How important is it when you're a virgin to keep that fact hidden when it comes to casual relationships?

onfire9123 · 2017-07-19T20:01:59+00:00

Dont wear it on your sleeve but if asked, answer it and care not about the response you get. You dont care what people think of you. Outcome independence is still important at that stage. Maintain yours.

Morokweng · 2017-07-19T22:35:45+00:00

It probably won't come up if you're pulling a girl from night game.

Don't let this hold you back.

However, remember that losing your virginity isn't going to magically solve all of your problems with life and self-esteem. You will feel the same afterwards, and your brain will find more bullshit excuses to make you feel afraid and anxious to talk to girls. Stop listening.

Earthquake14 · 2017-07-19T21:41:32+00:00

I was in a similar situation. Just don't tell them. I want on Tinder, we went out, had a bunch of drinks. If anything, she'll just think you're not very experienced, which is way better than her knowing you're a virgin.

WolfofDesign · 2017-07-20T00:58:40+00:00

Over 25 and still a virgin! Use this one amazing technique. LIE! Then a year or two into the relationship casually bring it up in conversation. Let it be a surprise, she will love it.

Truckyouinthebutt · 2017-07-19T22:43:37+00:00

I found being a virgin as a guy is just as seductive as a woman being a virgin as long as you don't look the part. Take Tim tebow for example. Lift, dress well, be sociable, have a good job. If you're a virgin girls will see you more as a prize. It worked well for be til I was 18, then when I lost it I didn't tell girls I was a virgin anymore and they didn't have that same gleam in there eye. Then in college I tried to tell them again I was and they knew I was lying.

It could help if you look the part of the manly stud but if you look like Steve Carroll in 40 yo virgin then I don't think so

ImJustSo · 2017-07-19T20:25:02+00:00

So here's the deal with anything you feel should be hidden. If there's something you're insecure about, then that is something that can be used against you.

My experience is relevant, because I have to court women and then tell them I'm not single. If I'm hedging at all to tell the women the truth, then they react badly. If I blatantly and nonchalantly say, "Well, I usually don't meet with women before they know I'm not single. I'm not here just wasting people's time though, so I understand if you'd like me to quit speaking to you."

In every instance of that utterance I've been met with, "Nuh Uh! You can keep talking to me if it's okay, ya know, with your girl"

What I'd like to think is that a virgin, single male, is absolutely more attractive to women (as a whole) than any man that's already spoken for, so I think you're better off than me.

Do not tell lies, BUT do not volunteer information. You don't owe anyone that. If they ask specifically? Sure. Be honest. Just be secure.

chaosandmayhem · 2017-07-19T21:57:35+00:00

Be forthcoming about it if you're asked. Most secure people aren't going to parade their number of sexual partners unless they're asked.

lonmoer · 2017-07-19T22:26:21+00:00

She'll know.

Solve_et_Memoria · 2017-07-20T04:32:52+00:00

I think a one night stand will not be the answer you're looking for. It sounds like you've gone 30 years without an intimate girlfriend and that speaks more to being socially retarded. Fucking a prostitute in Tijuana is going to make your true-story way more embaressing than being a 30 yo virgin.

I think you should become rich, fit, social, honest and persue something great in your life. Consider that you might be a virgin socially or financially. That's way more important than being a virgin-sexually. In my opinion of course!

RemyLemon · 2017-07-20T05:53:16+00:00

Just don't tell, the worst that can happen is the sex is awkward.

It's not like you have a horrible condition that can't be cured.

Most women don't care about you being a virgin at the core. It's about the fact that they think a virgin dude has something wrong with him, like he's half retarded or anti social or maybe clingy later on down the road.

You can avoid all headache by just saying nothing. No women has ever asked me if I was or was not. When the sex is bad, just say hey....I'm new to this. That way, those preconceptions are eliminated until after she wants to fuck you silly.

Women only divulge being a virgin to stop every date from getting his hopes up that he's getting laid anytime soon. Had a girl like that, tried to date her but it was too frustrating.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-07-20T08:59:05+00:00

Now I'm aware when you're young it's not that big of a deal at all, but when you're over 25 a male and still a virgin it can feel like it can be used against you.

