Who to believe?

SimplePickup5 · 2018-05-17T09:29:16+00:00

You're mentally masturbating because you're afraid of being rejected.

Pick one philosophy and follow it. See how it works for you. See which aspects work and which don't. Keep the ones that work and feel natural to you and eliminate the ones that don't. Where are you getting stuck with this approach? Try a method from a different philosophy and see if it works for you instead.

Look, this question only stands because you have zero experience. Once you try 100 times, you will have a MUCH better idea of where to go. It's the classic example of reading how to ride a bicycle. But once you start riding, it just makes sense what works and what doesn't. Women are giving you feedback all the time. Listen to it.

And finally, this magical quote:

As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.

Ultimately there a very few principles this is all based on. You're confused by which methods to follow. Those are irrelevant. Understand the principles and you can choose your own methods.

africanpyjamas69 · 2018-05-17T09:18:09+00:00

After you've been into game for a while, you learn one thing.

Manipulation and techniques work in the moment. You may be able to get a woman in bed. You may even be able to get her into a relationship, but that relationship is either going to go bad or not last.

Instead of learning techniques, it's better to adapt the right state of mind. That way you don't have to think about things as they will come naturally to you.

My belief is that brutal honesty, emotional strength, going for what you want without giving a fuck about anyone else's opinions, is the only way to go. This well as ACCEPTANCE of reality. If a woman doesn't want to meet you, stop rationalizing it and accept the fact that she isn't that into you.

Check out Corey Wayne on youtube. That guy has the perfect mindset. That's all you need. Playing games and manipulation is for people who don't understand attraction.

saggygooch20 · 2018-05-17T08:31:47+00:00

To much of anything is bad

hunterpua · 2018-05-17T16:06:40+00:00

This is really easy to answer. Test all the different methods and techniques that seem interesting or intriguing to you. This is the only way to know what works for you and what you're going to be morally ok doing.

tab13092 · 2018-05-17T19:08:09+00:00

When it comes down to it man, you have to just be your true self.

Putting on a front, trying to run "game" and imply methods is ultimately useless if you can't comfortably be yourself around women whom you're interested in.

It's pretty simple; you don't have to be a rich 10 to land chicks. Simply have your shit together enough that you know what you want in life and in a relationship (or at some sort of screening in which you don't ignore red flags because she is sooo hot)

Be confident, and have a life. If you're busy doing you, and you're the master of your domain then you don't need to worry about "What she's up to" and you wont feel the need to text her all of the time because you have more then enough already going on in your life.

I personally don't believe in using "methods" because ultimately, if that's who you are you would be doing these things already. It throws your natural game off because you're trying to run a script rather then just live and enjoy the moment.

And again, methods are essentially useless because people work based off emotion rather then logic.

My advice? Be yourself, have more then enough fulfilling things going on that if things don't work out you have no worries. Be a nice guy, not a "nice guy". And don't over invest. I used to do this, then get ghosted and feel like shit. Now? If I get ghosted, simple caulk it up as her doing me a favor. I don't have time for wishy washy people, so if you can't reach out and replan then adios.

eleminionur · 2018-05-17T12:02:42+00:00

I'm currently trying to dig out of this rabbit hole myself!

It can be very confusing.You post a field report and get rejected a few trimes when you opened girls directly. People tell you that you are doing it wrong and direct you to mystery method. You go out again using the mysterymethod and make 10 approaches and all of the interactions fizzle out. You write the FR, and now a different set of people are telling you that you are doing it all wrong, and that you need to be direct and show intent/vulnerability (not indirect like mystery) and direct you to Mark Manson or whatever.

Don't forget that each author/PUA disagrees on everything else, too! The direct/indirect thing is one of maybe 1000 'things'!

One way of thinking about it is that, whatever you do, you will always be running game 'wrong' in some peoples eyes, and running game perfectly in other peoples eyes.

So then, There really are no 'rules' in game. Use that as comfort rather than frustration!!

Whatever you do, you are doing it right! (at least in one PUA/Authors eyes!! :))

And as you say, it can get very specific. I read how you should NEVER ask the girl her name until she asks you. Others think that's ridiculous. Some PUA's advice asking if the girl is single early on as a way to show intent and screen. Others say that's suicide. etc etc. So you start to second guess literally every sinlge word that comes out of your mouth, weary of the fact that at least one PUA says to NOT do what you are about to do!! lol

Also, may not be a very popular view, but it's honestly mostly irrelevant anyway in my experience.

Nothing you say or do (game) is likely to turn a girl into wanting to sleep with you if the thought didn't cross her mind the second she laid eyes on you.

In other words, i'm convinced it's mainly physical for girls (just like it is for guys) despite what some literature would have you believe.

So it doesn't mattter whether you try to be fun, or serious, self amuse, open direct, open indirect, ask interview questions, don't ask interview questions, make statements, sexualise teh conversation, don't sexualise teh conversation, do kino, don't kino, try to be funny, try to be alpha, etc etc. It really doesn't matter.

