How I dealt with being dumped

Altkolsch · 2014-04-28T18:55:10+00:00

"She may have dumped the guy I was then, but she's not good enough for the guy I am now"

Excellent quote...substitute the second "guy" with "man" and you will have the male version of "Live Laugh Love" Market that shit!!!

Imidazole0 · 2014-04-28T17:33:43+00:00

A woman is too small of an object for a man to revolve around. Don't make any woman the center of your universe, unless you want to feel your solar system collapse when she goes supernova!

HappyJerk · 2014-04-28T14:20:42+00:00

Become 10x more interesting than you were before by doing things that make you uncomfortable. Even if you were total shit before, if you are living at the edge of your comfort zone you will eventually get to the point where you can say "She may have dumped the guy I was then, but she's not good enough for the guy I am now."

This is exactly the right advice.

Getting dumped hurts because its a huge blow to your ego. Somebody who hung out with you a lot is basically saying "I know you pretty well, and you suck." And the ego is a strong thing, it hates taking no for an answer. So you basically have to change the person you were.

V1KINGZOMBIE · 2014-04-28T12:52:03+00:00

I hear ya dude. I got dumped by my mrs of a year that I lived with for 4 months 2 weeks ago. Because until I was on anxiety meds that actually worked in octoberish last year. But was still too much of a pussy to do stuff because I hadnt up til this point.

Basically her reasoning was 'you're not going anywhere and you're scared of life. You have all these plans but you're just a dreamer, you cant do any of it.' In 2 weeks and a couple of days, I've lined up casual labor work at my old job, booked in the last driving lessons before I got my licence, got a seperate unrelated job interview tomorrow, got a nose piercing that I'd wanted for a while, bought a bunch of new clothes which arrived a couple of hours ago. And went out solo to see if I could make friends and have a great night out at a club, it went great and I posted it on here. So her ripping into my self confidence was wrong, I could do it, I was just being a little bitch. I'm better than what either of us thought, like you said, a huge weight off my shoulders.

She is easily the girl I have loved the most out of any of my girlfriends, and the worst thing is I cant find fault with her because the reasons she dumped me for were perfectly fair and reasonable and I dont blame her at all. which I thought would make getting over it a problem.

I'm still pretty cut but even 2 weeks later I'm coming out of the slump so fast, just totally pumped for life! So to anyone who is going through the same shit, dont sit around in your bathrobe playing games and drinking beer all day, as tempting as it is. Make a change, and those bad feels will leave you way faster than you thought possible.

CoolLordL21 · 2014-04-28T16:50:18+00:00

I got dumped via voicemail last week after three months of being in a relationship. This post is exactly what I plan to do (self-improvement items different). I got the "I think you're a great guy." Ew. Just no. Making myself not be a great guy gives me energy and purpose. Also, I'm reflecting on what made me unattractive so I will be irresistible to the next girl.

ThisIsMyIDGAF · 2014-04-28T15:56:00+00:00

I'm also working at this. 2.5 year relationship and I'm working on improving myself and getting back into the "game." Two months later it's getting slowly better but here's my existing problem:

I compare EVERY girl to her. In my mind she was near ideal physically, so approaching girls has been hard because I see their differences that I don't like. It feels like I'm downgrading. Any advice?

slurmfactory · 2014-04-28T15:14:36+00:00

Got dumped 3 weeks ago by a girl i was also crazy about. Our last moment together was her saying "kiss me" then canceling our plans that night. Since then i have completely stopped smoking pot, which i was using heavily, i cut down on beer, also which i was consuming heavily, added cardio to my weightlifting, finished grad school, learned how to say "no" to my drunk friends/ roommates, starting to learn how to garden and cook better, have been on several dates with tinder girls, shaved my scraggly beard, and reconnected with old friends i hadnt seen in months. I plan to keep the momentum up. Was thinking about sending her a short video via facebook of me saying this and sending pics of us looking very happy together and saying id like to see her again , although im not sure if its worth it... Hard to get her off my mind but working at it .

slykethephoxenix · 2014-04-28T15:21:33+00:00

This post is pretty much the best advice for being dumped.

rusty84 · 2014-04-28T19:31:59+00:00

I agree with everything here, except:

I avoided her facebook page because I knew it would hurt too much. Yesterday I finally succumbed because I was feeling lonely and decided to see what she's been doing for the past 2 months. She hasn't been doing a damn thing.

