[Field Report] I walked a girl out of my place: my recent experience

WithinPeace · 2020-03-23T17:25:58+00:00

Did you try calling out her phone usage whole she was at your place? Doing that suddenly might come out as a shock to her because you weren't placing boundaries and expectations from the beginning. It would've given her a chance to redeem herself.

imnoided · 2020-03-23T18:58:30+00:00

You seriously called her darling and dear? Lmao.

okay_this_is_epic366 · 2020-03-23T19:02:55+00:00

did you even try to make a move on her though??

steveblahhh · 2020-03-23T23:19:26+00:00

Are you in an alternate time line without a worldwide epidemic or just dgaf?

EffortlessAwareness · 2020-03-23T18:34:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DexterDubs · 2020-03-23T21:11:55+00:00

You should have kissed her at the first park. You had your arms around her you were being playful. You even tickled her! Perfect time to just pick her chin up, look deep into her eyes and move in for a kiss.

It’s almost never too early to go for a kiss when you’re having a time like that. First dates and just meeting for drinks is different. The way you described it sounded like a pretty intimate ‘date’. It’s always better to get a kiss rejected than to wait too long or not do anything at all.

WellEvan · 2020-03-23T17:04:13+00:00

I think you played it right, double so for trying something outside your comfort level.

You didnt make yourself too available.

Axu22 · 2020-03-23T19:36:50+00:00

as a girl, this is the cringiest thing I’ve read in a while. the way each move is planned to try to get closer to her physically slowly “inching” forward is so transparent, taking her to your bedroom without telling her where you’re going is tacky, telling her she was going to have lots of fun as if you control her experience, scolding her while calling her “darling/dear” which sounds patronizing. then again this probably works on more college aged / naive girls who can’t smell the desperation yet.

she was absolutely being rude by being on her phone and no you shouldn’t have to bear that so I agree there. I would have just said “hey I was looking forward to spending time with you and would appreciate your presence. if you have things you’ve gotta take care of I get that but i’d rather take you home”.

if you pick a girl up or get her an uber, its up to you to get her home unless she did something entirely malicious, otherwise you just show how butt hurt you got over her unawareness of manners.

babyarmnate · 2020-03-23T21:41:53+00:00

Do the people in this sub understand that you can be a nice guy and still get laid...?

Just make your intentions clear. Everyone commenting in this thread sounds so fucking cringey.

You brought her up to your room to show her origami and Funko dude. What did you expect her to do? Jump all over you? & then you didn’t even give her a chance to explain herself for being on her phone and just kicked her out?

If you can’t keep her attention after getting her to your place, then that’s on you.

Wvuprospect782 · 2020-03-23T19:10:22+00:00

My dude I feel like a dick saying this but you're being too soft. You can't be calling a college chick "darling" and doing all this soft shit while talking about her fuck buddy. This is how you get friend zoned. You have to shoot your shot if you've been putting this much effort in

beit72 · 2020-03-23T19:50:33+00:00

And..? Has she contacted you yet? ;)

ruffyamaharyder · 2020-03-23T21:51:02+00:00

Next time grab her phone, put it face down, and kiss her. Skip the rest of the bullshit.
She would have gone for it. Girls just don't sit on your bed unless they are down --- especially when they are complaining about guy problems.... c'mon dude!

slmo3 · 2020-03-23T23:54:49+00:00

She won’t be calling you back. You completely lost her. Just FYI -female here

Here is your fault You walked her out to have her leave and told her you had better things to do with your friends. Had something similar happen to me and I stopped talking to them and blocked them. Why? I felt unsafe with them the second they did that. She asked the question in your encounter, I didn’t stick around long enough to ask. Also You never once actually talked to her. You decided since she didn’t sense your feelings because she was occupied that you were no longer interested in seeing her that night. Communication is the key in any relationship, even when you’re not in a relationship yet. Please work on your communication. Your talking skills seem fine, please focus on communication now. No you are not required to be the nice guy and let her tell you her feelings however here is what you should have done different.

Now that I have criticized let me tell you what I think you should have done.

