Is waiting to have sex until marriage a waste of time in life?

LearnEndlessly · 2017-05-15T15:11:38+00:00

You're pretty much preaching to the choir (heh) in this sub. I was raised up that way and personally got to experience the bullshit associated with those ideas for too long. It's desperately hurtful.

t1mman · 2017-05-15T15:06:51+00:00

We all live with different values, prioritise and scale things up or down depending on our views or life. Some people don’t put sex in an high value, and as long as both of the entity of the couple are aware and having similar scale, I think it could work.

I think it’s more important to find someone with a similar scale than try to adapt someone to yours / adapt to another one.

Garthanthoclops · 2017-05-15T21:16:23+00:00

This is a matter of opinion. Don't try and make it fact. You may think its pointless, and that is probably the popular opinion, but that doesn't mean others don't have enough justification for themselves.

Let me ask you, what experience do you have to say that someone is going to have a fetish and ruin their relationship? Do you have statistics on this, or is it a blind conjecture? I'm guessing the latter? My cousin waited 3 years until marriage and she and her husband have a wonderful marriage. No problems whatsoever. Speak for yourself, but don't speak as though your opinions are fact and applied to all.

DjangoZero · 2017-05-15T14:55:31+00:00

I think it's better to ask actual religious people who have done it than in seduction.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-05-15T20:01:13+00:00

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Luffydude · 2017-05-15T14:47:11+00:00

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Bud_Johnson · 2017-05-15T20:48:26+00:00

Different people value different things. Its up to you to decide.

Locupleto · 2017-05-15T22:33:56+00:00

After having enough partners to kinda get the idea that the wide variety wasn't exactly enriching overall. I feel like I'm past the point of being able to enjoy drowning in infatuation having sex with someone new and I miss that. I'm not complaining so much, I feel this was the right road for me.

There is something special about early sex, all the discovery and mystery uncovered. I think it might be special if two people were each others only sex partner. It could be very special to have that between each other.

And from what I have experienced and seen through others, Marriage can use every possible boost.

SexySmexxy · 2017-05-16T00:24:37+00:00

What makes something a waste of time?

Well, look at your objectives.

For example you want to get from A to B.

One route takes 5 minutes, one route takes 50 minutes.

But the 50 minute route takes you through great fields and forests while the 5 minute route takes you through the heart of the city with nothing but dull buildings and a lot of pollution.

If your goal is to get there as soon as possible take route A, if you'd like to see a nicer sight on the route and avoid pollution take route B.

There routes are in no way metaphors for sex before or after marriage, they simply explain how asking if anything is a waste of time, typically is a heavily subjective question, that is - it's based purely on the opinion of the person that you ask.

The example you give in your post highlights a particular problem of the issue, but is obviously heavily biased to suit the agenda of your post, that sex before marriage is the better choice to waiting till after marriage to have sex. But some people might not feel comfortable having sex with someone they haven't married yet.

Some people might think sex is much more special than western movies, tv-shows and celebrity culture would have you think.

Sex before or after marriage is strictly personal choice based on upbringing and personal values, there is no right or wrong answer because people are allowed to have sex whenever they decided they want to.

aesop_fables · 2017-05-15T19:27:22+00:00

If I married the first girl I had sex with my sex life would've been fucking awful. I thought she was great until I got with the next girl and was blown away. My current SO is hands down the best sex I've had. So, no. 0% chance I'd wait until marriage for sex. Plus, sex is a language. If you guys aren't compatible in the bed we'll that marriage is gonna suck.

Polkaflap · 2017-05-16T00:03:05+00:00

Waiting until marriage for sex makes sense to me, but not as a virgin LOL If you've been around the block, and know how to communicate well, then you and a partner could still foster plenty of intimacy that doesn't get too hot physically. I think it's a nice way for two very compatible people to save a special moment for the occasion of marriage. However! I also don't believe that anyone would bother to wait just because. Humans are so horny!

moviemaker10 · 2017-05-16T00:38:14+00:00

Most of my family did that. Oldest three are divorced so..