That is a terrible mindset. Her journey isn't your journey. Your reaction was based on how she was doing. I understand that you cared a lot about her and one point, but you went your separate ways. I would not advice you to check her Facebook. How would you have reacted if she was doing a bunch of more awesome shit than you?

You-Awesomer · 2014-04-28T19:52:52+00:00

I'll echo this.

After I got dumped I hit the gym harder than ever -- I started training with some real passion to work towards my ideal physique, because when life gets heavy, lift heavy! It was and still is such a stress reliever to me.

Avoiding Facebooking is important. I think avoiding contact in general is even more important. Any sort of conversation before you're over each other will lead to you either 1) resenting one another, or 2) opening up old feelings that don't need to be revisited.

Being dumped sucks, period. It hurts for a while and singing along to no amount of Taking Back Sunday songs can make that crippling feeling magically go away. But it does open up a huge window to reapply and better yourself.

swallonyall · 2014-04-28T22:07:55+00:00

So I had an identical experience..first girl I ever fell hard for. She ended things, but it was amicable and I kind of realized we just were a bad fit for eachother anyway.

Hit the gym, got a tattoo, started doing cool shit, got some nice(r) clothes, made a commitment to get a phone number every night out. Kept in touch with her and all her friends. I know that she's doing nothing, sits around all day watching netflix. She's still totally hot.

Thing is, I know I'm over her, but I don't think I'm over the way I felt about her. I know that now I'm out of her league, but still, that first lust thing still plays hard. Who knows when that will stop.

Meowsters · 2014-04-28T20:18:32+00:00

Last monday. A really close friend, said she didn't really want to be around me anymore. It sucked because she was my best friend and she was the person that I probably trusted most in my life and looked up too. But, honestly its times like this where I need to get my shit together. I just got bitch slapped by reality and now its time for me to kick life in the balls, and become a better and more interesting man than I was before. This post saved me. Thanks OP.

seddittips · 2014-04-28T22:46:46+00:00

Good for you, I was dumped and got out of a VERY long relationship, about 6 years. It was harsh and I didn't like it very much because I knew what I wanted, she however didn't so she wanted to see what was out there. Nothing to do but let her go now and I better myself, worked out, saw results, went places we would always talk about but never went because she was never solid on her decisions. I'm the type of person that would go with the flow, I'm very easy going, I know what type of guy I am and although during the time I thought I wouldn't get anyone better I know she wouldn't find anyone that will be what I have been to her.

Not to sound cocky but I know what kind of guy I am and unfortunately she thought there was something better. There is someone out there but he's not easy to find. All the traits that I have impressed a lot of girls like they've never seen this type of guy before, I didn't think it was out of the ordinary but apparently finding a guy who knows how to cook and have a can do attitude is difficult or rare. Anyways I started doing a bunch of things that I wouldn't have done before and went places I've always wanted to go. Guess what? The fact that she heard about me moving on and doing all these cool things made her jealous and realize what she had lost, she said, "Wow you've changed a lot" but what she really doesn't know is I felt like I've always been like this but she was always holding me back one way or another and I also realized that myself.

I know what I want in life, she still seems confused and not know what she wants. Told me she thought there were a lot of good guys out there but after a year of whatever happened there isn't. You can say I felt good after hearing that, feels like I got the better end of things. I haven't found a girl that I would ever see myself being with yet but I'm not rushing or pushing anything. I had a lot of anger from what happened and I used that to fuel and make myself better. I don't suggest people do the same as you're not doing it for yourself but out of anger but that's what helped me, eventually I understood why it happened and didn't care anymore because I'm living this incredible life that's about to get better. I made sure if I ever ran into her again that I look better than ever and that's the only way to do it. Think about it if you ran into your ex and she is doing horrible you'll think to yourself, "Good thing I left her." but if she looked better than ever and is having the time of her life, you'll think to yourself, "I'm missing out on what she's doing with her life"

In the end what makes me most excited is I don't know who the next girl is and that mystery makes me really excited to see what is in store for me in the future. Keep at it man, the better you get the more you'll forget about her.

penismissle · 2014-04-28T21:00:35+00:00

Dude, you made me proud. As I was reading your transformation I thought you were going to say you won her back even though she's done jack shit to deserve you. Because the truth is she would be winning you back, not you winning her back.

I am so glad you realized she doesnt deserve you. Its obvious you learned you need to value yourself. It sucks you had to endure a breakup to learn to value yourself but life is a teacher with a cynical sense of humor. I hope one day she can see you so she knows what a huge fucking mistake she made. That would be so awesome.

