Why do inexperienced guys find it hard to approach?

SpecterXs · 2014-12-24T15:06:43+00:00

It all comes down to your ego. It is afraid to look bad, and you identify so much with your ego, that you think something actually bad may come from a non positive outcome. This of course is not true in the vast majority of situations.

Try to get out of the little bubble you've created in your head for yourself. Looking bad doesn't matter. The only one that is going to remember and care is yourself, and even then, you only care if you want to. This will give you experience and fortify this realization in yourself.

Nothing really matters, my friend. You might as well have fun with things!

SteaknEggs2 · 2014-12-24T16:46:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rosickness12 · 2014-12-24T16:02:30+00:00

Drew Carey once said something along these lines. If you like something then you have to not care. Liking meaning the act of introducing yourself to woman. This stuck with me because I always related job interviews with introductions to woman. I found out to really not care about the end result. Obviously you do but try to get in the mentality of thinking what's the worse that can happen. There are a lot of woman. There are a lot of jobs. The worse is really not bad at all. But backing out. That's the worse. That guy on the Simpson's Sal, the guy always failing and desperate for a job. That's not who you want to be. Not sure what's worse, backing out of the attempt or being desperate during the attempt. Just go in and really not give a shit. Why be something you're not just to find out she isn't into the real you. Get a woman that likes you for the real you up front. We've all been there. And ya it sucks

nocturnalscreams · 2014-12-24T18:21:31+00:00

Just about every guy faces approach anxiety when trying to meet women, nothing to be ashamed about.

My advice to you is the embrace rejection. Instill in your mind that whenever a girl rejects you, the sky will still be in place and thats its no big deal.

On my 27th bday I went clubbing with a group of my friends and I told them that my goal for the night was to get 10 rejections. Most of my friends were like 'what?'

Now the idea behind this excercise is not that I actually wanted to get rejected 10 times, but that I have to force myself to approach 10 women. So for the night I ended up approaching a total of 12 women and got 2 of them to dance with me, which is a 17% success rate.

Now what I got from doing this is realizing that its all a numbers game, MOST women WILL reject you, but not ALL will. Also for every rejection I gain a funny story to share and if you're fortunate like me you'll have good friends who you can share these stories with and laugh with you about them.

so all in all... embrace rejection and just have fun with it, don't take approaching women so seriously.

johnnyd9 · 2014-12-24T16:04:07+00:00

Experience matters less than you think. That anxiety never goes away, so it's important to use it to your advantage.

So yeah, know that Most "pickups" fail. Probably 99%. Don't be so hard on yourself, try and enjoy screwing around with them a little bit seeing as it doesn't matter anyways. Might help you relax.

JMAN_JUSTICE · 2014-12-24T20:38:02+00:00

Whenever I'm stuck on an approach I always ask myself these three questions that I remember seeing on TED.

What if I succeed? What are all of the possibilities that could happen between you and this girl? This is what gets you motivated to approach.

What if I fail? Think realistically on this one. What's the worst possible thing that this girl would do to you in the public setting that you're on right now. Most women wouldn't downright embarrass you and make a scene. Unless she's a total b$@&! but then why would you want to deal with that anyway?

What if I do nothing? And this is the question that gets to almost everyone. It make take a few girls for it to actually sink in and realize it, but this is the worst feeling you can get. If you fail, well at least you tried and gave it your best.

If you do nothing, then you don't move forward, grow, and learn from your mistakes. You're actually doing the opposite by growing accustomed to doing nothing. No matter how much material we read and watch and on here. The best way to learn is in the field.

AlexanderGson · 2014-12-24T19:22:07+00:00

Personally I find it hard to approach more because most of my encounters with women hasn't turned out too well. And I don't mean I didn't get laid. I mean that I found it boring and exhausting to talk with them.

When the few approaches I do mostly end up with boring girls unwilling to talk and acting like I'm some weird stranger it loses its charm really quickly.

I haven't really reached that level of just having a lot of fun with a girl. I did make out with one this summer and had loads of fun, but that's pretty much it. But on the other side of the coin I didn't get invited to the NYE party my friends are going to this year because I apparently had been a bit too on with a girl attending that party.

I'm not sure how to get over that hurdle. Not sure what I should do to get more enjoyment from talking with girls. No one wants to do something that's not fun.

Kay1000RR · 2014-12-24T18:55:49+00:00

It's because inexperienced guys are not used to being rejected.

My friends and I used to compete to see who would be the first to be rejected by 10 women at clubs. The number would be 5 at a smaller bar. The guy who came in last place had to pick up the tab. He lost the contest, but it probably means he actually got a few numbers.

Satangel371 · 2014-12-24T21:21:34+00:00

Not knowing what to say after the approach, not feeling confident enough, always thinking 'what's she thinking', ...

