General Advice for an awkward guy going into college.

CACKENBOOLS · 2013-04-22T15:53:32+00:00

Going to class will get you laid in the long run and the short run.

will_at_work · 2013-04-22T18:25:50+00:00

stop referring to yourself as awkward. Labeling yourself can make you fall into mold. Don't label yourself in any way. Saying "I'm geeky" can make you think more like a geek, etc etc

pdubs94 · 2013-04-22T18:13:36+00:00

Whatever you do, do not stay in your dorm the first night everyone moves in. In fact, go out every single night until your classes start. I'm not saying go out and get smashed by any means, but if you want to party, there will be a party. Not a party guy? Check around the quad or on your dorm cork boards, there will event flyers all over that might be worth checking out. Not to mention the free food they usually have. If you are going to a big school you find I almost annoying how many events are going on the first week.

Good luck!

Brootan · 2013-04-22T15:29:44+00:00

You don't need a fraternity. This is coming from a guy who was in one.

If you're just getting to college, you're still coming out of your shell.

Give it time.

I know you asked a general question about the population, but I'll give you some advice on how to interact with females.

One BIG thing I've noticed over the years is that women are very attracted to men who are comfortable with their close friends.

Many think the best way to get a girl interested in you is to hang out with them alone, not necessarily true.

Try this, invite a few girls over to hang out with dudes you've already established as your friends.

It takes away the tension, everyone has a good time and everything feels a lot more natural.

Also, get drunk.

Seriously. You'd be surprised in the confidence you gain after tossing back a few beers. I've found it eventually translates to good communication skills when I was sober.

And now I'm a social butterfly.

Goodluck!

uncommonpanda · 2013-04-22T18:49:31+00:00

Live in dorms. Dont make friends with losers who don't do anything because they feel familiar. Dont get a girlfilriend until you feel comfortable about your ability to socially interact with all women. Get a hobby or something you can do to inprove your life that may be helpful when you a are an adult. Ballroom dancing club is a good start.

absolutedesignz · 2013-04-22T18:44:37+00:00

RECOGNIZE SIGNS. My first year at college as an attractive, physically fit, athletic, yet socially awkward dude were filled with "DUH" moments in which I absentmindedly turned down encounters or failed to act on obvious shit. By my second year I ignored no signs and was better off for it.

Another thing, CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. They are rarely ever your friend, especially in college. I didn't know it then but despite the increased responsibility you're still a child. You can and will make HS level mistakes/choices. Fight that urge.

You're a new man now. Old you, HS you, doesn't exist. Past history doesn't exist.

You don't need to be super duper pimp level mack daddy to get women either. Just be sociable. Talk to people. If you're worried about what to say be the nigga who says little but always something funny or insightful depending on the situation.

edit: oh and to add...if you aren't the type to say much, learn to be silent but not look awkward or insecure.

Practice on people you deem less cool than you or less attractive than you'd like. You'd be much less rigid around them. Then realize all people are people and approach all people with that same mindset.

Also...a lot of girls will make advances on you in certain environments. I lost my virginity because I helped an upperclassmen study for her LSATs lol. I was a shy fuck, she was a man eater.

But then I let my emotions take charge. Don't do that.

ginger14 · 2013-04-22T16:39:04+00:00

As a girl who has successfully wing-womaned for many an awkward male friend, the best advice I can give is to join clubs, not fraternities. Find clubs you're interested in and chances are there will be girls there. Then you can get to know them in a low pressure setting. There are also many clubs that will have evening activities, which gives you a good chance to escalate with a girl you may like from the club.

Basically, don't worry about it. Just do things you enjoy and you'll find a lovely lady to enjoy it with.

imMatt19 · 2013-04-22T17:36:01+00:00

Former (maybe still slightly awkward here and there) freshmen here:

I was stressing big time before move in day (more than I care to elaborate on...) and as soon as I got into town and saw everybody on move in day, all that anxiety vanished. The place felt like home in a few days to me. That awkward around girls person that used to be me still clung onto me for a bit though, but I managed to just power through it by getting out of my comfort zone. I made friends with girls. I forced myself to get comfortable around them.

Anyone can do this. I promise you that once you find your group of friends that things will just fall into place, and as soon as you can truly be yourself around girls, the sooner you will break free of your awkward shackles.

Joining a fraternity is an option, but one I chose to avoid. I do have a few buddies that are involved in Greek life. Having a girlfriend that is in a sorority is awesome though :)

On the subject of alcohol: I find that the more comfortable I got around people, the less I would change when I got drunk. At first, people were amazed how much I would talk to complete strangers. I would not shut up. But the more comfortable I got, the more I could just talk to people on a day to day basis. So in a way, alcohol can help give you that push you need not only talk to people, but take the edge off so you can focus on having fun.

Alcohol should NEVER be something that you NEED to have a good time/be social. Don't let yourself become dependent on it.

TL:DR you will be fine, go with the flow.

2013-04-22T20:44:56+00:00

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London_Dave · 2013-04-22T17:04:25+00:00

I'm not American, so I can't say it will be the same, but just finishing my first year of university here.

Honestly, and I can not stress this enough, just talk to people during the first few weeks. People are so god damned desperate to have friends, because everyone feels this way, as long as you're reasonably polite, you'll do fine.

If you get a good group of guy friends, you'll meet the girls eventually, so don't worry too much about immediately being on the look out. Just ask people about themselves. My ability to continue a conversation improved so much just by going for it. Best of luck/

2013-04-22T22:42:26+00:00

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UnapologeticalyAlive · 2013-04-22T21:10:26+00:00

The first day of college is a magical time when no one knows anyone and everyone is looking for a new social circle. Just go up to everyone you see and introduce yourself. It's amazing how many new friends you can make in one day!

