How do you know if you’re being a “nice guy”?

NatashOverWorld · 2024-04-06T20:20:42+00:00

A nice guy tries to be her friend so be can have sex with her. He aims to be liked, instead of being desired.

Be yourself. And if your dates not in to who you really are, finish the date, wish her well and move on.

That's also a type of confidence.

Mexcol · 2024-04-06T20:35:19+00:00

Be honest with yourself, dont be ashamed of your sexuality, be polarizing, dont be afraid of saying NO or upsetting her, learn to read the room, focus on the small things, be present in the moment, seduce her, dont be needy, dont overly invest, dont try to logic ur way into her pants.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-04-06T23:19:28+00:00

You know you are being a "nice guy" if you have to put thought into calibrating your behaviors.

Being a nice guy isn't actually an unattractive thing. It gets a bad rap because most "nice" guys ain't actually good men, they are putting up a faux facade.

Psychological and mental effort being exerted into making a girl like you is what makes her feel like a deer in headlights.

If you are polite and courteous by default...being an ass would be fake behavior. Don't worry about being nice or being a dick, just be genuine.

DaygameCode · 2024-04-06T22:40:59+00:00

One of the main mistakes guys make is confessing, as soon as you use that term everyone in this sub who actually knows something about seduction already knows you’ve fucked up. You don’t pick up girls by becoming their friend and then confessing your feelings one day or asking her for something romantic. It doesn’t work like that at all.

This whole thing of “_i really like you and i was wondering if you felt the same way about me and i you would consider to be my girlfriend_” is not how you go about it at all. Everything about a phrase like this or any other similar type of phrase is wrong.

There is a difference between “acquaintances” or casual partners that one sees in class or at work and who end up dating, and the type of super close friendship where you basically look like boyfriend and girlfriend to everyone else because you spend so much time together, even though nothing ever happens between you and the girl, while she constantly dates/fucks other guys and you are her shoulder to cry on hoping she one day will give you a chance to date her if she realised how good you have been with her all this time. I am referring to the latter.

First of all you should not be talking to a girl for one month without the intentions being clear from the very first day.

You say that you like her after one month of talking so that means all this time she thought you had no intentions at all to hit on her.

This is a mistake because it means you put yourself in the friendzone, she didn’t friendzone you, you did that to yourself. She should know from day one that you are into her and that the only reason you talk to her is because you are hitting on her.

Secondly, you should know the difference between hitting on her and acting like you are deeply invested emotionally in her.

When you use words like “I confessed that I like her”, you imply that this isn’t just a “damn, you are cute, i wanna take you out kind of thing”…

Instead you are communicating to her that “she is not just cute to you, but that you also are deeply in love or that you have a huge crush on her and can’t stop thinking about her” as if you are ready for something serious, even though you haven’t even kissed her or had sex with her first.

When you meet a girl that you haven’t even kissed you need to avoid the “i am serious about you” vibe. You should hit on her like she is just someone hot and want something casual, not like she is someone you are serious about.

You shouldn’t talk to a girl like you want to be her boyfriend until you have at least had sex with her or at the very least make out path her.

One month is too much time, if you meet a girl you should easily be able to kiss her within 2 week of talking at the very latest. Heck you could even kiss her the same day you talk to her for the first time if you do things right.

But a month of talking with no kissing and yet talking, it’s basically a recipe to enter the friendzone. Because you are not behaving like a man who is hitting on her you are behaving like her new best friend.

This is a mistake because behaving like a friend forces her to think of you in a friendly way, it gets her to trust you in a platonic way and it dilutes any sexual tension, it basically causes her to not think about you as a potential guy she would sleep with, and instead causes her to think of you as the brother she never had.

The whole idea of being romantic and intimate with you, just seems completely unthinkable for her once you start becoming closer and closer as friends, she just can’t see herself making out with you at all, heck the thought could even make her uncomfortable. Because she is seeing you as a platonic friend or worst like a brother.

That’s happening because of you behaving like a friend every day, you are creating the conditions for this thing to happen. So when you finally tell her “oh by the way, all this time i actually like you”, not only she feels confused, but also even betrayed. Betrayed because what the hell you spent an entire month being her friend and now you are saying you want a romance?

