Im "that creepy guy" at my school, is there a way to get out of this and start having relationships?

Big_Apple3AM · 2014-01-30T05:50:40+00:00

I'm gonna reiterate what both of these guys said. The look you're giving off is not necessarily a reflection of your physical appearance, but also your mental state. Start exercising and eating healthier. No need to do a gym membership, there's plenty of workouts you can do in your dorm room that don't require a lot of space (pushups, crunches). I'm not saying you have to get ripped, but exercising will make you feel better about yourself. Go and get a couple pairs of decent clothes. Get plain shorts, plain jeans, and some plain t shirts or flannels. I often wear a $10 long sleeve polo from walmart and it looks pretty good. Spending $10 on a haircut isn't a bad idea either.

Don't start trying to pick up girls until you feel you're ready. You'll know when you're ready. You'll wake up one morning, complete your workout, put on your clothes, and say, "I'm gonna get some babe's number today." And it'll happen. Good luck man, shake that negative feeling about yourself.

Edit: I realize that I say it's about your mental appearance and then I talk only about physical stuff. The physical stuff isn't meant to make you LOOK better, it's meant to make you FEEL better. A healthy body is a healthy mind.

medguy22 · 2014-01-30T05:15:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2014-01-30T05:35:36+00:00

Precisely what /u/NickLikesCougars said. Inner game is really important when it comes to, well, pretty much everything. Also, there's always room for improvement, such a haircut or new clothes, but that won't change the core of your existence unless you face yourself and the unimportant and biased opinions of the rest.

FruitNyer · 2014-01-30T06:53:45+00:00

In addition to what others have said about inner game: Join some clubs to expand your social circles. Go to group study sessions and crack some jokes, actually help people who are struggling and they will appreciate it. If your uni has a gym USE IT. Visit /r/malefashion and slowly tweak your clothing choices to get good color combinations. Most importantly just be upbeat, smile and talk to everyone you can, and make sure your hygiene is top notch as many college men overlook hygiene. Transform yourself in small steps and by the end of the semester you will be a boss!

vamub · 2014-01-30T08:28:38+00:00

Change your look, and look at the bright side, you got mystery going for you.

Thooorin · 2014-01-30T11:44:24+00:00

I turned up with awful looking clothes, a terrible haircut and sat in my own corner of the lecture hall and never really talked to anyone, I hear people giggling behind my back sometimes and people whispering about "that guy" when I go near them

Turn that into a positive. When you improve your looks in that respect, in line with a look that feels good for you, then you'll have drastically improved how you are perceived. Suddenly it'll be "Wow! That's that guy?!" :)

lItsAutomaticl · 2014-01-30T13:37:51+00:00

95% of your problem here: you're worrying too much about how people think of you and not enough of how you think of other people. And "seducing" shouldn't be in your vocabulary right now. First you need to create the confidence to make pure connections with people, and then you can think of it as "seduction". An important note: if you're not ugly and you aren't socially oblivious, dating can happen solely through effortless connections. It's just a numbers game: (# of girls you attempt a connection with) X (% likelihood of a girl out there liking you) = (# of girls you date). It's certainly worth trying to increase your % by looking decent, having the right attitude, etc., but you alone, by default with no improvements, have a % that's not zero.

So start connecting. Don't view hot girls as hot girls, view them as people you might enjoy talking to. The hardest part is the opener. I've been looking at it as a tool for starting a conversation I'd enjoy, a topic on which we would both have something enjoyable to say, and not a way to impress them. This attitude's gotten me many decent conversations lately.

frogma · 2014-01-30T06:35:52+00:00

Your mission, should you choose to accept it (apart from taking all the advice already here) is to go out and talk to everyone. Even if you have to start every conversation by saying "Hi, I'm painfully shy and I don't know how to talk to people, but I want to change that. How are you doing today?"

And by everyone, I mean everyone. Not girls. EVERYONE.

Don't start on your class - well, start by saying "Hi!" to everyone as you walk by, but keep the major convos to other random people in social situations. Go to a bar/party/dance lessons. Talk to people. Find out who they are, what their dreams are, where they want to be in five years, what good books they've read recently, what their favorite TV show of all time is, who's their favorite actor, what the last concert they went to was, what's the wildest thing they've ever done at a party... Ask questions. Pretend you're going to write their bios.

Then, pretty soon you'll be able to do the same things in class. Don't isolate yourself. Join the fun. You don't usually need explicit permission to join any group (especially in the US) - just show up, talk, listen, and join the conversation. Take it slow, and good luck.

