You are losing the game by playing hard.This is what you miss.

CauseImBatman · 2017-11-15T12:12:33+00:00

I absolutely share your point of view.

The problem I'm having is finding these opportunities to just talk to people without being a dude that just started talking to me on the street.

People say you should do something fun and cool like stuff like that just happens everyday. You can't get out of bed and say you're going bungee jumping today so most of the veryday routine is just work, get groceries, feed yourself, go on a walk hoping that maybe there will be an opportunity to strike up a conversation. Go home. Eat. Get ready for bed/watch/read. Sleep.

Luffydude · 2017-11-15T17:19:52+00:00

approaching is shittiest and creepy. It's all about building attraction

How can you build attraction without approaching..?

I swear sometimes the weirdest of posts get upvoted on this sub

tapewormterry · 2017-11-15T15:53:07+00:00

What are you actually advocating in practical terms though? As someone who is basically a life lonog viring who girls aren't remotely interested in

I mean, I go to work and talk with everyone there (I work with about 9 other men)

In my lunch break I try to make small talk with the people who serve me food. I go to the bar after work a few nights a week. Approach some strangers and talk to the bar staff. I go to the gym some nights, and try to talk with people there.

I play football in an indoor league.

What else should I be doing?

SyrusDrake · 2017-11-15T14:45:20+00:00

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demhs · 2017-11-15T14:17:38+00:00

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AdamNJH · 2017-11-15T18:27:12+00:00

How does this shit get upvoted

SyrusDrake · 2017-11-15T14:31:29+00:00

Pllleaaase add spaces after your punctuation marks. It makes texts a thousand times easier to read.
I can't entirely disagree with you. Just approaching random women is...eh. But there are many people who don't have social anxiety but don't like excessive socialization anyway. For introverts, spending time with groups of people is tiring, the bigger the group, the higher the noise level, the more exhausting it gets. Talking to individuals alone is far easier.

rookieMale · 2017-11-15T15:09:30+00:00

Here is the simple fact that you missed. The women that you cold approach, are no different than the women you could find in social settings.

It is all about numbers. But it's not approach everyone. Approach all those whom you find attractive. Math is simple here. The number of beautiful women you can find on the street / grocery store / transportation etc is much more than those you will find in your so called social settings. So no its not the crappiest approach, it's the best one. But you know what it requires balls. So grow them.

Of course keep a social circle is important but the confidence that you get from getting a date from cold approach is much higher.

NoloRadio · 2017-11-15T12:50:19+00:00

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2017-11-15T16:06:24+00:00

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Roman_Stallion · 2017-11-15T17:25:53+00:00

Op, thank you for the post. Some thoughts: 1) it’s a limiting belief, in a way (you can get laid from cold approach and once you start you don’t really stop) 2) most people have boring lifes and it’s hard to meet new people daily (so you need to cold approach) 3) and most conspicously, the # of girls can you hook up with from social circle and activities (without looking like a creep) is much smaller than the # of girls a man wants to hook up. Tl;dr: imho cold approach is harder, it’s a nice hobby, and it has great benefits.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-11-15T15:00:11+00:00

You're not wrong.... but you basically just told everybody to use the "Indirect approach" which is a PUA technique.

IMO, everybody is completely stranger, and they are until you get to know them. Not everybody is running up to women on the street and hitting them up for phone numbers, etc. Yes, that may be creepy, but that's just them. Game can be very subtle, and it can happen very casually without the "creepiness" when you are very experienced and calibrated.

macaroon18 · 2017-11-15T18:39:47+00:00

My issue is I have other goals that don't really let me go out after work all the time lately. I go on dates and stuff lately, but as far as hobbies, I just go to the gym or kickboxing and just picked up my guitar again to practice. If I wanted to, I could probably go out multiple days a week after work but it's not productive to me at the moment.

Basically, I'm a little hindered socially because of my current lifestyle/goals.

Lambdal7 · 2017-11-15T19:37:00+00:00

It's all about numbers is pretty much true.

You can have all the theory you want, all the practical skills, but if you only restrict yourself to your social circle you will still have scarcity.

Furthermore, cold approach teaches you skills you wont get anywhere else and will put you at ease in social situations because cold approach is just the most difficult one.

Yes, if you hve a large social circle, then you don't need cold approach really, but this statement is maybe true for 0.1% in this sub. Thus, the advice is to cold approach to get there.

GD-Zero · 2017-11-15T19:40:02+00:00

Where are u from?

Im from spain and cold approach here is not the same and hasnt got the effect as if you are in USA.

2017-11-16T03:02:06+00:00

How to chat up a random woman without any special opening lines:

1) Make an observation about her.

2) State said observation to her.

3) No observation? Just tell her you saw her and had to come talk to her.

4) Ask only a few questions to find out what she's up to. This is rarely needed.