It’s like you were lying, she loses all trust, she thinks you just became her friend to try to get in her pants, it’s not romantic, it’s not cute, it’s not understandable.

She gets the feeling this isn’t right, it doesn’t matter if you tell her it wasn’t on purpose or that you simply fall by accident, it simply doesn’t feel right.

So now, in her eyes you’ve become a liar, no matter how good your intentions were. She might forgive you and still talk to you and try to move past that, but deep down she is upset and resentful thinking what she did wrong.

What’s worst is that she now tells you that she is not interested, but you deep down don’t accept that, and still have “hope”, she tried to be as nice as she could, but you take that niceness ass a sign that mayen if you play the long game there could be a possibility she changes her mind, when really that’s not gonna happen, so you continue to be faking being her friend with the hopes that she eventually dates you.

So the lie keeps going. You still have no clue how attraction works, how girls choose partners, how things happen romantically and you keep there wasting time, and then one day she starts dating other new guy she met for less time than you, and then you feel lead on, even though she never lead you on.

On the first approach the girl needs to know 100% what your intentions are, if those intentions are not clear, then you will likely risk getting friendzoned.

The immediate assumption all girls will have when intentions are not clear, is that you want to be her new gay best friend and that you will never try anything romantic or sexual with her.

So you need to hit on her from day one and that doesn’t mean telling her “i have a crush on you” or “i am in love with you” or “i wanna become your boyfriend” or “o hope to date you one day” or any shit like that.

Just tell her that you find her cute or attractive, and want to get to know her and take her out on a date. 3 dates max should be enough to have kissed and sleep with her.

And date should be planned by you, and no it should not be like casual improvised hangouts. A date is a date and hanging out is not a date. A date requires mentioning it’s a date and it requires both of you to dress while you go pick her up from her house. she should look pretty on purpose for the date.

And if she doesn’t look like she put an effort to look cute for the date and tries to make this a casual hang out or says who else is coming, then you call her out on it. You don’t play along or pretend like you are ok with being a hang out. Then again if she said who else is coming it means you fucked up when establishing you were hitting on her from the beginning as you were not clear enough.

Lastly: “_Friends or acquaintances who fall in love accidentally at the same time_” isn’t the same as “_i’m gonna become her friend first, hiding my intentions, to get in her pants in the future_” or “_I’m gonna be her friend to get her comfortable with me before i confess my feelings for her_”.

Whole_Reserve1567 · 2024-04-07T02:14:28+00:00

Was being a nice guy as well what I do is :

try to minimize interactions with girls I like, unless they're flirty ones , if you're attracted to someone you see occasionally but want to build attraction , get her attention in a flirty way ,make eye contact , give her compliment and only when you're sure to flirt you talk to her.

There's also a girl I used to like(it was mutual) but are just friends now mainly cuz I dated someone else , that I intentionally started being more flirty with , and she's reciprocating too tho not sure whether it will lead to anything since the spark died long ago.

I tried making eye contact , light physical contact with another girl who liked me at some point (I didn't and I don't) who's also a friend , and she was being more flirty and touchy too ( she had her thigh touch mine and kept looking at it) , but again I don't like her so yea

Dandys3107 · 2024-04-07T06:23:30+00:00

You need to realise girls simply like teasing and getting challenged. It feels like you hold some value there, you treat her like an equal partner in an interaction and you have some specific personal feelings for her. She is developing her character that way. By being a nice guy, you sound fake, conformist to social standards, boring and predictable, easily manipulated.

tenheo · 2024-04-07T11:14:52+00:00

Stop trying to controll the outcome. That's the real trick that did it for me. Dr. Glover goes in depth in his book but try not being menipulative to get what you want.

PUNCHCAT · 2024-04-06T21:24:26+00:00

If you give to get

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-04-07T17:23:39+00:00

I am also afraid of MeToo shit.

Please stay that way then there's more options for me.
Stay a nice guy never take any risks and don't act masculine.

slowupwardclimb · 2024-04-07T00:53:46+00:00

Don’t hold ulterior motives or hide your desires. Communicate clearly, without fear.

