Don't let your interest get noticed Vs. Stating your intentions from the beginning.

ghost20063 · 2013-11-29T03:48:41+00:00

I think what is meant in not showing interest too early is not making yourself too available. It's okay to let her know that you think she's your type (by getting her number, asking her out to a date, inviting her upstairs to see your etchings) but it's less okay to lay all your cards on the table at once.

You don't know this person. What's more, you don't know that you'll be seeing this person after this initial meeting. There's no need to inundate them with information that they will get as they continue to get to know you.

Also, making yourself too available is a sign of desperation. That's like number one on the list of things not to do.

glassedgaffer · 2013-11-29T05:22:28+00:00

I feel like girls are all about degrees. A girl might like you enough to accept a free meal from you, but not enough to kiss you. A girl might like you enough to kiss you, but not enough to feel comfortable sleeping with you. It's not as black and white as "like" or "not like".

Many guys have a hard time with the concept of loving women in degrees and instead opt for an "all or nothing approach". Just because you get her phone number doesn't mean you're going to call her. Just cause you take her out on a date doesn't mean you're gonna keep seeing her. Just cause you sleep together doesn't mean you're in love. If you're aggressively trying to advance quickly on her, it'll read like desperation.

Desperation, of course, being the opposite of attractive.

MBlume · 2013-11-29T03:34:18+00:00

My guess is this is a style thing, that there are some styles that work better if you do one and some styles that work better if you do the other and that's why you're seeing both. Personally, I'm pretty much always as straightforward as I can be, and it tends to work.

nycprowl · 2013-11-29T05:56:35+00:00

It's a weird paradox. To my understanding it means this: you want to make your intentions clear, but you don't want to be desperate.

Pretty much, you want to show interest, but put off the vibe that you're willing to walk away at any point, and that you're a catch.

ReighIB · 2013-11-29T08:03:31+00:00

Personally, I see it as: "If you want it, cool, lets dance. If not, cool, doesn't change a damn thing in the world."

MrSparkle666 · 2013-11-29T09:39:02+00:00

It depends. If you just want to get laid, put your intentions out there right away. There are tons of women who just want to have fun and are down for sex if they find you even moderately attractive. Being upfront about your intentions exudes confidence and women find that attractive too. In my experience, stating your intentions will get you laid a lot more often than playing hard to get.

However, if the woman is already part of your circle of friends or a coworker, playing hard to get can work wonders. In that kind of situation, you are playing the long game and it's often better if you don't show your cards right away. It's less of a numbers game and more about seduction.

Mouthpiece · 2013-11-29T13:27:21+00:00

I'm always less interested in making her know my interest in her, than I am in creating a state of her wanting me. Once she wants me, then all I have to do is keep the interaction going and get the close.

Sunupu · 2013-11-29T08:58:13+00:00

The thing is women have the most to lose when it comes to sex. Pregnancy, rape, murder...all these risks fall to the woman. A lot of how women see you has to do with trust.

You have to have a baseline self that isn't willing to change just to get pussy. None of this means you shouldn't show intentions - you should. You just shouldn't be a slave to these intentions. That's the only way she can see you as dependable and therefore attractive.

cognatus · 2013-11-29T11:05:52+00:00

Demonstrating interest is totally different than stating your intentions.

We should never state anything. We should all always strive to demonstrate our intentions.

Tombstone31 · 2013-11-29T06:34:20+00:00

So, I think the context of where and when you meet a girl dictates whether you should express interest directly. If you meet a girl at work, you probably shouldn't. If you meet a girl at a bar, you absolutely should (indeed, the fact that you're talking to a random girl in a bar will signal interest, whether you like it or not). Parties/social situations are probably somewhere in between, and I personally like to get some green lights before I show my intent.

This advice should be used in conjunction with the advice about desperation others have already posted.

looksfamiliar · 2013-11-29T14:11:00+00:00

advice that says that you should let a girl know that you like her, but also says that you should show her your intentions inmediately.

