Why almost having sex with a woman on a first time generally means no second time

benerdelyi · 2020-10-05T17:47:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HentaiMD · 2020-10-05T17:44:49+00:00

It’s a common phenomenon. They reject you outright, because they could think you were too pushy, not right for them, regret, creepy, etc. Reasons could be many. In general, you either want to have sex all the way or set up for another date.

Having sex helps them become heavily invested in you, while setting up for the next date can keep the intrigue going.

lappydappydoda · 2020-10-05T17:55:43+00:00

I fucked a guy on the first date. We’ve been together for ten years and have three kids together.

2020-10-05T19:21:13+00:00

Its fairly common actually but if you actually have sex you'll have a higher chance of a another time if you're any good

neisbsudnei9191 · 2020-10-06T00:46:47+00:00

She only wanted attention and that’s it and didn’t want to go further
You fucked up during the transition from chilling to foreplay to sex
She used you to make another guy jealous and dropped you for him.

JuanOnOne · 2020-10-05T23:45:16+00:00

You’ve made it too easy. She knows she could have you at any moment she wants. So she’s lost interest. You’re no longer a mystery.

If you don’t make a move on a first date, she might be left wondering why? Does he not like me?

It’s human nature honestly. We always want what we can’t/don’t have.

NDex101 · 2020-10-06T01:49:04+00:00

This sounds like a set up, but it's called last minute resistance. In which, a woman might have buyer's remorse. She can't foresee the future, but her mind has all these emotions of what ifs. The best thing to do is occupy that time with something. A movie, board game. It help soothe her mind because there is nothing you can actually do. She does this with every man. It's good to just have a good solid method in which this is easier on her. Totally not going to give you mine. Just think of something that you can actively do in that time period.

JeanMeti_ore · 2020-10-05T19:58:00+00:00

Eh, you are caring about sex too much. Majority of the time (as an attractive male) a girl saying they can't have sex the first time things get frisky is usually a deterrent to make sure you are not using them for sex and to interpret the other party's intentions.

TheMailmanic · 2020-10-05T17:50:04+00:00

She was in the mood to hook up then. She isn't now.

Coconut-Lemon_Pie · 2020-10-05T22:02:44+00:00

You might have unique foreplay methods and maybe that's the divide between the ones that stop and the ones where you get laid. Sounds like you're good with the act though if they come back for more :)

It is known lol

To decrease your rate of stops, maybe try out some new methods?

friedpaco · 2020-10-06T00:39:25+00:00

I've had this a few times. I recently got around it. Girl came over during Rona on the first date. We talked and hung out. Made it up to the bedroom and after about 30 mins she left. I reached out 2 days later and got a half reply. Waited a week and messaged again. She texted that she was "really drunk" and not to expect that again. I told her I thought she was cool and to let me know when she's free. We hung out later that week and went on for a bit.

Specific-Estate · 2020-10-06T02:29:09+00:00

Elephant in the room. Just gonna say it.... Ive had sex on first dates plenty. Just think you’re not getting the spark lit in the bedroom or putting too much emphasis on sex in the back of your mind during the date. Enjoy the date dont think about the sex and usually at the end of the date BAM My main concern during a date is laughter and food and new stories and it’s actually fun for me

Zonevarrone3000 · 2020-10-06T06:02:30+00:00

yeah its simple women wanna fuck as much as men do if not more . if you stop they think wtf did i do?

Radicalmattitude1 · 2020-10-06T04:55:40+00:00

It’s generally because of two things which are really symptoms of the same underlying issue:

Because she wanted a man to dick her good and you pussied out.
Because she plays coy to see if you will react and you fail the test.

Both of these mean that you have some level of outcome dependence which is a turnoff for her. She wants to have sex with a guy that can take it or leave it. A guy that is attached to the outcome is *needy *which is essentially the essence of unattractiveness.

If she loses attraction because of scenario #1, it’s typically because you’re attached to her approval or validation -> you don’t want to “fuck it up” with this girl so you pussy foot around instead of going for what you really want.

Scenario #2 means that you’re attached to the possibility of sex. When you’re getting hot and heavy and she says “we’re not having sex tonight”, everything depends on how you react. If you get nervous or pouty or emotionally react in any way, that’s a signal to her that you cannot in-fact “leave it” -> means you’re needy -> means she loses attraction.

This is why it is extremely important to never act needy. whether you have sex on the 1st date or the 10th date should be irrelevant to you. She needs to see that you remain non-needy even when all the chips are down. Sometimes this process takes longer for some girls than others and if at any point along this process you get needy, you’re done. So remember that patience is a virtue in this game.

MagicalSid · 2020-10-05T20:00:25+00:00

That happened to me and I got friend zoned shortly after :/

burncushlikewood · 2020-10-05T23:16:42+00:00

Hey man chances are they don't feel comfortable enough yet if your getting lmr. Try pulling away and talking a bit give her some space to try and build comfort

aphronono · 2020-10-05T23:40:34+00:00

Looking at it from a certain perspective it does makes sense right.

In the dating life we are usually trying to create scarsity. You want to seem exclusive so that she can feel we own desires.

Now if you almost had sex the first date and it didn't happen (I assume she rejected sex) then she will feel like she has you in the pocket. You are not a chase anymore and she will see all your unattractive sides she previously ignored because of the excitement. She knows one thing for sure: she is not that into you as she was able to reject sex with you once.