In your apartment, ask her to set her phone down for one second, Sit down and face her, ask her if she needs to have the conversation with her FWB, “who would you rather be with right now? Me or him?” For him-“If you want to be with him I’ll back off my advances and if you’d like I’ll take you to your car (transport) and this can be the end of what I thought was becoming something pretty nice” for stay with you-“Iv got a night planned for us, it can be a surprise or I can tell you my plan because I already know you’re going to enjoy it”

Yes more of a nice guy approach but at least you would have gotten her very intrigued.

CnoelC · 2020-03-23T20:07:49+00:00

My only advice is I would have made a move to a kiss waaay before the 3rd date. Gotta speed up that escalation my friend. If they are showing interest, they will kiss back 99% of the time.

mikestillion · 2020-03-23T20:21:58+00:00

What I really like about this story: You decided beforehand what you wanted to do, and you were able to roll with changes in plan, and still be very kind but direct. I like that you didn't call her out in an angry way (because why do that?) but in a direct and self-protective way - a way that shows you respect yourself and your time immensely, and more than any person. Even if that person is a potential girlfriend/fuck buddy.

She now knows that she pushed away from YOU - and by not reacting in anger, she knows it was 100% her fault. You allowed her to be introspective if she chooses, and kept all your self-respect and composure. This is almost a master class.

This couldn't have happened better.

NO_F_SHAME · 2020-03-23T18:11:16+00:00

I can't say how "right" you are. I'll definitely start acting in that mindset towards phones or other distractions. I don't think you appreciate how well you treated the situation.

Dzgr736 · 2020-03-23T20:03:48+00:00

BTW - Boss level standards for sharing this & cuddos for saying this!

Any updates? (Maybe at least for more of your romantic status updates)

A_solo_tripper · 2020-03-23T21:22:16+00:00

I work at a college

Sounds like we are off to a good start. :)

She also told me that day she has a...fuck buddy?

That can be a good and/or bad sign ;) Good job keeping your composure.

But last night she was really into her phone because she and her fuck buddy had some issues and she was constantly sending him voice messages, then she started messaging a couple of friends.

You have a few options here. Ones is You could have given her a massage while she was on her phone. It would have been an easy way to get her more focused on what was at hand without being needy or demanding. However, I am just a random person going by what you wrote. You were actually there, so maybe that idea wouldn't have been kosher.

I took her to the street a block away from my place and she asked me "Where are we going now?"

HAHAHA lol

"Darling, I had a nice night planned for us tonight and you were going to have lots of fun, but you were not paying attention to me. I can understand if you have issues and need to solve them, but you weren't able to let go your phone. That was very rude from you, dear." Her expression worsened and I kept talking in the same sweet, calm voice tone "I am not mad at you, but I don't like when I dedicate my time to someone and they waste it."

Regardless of how you came off here. This is what matters:

She asked me if we could hang out again tonight

She was still feeling you.

I'm sure you still want to bang her as much as you did on the first night. Just go a little smoother next time. If she is a 8 or above, I highly doubt she will reach out to you again to see you. And you pretty much emptied your cards in your farewell speech. But if she does reach out to you again, you better handle business :)

spenrose22 · 2020-03-23T22:12:26+00:00

I don’t know what other people are on about you “winning” here. You definitely fucked this up. There’s so many better ways to handle this that keep your frame while also getting the girl.

First, you should’ve made a move at the park. Luckily she liked you so it wasn’t a dealbreaker and she wanted to hang out more.

Then you invite her over to your place right off the bat after not making a first move in a much better setting.

Just cause you swindled her into your room doesn’t mean it’s all fair game from there. You hadn’t even made a move yet. She might’ve been on her phone cause she was uncomfortable and not really interested in what you were showing her.

Even til that point you could have not acted like a child with a hurt ego and threw her out and instead been straight up with her and told her to get off her phone if she wants to hang out and let her make the decision like a grown adult rather than just making it for her.

wholesome19 · 2020-03-23T19:29:21+00:00

???? I would be very hurt if someone did this do me. You had a great time and were building a good connection. To me it seems like you just dropped her for spending 5 mins on the phone without telling her what she did wrong, lied to her about having other plans and then belittling her by calling her darling. I can imagine that she is confused and hurt right now, I definitely would be.

I understand that it’s not great of her to be on her phone, but the last time you asked her to put it away she did. Chucking her out of the apartment without saying why just seems very cruel.

I would advice you to speak to her and explain the situation. She probably has a completely different side to the story.

