What to do when she goes cold

There will be a period where she pulls back. How hold frame and not get rattled.

When a guy starts dating a woman he likes, it’s usually a straight forward process from his point of view.

He wants to see her more often, he reaches out to her more to plan dates—she becomes his main focus.

However, I’ve seen this scenario happen often:

Guy meets girl. They have chemistry, they like each other. They go on dates, hook up. Guy is excited, he thinks he’s found “the one”. Suddenly, she goes cold. She takes longer to respond, her answers are shorter and less enthusiastic to talk to him.

He’s utterly confused. Why is she acting this way? Things were going so well!

Well, there’s not always one definitive answer to this, there could be other factors at play. One things is certain—there WILL be a period when you begin dating where she will pull back.

Even if she is attracted to you and sees you as relationship material. There’s going to be a period where she pulls back, even if it’s brief.

This will likely be after the first several dates once the emotional high of meeting someone new wears off. If she’s highly attracted to you, she’ll be likely riding that emotional wave, and in the moment, she might be all in for you. But once it dies, down, the evaluative phase will begin.

She’s going to evaluate whether she wants to invest more time with you, if you spark emotions in her, if she feels comfortable and has fun around you, if you have potential to be a good provider, if others seem to desire you.

She’s also going to observe how you react. Although she isn’t overtly thinking this, it’s a form of test to see if you become needy, rattled by it. Women want to feel safe, and if you become unglued when she tests, it will be a huge turnoff for her.

Here are some ways you can stay course when she pulls back.

1. Mirror her energy and demonstrate you are unbothered. You don’t want to be rude or salty, but simply match that energy. If her texts are short, non expressive, non enthusiastic, do the same. If she takes hours to respond, do the same. You don’t want to make it blatant, but she also needs to experience what it will be like to potentially lose you. Guys usually do the opposite and over compensate. If her texts are short, he’ll respond with a block of text with a ton of exclamation points or emojis. Or if she takes longer to text, he’ll reach out far too much. Don’t make this mistake by trying to overcompensate.

2. Focus on your purpose. No matter how much you like a woman, she should not be the center of your world. Women want to be with a man who has shit going on in his life. You should be busy and not be sitting around wondering what she’s doing—that’s low value activity. Do not put your life on hold for a woman.

3. Don’t project your romantic fantasies onto her. Remember, even if you had good chemistry, you hooked up, and you like her, don’t assume you’re going to wind up in a relationship. Take things as they come. They more you pin your hopes on one woman before you’re in an actual relationship, the more you’ll overreact and act needy. Remember, she is still somewhat of a stranger to you.

4. Keep your dating options open. This can’t be reiterated enough. Until you are in an actual relationship with someone, do not stop dating other people or entertaining your options. I see so many guys get burned when the assume they’re going to wind up with a woman, and then she cuts things off. Until you have both established that you are going to be exclusive with one another, then you are well within your rights to keep dating other women—and it’s highly encouraged. This prevents neediness, and you might meet someone who is an even better match for you.

5. Know your value and believe that you’re a prize. You have to stick to the principal of never chasing someone who isn’t giving you the same energy back. After a point, if it becomes too much like pulling teeth, you have to release that trying to convince someone to like you never works. If you have a purpose that you’re dedicated to, if you have other dating options, and if you cultivate your self perception, you’ll realize that if she isn’t putting forth the effort as well, it’s not worth it, no matter how much chemistry to had before.

6. Sometimes it’s worth it to wait out the period where she pulls back, but if it’s apparent she simply isn’t that enthusiastic about you, then move on immediately.

Full article on topic: https://modating.substack.com/p/when-she-goes-cold