QuebecFrancais · 2014-01-30T06:44:26+00:00

Improve yourself, and take advantage of the fact that on any large university, you'll probably never see these people again, at least in anyway that matters.

kebuenowilly · 2014-01-30T08:13:42+00:00

Make friends, do stuff you like, joining groups or activities you enjoy. If you socialize a little, you'll stop being "that creepy guy", and will feel more comfortable with yourself.

joshsway · 2014-01-30T15:38:59+00:00

Sounds like you know a lot of the issues. Change your clothes, change your haircut, and be more social to start.

jcad1947 · 2014-01-30T10:29:27+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

otivito · 2014-01-30T12:26:14+00:00

Start working on the inside, then work your way out. Get healthy, fit, make a friend that is fashionable and ask them to help revamp your style. You'll start feeling more confident. Basically give yourself a complete makeover from the inside out. You'll be like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. People will start to notice any maybe even strike up a chat. If not, you'll have the confidence to start one yourself.

erikangstrom · 2014-01-30T12:59:16+00:00

You can actually use this as momentum. Being a weird fuck like you are means that people already know you. Which can be very useful. If you turn it properly. What you need to do is h have a personality totally different from your physical appearance. I've seen it happen: some girl or guy does some weird or embarrassing shit that people laugh about but once you meet them their cool and normal and maybe even laugh about the weird thing they do.

nugsnotdrugs91 · 2014-01-30T14:46:26+00:00

focus on improving yourself and FUCK what everyone else thinks. they don't matter.

destinys_parent · 2014-01-30T15:17:37+00:00

Oh man I feel for you. What type of uni do you go to ? A large one or a small one ? In a large uni most people will not know who you are. This can be good as they won't remember your first bad impression. If you go to a small more personal uni then it's different. ..

Either way. . Improve your appearance by working out and dressing well. Go to r/malefashionadvice and read their side bar. Then try to be more social and meet people and make friends. recreational sports is a good way to do this. Don't be a loner as it will hurt your game.

JohnCooperWrites · 2014-01-30T15:44:37+00:00

How can you expect to get women if you're dressed awfully?

Before even considering picking up women, go buy some new clothes that fits you well. If you're unsure if it's too skinny or too loose. Go ask someone who works there and ask what your size is.

If you don't know which clothing store, I suggest you go to Zara and Mango. Throw all your clothes away. And also buy new shoes. Two pair of classic shoes. One black and other brown. And one sports shoes. I suggest All Stars.

As for your hair, go to a hairdresser and ask for a haircut that suits you. If you don't know anything of what good facial hair is. Shave it all off.

That should give you a good start. When you've done all that. You can ask me advice on what to say to women.

2014-01-30T15:54:41+00:00

Shave maybe u have that the "that guy " molester stache and neck beard. Get a haircut. And find some cheap slim fit clothes from old navy. 10$ shirt 30$ jeans. And carry urself with better posture abs sucked in shoulders back

Numerosi2323 · 2014-01-30T15:54:47+00:00

Just rember you will get shot down more times than not. The big thing to rember is to never give up go out there and keep trying and some day you will find what your looking for

lllinkll · 2014-01-30T16:08:29+00:00

It really might be too early for you to talk about seduction. If I understood you right, at the state you are right now, I think that start just saying an "Hi!" to everybody when you meet them somewhere (classrooms, cafeteria, library, whatever..) and smiling will be a good enough place to start. Just simply being nice. From my experience in university, I used to hang out both with lots of girls but also getting to know better some "creepy" dudes. I really wanted to know what they were all about. It turns out most of them were simply too shy, and their lack of showing any personality traits would make them weird and scary for most of the people. Not that they were bad people, but they look like they're hidding something. That's what makes other people run away. Just be nice, say hi and try to hang around with colleagues and stuff. Sooner or later they'll also start talking to you, and that's when you'll start to get some experience.

2014-01-30T16:11:25+00:00

Check out /r/bodyweightfitness, /r/fitness and /r/malefashionadvice. Read for a while and if necessary make some posts there, they'll be glad to help you out. Also, read the book How to Make Friends and Influence People. It's a good book and helped me out a lot with general social skills. Good luck OP!

2014-01-30T16:28:45+00:00

Don't write off your university years. Never again in your life will you be surrounded by so many people of the opposite sex who are single.

That said, I agree with other people saying you should work on improving yourself first. You describe yourself as "that creepy guy". Go to the arts portion of your university, and look at the guys who are dressed well. Hopefully you can at least be able to tell what looks good, and what does not. You can check out /r/malefashionadvice and ask for some help there, that said you want to practice moderation. Please don't go walking around in boating shoes and an ascot, but modern clothing that's in style will make you look a lot better.

Basic hygiene is RIDICULOUSLY important. How you smell, and how well you take care of yourself has a major impact on how women will judge you when they first meet you. Cut your nails, shower regularly, shave properly, use deodorant, if you elect to use a cologne use a nice one and less is more. One spray is all you need.