I think All you can do is open (indirect/direct/amusement opener/observational opener/etc - Whatever comes to you in the moment!!), have good eye contact and body posture etc, try to get a conversation going, try to not be overly boring (can be hard if she's not interested as she won't help make the conversation fun!!!). At some point you have to make your intentions clear, and you can do that by just stating it, or through touch, or both. (if she thinks you are hot, she'll either make this super super easy for you, or she'll escalate on YOU! If she doesn't think you are handsome (her type) she'll either reject you at the open, or she'll just make is hard for you to 'hook' by not really contributing to the convo, or she'll be friendly UNTIL you escalate past 'friendly touch'. That's when she knows taht you want sex, and she doesn't. Then it's ''Nice to meeeet you!!'').

ImJustSo · 2018-05-17T15:33:40+00:00

When I give advice, it's generalized from my own experience and what works for me. I don't tell anyone to go look up any specific dating coaches or anything.

I believe different methods work for different types of people. It's up to you to decide what can work with who you are and what can't.

The thing that's indisputable is that you must speak to women to get better.

CollaterLDamage · 2018-05-17T18:36:28+00:00

It's all about learning to read emotional ques. The thing is, humans are somewhat diverse. Lets go with negging. If a girl is confident and/or playful a neg is a nice soft tease if she's shy or lacks confidence, its just an insult. Then you have a list of possible psychological issues and you say the wrong word and it rubs them wrong. A girl who's had men falling to there knees around her all her life would be burnt out by that type. On the other hand, a girl who's been an ugly duckling or had a bad " macho man" experience may want someone who's more gentle. Both cases still require you to speak and be confident.

The reasoning behind using practiced routines is because most people want to attract a certain kind of person.You also can't just be yourself, since you usually are " yourself" and odds are, you aren't getting what you want or making progress to the life you want. You also use routines to help build yourself. You usually practice dribbling before running into a basketball game, why would you think socializing should be any different?

TheXXL · 2018-05-17T19:18:24+00:00

You don't know what is going to work? Well, the solution is easy. You have a repository of knowledge and tactics to choose from. Choose something and either falsify it, or validate it.

ArchangelFuhkEsarhes · 2018-05-17T20:00:47+00:00

You find what works for you. There’s a lot of bullshit out there and you kind of have to try it all.

LingeringGnome · 2018-05-17T23:06:26+00:00

Build muscle at the gym, reduce carbs for a "lean" look in your face.
Dress decently.
Be totally honest and congruent in all aspects of courtship.

2018-05-18T12:14:51+00:00

Are you going to manipulate or be honest and authentic?

I'm going to be me and I'm going to lead.

Are you going to show a soft side or are you going to be a total alpha male?

Nither.

I'm going to filter out bad properties and look for attraction and spinn on that. I will filter out othervise. I'm not going to allow actions that I feel is wrong, but also be frank about my intensions.

My actions will give honest and authentic communications.

These and hundreds of other things and situations can be approached from different angles and philosophies.

Most are old and out of synch.

The more specific an advice gets. The more it seems a simplification of human interaction.

You adapt to each prospect.

Something simple as: don't be needy. A lot of girls would like some enthousiasm if they feel it too. Others won't be feeling it right away and think you move to fast.

Tinder gold, only follow up matches.
Only follow up those why reply/take actions.
Newer give compliments to pretty ones. I just go convo, filter, reframe, shittest.

So what to do with advice if all situations are different?

Manage. Prepare. Reflect. Grow

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-17T14:41:45+00:00

1

.....it seems that you have to pick sides in a lot of fundamentals of seduction.

I mean, sure. But mostly, it's about what sort of people you want around you. I'll give examples with each of your options below.

2

A

Are you going to manipulate or be honest and authentic?

Do you want to have manipulative people in your life or people who try to be honest and authentic? Both options "work," but which kind of people do you want around you?

B

Are you going to show a soft side or are you going to be an total alpha male?

This is a false dichotomy.

A soft side could mean a guy who's allowing himself to be a doormat.
Guys who are actually trying to be "alpha," come off insecure and try-hard.

The truth is in the middle road on this one. It's about the balance between going out and definitively going for what you want, but with awareness of, and consideration for people around you. (Like your rights don't supersede theirs.) You might be helpful or generous to others around you, but you should also have boundaries that you enforce, enforcing your self-respect along with them.

C

Something simple as: don't be needy. A lot of girls would like some enthousiasm if they feel it too. Others won't be feeling it right away and think you move to fast.

You're actually overcomplicating this.

Neediness is basically being addicted to validation you get from others/outside sources. It's weak and unattractive. It's also NOT enthusiasm.

As for moving too fast or not: the thing is, assuming that a guy is self-aware, aware of the girl's emotional state, and has been physically escalating at the same speed with two different girls, prepared to slow down or back off if the girl isn't into it..... You still might see two different results:

The girl who was already going to be into the guy, will think he made moves just fast enough.
The girl who wasn't down and wasn't going to be down, will see him as moving "too fast," or making any number of mistakes. When really, her own taste was the barrier all along and the only way the guy would have known for sure, was to make moves.

Title	Who to believe?
Author	weallwantsomethink
Upvotes	11
Comments	23
Date	May 17, 2018 8:26 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8k2nhz/who_to_believe/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/who-to-believe.1446759 https://theredarchive.com/post/1446759

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