A word of advice from my roommate's girlfriend.

static626 · 2015-07-06T04:11:04+00:00

One of my friends uses this technique and all the girls see him as such a deep thinker because he always looks to be contemplating something and when he does speak it's very well thought out. Definitely recommend this.

rambopr · 2015-07-06T04:23:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

recyclablebantha · 2015-07-06T04:21:13+00:00

Another great effect is that I get to relax for the first time. For the longest time I got into the habit of trying to add to the conversation by thinking of random topics to talk about. Stop. Silence is your best friend. I'm done trying to impress. Let the conversation come naturally. Let them think of something if you got nothing. Otherwise relax and enjoy the view of her or his eyes.

Nice, OP!

To add to this, the fact that you're sitting back, makes it easier to actively listen to the one(s) talking and observe the whole situation, which gives you plenty of options for what you might say when you do open your mouth.

Agu001 · 2015-07-06T09:44:10+00:00

In the end, Louis's silence kept those around him terrified and under his thumb. It was one of the foundations of his power. As Saint-Simon wrote, "No one knew as well as he how to sell his words, his smile, even his glances. Everything in him was valuable because he created differences, and his majesty was enhanced by the sparseness of his words."

------ The 48 Laws of Power (On Louis XIV)

JessePinkman88 · 2015-07-06T10:32:06+00:00

I think this could be useful for some if your rambling comes from a place of neediness.

However, be careful not to censor yourself. You still want to feel free to express your opinions, thoughts and stories without regard to how others receive you.

So maybe it's not about talking less, but why are you talking. If you're talking to get attention and feel included, you give off the needy vibe. If you talk because you love sharing your goals, hobbies, jokes with others and don't care if they cause a reaction or not, then you give off a confident vibe.

Treat the cause, not the effect.

singeblanc · 2015-07-06T09:18:59+00:00

When people are nervous they tend to speak too fast. Slow down your speaking, try to use a lower register.

Smartare · 2015-07-06T09:23:33+00:00

I need to work on this. Whenever I'm in a conversation I enjoy I get way to excited and talk alot and really fast.

falafin · 2015-07-06T10:54:59+00:00

How to hold a conversation like a man

oppy1984 · 2015-07-06T10:30:27+00:00

I just spent the past few minutes thinking back to all my failed first dates and I realized that I do that. I tend to ramble on and on, and it never works out. The last girlfriend I had I wasn't really interested in at first so I didn't say much, and she ended up being the one who came after me.

I'm definitely going to have to start practicing saying less, and choosing my words so that they have meaning.

Thanks /u/bluwalrus!

caesarfecit · 2015-07-06T10:17:06+00:00

This is a great point. Want to avoid over-committing/investing in interactions and looking needy - ask yourself how much of other people's attention are you demanding?

Here's the thing, you need to demand some attention in order to make an impression on people and express certainty. But if you do that with everything, you burn people out and you look uncalibrated/overcompensating.

The key to being subtle is to not be in people's faces. And it's also the key to charm - coming in under the radar, on a not fully conscious level. That's where things like body language and touch make a big difference.

invinciblesummmer · 2015-07-06T11:48:52+00:00

Dude that is seriously good fucking advice. I need this. Thank you.

King_Awkward_IV · 2015-07-06T15:47:08+00:00

"Brevity is the soul of wit"

--- William Shakespeare

Kubrick_Fan · 2015-07-06T22:22:36+00:00

What do you suggest for people like me who stumble over words a lot even if i have time to think?

daygamer69 · 2015-07-06T09:42:45+00:00

I'm too fucking stupid to make long sentences work. I'm too stupid to be witty or funny either.

You don't need to ramble or make jokes. People still smile if you speak within a light-hearted vibe and give positive energy.

themasterof · 2015-07-06T14:12:39+00:00

I used to be like this, but then forced my self to be more talkative and entertaining, because I thought is what you are supposed to be. I am going back to the old me.

2015-07-06T14:23:05+00:00

I have a lot of shit to hide and I can never remember what I've already told a girl or if the details I know about her are really about her or about another girl I am seeing.

So I barely talk.

They seem to really like that.

bluwalrus · 2015-07-07T05:04:32+00:00

Heil Reddit!

Elfclan30 · 2015-07-07T14:42:57+00:00

I am an introvert(classifed as a ¨thinker¨one) So most of the time I am quiet, so I do this naturally. However I ruin it when I get in confidence and start talking more than I should haha

cihanimal · 2015-07-06T11:19:37+00:00

Does it ever create an awkward silence when you're thinking of what to say?

For instance, if someone has asked you a question, even taking ten seconds to think of your reply is going to feel like an eternity in a conversation. How do you let someone know that you are thinking of your reply, without making it look like you're just staring at them and not answering the question?

Whalers7997 · 2015-07-06T13:51:11+00:00

Mysterious is key

MadDogTannen · 2015-07-06T14:44:24+00:00

I think this is good advice, but I'll offer a counter point. I'm the type of guy where if I'm not actively participating in the conversation, my mind wanders and I tend to get a zoned out expression on my face, which makes people think I'm weird if they even bother to notice me at all. I should probably work on staying present regardless, but it's just so boring to watch other people talking.

The other issue for me is that I'm an excellent conversationalist. I'm good at using conversation to flirt and build rapport, and being such a good conversationalist has helped mask some of my nonverbal weaknesses. I would really struggle without the use of my strongest skill.

MultipleMatrix · 2015-07-06T16:22:16+00:00

That's sweet advice. It's also nice that it gives a piece of evidence that women can give good advice, it just needs to come from a place of attentiveness from the woman watching the guy rather than the woman inserting herself as the direct object.

delhidude · 2015-07-06T17:34:24+00:00

Sometimes when i don't get enough sleep,i feel myself more excited and talk too much which is annoying. Yeah silence is the best option.How do you control that excitement?

shoulderof · 2015-07-06T17:58:13+00:00

I've started experimenting with this recently. Think of it like this. You're the anchor, holding the conversation together with insightful, intelligent and funny points. Thrown in occasionally with a cool and confident demeanour (good body language, easy smile etc.). She flits around this and it works a charm.

youlovethisish · 2015-07-06T18:55:46+00:00

Lay your sentences like you lay the pipe - good and thick.

cinnamon-clock · 2015-07-06T22:46:00+00:00

This definitely helps! I'm a woman and I don't consider myself someone that rambles a lot, but I find myself feeling nervous and uptight when I'm with someone who is visibly awkward while talking. Sometimes, quiet lulls in conversation are nice. You don't always have to fill them up with words. It will help both you and whoever you're talking to feel relaxed if you just let the conversation flow.

cynicalsimon · 2015-07-07T00:34:59+00:00

What the fuck. Don't change the way you speak, just to fuck a bitch. Be you and don't be ashamed. You will ruin your personality

pnt9 · 2015-07-07T00:45:50+00:00

How do you guys think this works with the "approach everyone" idea? This is something I have never figured out: if you only speak when you have something meaningful to say, then doesn't that mitigate the opportunity to start talking to anyone at any time?

PAFaieta · 2015-07-07T04:18:50+00:00

Sentences are like dicks.. Women prefer them thick.

Boko_Met · 2015-07-06T09:31:47+00:00

“Shy and unready men are great betrayers of secrets; for there are few wants more urgent for the moment than the want of something to say.”

Title	A word of advice from my roommate's girlfriend.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	460
Comments	67
Date	July 6, 2015 3:43 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3c9il8/a_word_of_advice_from_my_roommates_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-word-of-advice-from-my-roommates-girlfriend.1390599 https://theredarchive.com/post/1390599

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