When it comes to clothing, you're investing in yourself. Be prepared to buy a few outfits for yourself, so look into spending ~200 - ~400 dollars. New shirts, a new jacket or two, new jeans, and one or two new pairs of shoes.

When it comes to your hair, DO NOT CHEAP OUT. You get what you pay for. You can go to /r/malehairadvice for help, post some photos of yourself, state what you're going for, and you'll get help. They are a positive and helpful community. Speak with your hairdresser (and find a nice one if you don't have one) and ask what their opinion is.

Physical activity is recommended, but not necessary. It as the advantage of improving your health and making you more physically attractive. Its primary purpose is to improve how you feel on a regular basis. Make your workout intense, get an adrenaline rush, and feel proud of yourself. I first started working out because I wanted a girlfriend, and after a few months I continued working out because improving myself was fundamental to my mental health. I may have been bombing in school, and I wasn't seeing the seduction success I was hoping for, but I was still getting stronger, feeling better, and all I had to do was lift weight on a regular basis.

You could just as easily invest yourself more into improving a hobby. The specific thing doesn't really matter, it should just be something personal, productive, that can make you feel better.

Once you make yourself look better, I'd recommend sitting in the middle of class or near the front. Ask if you can sit with whoever you're sitting by. Try and sit by people you find attractive. Try keeping to yourself while paying attention to how people talk to start getting a better idea of social norms (if you aren't particularly good at that). Once in a while feel free to quip in with a comment that is positive (kind, helpful, easygoing or funny). You may exchange a few words. Introduce yourself. This is how friends are made.

Best of luck. You can do it. It may take a few years. Its a process. Focus on making yourself better before pursuing anyone, but improving your social skills is part of improving yourself. Taking better care of yourself, putting yourself out there, dressing better and looking better will raise your confidence.

Go for it!

2014-01-30T17:05:37+00:00

It's possible, also, that you're thinking people are talking about you but they aren't. It may be just a reflection of your own insecurity. It's entirely possible nobody has noticed you because you don't want to be noticed. Either way, my advice is to observe how guys who get girls are dressing and emulate them. Notice shoes, shirts, pants, hair, etc. Just observe what people are wearing and what people aren't wearing and just start fitting it. It sounds ridiculous but people will assume you're cooler than you may be if you just dress well. I should note, however, that you shouldn't try to just hop into being trendy or something. Start small. Get some pants that fit well, maybe stop wearing shirts with pictures on them (that's a specific style most dudes can't pull off, IMO, or it's nerdy). Stuff like that. Just start dressing "normal", as best you can, and get in shape if you aren't already and then when you feel like you blend in, start makin some pals.

Be nice. Smile often. Listen to people. Ask them questions, even though you don't care or you're nervous AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYE - there's nothing worse that trying to talk to someone whose eyes dart all around because they're nervous or w/e. It automatically gives off the "weird" vibe. Most people look each other in the eye while they speak (obviously you don't gaze into each other's eyes, but you certainly don't avoid each other's eyes).

IIHotelYorba · 2014-01-30T17:07:30+00:00

Vsauce episode about the science of creepy things.

Getting really specific about the creepy issue- it's actually directly related to the PUA concept of congruence. Guys are creepy to girls because they are constantly holding back their real thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Girls are social animals, and men to them are imposing. To them this is kind of holding back is actually scary.

They see a man who is hiding what he really thinks. Why? It must be bad. This is one of the things that frustrates me most about women, such a seemingly simple thing to understand.

What you do is start putting your personality out there. Make what you think and feel into words. The more you do this, the more people will tend to like you. This is because they'll know who you are and will actually be given the chance to decide if they like you.

This may seem really basic, but it's one of the very most powerful things any PUA has in his arsenal. Why? Well, who holds back the least? Crazy people. ...And very high value people. Do you think Jay-Z walks into a room and thinks "oh man I don't know what I can say to these people so they'll like me." Shit no.

People will test you at times, group think has primed them to believe that the "little man" isn't supposed to change his station. Just know that you do things for the right reasons, and don't bother trying to get people to like you. Some just won't, and others will like you so fast it'll surprise you and completely change the way you think of yourself.

Putting yourself out there and having people accept you is the foundation you build to start pulling girls. Eventually it'll also be one of your main tools to put yourself in a good mood, to attract women and to have the life you want.

primetimemime · 2014-01-30T17:19:56+00:00

If you know your clothes and hair are awful then why don't you do something about it? How are you supposed to take care of a woman if you can't take care of yourself? The worst thing you can do is pity yourself. Sitting in the corner, telling yourself that you're not normal. I bet you haven't even heard that you're creepy, you probably just assume people think that about you. Most people who have their shit together would look past you instead of judging you.

