I think I am done with cold approach

jeanisss · 2014-10-15T00:50:01+00:00

Have you tried screening?

One thing that i found that was particularly useful was when I'd smile at the girl who i wanted to approach, if she smiled back, then go ahead and approach because it reciprocates basically what she thinks of you. If she doesn't smile back, just pretend like it never happened. Just a thought :o

Also, try not to make your whole interaction not always about the number close. Try and spend as much time as possible building comfort and rapport within the set. =) Good luck

torquesteer · 2014-10-14T23:47:44+00:00

I'm just gonna come out cold and say it, please don't take it the wrong way. Stop blaming the girls for being crazy, flaky, or xyz-reason-you-may-have. Start taking responsibility over what you can control and start working on them.

I'm never nervous

Did you know that a little nervousness is actually a good thing? It signals your mind to be congruent and consider the social situation you're in. If you don't have a natural mechanism for this, just think of a few things to checklist to make sure you approach honestly. That's what most guys have trouble with.

Other times I get very good reactions and then suddenly the girls start acting totally weird.

There must have been something you said or did. It might be helpful to ask them for feedback or to give you a chance to start over. Yes, you can just ask.

Also I feel that many women have a negative view of cold approaching to being with.

Seems like a self fulfilling prophecy to me. It is true that it's not the social norm. But once I acknowledge the weirdness of the situation or provide an excuse (it doesn't have to be a good one), they're usually ok with it.

They just ask me if I go out just to approach women or if I have done that before.

What do you say in respond? If you are honest and say yes, then give them a reason why you do it, they will go along with it. Once, I've been asked if I was a pick up artist "or something" (chills still run up my spine when I'm called that). I just said "yes, but a very bad one, may be the worst there ever lived", she let me down more gently (instead of telling me to fuck off).

Lastly, a phone number is nothing without the indication that she wants to see you again. It might be a reason for her to break away. It's easier to reject somebody by ignoring them or hanging up than to tell them straight up. My tip is not to push for a number unless you've established a rapport with her, with a caveat that sometimes you can't tell. So take with a grain of salt.

alex0919 · 2014-10-15T03:06:36+00:00

Honestly quantity doesn't mean shit if you haven't learned anything from all of your approaches. You viewing women in your head as crazy and nonsensical just means to me, you really have no idea how women work. Any idiot can mindlessly approach women for years and keep running the same shit.

You're telling me things; e.g.

The last girl I approached outside of a store gave me her number and seemed to like me but then she said I crept up on her and she was scared (I told her I don't know how she could have gotten scared since I approached her from the side, during the day, and in a public place.) She still gave me her digits and said I was very brave. Guess what, I called her and told her who it was and she hung up on me. I've gotten hung up on so many times on a first call it isn't even funny.

Let me tell you a few things you probably did wrong:

Numbers to girls don't mean shit, I know tons of girls who give them out just to give them out, really it's just a chance. I've seen a girl give a number to a guy, and later she thought he was gay and stopped talking. I can run up to girls and ask them for numbers for weeks straight and never get a date, who cares about numbers?
You obviously didn't calibrate yourself to the situation, or set your opening logistics straight. I usually position myself near a girl, give her a "Psst" or a hip bump and smile, for her to look at me, then I open her, especially in the fucking daytime with something indirect, then I direct after her response no matter what; e.g.

"Psst!" -motions over after I saw approach invitations-*

"Do you like this kinda stuff?" -holds up frozen calamari-

-laughs- "Actually, I don't like sea food all that much"

"Really, me neither... I was just kidding though, I saw you walking and thought you were pretty cute and I wanted to talk to you, I'm Alex"

The only reason you should use direct in day game is on streets, or mall halls. But anyways:

You're not giving us any details besides you approaching her from the side, for all I know, you could have fucking ran up to her and said "HEY!" in the most obnoxious voice tone and scared the shit out of her. And you're not giving me any details regarding your number ask, did you ask on a high point, or just go "Yo girl, toss me them digits!", did you propose a meet before the ask, then have her give it to you?; e.g.

"Yeah, those kids in the ghetto are really the biggest dreamers though, they're inspirational..."

"You're right..."

"So what's your new job's schedule look like?" (she talked about getting a new job earlier)

"Well, I'm really busy, but I have all Friday off!"

"How about we grab a drink and get to know each other?" -hold her hands while asking-

"...Okay!" -writes her number down-

Do you take field reports and assess what was done well and what you can improve on in every interaction?

