We had the talk tonight. When I started talking about asset division, the first thing she said was she’s not talking about that topic until she speaks to a lawyer.

jimsmythee · 2024-04-22T18:56:20+00:00

Same thing here.

I tried to ask my now exwife, a very simple question. "What do you want out of this divorce?"

She didn't want to say anything to me. Because her goal was (because I was leaving her) was "everything. Every last dime; past, present and future."

Up until the week before our divorce trial, I knew nothing of what she wanted. It was there, when she was on the stand when she outlined everything she wanted.

wcdan · 2024-04-22T15:41:04+00:00

Good grief. I hope she's speaking to a lawyer and I hope you are too. A divorce is a legal proceeding that can affect the rest of your life unless you just got married last weekend in Vegas.

Make sure you both understand the rules of the game before you start playing. Then go about dividing up the assets amicably without trying to get something over on the other one. At the end of that whole process you're going to have to sign a legal document anyway.

Only a fool would rush into a life event without knowing what the heck they're doing. That doesn't mean it can't be amicable, it means she's not a fool.

wcdan · 2024-04-22T15:40:43+00:00

Good grief. I hope she's speaking to a lawyer and I hope you are too. A divorce is a legal proceeding that can affect the rest of your life unless you just got married last weekend in Vegas.

Make sure you both understand the rules of the game before you start playing. Then go about dividing up the assets amicably without trying to get something over on the other one. At the end of that whole process you're going to have to sign a legal document anyway.

Only a fool would rush into a life event without knowing what the heck they're doing. That doesn't mean it can't be amicable, it means she's not a fool.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-04-22T12:46:06+00:00

The best defense is a better offense. Interview some lawyers keep the divorce topics with her general. Strap in for a interesting ride. Whatever you have to give up, is peanuts compared to a life of happiness without her.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-04-22T11:32:29+00:00

Amicable LOL

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-22T10:17:36+00:00

Every man has the misconception that their divorce can be amicable. That lasts until the man doesn't fall on his sword when the woman asks for the sun, the moon and the stars. Using an attorney is standard in divorce. What that conversation should tell you is that she's already 10 steps ahead of you, because she's got a gaggle of divorced hens whispering in her ear.

Gattsama · 2024-04-22T09:22:08+00:00

Amicable is very very rare, because it requires BOTH parties are committed to the process of divorce and reasonable about the legal requirements. If you could discuss these things at that level, you most likely wouldn't be getting divorced; so it happens but rare.

In my case no kids, married 12 years, I worked, she didn't. I laid everything on the table, didn't hide anything. It's a 50/50 split of all assets & debts, we have to sell the house (she can't afford it, I didn't want it, and neither of us would walk away from the equity), and she gets 4 years of spousal support (based on length of marriage). I asked her to tell me the amount she felt was fair. I also included several freebies: she keeps all the jewelry, furniture, I would pay the movers, and pay her first/last month rent. I explained this is the law, no attorney can get a better deal; and if we choose to go that route all we will do is waste money. I further suggested she pick a mediator or her choice, and they can help us through this process; and then she can pick an attorney of her choice to review that plan to confirm it was all fair and legit. And that I would pay for all this.

Sounds good right? Well she lawyer-ed up and proceeded to waste ~$400k in potential wealth :) She personally lost ~$250k and I lost ~$125k. She switched attorneys half way thought, ran up huge debts, cancelled mediation twice, refused to sign off on the home sale, etc. etc. I sent (via my attorney to her attorney) a letter mapping out how much money she was wasting and losing; and how it was in both our interest to sell the house because the market turns south (this was Spring/Summer of 2021) and got no response.

What I'm trying to say is that women often make choices that are NOT in their own best interests. And the system is setup to extract as much money from both parties as possible. Ideally you would both have attorneys on backup stand by, go to mediation (with or without their support), work out a fair and legal deal, have them review it, sign, and submit to a judge. Anything other than that wastes huge amounts of money quickly!

So my advise is plan for the worst and hope for the best. Get an attorney, have them on backup, be transparent at all times, and try to get to mediation or work out a fair deal based on the laws in your state. If she fights you or says talk to me attorney, then it's over; cut off all contact and try to get to a court ordered mediation or trial asap. Because once one party decides to drag this out or waste time/money there's nothing you can do about it...

mjmsouth · 2024-04-22T06:44:31+00:00

Our initial asset assessment went something like this: ‘Okay, credit cards?’ We paid them all off a year ago. I assumed you had 2k. But she replied, ‘I have 28k.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-04-22T03:25:13+00:00

"Honey, we can put OUR kids through college, or we can put OUR LAWYERS' kids through college. What'll it be?"

NCC_1701_74656 · 2024-04-22T02:28:20+00:00

I mean she is not wrong. She is probably going to talk to the lawyer. Tell her wish list so that the lawyer can come up with a game plan.

I recommend you also think about a wish list. Consult a lawyer if you already haven't.

The way she said it, I think it will be a contentious divorce unless you get pushed over as much as she wants !!

tigerman7777 · 2024-04-22T02:25:02+00:00

I need to have this talk. How did you initiate the discussion?

TheBoyBand · 2024-04-22T02:18:03+00:00

My general observation over last two years is its amicable until it isn’t, amicable is usually one sided and benefits the other more, most often the woman. Im not a stbxw apologist fuck what seems to be 99% of them, she’s not necessarily wrong for speaking to a lawyer, and neither are you, as a matter of fact I highly recommend it but keep focus on equality, she wants a lawyer to squeeze more, I promise you!

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-04-22T02:12:46+00:00

It wasn’t the first time she’s thought about it.

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