Attraction is not a problem. Communicating attraction effectively without pressure or expectation is the key.

JHighMusic · 2024-04-07T06:40:15+00:00

If you open up about yourself too early. If you find yourself talking more than she is. If you feel like you're talking about something that she'll like because the conversation went dead. Not having any strong opinions. Agreeing with everything she says. No teasing, no flirting, no leading.

Lucky-Shoulder-8690 · 2024-04-07T10:07:51+00:00

Watch my best friends girl right now or read about it

Nullroute127 · 2024-04-07T13:01:55+00:00

The part that sticks out to me is "hide parts of my personality"

Women are very keen on sensing when you're trying to hide something, and it disturbs them even if they can't verbalize or make the reasoning concrete.

Trying to give the girl the image of yourself that you think she wants to see is part of the 'nice guy' problem. You become so absorbed in how you think you ought to be that you simultaneously also convince yourself that who you are isn't enough. This comes off to the girl that you're insecure and hiding something - because you are.

Part of the 'bad boy' image is that they have a 'take it or leave it' aura. Essentially, you come as you are and make no apologies for it. However, this also exudes confidence and makes the 'bad boy' actually seem more honest - because he is.

You can be a 'bad boy' without also being an asshole. You just need to be OK with yourself and take risks.

Tell the off color joke, use the f bomb, disagree, tease, challenge, shit test, escalate physically/conversationally.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-04-07T17:39:44+00:00

I tend to be on my best behavior, but I don’t know if I’m come across as boring.

nice guy trait 1.

I will still listen and respond. I won’t say, “I don’t want to talk about that,” and I will still give her advice/validate her emotions if she’s venting about something.

nice guy trait 2.

also tend to hide parts of my personality, because I don’t know these girls that well.

That's no reason to be deceptive.

If I like a girl, I do not want her to reject me,

Look. I'm 6'5 athletic reasonably handsome and I get rejected.

Getting rejected is positive because it shows you weren't a good fit.

I did build up some resentment from being friendzoned so many times..

Don't be that guy ever.

Miguell7 · 2024-04-07T08:48:17+00:00

How often do you get friendzoned?

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-04-07T11:40:55+00:00

You are a nice guy.

LettuceRound6170 · 2024-04-07T16:09:46+00:00

A lack of assertiveness and sexual expression. thats it. If you have even a bit of authenticity you'll be able to accept you dont enjoy not expressing yourself aorund her and start to resent her.

So, another huge symptom would actually be resenting her

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-04-07T17:57:44+00:00

https://youtube.com/shorts/NG-I_SXcjA8?si=IuDXZBrH04Tptaym

Sadia has some awful takes but this isn't one of them.

Radical_Neutral_76 · 2024-04-09T11:42:59+00:00

You say you are bad at kino.

So learn it then.

read the stuff about it. Its nothing wrong in touching women, as long as they are comfortable with it. The second you go too far, she will show you. You then take it back. Touching her hand, arm, upper back, lower back lightly and when talking to her is comforting if she likes you. Not scary.

Practice by doing it to friends. Its not a sexual thing. It builds comfort between 2 people.

Pain_Tough · 2024-04-06T20:22:35+00:00

I’m 59M, the PUA stuff popped up on my feed and it’s just never worked that way for me. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. I’ve done well in romance even though I’m a late bloomer. I simply didn’t force the issue. I let the woman force it. These terms like kino and friend zone, it might just heighten your anxiety. Oddly enough, my luck turned around way before the internet when I started reading The Tao Te Ching. There’s a concept called ‘Wu Wei’ which means ‘not forcing’ ‘non action’ or effortless action’. I adopted this idea in 1985. I kept my voice low and slow, and moved my body through time and space with the minimum appropriate level of force. It worked great. I never had to approach again. They approached me.

Title	How do you know if you’re being a “nice guy”?
Author	MonthFuzzy4736
Upvotes	34
Comments	43
Date	April 6, 2024 8:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bxkxjv/how_do_you_know_if_youre_being_a_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-know-if-youre-being-a-nice-guy.1514250 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514250

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