I think you barely ever screw your chances with a girl if you don't have sex on the first date. So unless you're really just looking for one-night stands I'd advice you to always wait for the second date unless it's super obvious you can have sex on the first date.(if she proposes to go drink at home after a date.)

AnthonyAValera · 2020-10-06T01:06:57+00:00

those girls weren’t DTF. they were sexually available to let u kiss, touch, maybe even foreplay. but she wasn’t DTF, to let u insert her penis in her vagina. also, how do u dress ? girls wont withhold sex for guys who look like scumbags / douchebags. cuz they know they wont get judged as a slut if y’all fuck. if u look like a nice guy, she prolly withheld it cuz of fear of judgement. but other than that, a girl has already decided if she will fuck u. i never get last minute resistance anymore once i started dressing edgier. so it screens out the girls who are NON-DTF mostly. if a girl wont have sex with u on the first date, its cuz she wasn’t looking for a hookup (aka NON-DTF). u can screen out these relationship seeking (boyfriend seekers) by dressing edgier (like a scumbag or douchebag). this is if ur goal is to get laid, that is, especially on the first date.

thriller24 · 2020-10-07T00:05:50+00:00

As a woman chiming in, anytime I’ve stopped at foreplay with a guy, is because I realized he was really small, foreplay was awful, or I can smell his groin. Go ahead and torch me, but say the rolls were reversed 🤷🏻‍♀️ this has been extremely rare for me. Less than 5 times.

AgrivatedLemon · 2020-10-06T00:09:12+00:00

Been to 3rd base with lots of women the first time we've become sexual together. Been prevented from having intercourse for a number of reasons that aren't "she doesn't like me". For instance, forgetting a condom, she's on her period, couldn't stay hard.

In all those cases, I had sexual relations with those women after a failed first attempt. The key is attraction, knowing they like you, and communication. If they like you, they're likely attracted to you, so mutually communicate that and you'll have more success after a failed attempt. And if you get rejected, GOOD! They just saved you a ton of time because you weren't compatible right now in the first place.

galactus417 · 2020-10-06T01:13:28+00:00

If they go through with it on the first date, they're really into you. If things get stopped, they're not. Pretty easy question.

thebadsleepwell00 · 2020-10-06T01:14:12+00:00

FYI, certain forms of foreplay (if private parts are involved) = sex.

MontelloP9 · 2020-10-06T02:19:48+00:00

Same , when I was in school I was supposed to get head at the park something came up she never texted me again. Another case I was supposed to fuck this white girl in her dads car something came up she rejected me after. I would say it’s very true along the spectrum.

E9er · 2020-10-06T08:26:03+00:00

holy wow. have noticed this a few times. never looked into it but yes. it also just happened last week am not gonna chase but now i know

wtfzambo · 2020-10-06T09:07:38+00:00

I never understood how people can "almost" have sex. To me, whenever panties are off, it always leads to sex.

ManyQuantumWorlds · 2020-10-06T12:05:58+00:00

Hasn’t been my experience.

My recent ex and I almost hooked up in my car after a couple times of seeing each other.

Things didn’t quite go through - she was a little uneasy, and I understood.

Saw her again, we became exclusive, and we hooked up that same night. And many nights to follow. And even to this day, though we are no longer together.

ImmodestPolitician · 2020-10-06T15:55:00+00:00

You know how women say men like girls that play hard to get.

The reality is closer to women like men that play hard to get and they project that onto men.

By hooking up you are showing you are easy to get.

It's similar to why women think their post graduate degree is more important than being slender and young. Women like status and some people think a degree grants status.

To point at male behavior, most men would love nudes from women so they think women want dick pics.

LordDeathScum · 2020-10-08T06:18:51+00:00

For me not really, im just very natural and welcoming i guess. Hell the last girl was a dancer 10/10 she stayed the night and in the morning we ate breakfast, lunch at my place and talked about a lot of stuff. real sweet girl (it was a Sunday) i gave her a toothbrush and we chilled (for a moment we seemed like a couple). Said bye bye and we continued to talk. She left the country but i wish i could have had more, the hottest girl on the planet.

But i must admit i am great with people and i have charisma (or so im told). My ex always said i always managed to talk to anyone about anything . Maybe not the best reference.

SnooSongs8385 · 2020-10-06T03:02:07+00:00

Sorry dont break your heart but it sounds kinda like there must be some kind of turn off that happens during foreplay that they realize or you must suck at fucking something cause no i dont see that as a normal thing. I fCkd plenty of women on the first date and they welcomed seconds and i would say from experience a lot of women just want a taste, sex, once and thats all, on to the next dude that says hello. Like they try to say dont get attached but they do fCkm theres to many out there really fCkm keep going champ.

Peperoniboi · 2020-10-05T23:22:45+00:00

You kiss on the first and fuck on the second.

Title	Why almost having sex with a woman on a first time generally means no second time
Author	LewisArchibald
Upvotes	100
Comments	96
Date	October 5, 2020 5:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j5nun9/why_almost_having_sex_with_a_woman_on_a_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-almost-having-sex-with-a-woman-on-a-first-time.1503386 https://theredarchive.com/post/1503386

Comments