Anyway, congrats dude. Keep up the good work and it will only get better from there. Never be satisfied with your life and always take it to the next level

DrDeath666 · 2014-04-28T16:30:34+00:00

Where do I learn how to salsa dance?

7Blake · 2014-04-28T20:33:56+00:00

That's good man. I wanted to tape a plastic bag over my head today. Granted Im in a relationship, but hey.. It's actually really wicked to hear individuality being restored. Good shit dude.

turkeysub7 · 2014-04-28T20:42:37+00:00

What was your tattoo?

emmawatsonsbf · 2014-04-28T20:59:08+00:00

Maybe that's why some people are asses to their gfs just so they could get dumped and be 100x better!

wu285 · 2014-04-28T21:02:53+00:00

As a guy who is on the verge of an ending relationship with a girl I am crazy about I will forever remember this advice!

Dabkitty · 2014-04-28T21:03:13+00:00

Female similar situation but my boyfriend left me to better himself and is pushing me to better me for myself. What you said has really made an impact on how I think. Thank you!

agumonkey · 2014-04-28T21:22:08+00:00

Funny how I had all your reactions but I'm still not sold on the conclusion. I guess I still have work to do.

st3aksauce138 · 2014-04-29T02:10:35+00:00

I feel you. My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me 6 or so months ago. I just started doing things that I loved doing before I bet her and it made me a better person. This ski season I got in 32 days. I have made a few friendships that I never would have made with her. I was hurt for a couple months after we broke up but I have realized that I am a way better person for it. Just keep doing stuff like you are. It gets better and easier and in the end you will be much happier

gocrazy69 · 2014-04-29T03:17:34+00:00

nice

PHIL0S0FER · 2014-04-29T08:01:30+00:00

Story of my past 2 months

yokhai · 2014-04-29T11:51:14+00:00

Find another one

/thread

alex0919 · 2014-04-29T13:35:02+00:00

Even though you shouldn't be getting dumped in the first place, because you made the mistake of having oneitis, it is a good idea to really go on a journey of self improvement.

That's what I did before I was good at game, when I was "dumped" by oneitis, I studied game and started practicing it. About 1-2 months later my old oneitis is just some girl I look at and say "I eat girls like you for breakfast" compared to the girls I talk to now. She texts me regularly and tries to flirt with me in person, I use the game I know now and she is suddenly x1000 more attracted to me. She is one of the girls I talk to on the side, no reason to be on bad relations with any women you've been with if you're a true ladies' man.

zomgitsduke · 2014-04-29T20:55:33+00:00

I was dumped a month ago after 5 years. Was ring shopping. Finally got over the hurt and feeling sorry for myself. I started working out, line dancing, and just doing do much more. It feels great dude! Keep being awesome.

sadmachine · 2014-04-28T18:36:07+00:00

Good on you, man. If you'll allow me to offer some unsolicited advice, be cautious about getting tattoos in times of transition. Particularly if the tattoo relates in any way to getting dumped--even if symbolizes moving on--you may see things differently down the road. If you've thought it through, by all means go for it, but sometimes it's best to let a tattoo idea sit with you for a few months and then get it at that point, if you still want it. That said, good luck with everything and enjoy your new adventures!

confliction2 · 2014-04-28T20:09:02+00:00

Good for you man. Words of wisdom going through a recent break up myself and I might actually use your story to help myself. Keep a good head on your shoulders

muchbro · 2014-04-28T20:27:52+00:00

Great advice man. Just what I needed to hear today, kind of a coincidence actually.

Kaliwalf · 2014-04-28T22:25:06+00:00

I'm in the exact same position as you right now. And you know what? Feels fuckin' great!

Until recently, the only girl I ever kissed was my then-GF. In the last week I went out two times and made out with four girls in total. It got me up my ass. I put my broken pieces back together just the way I want them to be. "She may have dumped the guy I was then, but she's not good enough for the guy I am now."

jakethedog221 · 2014-04-29T04:37:55+00:00

Lucky you.

My ex has made it like her full time job of posting crap of her new man.

<Shrug> whatevs, such is life.

donwalter · 2014-04-28T18:17:05+00:00

In general this is good advice but you're kind of straddling the line of being someone you're not. Exercise and trying new things is good, but I would never get a tattoo just because everyone else thinks its cool.

Title	How I dealt with being dumped
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	279
Comments	87
Date	April 28, 2014 12:35 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/246jel/how_i_dealt_with_being_dumped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-i-dealt-with-being-dumped.1369965 https://theredarchive.com/post/1369965

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