You act like people are psychic. They aren't.

As a 30 year old virgin I've especially felt like this could be used against me and I've had an experience where I was utterly rejected because of my lack of sexual experience. I personally thought honesty would be best but when that happened I started to wonder..

Here's the thing. You ELECTED to tell her and screwed yourself. And what your confession did was unintentionally tell her, "I don't know how to handle my own inexperience and I need you to do everything for me and take care of my emotionally."

That was a little much, and killed the attraction, apparently. Just an educated guess.

Now at present I'm NOT looking for a relationship until I squash my virginity problem so ideally I'd like either a friend with benefits or a one night stand so how much does prior sexual experience matter to people for that?

Couple things here:

Your experience level means that actively trying for a specific kind of thing, might be a little too advanced. And if you ultimately WANT a relationship anyway, then that's going to screw you over because that feeling will come out in everything you do while you try to pursue something "casual."
Your "experience" level doesn't technically matter to anyone in sex. What matters really is attitude. I mean really, what's the difference between a guy with experience who STILL SUCKS AT SEX, and you, a virgin? The guy who sucks at sex probably thinks he's God's gift and doesn't have anything to learn because he has "experience 'banging' chicks." Meanwhile at least you'd be willing to learn and improve.
On the note of being willing to learn and improve, reading up EVERYTHING you can online about sex, can go a long way towards preparing you. Before I ever had sex, I had read up on the g-spots (male and female), the different orgasms an guy and girl can have (there are at least two), where the clit is, oral sex, different sexual positions, and so on. Why the hell do you think you need to go in knowing nothing? Doesn't that strike you as fucking ridiculous, pun intended? In any case, I studied up on the things I just listed. I read everything I could find on sex. When I actually had sex, none of my early partners asked if I was a virgin or asked about my experience. Not one person.
Also, attitude is key. If you can go in focused on being curious about exploring a woman's body and what makes her feel good, you'll go far. Don't concern yourself with doing "the right thing" because it really doesn't exist. EVERY girl is going to be different in some way. So fussing over what to do is missing the point.

Should I really just keep my mouth shut about it or even lie?

No need to lie, but there's also no reason it would come up. Unless you open your MOUTH and turn the conversation in that direction.

Andigger · 2017-07-20T11:40:14+00:00

I wouldn't tell anyone. There are lots of people who still act unexperienced although they already had sex

souljabri557 · 2017-07-20T13:12:41+00:00

Unpopular opinion: just lie. Say you've been with a few people in the past, shrug, and change the subject. It's not that difficult.

cockycomedy · 2017-07-19T22:53:16+00:00

A pickup coach named 26 got his name because was a virgin until 26 years old.

I've had an experience where I was utterly rejected because of my lack of sexual experience

How do you know that? You are speaking as if you have super game, you're confident, secure, understand female psychology and how attraction works; you can pull girls out of their boyfriend's arms and take them out, you can get 4 girls to go home with you: but they all leave after they find out you lack the sexual experience.

What you lack is confidence, what you lack is security (being secure with who you are - not a bodyguard), what you lack is game: your virginity goes away the first time you get a girl to sleep with you: just a few minutes. You may suck at it, you may be terrible, but who cares - you've lost your virginity.

but when you're over 25 a male and still a virgin it can feel like it can be used against you.

You need to give up the idea that women are the enemy and they are out there to get you and use things against you and you have to be on guard all the time. You will not get a beautiful girlfriend or be able to have a healthy relationship until you do.

You need a clear reset. Entire brain-bleaching. You need to get rid of the misconceptions that poisoned your opinions and biases against women and other guys for 30 years. You may get some girls before you do: but you still won't have an idea what's going on, and would only be taken advantage of for your money or other things.

Start with Vin DiCarlo's "The Attraction Code". It's not sold anymore but you can find the pdf book if you google the name. It's different from other books on seduction where it explores an AFC (average frustrated chump) who isn't good women in his journey to become good with women, and learn everything about attraction and male/female psychology along the way.