DaygameCoach · 2017-05-16T00:55:45+00:00

People are entitled to their own beliefs and values.

jumpforge · 2017-05-16T05:12:32+00:00

Call me old-fashioned, but I'm not religious at all (was an ant-theist for a time) and I do think that chastity is something to be admired and preserved. There's a lot of psychological and societal research backing the fact that not being a slut or man-whore is not only good for your own mental and physical health, but society as a whole. There's a reason why humans have been monogamous (with a few variations) throughout our evolution from apes, to hominids and humans.

If anything, I don't see what's so great about treating sex like a purely recreational activity, and I definitely don't agree with the current societal trend of encouraging extremely promiscuous behavior.

There's a difference between having sex before marriage with someone you truly care about, and slumming about in nightclubs, bars, and tinder looking for that easy lay.

Remember, Christianity did not enforce monogamy and marraige upon the world. Christianity was formed as a framework based on what was already practiced; like it or not, the family unit and monogamy are the mechanisms which have held our species' together through the ages.

STDs, unwanted pregnancies/abortions, lack of societal cohesion- this current trend is definitely a new experiment, and I'm not alone - nor am I without history and research - in saying it's a dangerous experiment.

And this is coming from a fairly liberal agnostic. People have a right to act in whatever what they choose, but you should remember that no action is without consequence.

jumpforge · 2017-05-16T05:43:59+00:00

Also, another note to make: marraige is not about sex. Sex is not the main goal of marraige. Neither is true love. The point of marraige is to have someone you can depend on, a companion more than a fuck buddy. Relationships grounded on sex are the most flimsy, and sex becomes less and less important the older you grow. This is less a concern for men than for women, whose objective value in the dating/relationship marker goes down the older they get.

The group most harmed by this culture is women, who ultimately find themselves alone and wanting for family once they realize that this is what they want. And generally, most women do get to this stage. There are the outliers like in anything, the very motivated, career-driven women who are willing to make that sacrifice. But on the whole, the very idea and promise made to women that you will have a career is a lie: few people have careers. Most people have jobs, and a job is something that someone pays you to do because otherwise you wouldn't do it. Women get jobs, and they see that there is more to life than slaving away in corporate.

letsgetrandy · 2017-05-15T16:27:08+00:00

The idea of waiting until marriage is built into males by evolution — if your mate was not a virgin, you have no way of knowing that your offspring is truly yours, and therefore you could be spending your resources and risking your own safety to protect a child that doesn't even have your genes.

This clearly explains why it became such a paramount facet of religion, since religion primarily served to encode tribal knowledge into enforceable laws.

Now if we fast-forward to modern day, there are many scientific developments that make all of those superstitions irrelevant. If you want to prove paternity, there are simple DNA tests that can be performed. And birth control also means that a person need not be a virgin in order to avoid having an unplanned pregnancy.

So all things considered, there is no practical purpose for waiting until marriage... and indeed there are several dis-advantages — most significant of which being that you go into a sexual relationship with no prior practice or experience, and therefore no actual ability to perform satisfactorily.

And that's just if you're female. If you're male, it's even far stupider to wait until marriage, because there is literally nothing to have been gained, and every reason to believe it's going to make you a far worse lover than what could ever satisfy your wife.

2017-05-15T17:41:33+00:00

Yes, it's absolute religious bullshit. Everybody needs intimacy and sex in their relationship, NOT having that is unnatural.

TheModernLoki · 2017-05-15T14:37:53+00:00

Think back to the first time you had sex. It was horrible. I would call a liar anyone who says they enjoyed it. Not only do you not know what you like, but you dont know what your partner likes. AND EVEN WORSE you dont know that you know nothing.

As time goes by we get better, much better. But can you imagine having a lovely day, getting married and spending time with family, and ruining the nice day with painful, unorganised, underwhelming sex?

I pity anyone who decides to wait.

ImBadWithGrils · 2017-05-15T19:31:30+00:00

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nowwhatjoe · 2017-05-15T16:16:39+00:00

Yes! There's no rational argument that justifies waiting. It only stems from religious nonsense.

tony18215 · 2017-05-15T18:55:23+00:00

I think it is ,because alot of people rush in to marriage to have sex..