Naive-Dish · 2020-03-23T20:36:14+00:00

excentrik-art · 2020-03-23T21:50:50+00:00

Great, I love the end of you staying your ground. You should feel about how you did.

It is difficult to say if she considered you as sex possibility. Depends how much humor you created and if you created sexual tension. But anyway, you are right before gates to success land :)

gretenceto · 2020-03-23T22:03:39+00:00

Why is it that guys don't want to be friends with girls?

misterjoo · 2020-03-24T00:46:55+00:00

If I were you I'd have sexually escalated the day she told you about her fuck buddy.

Women show their availability by hanging near you for a while. She can only hope the man gets it and knows how to properly escalate. After a while, she will realize he doesn't know how to escalate and begin to lose interest

I wasn't there to assess so I could be wrong, but she probably wanted you to escalate much earlier.

Xazax310 · 2020-03-27T15:26:18+00:00

That was a long read about you still being a "nice guy" even though you say your not trying to be anymore. The very first time you talked and came up to her place, you didn't make a move, she thought into "well maybe he doesn't get it but I want him"

Later she talking "I have this guy i fuck but he's not my BF" because shes trying to throw a MASSIVE HINT TO YOU. Additionally it's a shit-test, do you get bent out of shaped because of it or are you cool?

Like others said with the phone thing. I had girl that would do the same thing. She would be ON TOP OF ME. Texting on her phone or checking something. It used to annoy the fuck out of me, but I never said anything(I also didn't tell her to get out). I would say something to her first. Hey, I like you, but I DON'T like you on your phone when were talking/kissing.

dopebooty · 2020-03-23T20:00:05+00:00

If she’s smart she won’t call you bud. lol You sounds like my manipulative, controlling ex. I hope she runs for the hills and also away from her toxic fuck buddy. 🤞🏼

dopebooty · 2020-03-23T20:06:07+00:00

Perhaps her loosing interest when you were trying hard to impress her is actually her intuition saying Run.

SammerJammer40 · 2020-03-23T20:50:30+00:00

Where was this advice when I was in my 20? I was a nice guy & got no where.

2020-03-23T22:01:45+00:00

Damn. You got balls man. That takes guts. Congratulations to you!

odopeb55 · 2020-03-24T01:23:12+00:00

You really did good bro good for you for standing up for you!!

llollazolla13 · 2020-03-24T01:42:01+00:00

I think you did the right thing. If I'm that girl, I'd regret it big time, letting go a fun and thoughtful guy. Good move, i bet she'll chase you and put effort to win you back ;)

ThisIsTheNightmare · 2020-03-24T02:40:47+00:00

Bravo, man. I wish I'd done the same in similar situations. I will from now on.

Jlocastillo · 2020-03-24T03:19:08+00:00

How old are you? What about her?

Radicalmattitude1 · 2020-03-24T04:07:10+00:00

It’s very common for hot girls to have at least one fuck buddy but the fact that she was texting him and talking about their “issues” in front of you? Sounds like she was not so subtly trying to make you jealous. Kind of a weird and insecure move on her part but sounds like you handled it well nice job. If you want to see her again you have to let her back in at some point tho😉

mr_Tobbor · 2020-03-24T04:38:53+00:00

Perfect execution of pua model. You live at acozy appartement. You maybe are a 8 - 9.You penetrate hot chics. God blesse Game!

WAKlaase · 2020-03-24T04:41:27+00:00

Please excuse my language ,but this was one fucking awesome story thanks my brother 👍

theUnBannableHulk · 2020-03-24T05:17:33+00:00

Good on enforcing boundaries but let her come over and actually MAKE A MOVE you spergy moron 😂

Jacob_961 · 2020-03-24T05:52:02+00:00

I would have just taken her phone away from her but still good.

wavefield · 2020-03-24T10:03:20+00:00

Sounds like she wanted a new fuck buddy but you made it all complicated and confusing and not fun.

answer-sheet · 2020-03-24T13:00:05+00:00

The only thing I would say to do differently was this:

That was very rude from you, dear.

The issue was not that she violate social norm, being "rude". The issue was that she was not treating you as you wished to be treated. You aren't angry at her, you aren't even criticizing her, you are just going to seek out people who will treat you as you wished to be treated.