You don't need pickup lines, or techniques to hide your virginity: you need to KILL THE BOY Kakeshihayabusa221. MAN Kakeshihayabusa221 won't come out until that. And for that, you have to read, practice and reprogram your mind with things your parents neglected to teach you.

666jio666 · 2017-07-20T03:18:01+00:00

You should keep that private probably. People are rude and judgmental and you don't need that. but idk the right person hopefully wouldnt be judgmental so good luck!

RespondsWithImprov · 2017-07-20T05:51:04+00:00

It's not something to mention

dnlslm9 · 2017-07-20T06:54:07+00:00

Think of it this way people use to wed as virgins its normal to be unexperienced the first time with a partner.

drunkasaurusrex · 2017-07-20T07:18:41+00:00

Have you ever considered hiring someone to help you with this?

motorku531 · 2017-07-20T12:56:41+00:00

Dude if it bothers you so much just go to a prostitue. I did that recently and for one fucking hour I paid like 50 dolars, and mind you, she was gorgeous. But I live in a central europe so prices here are low. You'll have a wonderful experience and it will give you a nice boost for approaches.

pyr0phelia · 2017-07-20T15:28:33+00:00

Talk to an escort. Forget about your V-Card for a minute because there are basic interpersonal emotional and physical skills that you are lacking and a professional can help you with that. Also I want to be very clear here, I am not talking about spending money on a hooker. If all you care about is getting laid that's easy, open up tinder and swipe right on every girl thats 60-100lbs over weight. What you need right now is interpersonal training and at 30, I am afraid a professional is your best option.

PS: You can't lie about being a virgin. There are things that will become extremely obvious very quickly to her.

AlexPhase2 · 2017-07-20T15:45:27+00:00

All comes down to the vibe and way you present it. If you tell them all un-confident and ashamed of it they'll feel it coming off of you and may judge. But if you throw in some jokes and just say it with no hesitancy or judgement you'll probably get a whole nother reaction. Of course though you don't ever have to mention it to anybody because it's not something that comes up in conversation often, so keep it to yourself for the most part (especially for 1 night stands).

TheBetterManZA · 2017-07-20T21:16:30+00:00

As a 33 year old male who lost his V card at the age of 31, I would not say anything until you've given her at least one orgasm. I was fortunate enough to get a girlfriend (it only lasted for a few months, but we were officially exclusive from a few weeks in) who was super attracted to me, and by our second date I had my hands down her pants. Fingered her, got her off, and she was amazed coz it was one of the best orgasms she ever had.

When I told her that was the first time I ever fingered a girl she was convinced I was lying (I had read a lot of books and watched a lot of instructional videos at this point). It took her a couple of weeks to realise I was telling the truth (she was also convinced I had another girl hidden somewhere for about the same amount of time but eh, women). Also, it won't be that important if the girl is attracted to you and wants to sleep with you.

Chad_bisceglia · 2017-07-25T17:02:59+00:00

lie about it. But in general, girls can smell virginity

Bloodrot · 2017-07-20T03:35:08+00:00

Holy shit...a 30 yr old virgin? And you're here instead of being on r/foreveralone or r/incels?

Lmao...I applaud you for that.

But don't be ashamed of it. Dont brag about it but if the topic comes up...be up front and honest. The girl shouldnt bash you on that.

If she rejects you based on that alone than she's a bitch that doesn't deserve your time.

I think girls looking for something serious might like the idea of their bf being a virgin, because he will be her "first" and that'll make her feel like she was very special to him and all.

Bloodrot · 2017-07-20T03:35:57+00:00

I'm also curious about something...how are you 30 and a virgin? Are you ugly AF? And if you are...how can you use any of the advice given here?

Title	How important is it when you're a virgin to keep that fact hidden when it comes to casual relationships?
Author	Kakeshihayabusa221
Upvotes	83
Comments	107
Date	July 19, 2017 7:35 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6oawr0/how_important_is_it_when_youre_a_virgin_to_keep/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-important-is-it-when-youre-a-virgin-to-keep.1430633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1430633

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