47 years old. Marriage 19 years. 4 kids who are minors between 6-15.

My wife filed behind my back a week after saying, while we were in marriage counseling, that she did not want to get a divorce. She went and hired a fairly well-known family law attorney who is considered a "bull dog".

So, to me, that sent a message that I was going to need to lawyer up "hard". I considered hiring a very well-known family law attorney who is considered THE "bull dog". However, I figured that would send the message that I wanted to "go to war". I did not/do not want to "go to war". I want this to be settled as amicably as possible. Additionally, I knew I would not be able to afford this attorney for very long if things started to get messy. My wife is having her legal fees paid for her by a wealthy family member. So, she could pretty much burn me to the ground if she wanted to.

I opted not to go with the "bull dog". Instead, I hired a female attorney who has been practicing family law in our county for 25 years. He father was an attorney in this county and her grandfather was a judge in this county. She also does work as a Mediator. Now she is by no means cheap, but less expensive than the other guy. I figured, by hiring her, it would send more of the message I was wanting to send, but still has the ability to go "toe to toe" with my wife's attorney.

When I hired her I made it clear that I would have to settle; that I would not be able to come remotely close to spending what my wife has available to her resource wise. I told her that, unless my wife becomes wildly unreasonable, I would most likely not contest anything (Prior to our Temp Orders I even agreed to every other weekend with one weekday overnight and one weekday evening for parenting time, which is what got ordered). Thus far I have not contested anything my wife has wanted.

Backing up for a moment, before my wife filed she emptied our joint savings account ($32,000) and placed it all into her newly opened private savings account. So, I have no access to this money. Aside from the fact that she did this in the first place, what is frustrating me is that I am paying CS, splitting medical, sports, and other agreed upon things. So, for example, this past Friday my stbxw sends me a list of 12 things I owe her 50% for, which totaled a little over $700. My thought process is that, so long as she is holding all of the savings hostage, I am getting screwed. I know she is using that money to pay her "half". However, half of that money belongs to me. So, in reality, she is paying her "half" with money that half belongs to me ... meaning that, really, she is paying 25% and I am paying 75%. That's my take on it anyway. I've brought this up with my attorney and she just doesn't seem overly concerned about it. I mean, one of the orders from our Temp Orders was that my stbxw show account/give record of this money she removed from our joint savings account. Those orders were issued in mid-February.

To go along with that, my wife's discovery was due approximately 3 weeks ago. I have yet to receive it (I assume my attorney has not received it either, otherwise it would have been sent to me).

I don't know. I guess I'm just wondering if I messed up telling my attorney about my financial situation (compared to that of my wife's) and how I would do everything in my power not to contest anything. Does she just see this as a "free pass" to just go on cruise control? I mean, I still want her to fight for my best interest, within reason, you know. As it stands, I feel like I've hired (and paid) a fairly expensive attorney to, thus far, really only do the work that lower-cost Junior Associate, a law clerk, a paralegal, or, hell, maybe even myself, could have done.

Any thoughts/advice/etc.?