Do you study a sticking point you're experiencing and fix it for next time?

Another thing, if all women act like this toward you, it's honestly you, are you fat, dress like garbage, unkept, smell bad, come off creepy? Fix your fundamentals before you keep shotgun approaching random girls, it's cool to have the balls to do that, but honestly it's a giant waste of time if you're not getting results. I get results doing this, I'm probably just over 100 now, probably less girls than you from the sounds of it, because I break everything down and scrutinize every mistake I make and iron it out.

Good luck though. :)

SweetandHalf · 2014-10-15T05:06:45+00:00

Listen, I'm not the most gaming person in the world. I don't have long lines of women wanting to Date/Screw/whatever me, and I don't have a list of conquests a mile wide.

But, what I do have- is rock solid interactions with people. I could have the above if I wanted. Right now, I'm focused on fixing some things I'd like to change in my life. Let me give you some insight, for whatever it might be worth.

There is something you're doing wrong. And let's be clear, it's you. Not every woman is crazy. Not every interaction you make is positive and awesome and just pickup doesn't work. I don't even use pick up (not consciously, anyway) and while there are some people who are nuts- most people are open to interactions as long as they don't feel creeped out by it, or feel negative emotions from it.

And lest you think I'm some sort of super alpha male, or ridiculously attractive- I'm not. I could make more money, I don't dress particularly well, and being called decent looking would be a blessing to me. But I make people laugh, I remember details about their lives and inquire about them (sincerely, not just as a means to an end) and I make people feel like they are the most important thing in the conversation when I have them.

So if you ask me, and you won't- you probably need some reflection. Not the "why isn't this shit working?" type, but the "What is it I want out of these interactions?" Do you want to get laid? Do you want a girlfriend? Are you trying to meet new people and have an awesome life? Because whatever you're doing is incongruent with whatever you're saying or portraying and people pick up on that stuff even unconsciously.

One last thing: I have a friend like you. She's not exactly like you, but she's got some similar issues with life. She doesn't understand why things don't work out for her and everything is someone else's fault. She's getting older, and you sound young so I'm saying to you what I wish she'd understand: that you are in control. If what you're doing isn't working, try different things. If you always have an answer for why whatever other people say try won't work, people will A) stop trying to give you any advice or help and B) Stop hanging out with you or interacting with you entirely. Nobody likes a whiner mad at the world.

Just my two cents, and you can take it or leave it. I suspect you won't, but I seriously hope I'm wrong.

nedshepherd · 2014-10-14T23:47:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

joshsway · 2014-10-15T00:11:58+00:00

Day game is tough man ... numbers are nice, but even the best maybe convert 10% of numbers into dates (I think paul janka once said he maybe gets 10% of the girls he gets numbers from and he is a master pick up artist who is also tall, good looking, rich, and went to harvard) so that should tell you something... they aren't kidding when they say it's a numbers game!

bigbunslover · 2014-10-15T00:35:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-10-15T01:51:28+00:00

You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Maybe try "warm approaches" within a social circle. Try building up your circle of friends, and don't work on pickup at first. Focus on helping connect other people. A guy who introduces the girls to the guys is always welcome in any social environment, he brings value to everyone. Try to build a circle that will bring the approaches to you.

Alternately, use events that attract people with common interests. You can still do cold approaches, but the interactions are warmer because at least you have the event and that topic in common. For example, if you like foreign films, join a film club. Use the events to draw people with interests similar to yours.

rangamatchstick · 2014-10-15T02:39:13+00:00

Iev never called always texted, its probably less confronting so maybe give it a shot? Girls are definatly crazy and cold approaching is a numbers game so alot will bail/flake/whatever, but you can always improve your skills in some area. Keep it up!

psyocal · 2014-10-15T04:48:13+00:00

I don't know how I could have frightened you, Clarice. I approached you during the day, from a side angle, in a public place.

I'm going to make attempt a cold read on you, based on what you wrote. Confidence isn't your issue as you seem to have a lot of it...my guess is that you are completely clueless as to how they react to you. You lack observation skills.

dj_bizarro · 2014-10-15T08:05:05+00:00

From reading a few comments here my guess is OP is probably an attractive guy, so women smile at him and give him a chance and then he ruins it. However he's attractive and probably has a lot of things handed to him so he's not used to people telling him no and he doesn't know how to improve himself. You get to that point where you're playing a new level of the game but you haven't upgraded any of your skills, you're going to keep losing that game bro.