LegatusDivinae · 2020-03-24T17:14:04+00:00

She told you she has FWB and you kept going?

Maybe I'm too old fashioned, but to me, unless you agree to be poly- AFTER you establish some relationship and only AFTER that, you are a cuck.

2020-03-25T02:21:43+00:00

I would have received an "urgent" text message from a friend. Told her, "Hey, this has been fun but I gotta bounce. Something came up." See her to the curb, get in your car and drive off.

She knew she was being rude on her phone. It was a shit test. Will this guy give me attention while I completely ignore him? My impression is that the answer is basically yes.

The "scolding" you gave her (no offense) sounded (to me) like her dad scolding her for treating some young guy poorly. If you said it how you wrote it, it may not have come across how you'd like. It came across (to me) as too much of a sense of maturity or superiority instead of confidence.

Men need to get away from the urgency of "closing this deal right here right now". That might be necessary for a desperate PUA in a club pitching lines, but for a guy working in the real world, I think more patience is required.

Sorry, but if you don't change your game with this chick she's going to try and friendzone you and you're going to get 1,000 more nice hugs.

Next time you see her, nibble on her ear and go for her neck. If she resists, ghost on her for 3 days.

thenardwrangler · 2020-03-25T06:44:40+00:00

You're getting a lot of mixed reactions here. I'd say you're on the right track, and I would echo a lot of the sentiment here: you should have amped up the sexual tension on the prior dates. That way, by the time the third date came around she would have known sex was on the table going inside your house. You have the right idea with the playful touching/flirting, just need to feel out if you can go for the kiss. My personal tip: if you go for the kiss and she turns her head kiss her on the cheek. Better than getting psyched out and stopping the momentum.

You sound like a romantic, use that to your advantage. Success will find you.

dopebooty · 2020-03-25T18:25:18+00:00

Yes. Your approach is absolutely methodical and therefore extremely creepy. Also, you make it known that your preying on a “college girl.” Why point that out at all? You could just say she’s at school without explicitly calling her a “college girl.” (We would all get the picture.) This is a fetish (probably something to do with control) and another huge red flag for yourself.

rk_chip · 2020-03-23T19:03:00+00:00

All of us men need to learn from this. We should never undermine ourselves by putting up with something which we don't like however hot the girl may be. We're just pulling ourselves down and becoming a bi**h. Girls can smell that and it makes them lose respect for us. Kudos to the author. Dude, you're amazing! Hope to have the same level of confidence and self respect like you soon!

2020-03-23T19:23:49+00:00

Nice. This is it chief

realtalksonly · 2020-03-23T23:45:24+00:00

This is next level cringe

mrmoorer32 · 2020-03-23T19:44:58+00:00

I think you handled it very well, nice job on establishing boundaries, she may rethink next time you hang out

2020-03-23T20:17:59+00:00

Two thumbs up. Way to go.

CJ090 · 2020-03-23T22:37:12+00:00

All that would be a power move... if you had done anything with her. You have much to learn young padawan but this came off as a cringey no close moment. You had the chance to make a move from the FIRST NIGHT. You wouldn’t have had to sleep with her but if you made out with her and the rebuffed her as she was starting to get hot that shows you are attracted but not willing to put up with her shit.

What you did was have have not give you attention and then you continued to pursuit, further showing your investment in getting her.

Also you come off as some sort of romantic who doesn’t go for what he wants and waits for the third date LiKe a GeNtLeMaN. Fuck all that. Women don’t respect those guys. Make a move, if she’s not with it shut her out and move on. She’ll either come back to you or you focused on other girls. Either way SHE DOESNT RESPECT YOU.

And take this from me who has heard this shot so many times but continued to be a lover boy until I realized not more than a few months ago, that a girl I was pursuiting wasn’t respecting me. I stopped giving her attention and she is now in the process of fighting back for mine which I will NOT give her (I can’t even properly hit on her because of work reasons) and bonus, I got a girl with SAME NAME who is 1.5-2x hotter than her.

Stop being a pussy

Title	[Field Report] I walked a girl out of my place: my recent experience
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	524
Comments	138
Date	March 23, 2020 4:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/fnn9k6/field_report_i_walked_a_girl_out_of_my_place_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/field-report-i-walked-a-girl-out-of-my-place-my.1492868 https://theredarchive.com/post/1492868

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