Also it's REALLY hard to talk in crowded clubs or bars with super loud music and a bit of alcohol in your system. Like, how am I supposed to hold a conversation there?

joshsway · 2014-12-24T16:27:05+00:00

Everyone has approach anxiety from time to time.. and there are some rational reasons for it. For example, one legitimate reason to not approach is if you think rejection probability is very high and you are highly visible to other potential targets.. it's not great for people to see you get blown out. In that case, pick a different target.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2014-12-24T17:59:33+00:00

They oftentimes haven't yet experienced how to really be a leader and take action. How to face emotionally-challenging situations and deal with them. How to do something even when they don't want to.

It's not a matter of lacking knowledge, but rather emotional fortitude (at least IMO).

n8dawwg · 2014-12-24T19:02:42+00:00

To answer your question, the reason why inexpierenced guys find it hard to approach is because they lack expierence? How do you get expierence? After you finish your degree you are just going to have to get an entry level position and get a few years expierence. After that, you can then try again for the positions that require expierence.

2014-12-24T20:16:16+00:00

What the fuck ??? Just let the anger and shame at your house ! You can vaccum it later ! :)

letsgofightdragons · 2014-12-24T21:32:43+00:00

Approach anxiety. Use the five second rule.

wirelezz · 2014-12-24T22:19:11+00:00

During our lives, we are trained to fear rejection, and we fear being unsuccessful. We are taught that risk is bad, so we prefer not dealing with it. We've had negative experiences as well, it's nearly impossible not to have them during at least your puberty.

The key is understanding that rejection is fine. It's an everyday thing. It's not the end of the world. Inexperienced people do not really embrace this concept.

MartinShureman · 2014-12-25T02:16:56+00:00

Let's get rid of that approach anxiety like I did. You just can't approach her yet because you didn't train approaching (it's like lifting weights) Go to a big city where you don't know anyone and begin small. Ask a girl for directions or the time. The second time maybe blink to her. You will gain positive emotional state. Next girl ask her if she know's nice places to go out. Try to extend the conversation. Focus on things around you. And on her. (the situation) Next girl ask her what present to buy for your sister or cousin. Extend the conversation. Try this on more intimidating girls/groups whatever. Than you can go indirect just talk like you don't care what she thinks girls like that. Relax your facial muscles when talking. Focus on being relaxed. Learn to meditate use that while talking. Be funny. Enjoy the moment with her. If she shows interest by asking a question or trying to impress you. It's time to be direct. And ask her to come with you. Or say you should come to bla bla. Remember rejection is a victory. You have gotten over your anxiety and every step is a huge one. Remember that. This is called day game. You train cold approach pickup. And become good. If you do it a lot it will become easy. The girl can sense your not afraid which makes you very attractive. Use positive and negative body language. There's a lot to cover. I have a site called: www.howtomakeawomanfallinlovewithyou.net and it's NOT about getting the girl it's about learning the skill. That way you'll always win.

needanawesomejob · 2014-12-25T03:40:25+00:00

Social status matters

ebrau36 · 2014-12-25T03:43:56+00:00

Not all situations are actually appropriate to approach in. Listen to your intuition.

FuckComfort · 2014-12-25T04:34:11+00:00

Its hard because its unusal. Thats it.

Come out of your comfortzone, do it for 2-3 times and the next thing happening is that it will be way easier for you to approach the next girl coming around the corner, than it was for the very first time.

And some other day it will be routine.

How did Nike say? Just do it. BOOM.

Love

FuckComfort

formulaNoFap · 2014-12-26T01:06:54+00:00

Just remember, if you have the balls to cold approach a girl, you're doing better than 99% of men out there.

Duncandoesdonuts · 2015-01-02T04:55:15+00:00

rsdnation.com

delmar15 · 2014-12-24T23:32:40+00:00

There's also time and place. You wouldn't approach a cute girl when she's outside doing a 6 mile run, would you? I mean you could, but she's not welcoming an approach. If the coffee shop girl never looked up from her computer, she may be just too busy for strangers to approach her. If you were a friend, different story.

MartinShureman · 2014-12-24T21:08:39+00:00

not a good time to approach, women are constantly hit on, coffee shop is a bad place because people go there to get work done. Now, if she was in line ordering, you could have made the approach based on her order (poke fun at her fancy smanchy vanilla late 10 syllable drink she ordered). When the girl is sitting by herself at table studying, you are doomed. Source: My countless coffee shop attempts

Title	Why do inexperienced guys find it hard to approach?
Author	galactic_fury
Upvotes	126
Comments	66
Date	December 24, 2014 2:54 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2qa4q6/why_do_inexperienced_guys_find_it_hard_to_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-inexperienced-guys-find-it-hard-to-approach.1381379 https://theredarchive.com/post/1381379

Comments