Make it a point to seek out self-improvement everywhere you go, in every interaction you have. Remember that you can't fail, you're already at your lowest point, so there's only up from here. Be a man! Get a haircut that you have thought would never work for you. Shave your face, brush your teeth, apply deodorant-take care of yourself! Keep the wardrobe simple at first- slim fit jeans (doesn't matter if you're big, the fit just looks better), henleys, button-ups (spend a little but extra on these- h&m and American eagle outfitters have some good cheap ones available). Get some cologne, clean up where you live, eat better, spend less time on the computer and go out into the world. Exercise.. Do something you like, whether it's walking around for an hour a day checking things out, or doing push ups and crunches in your room.

I apologize for being harsh at times, but you need to hear it. You deserve better for yourself. I really hope you're able to overcome this, OP. We're all rooting for you. It's going to take some time to get used to all the changes, but you will be much happier when you start implementing this stuff into your life.

elili · 2014-01-30T17:29:07+00:00

"I turned up with awful looking clothes, a terrible haircut and sat in my own corner"

You literally KNOW what are you doing wrong, and theres tons of resources (subreddits if you will) to help you with that, we could go on and on about "is not about the looks" but if you know for a fact you look like crap... theres your first homework

2014-01-30T17:40:40+00:00

1 - workout

2 - pick a sport to follow, it makes you relatable.

Pick a good haircut at a hair dresser
Dress in brighter clothes that actually fit
Smile often
Act happy

atheist_trollno1 · 2014-01-30T17:46:19+00:00

Check out /r/socialskills and /r/malefashionadvice.

dillpiccolol · 2014-01-30T17:51:35+00:00

Make some friends too. Female friends are not a bad thing to have (just make sure all the females you know aren't just friends).

eureka123 · 2014-01-30T18:04:02+00:00

It doesn't matter what they think about you. It matters what you think about you. Their ideas about you will be shattered when you walk up to them and engage them in ways that doesn't validate their beliefs.

That said, what everyone else said - feel good about yourself. Eat and sleep right, hit the gym, go outside. Get some clothes you like (not that they like, but that you like), and a haircut that makes you feel great.

Good luck.

2014-01-30T21:06:29+00:00

you're already on the way, you're seeking a path. patience is important because you won't change over night. Have a clear understanding and vision of who you want to be and feel it regularly.

zfolwick · 2014-01-30T21:59:18+00:00

Go give yourself a makeover, both physically and from a perception standpoint. The trick here is shock and awe, within reason. Get noticed for being a different guy than you have been. You're being noticed already, which is actually good, just for the wrong stuff. If people already notice you, then make it about the right stuff.

Go to Uniqlo (online) and get some clothes that fit. Get a good haircut, and spend a whole weekend and get really serious about your grooming.

Default to /r/malefashionadvice and just say "I want to go to Uniqlo and order $150 worth of stuff to make myself look good, what should I get?". They will be happy to help. Personally, I recommend some slim jeans, a pastel (mint green is dope) oxford shirt, some flashy socks, and a light jacket.

So now you look different, way better. If people were making fun of you before, they WILL notice that you are different now and they will be curious.

Go sit somewhere different, preferably next to a girl, ideally next to the hottest girl in class. Just sit down and say "hey" or something. You don't need to charm the pants off anyone just yet, just do something that isn't what you would normally do.

Go ahead and do that stuff then report back and we can escalate it.

rileysavage · 2014-01-31T01:03:52+00:00

Find the Quarterback and punch him square in the face.

1step2step · 2014-01-31T01:31:45+00:00

Make friends and talk to everyone.

kazagistar · 2014-01-30T14:59:16+00:00

You already know exactly which steps to take. You just have a mental barrier for some reason preventing you from taking them.

awful looking clothes

Get nice, fasionable clothes.

a terrible haircut

Get a nice haircut.

sat in my own corner

Sit amongst the other students in the middle.

never really talked to anyone

Force yourself to talk to people.

I hear people giggling behind my back [...] shed probably laugh in my face as soon as she saw me coming near her

First of all, not everyone is a total asshole like you seem to be imagining. Second, even if your paranoia is true, they are already laughing, so if you walk up and start talking to them, you aren't actually risking anything, right? Sticks and stones can break my bones, but...

Is there a way to get out

Yep. The door is that way. It is time to get into the habit of walking towards your fear, instead of letting it grow as you flee away from it.

Good luck!

m40ofmj · 2014-01-30T11:00:02+00:00

stop being a pussy and stab somebody

sehns · 2014-01-30T20:39:37+00:00

Go to /r/theredpill and learn about the dark triad. own it.

Title	Im "that creepy guy" at my school, is there a way to get out of this and start having relationships?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	99
Comments	77
Date	January 30, 2014 5:10 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1wj7s8/im_that_creepy_guy_at_my_school_is_there_a_way_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-that-creepy-guy-at-my-school-is-there-a-way-to.1365188 https://theredarchive.com/post/1365188

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