Where is the contradiction here? Did you a word?

kingcal · 2013-11-29T06:49:33+00:00

Make your intentions clear by letting her know that you are pursuing a sexual or romantic relationship. However, you don't want to immediately give off the vibe that she's the most important thing going on in your life. That's completely strange and off putting. If you had a girl who you met once that was suddenly very super interested in spending lots of time with you and seemed desperate for your time, attention, and affection, you probably wouldn't be interested in meeting with her again.

The same goes for how you interact with women. Get their number, express physical attraction, but don't blow up their phones night and day. Don't jump through hoops just because you think it's the only way you'll get her to like you. Don't make her more important than the myriads of other things in your life which should be getting your primary attention, such as family, friends, school, or work. When you start doing these things, it shows that you're emotionally invested in the relationship. Being emotionally invested (though hopefully not in these ways) is not undesirable in a committed relationship, but when she just gave you her number on the street, in the supermarket, in the bar, etc... it sets off a lot of red flags.

recyclablebantha · 2013-11-29T10:01:49+00:00

Don't let your interest get noticed vs. stating your intentions from the beginning.

These are effectively two dueling philosophies that you'll see in the Seduction community. It's not truly that these two concepts should somehow be brought together in practice.

One school of thought that says you should not hide your desire. This is kind of like a variant of "natural game". Though there is not total agreement as to whether "not hiding" it entails showing or telling. Personally, I think showing is better than telling. There is also not total agreement as to whether you should be blunt right off or not. Personally, I think assuming that you "like" a girl right off the bat is jumping the gun: I've known girls with whom I didn't discover their flaws/deal-breakers until after I'd slept with them. So it seems ridiculous to me that some people assume they already know they like a girl, based off of appearance alone.
Another school of thought that you should be indirect and more or less manipulate the girl through a variety of means. Basically it's the Mystery Method and it's descendants.

nuferasgurd · 2013-11-29T17:29:12+00:00

Another thing to think about is how each individual girl will respond. Generally those who think highly of themselves, you should play more hard to get with than with girls that are more into you

UKBodyLanguage · 2013-11-29T20:12:23+00:00

IMHO: Making it obvious you could fuck her is your intention but you don't know that you would date her; your interest.

lieutenantslothrop · 2013-11-30T03:05:03+00:00

Well you never literally "state" your intentions via official decree or written proclamation. You let a girl know through your behavior and how you handle yourself around her. I'm all about asking a girl quite quickly if she wants to grab a cup of coffee or something - as long as it's casual and it's clear that YOU are evaluating HER and not because you're desperate to get laid and take anything that comes your way.

It's important for very attractive girls that you make it clear from the beginning that you are romantically interested with them. These girls have dozens or even hundreds of platonic orbiter male friends who never expressed their interest and are now permanently in the friendzone. Distinguish yourself from this group in some way - whether through subtle behavioral cues or directly asking for date or anything in between.

Make3 · 2013-12-02T22:02:46+00:00

Sexual man are expected to be seductive. Be playful and seductive, jokingly express your attraction, but make it seem as though you are not quite sure she's good enough for you, never stating it that way, obviously (only stating your ironic endless attraction in a dubious, tong in cheek way).

redbulz17 · 2013-11-29T17:29:23+00:00

There's a big difference between showing attraction and showing investment. You can hold good eye contact, kino, etc to show attraction without being needy. Basically, the attitude should be you think she's sexy but you don't care if anything happens. Give the impression that if it doesn't work out with her you could have another chick lines up in 10 minutes.

Title	Don't let your interest get noticed Vs. Stating your intentions from the beginning.
Author	bugxter
Upvotes	116
Comments	51
Date	November 29, 2013 2:39 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1roncu/dont_let_your_interest_get_noticed_vs_stating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-let-your-interest-get-noticed-vs-stating-your.1362282 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362282

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