IAMADOUCHEBAG · 2013-04-22T15:12:23+00:00

If you can afford it I suggest you join a fraternity.

Then you probably won't ever need to come here again.

joe_canadian · 2013-04-22T18:54:21+00:00

As it's already said, don't refer to yourself as awkward. You're new, but then again, so is everyone else. This is the perfect time to push yourself outside your comfort zone. No one knows you, you know no one else.

Be you. But push past what would've held old you back. Because no one knows the old you, they won't know that you're doing something you've never done before. There'll be people who'll appreciate it. Get out to Frosh week and get involved. Get to know people, and have fun!

someguynamedjohn13 · 2013-04-22T19:11:36+00:00

Sign up for a public speaking course. Some majors don't require it, but it forces you to work outside your comfort zone and learn how to hold an audiences attention. You'll be surprised how even the very social have hard time getting up in front of a class and making a ten minute speech.

Get involved in what ever clubs look interesting, or least go to their recruitment or early mixers/parties. If your living on campus knock on your dorm neighbors doors and introduce yourself. Their is at least one room that becomes the hang out for the floor.

IPlayUkulele · 2013-04-22T19:23:13+00:00

Start talking to everybody. Talk to people on the bus, the cashiers, people in class. The more you talk to people, the better you'll get at just being you around anyone. We all walk around every day with our mouths shut, not talking to anyone we don't know. What a waste!

laughapnea · 2013-04-22T19:54:26+00:00

Look, the best thing about going away to college is the other students are just like you. They are away from their friends and family just like you. So they need new friends, just like you. Be nice to people, ask people if they want to study, ask people if they want to get food. Just talk to people.

tonyze76 · 2013-04-23T06:22:48+00:00

I had a girlfriend my entire freshman year. I'm not sure I would say I regret it because I learned alot about girls and about myself. But I would advise against it. You'll meet a ton more people. And a ton more people will get to meet you (which is really important in college!)

Clev3r · 2013-04-23T09:10:34+00:00

My best advise would be to find a few (maybe one or two) really attractive girls and become friends with them. FRIENDS. Don't even attempt to pursue a relationship with these girls, not because you aren't interested or because they're out of your league but because by my own experience, hot girls have hot friends and girls love being in a platonic relationship with a boy. Some hot girls will turn away your attempts at friendship immediately as attempts at getting laid, but eventually you'll find some cool ones who will be surprised (and happy) that a guy is talking to them that isn't trying to get into their pants. You get a friendship right out the door and you now have access to their circles of friends (who will most probably be hot too) and can now act as the liaison between connecting your group of guy friends with their group of girl friends. :)

Nebula829 · 2013-04-25T22:35:34+00:00

If you feel awkward then you need to learn how to talk to girls. So learn that first. Learn how to just have a normal conversation with a girl. I know initially you think that's silly and you're already good enough at just talking, but I promise you aren't as unflappable just having a normal conversation as you think you are. Try going up to a hot girl in a club and talking to her without an agenda. Don't ask for her number at first, just to prove that whatever happens doesn't matter. It's hard, but it's a good starting point.

recyclablebantha · 2013-04-27T02:40:41+00:00

I've always been bad at conversation starters

Work on your observation skills. Life literally GIVES you all the material you will ever need.

And don't be discriminate about who you talk to. People network to other people. Talking to guys, the people who work at the venue/store/place you are at, etc. [Example: On one night out, I got a girl's number because I had struck up conversation with some guys outside of a club. Then when the girls came out, they assumed I knew the guys they were looking for and by the time they figured out otherwise, it didn't matter because they were having so much fun talking with me.....]

and interacting with large groups....

If you address the first part about observation skills and simply sharing observations or questions about the things you see, you'll be golden here as well.

[Example: I opened a mixed group of people on the basis of having observed one of the guys in their group running off to the bathroom in his boxer shorts. I literally walked over and asked, "Did I just see a guy run to the bathroom in his boxer shorts?"]

blue_barracuda · 2013-04-22T19:16:59+00:00

This might get downvote, but I don't care, because it's true and helpful.

If you don't smoke something, start. When I was a Freshman, I met a lot of people because I would smoke cigars in the smoking gazebos, or (butt-huts). Not only did meet a bunch of really nice cigar and cigarette smokers, but this also led to the formation of a cigar club. Also if cigars aren't your thing, a good hookah is a fantastic device to force social interactions and hang out sessions. Also, it tastes great and is very relaxing (just like cigars and pipes). If you want to smoke a pipe, that's cool too, but you'll have a bit more of hipster/nerdy stigma attached to you. I wouldn't suggest starting cigarette smoking since their so addictive, but even this forces social interactions. Smoking weed is a whole different arena, but has similar benefits.

Don't worry about getting addicted to cigars, hookah, or pipes. Unless you do it absolutely constantly, it's not really possible. As far as health concerns, you won't be smoking frequently enough to cause any problems, so no worries. If you have any questions, feel free to pm me, I'm an expert with this stuff.

General Advice for an awkward guy going into college.

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Title	General Advice for an awkward guy going into college.
Author	Letsgetfun
Upvotes	41
Comments	81
Date	April 22, 2013 2:19 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cv41l/general_advice_for_an_awkward_guy_going_into/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/general-advice-for-an-awkward-guy-going-into.1351071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1351071