Did your wife come back and if so when?

roman_erudite · 2024-04-22T23:13:54+00:00

I'd rather die alone than take that traitor back.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-04-22T16:04:09+00:00

Have you written out your list? Rose colored glasses of how things used to be make you THINK you want her back. But write down those traumas. Write down her actions, write down how she actually treated you and what you were putting up with. I found extremely helpful to see I didn’t want her back at all. I was slow boiled like a frog and now I am never going to put up with that crap again. Now I do stuff I want to do like hang out with people that actually enjoy my company and don’t treat me like crap.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-04-22T12:43:32+00:00

Of course your want the family back together. She has destroyed it and you don't have a choice other than to move on. She is still in your DNA. Hard to get her out but not impossible. Work on yourself because she's never coming back. Some day you will realize she did you a favor.

MidniteOG · 2024-04-22T12:03:50+00:00

Nope. Instead she lied and gave me false hope that she was. Only to find she was seeing someone else. So she was manipulating me

fffrdcrrf · 2024-04-22T11:12:17+00:00

There are things that you can’t control, simple as that. She left you and thats out of your control, she said to herself that she didn’t want to be a wife to you for whatever dumb reasons. Thats hard to understand, but you need to understand you did your best while being true to who you are and she wanted something different. So be it I say, focus on yourself what you have control over and building better relationships with those who still choose you. Us men have no time for people who don’t want to try and add value in some if any sort of way to our world and she did the opposite of that, she was destructive. Men are often seen as being physically strong and also calculated mentally but we struggle in silence emotionally or bury our emotions in external elements (work, family, hobbies, etc.) which is fine temporarily, but these are temporary ways to deal with emotions, but eventually you will have to navigate through your raw feelings. A man who can have control over their own emotions is unstoppable. Dig into your psychology and put your mental health at the top of your list. Take care of yourself as if you were taking care of someone you love and responsible for.

Gattsama · 2024-04-22T09:05:10+00:00

You don't want her back, what you want is the 'idea' of her back. NOT the actual person that she is. You are NOT ready to date, because it sounds like you are still seeking that 'idea.' Instead you need to focus on yourself, your own healing, and your own trauma.

You do NOT want someone that doesn't want you, and that's who she is. Longer for her is a type of magically thinking: "if only X could happen, and Y didn't happen, then we could be Z." But in reality that type of thinking is actually a mental safe guard to avoid doing the heavy work of healing. Our brains are designed to want to accept a pretty lie than the harsh truth. Take divorce off the table and look at nearly everything in life that sucks. Eg obesity, we all know what we need to do to lose weight and be healthy; but instead we engage in magical thinking: food desert, Frito-Lay's research, McDonalds marketing, the price for healthy food, I'm smaller than my brother, I deserve this, there's no time, etc. etc.

You miss the 'dream' that you had created. I'm not saying the marriage was ideal, I'm saying that your feelings are not to be trusted. And that for me was the biggest hurt. I realized I couldn't trust my feelings! I could clearly see I kept making choices against my own self interest, was hurting myself, suffering even; but I 'loved her.' That was BS! I loved the idea of her. What she actually was: manipulative, lying, deliberately hurtful, unworkable, unhealthy, etc. I didn't love any of that; and that's who she is! I don't blame her or hate her; but I had to do a lot of work to see her for who she really is.

Once I was able to accept the reality of the situation, and that I had control of my own choices; I was able to make better choices. And my life has only gotten better since. I post this a lot, we do not want women that do not want us; we only think that we do. And we think that because we are focused on the idea of that person not the actually person themselves.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2024-04-22T04:59:01+00:00

I’m currently cohabitating with my x. But I’m aware and safe regarding my state’s rules. We are simply in a relationship at the moment according to my loyal. We have two kids and it’s fine . Plenty of ppl live together without marriage.

life-is-short- · 2024-04-22T04:46:41+00:00

Just posted. She did in a strange way. Guess more money required for living

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-04-22T04:35:31+00:00

Stop dating.

Work on yourself and your self image.

First of all only communicate with her via a coparenting app like "our family wizard".

Then, stop the dating bullshit until your head is in a better place.

Find new hobbies. Hit the gym hard...not to look better, but because vigorous exercise is a natural mood lifter.

VOLUNTEER.

Habitat for Humanity, Big Brothers/Big Sisters.,children's ward at hospital, elderly care, soup kitchen, etc.

Volunteering makes you feel good about yourself for helping people. You see that you don't have it so bad in this life, and you'll meet other volunteers who are cool people.

Title	Did your wife come back and if so when?
Author	LuvDonkeeButts
Upvotes	20
Comments	25
Date	April 22, 2024 4:21 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ca1op1/did_your_wife_come_back_and_if_so_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-your-wife-come-back-and-if-so-when.1515961 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515961

Comments