I've failed with this it's because of incongruence after the opener. IE. I present myself as a confident man unafraid to pursue what he wants, and then my nervousness betrays that I'm not that guy. But I'm working on becoming that guy. I love direct game, it's exhilarating. And women like it too, anyone who tells you they don't hasn't done it correctly.

ARealSocialIdiot · 2013-01-20T21:50:10+00:00

Other people have said it already, but I agree that the primary reason it doesn't work is because they get complimented on their looks all the time. This is the chief reason that negs were invented: they enable you to say something to a woman that catches her attention precisely because it's different from what they always tend to hear from guys.

I like to adhere to this rule of thumb: treat beautiful women like they're smart and smart women like they're beautiful. It does wonders because it puts a focus on a side of their personality that most people don't pay as much attention to, and it makes them feel like you really understand them.

Fey_fox · 2013-01-20T20:33:46+00:00

Complimenting a girl on her looks is fine, but it's standard. If you want to interest her, compliment something that she likes, of has done, or express interest in something she likes.

I'm an average looking chick, and there's a blatant difference between a guy using compliments to try to get a fuck and a guy who wants to seduce me specifically. Generic comments won't work, I would only fuck a guy who used stupid lines like that if I had already decided to fuck him, & that would be a one time only deal most likely. But a guy who wants me is a bigger turn on, and the best way to do that is to single her out as an individual. Compliment her taste in beer, or ask about her interests, make her feel special as a person, not as a pretty walking fleshlight with boobs you want to hump.

Avacell · 2013-01-20T20:55:45+00:00

Thanks!! For explaining this. I couldn't understand the concept of that after reading it so much on this sub. So I finally understand and I can finally change up what I say to seem more interesting.

2013-01-21T05:11:25+00:00

It's the difference between complimenting someone on something they didn't earn and something they worked for.

playfulpenis · 2013-01-21T01:58:00+00:00

It really depends on the girl. Find out what her insecurities are and then provide a salve for it. She'll be dependent and addicted to you because you fill her psychological void, whatever it is.

Some girls feel ugly, some girls feel stupid. Make them feel good about these respective voids and they'll love you.

ZiRALiX · 2013-01-21T05:24:07+00:00

Am I the only one who would rather be complimented on my face than my clothes?

I can always put on different clothes...

well_deserved_karma · 2013-01-21T08:01:47+00:00

In this thread:

Guy has the revolutionary thought of being empathetic.

Sadly it is too uncommon, and that's why we--and I--need game/seduction, to realize basic shit like this.

blueatlanta · 2013-01-21T12:22:16+00:00

not to mention that by the time you go up to her to tell her that shes pretty, 14 other guys have already said those exact same words to her that day/night.

teddy_ · 2013-01-21T13:04:21+00:00

I don't really agree at all, seeing as women like to be desired, and showing you are interested gives them that affect. But as long as you feel like you stumbled upon something here.

tie_me_down · 2013-01-21T14:41:01+00:00

Girls opinion here- you're right. Our folks say the generic "you look pretty/beautiful" to us. Try focusing on something, if they're fit, you're so toned! Do you work out?

This sort of compliment is hard to pull off without seeming a bit creepy, so make sure you can always follow it up with something else complimentary, like if you hit on a girl who is a bit overweight, don't comment on her body because she'll rebut with something like "yeah I hide weigh well but I'm actually xxxlbs. And you just don't want to know that!

lainzee · 2013-01-22T07:56:46+00:00

100% this. I've tried to post something similar to this several times but I don't know whether I've succeeded before. Complements on my eyes or face or whatever I just don't know what to do with - okay I have gorgeous eyes through no effort on my behalf, I guess I say thanks and that's it. I didn't choose my eyes.

On the other hand I put a lot of effort into my hair/makeup/outfit/accessories before I go out. I do this partially because I want to look good when I go out, but also partially to attract guys. If you notice anything about that (or even pretend you do) I'm going to appreciate it, and feel more receptive, and it may even offer potential lines of conversation. And I mean we both know that you wouldn't be complementing my dress if it was being worn by someone who weighs 200lbs, but it feels more like you're complementing me personally rather than looking at me like a piece of meat.

2013-06-04T13:42:15+00:00

a hot advice, a person he/she is damn interesting after you talked for a while but only of course if you really mean it. liars are really easily detected. believe me, this is a bomb of a compliment if really meant far more than saying something about how you look like.

2013-01-20T23:14:38+00:00

All i really learned from this is that your self-image isn't good enough to accept a compliment.

2013-01-21T05:06:04+00:00

I kind of disagree OP!

The way you have come to your conclusion is wrong.

Why the fuck would you assume that a girl thinks the same way as you? Men and women think differently.

looks are very important to women. you know that as a man, it's not your looks that attracts women, but your behaviour. for a woman, it is different, it IS her looks. you're lying to yourself, or just succumbing to modern day group think, if you think 'oh no i like women for their brains'. this isn't being sexist, it's biologically true, and you know it.

having said that, it is true that if you just go around calling women beautiful many will think you're doing it because you want something from them. but actually, it depends how you say it, and who you are; if you are doing it because you are confident enough to know you have abundance with women, and thus can say it without needing a reaction or outcome from her, then she will probably like it.

Cohan_Fan212 · 2013-01-20T22:39:13+00:00

Well, you should never compliment until after you sleep with her

Title	It finally clicked for me why complimenting a woman for her beauty isn't very effective.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	177
Comments	74
Date	January 20, 2013 7:47 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/16xzgo/it_finally_clicked_for_me_why_complimenting_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/it-finally-clicked-for-me-why-complimenting-a.1346092 https://theredarchive.com/post/1346092

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