5) Proceed to state more observations based off what she says.

macaroon18 · 2017-11-16T06:10:09+00:00

No no no! Approaching a woman is NOT creepy! Creepiness is a personal judgement, a response in someone based on their conditioning. You are not responsible for HER CONDITIONING! Women want to be approached in a way thats honest and aware of the vulnerability of the situation for both partys! Its hot!

macaroon18 · 2017-11-16T06:19:09+00:00

If you dont approach you are denying her the opportunity to say yes or no.

Socialinception · 2017-11-15T20:00:39+00:00

"Of course it is,but let's be honest.It's by far the shittiest and creepiest road to take." -You don't substantiate this point with any evidence. "Approaching strange women that you don't have any kind of connection it's not how you win "the game",it's how you lose it."- Are you suggesting there's an alternative where you don't have to meet women at all? You realize that at some point any woman you end up sleeping with was a stranger, this literally makes no sense.

You sound like you're pretty far up your own ass, you're right in that cold approach can be creepy, but it doesn't have to be. It depends on your frame, if your frame is, "I'm going to approach every girl until one let's me fuck her," then yes, that's creepy because it comes from scarcity and it's desperate. But if your frame is, "I want to meet women to find out who I have natural chemistry with," and you're coming from abundance, there's nothing creepy about it.

Your post is very black and white, "Pickup is the devil, it's creepy and wrong and it doesn't work," frankly, it sounds like you're being emotionally reactive; maybe you've had bad experiences with pickup, maybe your value system doesn't leave room for pickup- either way, you don't use any actual logic- or even anecdotes- to make your points.

Bad-Wolf- · 2017-11-15T19:15:18+00:00

Of course cold approach is more risky, but your sample space of pussies grows tremendously.

WatchingTrains · 2017-11-15T19:28:50+00:00

As someone who had a lot of game a couple of years ago (I'm in an LTR currently and very happy), THIS.

I don't spend a ton of time with people outside my relationship, work, exercise and online interactions and lately when I do I experience the social anxiety you speak of. It's not because of a lack of skill or attractiveness (I've been told I'm an 8), it's definitely because I get nervous about talking to people outside my comfort zone.

This stuff is like cardio, you have to keep socializing to desensitize yourself, or it becomes difficult again with time.

DMVBornDMVRaised · 2017-11-15T23:39:06+00:00

Completely agree that cold approaching women is creepy as fuck and a sure way to look like an asshole. In one way or another. Instead just go with the flow of life and where it takes you. If you absolutely have to talk to a girl, at least pretend it spontaneously happened through the normal flow of life. Don't go in with the intent clear right off the bat. Douchey as fuck.

And like OP is saying, socializing is no different than anything else. For some it comes naturally but for many its something you develop over a lifetime. And quite often through trial and error. You have to train yourself and build yourself up.

I'll give you all a non-romantic example. I'm a substance abuse/addiction therapist. Through my entire life I've naturally been an introvert (still am--for every hour with my gf, I need an hour by myself) and I can get shy as fuck when it's crowds of people that I don't know. It's a trust thing more than anything. Just is what it is.

Going into the counseling field my biggest fear was running group therapy. I knew I'd be a great individual/one-on-one therapist but I just didn't think my personality was suited to run group therapy. To the point where I even questioned entering the field (group therapy is a major element). So my first internship, what do I do? I put myself out there completely. Made sure I would be the facilitator on every single group session I could.

It sucked major fucking ass at first and I felt like an asshole more than a couple of times but slowly but surely I got better and better and at the end of six months I was at a point where I felt group therapy was possibly my strongest skill. Just like working out and training your body, you have to work out and train your mind and personality. You only live once. Fuck it.

Also if I could recommend a book...

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Wouldn't be surprised if it's been discussed in this sub before. And like everything I'm sure it's got its haters out there. But it's a classic for a reason. Used by the likes of Warren Buffett (his favorite book) and Charles Manson. I can't recommend it enough. Really gave me purpose and stuff to focus. It's helped me out so much.

uniquan · 2017-11-16T02:08:05+00:00

Too relate-able at my current situation..haha

2017-11-15T12:08:46+00:00

I'd be curious to hear more. You have some good points here so feel free to flesh this out and the other two as well. I'd like to see how the 3 blend.

JYandeau · 2017-11-15T21:37:25+00:00

In all honesty, cold approaching is only creepy if you aren’t good looking lol. I don’t think a woman would find it creepy if someone who looked like Brad Pitt approached them.

Title	You are losing the game by playing hard.This is what you miss.
Author	tbians
Upvotes	278
Comments	71
Date	November 15, 2017 11:32 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7d3ibr/you_are_losing_the_game_by_playing_hardthis_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/you-are-losing-the-game-by-playing-hardthis-is.1436884 https://theredarchive.com/post/1436884

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