CibrecaNA · 2017-05-15T19:10:48+00:00

DO NOT WAIT!

Friendly_B · 2017-05-15T19:15:05+00:00

Your example is ridiculous.

However, I married a virgin, at 27. A lasting paradise, it was not.

Terminator2a · 2017-05-15T21:00:56+00:00

Yes. It only exists because of societal/religious pressure.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-05-15T21:17:18+00:00

Yes it is, and so is getting married to have sex.

venttress · 2017-05-15T21:19:49+00:00

I would not date someone who wanted to wait until marriage. For them, it may be important, but for me, it is a waste of time. Sexual compatibility is very important to me.

skinisblackmetallic · 2017-05-15T22:36:35+00:00

leoyoung1 · 2017-05-15T23:06:49+00:00

Yes.

nefosjb · 2017-05-15T23:37:03+00:00

ProfsrChaos · 2017-05-16T00:44:04+00:00

I don't have a problem with people who wait until marriage. The problem I have is the persistent narrative that there is something wrong with you if you don't wait.

Marriage is primarily a religious ceremony and the emphasis on waiting until marriage falls too far into the "people saying what's best for other people's lives" and prevents discussion and education about the activity in general.

Sure if you want to wait until marriage that's fine. Unfortunately I value a healthy sexual relationship as part of the criteria for the person that I will spend the rest of my life with and I wont know if we're compatible unless we try.

bones_and_love · 2017-05-16T05:38:12+00:00

Well, the first thing I'll say is I agree that it's not very realistic nowadays to wait until marriage if for no other reason than people wait so long until they think about getting married. I know it's not a completely fair comparison, but it's sort of like us having our ability to speak but holding off until we're 4 before we start allowing ourselves to talk to each other. In that example, it's clear as day that it'd make for severely stunted people (who maybe even can't ever talk like those feral kids in history), but I'll admit again that sexual expression isn't quite as extreme.

With that being said, I don't think your main complaint about the practice makes sense, because if you're actually denying sex for your religion (not just being an antisocial weirdo that dates no one), you're probably also actually not watching porno since their religious beliefs say no to both. There's always the microscopic counterexample, but for the vast majority of people, if they didn't experience it during sex or from porn, they probably won't have the fetish. Your complaint can also be addressed by two people who are considering marrying each other asking (before getting engaged), "Do you know if you have any sexual fetishes? I want to make sure we're compatible on paper before getting married. I know we've both not had sex, but I'm also aware that we've both ran into different fetish concepts in pop culture / porn, and I just want to make sure."

By the way, there's tons of virgins out there that say they're waiting until marriage, but they'll pounce the second the opportunity presents itself. A good way to tell if you're just saying you're religious as an excuse is to see if you watch porno. If you're watching porno... chances are you're just a virgin due to your inability to have sex right now, not your religion. So many weird people claim they're holding off as a matter of principle.

lysianax · 2017-05-16T13:07:06+00:00

Good job OP, you've started a war.

pointmanzero · 2017-05-15T18:03:15+00:00

All you need to know is whenever people face death , dying in a hospital bed. They never say "man I really wish I had had less sex and fun while alive"

Aarxnw · 2017-05-16T00:04:36+00:00

Only the biggest waste of time in the world. Fuck that dude, seriously, one of the most harmful things ever, one of the reasons I despise religion.

Luffydude · 2017-05-15T18:39:08+00:00

I don't think there is ANY SINGLE PERSON in the world that's into BDSM and is waiting for marriage to have sex. Then again I may be wrong

Sex is a basic human necessity. People waiting for marriage are needy and repressed

Title	Is waiting to have sex until marriage a waste of time in life?
Author	boikakonfer
Upvotes	91
Comments	91
Date	May 15, 2017 2:32 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6baq7j/is_waiting_to_have_sex_until_marriage_a_waste_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-waiting-to-have-sex-until-marriage-a-waste-of.1424717 https://theredarchive.com/post/1424717

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