ZeroOn · 2014-10-15T09:46:18+00:00

I have not read most of this thread but read OP. All I can say is; What are YOU doing to attract these types of reactions? Focus on YOURSELF first.

applecracker1 · 2014-10-15T10:33:58+00:00

Gotta be honest man, until you accept that the girls aren't the problem then your 2 year stretch will continue. There is nothing "wrong" with them. Without seeing exactly what you are doing it is hard to suggest what you could improve on.

From what you have said it sounds like either once you have a number you screw it up still chatting to her, or when you phone her she has obviously changed her mind.

My advice, get a PUA coach who can watch you and give you feedback on what to tweak.

Good luck

Scc88 · 2014-10-15T04:44:04+00:00

Do more insta-dates and ask a friend to record you so you can watch your interactions and critique yourself

robertmcshaw · 2014-10-15T04:49:11+00:00

Yeah better stop rolling the dice and make sure nothing happens.

tramplemestilsken · 2014-10-15T16:41:12+00:00

A few things..

Don't call them. A text of "Hey, it was nice running into you at X, we should do x on x day.." Phone calls are really personal these days. Don't do it with girls you are dating or want to date, until you're comfortable with each other.
Try starting with some innocent conversation. Roosh V has some great ideas in his book, Day Bang. He talks about "not scaring the cat". Being too forward during the day catches women off guard. Start with some innocent conversation that is impersonal.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. Sounds like you got over your approach anxiety, and stopped trying to get better after that. Getting a number is pretty meaningless if you haven't built an intrigue or attraction. Girls will just give out their number so they can end the interaction. You need to add a little bit more effort so she is actually excited that you are exchanging numbers.
Don't blame women for being crazy, blame yourself for not properly screening them first. You can't control other people, you can only control yourself.

samuraii889 · 2014-10-15T19:28:04+00:00

Cold approach doesnt even work in my country people here would call police and gendarmerie at the moment you approach them and talk them out of the blue.

markcotter · 2014-10-15T21:00:51+00:00

You're probably just being too intense. Girls take the "path of minimal awkwardness" out of any unpleasant interaction, which often means giving you what you want to get rid of you, or because they're frightened. If you're going BEASTMODE ON THESE HOES all the time you're going to get a lot of flakes.

And if a girl asks you if you talk to girls a lot, just tell them "yes." And don't be embarrassed about it or evade their questions.

rmbarnes · 2014-10-16T00:11:23+00:00

Since many people get great results from cold approaching, something is clearly wrong in your case.

My only suggestion is that you get a hidden mic setup when you go out (you can get these cheap on ebay), and post the audio from some of your sets here. I've got the feeling it will be immediately obvious that something's wrong.

1vs1 · 2014-10-15T01:16:27+00:00

Don't call! Texting is way better. Makes you seem to invest less in her, which means less pressure on her

bigbunslover · 2014-10-15T04:07:52+00:00

On a side not the girl I got the number from that I wrote about in my original, she told me she had a boyfriend but I pushed on and got her number. As I said when I called she hung up. I got a call from some guy that has the same area code in his phone number as the girl's. He claimed he got the wrong number and said he had just gotten a new phone and sorry (didn't make sense lol). I think it is very likely her boyfriend and wanted to know who called her lmao.

Enfuvirtide · 2014-10-15T00:11:22+00:00

I am sorry to hear that but cold approach is terrible. From the woman's perspective the guy is automatically needy for approaching her solely on her looks. Think about it, if a guy approaches a random stranger on the street just because she looks good without knowing anything about her then she is either going to think you are sooo desperate for pussy that you will talk to anyone, or you are sooo confident and have everything going for you in life.

We like to believe here that she thinks we are in the latter category but really it is the former. Fuck women and work on your life, and then pick from the women who choose you.

Women are attracted to non neediness, so invest in yourself and forget about them. The antithesis to this idea is cold approach, where you are extremely needy (for pussy) but you just delude yourself by saying, "oh I don't care if she rejects me, onto the next one" - still needy

Title	I think I am done with cold approach
Author	bigbunslover
Upvotes	15
Comments	93
Date	October 14, 2014 10:46 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2j9gde/i_think_i_am_done_with_cold_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-think-i-am-done-with-cold-approach.1378024 https://theredarchive.com/post/1378024

Comments